Title: So About Breeding
Summary: Lightning wonders if Hope even knows anything about sex, and decides to give him "the talk".
Genre: Humor, General
Warnings: Sex talk and the word "penis". And Lightning abusing Snow.
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII. The honour of the Final Fantasy games goes to Square Enix.
So I knew I was most likely going to write fanfiction to this, because I love the characters so dearly. But I didn't expect to write it so soon. Hell, I haven't even finished the game yet! But, you see, I was talking on Skype with some friends, and this idea was born. I had to write it. Point out any spelling errors or awkward phrases.
So About Breeding
It struck Lightning one day that Hope didn't act like a normal teenage boy.
Not that there was really anything wrong with him, not really. And, sure, you could just not care. After all, Lightning really didn't, not... that much. At least not right now. But when a teenaged boy didn't even seem to show the least of interest in it, then she had to begin to wonder. That is, begin to wonder if he actually knew anything.
About sex, that is.
Or men, whichever, really.
(Really, he could be homosexual, but he didn't seem to have any sort of orientation as it was now.)
All he kept thinking about was weapons, fighting, getting stronger. It was as if his mind was uncapable of any other thought. And, really, Lightning saw that as a great thing. He was stubborn, he knew what he wanted, so he could become really strong.
But he didn't look with those kind of searching and wondering eyes that teenagers usually did look with, like Lightning had seen in lots of other kids.
So she really began to wonder if he had any idea about anything when it came to sex. Did his mother or father not teach him anything? He was at that age. The age where he should know. Someone had to do something about that.
Hope was sitting on the ground with his legs crossed, sharpening his (Lightning's) knife. Most likely it was just to bide time. They had some time to kill.
So she waved him over. Snow was working on lightening a fire just a few meters away from where she was seated, and he was failing. It was pretty hilarious. Not that Lightning was one to laugh.
Hope came over and sat down in front of her while running his fingers across the knife. "Yes, Light?" he asked and studied her face as he lowered the blade to his lap.
"Do you ever think about girls?"
It felt like a good question to start it off with.
Hope raised an eyebrow questioningly, as if asking if she was actually serious with the question. Even if he had to know she wasn't someone to joke. Her expression didn't change, and she waited patiently for the answer.
"I, uh..." he said after a while and frowned. "That's a weird question, Light."
Hope tilted his head at Lightning, then sighed when she still didn't say anything.
"I guess I... don't?" he said and turned his head to the side, his cheeks turning only very slightly red.
"What about boys, then?"
It couldn't hurt to ask that, could it?
Hope turned completely red and he stared at Lightning as if he couldn't believe she had just asked that. And maybe that was understandable. Why was he blushing, though? Did he think about boys - or men? That was always a possibility.
Well, that answer sure came a lot quicker. Lightning didn't know if he tried to cover something up, but the only thing she could do now was believe his words. It did connect with her observations, after all.
She didn't know why she concerned herself so much about this.
"Do you think about sex?" she asked next.
Hope blinked at her.
Oh, he couldn't be serious.
Suddenly the ground seemed to shake as Snow plonked down next to them.
"Wait, wait, Hope, you haven't heard the word sex before?" he asked and laughed.
Hope scowled and his lips formed into a pout. Not with his consent, mind you.
"I've heard it," he grumbled. "I just don't know what it means."
"Wow, what did your parents teach you?"
Lightning sighed heavily and glared at Snow, folding her arms across her chest. Well, so much for a peaceful and efficient explanation. That idiot, bringing up Hope's parents, too.
At least he seemed to realise his mistake and ruffled Hope's hair as he continued talking.
"Well then, let me explain it to you!"
Lightning cleared her throat and jabbed Snow's side with her elbow.
"You see, Hope, when two people--"
"A man and a woman, most often," Snow interrupted cheerfully. "And-- Oof!"
"Love each other," Lightning continued, her cheek twitching slightly (Snow better not be testing her patience. Then again, when wasn't he doing so), "they sometimes get together, most often in a bed--"
"Unless you intend to get kinky, then you can do it practically anywhere."
"Snow, shut up," Lightning said warningly. "Either to make a child, or to show just how much they love each other--"
"They don't really have to love each other, though, you know, sis," Snow pointed out with a blink.
Hope just looked between the two of them with raised eyebrows. Was he even listening now? Damn it, Snow.
"Don't call me 'sis'," Lightning scowled. "And that's sex, or making love, as it can also be called. Sex is when the man puts his penis--"
"Oh, that," Hope said, and Lightning was about to jab Snow again when she realised he wasn't the one who had interrupted her, and she blinked at the boy. "So that's sex?"
"Huh?" Snow asked.
"I walked in on my mum and dad once, when they were doing it," Hope said with a very blank face. "I saw it very clearly. I never asked them about it, though. I'm not sure they noticed me, actually."
Snow and Lightning looked at each other.
"Uhm, why--?" Hope began, but was interrupted as Snow suddenly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "H-huh?"
"YOU POOR KID!" Snow wailed.
Lightning twitched, got onto her feet and heaved Snow off the "poor kid" (poor kid indeed, with you around, Snow) with a nice yank on his collar. Then she put her hands on her hips and tilted her head at Hope, who was still sitting and rubbing his abused ribs with a slightly dazed expression.
"That's really not something anyone should have to see," she said and frowned lightly.
She really wouldn't want to walk in on her parents. Just... eww. Even she couldn't keep a shudder away at that thought.
Hope shrugged. "What's the big deal?" he just asked and turned his focus to his knife, continuing to sharpen it.
Lightning just looked at him for a while, then took off towards the pile of wood to fix the fire, since Snow couldn't do it.
Oh, Snow was lying somewhere over by that rock, by the way.
Apparently her heave was a bit violent.