Baby-Sitters' Colorado Vacation
I thunder up the stairs to Claudia Kishi's bedroom with exciting news to share with my friends and fellow members of the Baby-Sitters Club. With two minutes to spare, I adjust my visor as I take a seat in my director's chair. Claudia is passing out smushed Twinkies to everyone and I decline because they don't look very appetizing. Stacey McGill declines because she's a diabetic and Dawn Scahfer declines because she says she won't touch processed sugar with a ten-foot pole. Only Mary Anne Spier hesitantly takes one, probably because she doesn't want to hurt Claudia's feeling.
I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and the voices of our two junior officers, Mallory Pike and Jessi Ramsey.
"No, Jessi, Edward is waaay better than Jacob," I hear Mallory say.
"Whatever!" I hear Jessi shoot back. "Jacob is soooo much hotter! And he's not a pedophile like Edward!"
Abby Stevenson rolls her eyes. "Oh, God, are they going on about Twilight again?"
Mallory and Jessi enter Claudia's room. Mallory is wearing a shirt that says TEAM EDWARD and Jessi is wearing one that says TEAM JACOB.
Let me introduce myself and my friends to you. I could write an entire chapter about us, but I don't want to bore you, so I'll just give you the low-down. My name is Kristy Thomas and I'm the President of the BSC because I came up with the idea and I have great ideas! I have a large family and my stepfather is a millionaire! Claudia is the VP since we hold meetings at her house because she has her own privet phone line. Claud is Japanese-American and is a poor student in school, but she has a passion for dressing wildly, art, and junk food! Claud's best friend is Stacey who is the treasurer. Stacey is a sophisticated New York City girl and is always in LUV with some random guy. My best friend is Mary Anne who is the secretary. She's really sensitive and likes cats. Mary Anne's other best friend is also her stepsister, Dawn, who is from California and is an activist for animal rights and the planet. She is a very passionate person! She's the alternate office. Abby is new to the club. She's Jewish and likes to tell jokes - just like Jerry Seinfeld! Everyone in the club is thirteen except for Mallory and Jessi who are eleven. Mallory is white and Jessi is black. Well, there you go! That's the BSC in a nutshell!
The clock turns 5:30 and I clear my throat. "This meeting of the Baby-Stitters Club will now come to order and I have some very exciting news to share with all of you!"
Everyone turns their attention towards me.
"What?" asks Stacey.
"As you all know winter break starts tomorrow."
My friends nod.
"We're not going to have to do some kiddie snow festival are we?" asks Dawn.
I glare at her. "No. Listen. So Watson has a bunch of business meetings during that time in a mountain town in Colorado and his company allowed for the whole family to go, but due to schedule conflicts and stuff like that, only Charlie, Sam, Karen, and I can go with him, so in place of Mom, Nannie, David Michael, Emily Michelle, and Andrew, Watson said I could invite five of you guys."
Claudia frowns as she looks around the room and does a quick head count. "Wait a minute, there are seven of us to choose from."
"Yeah, two of you can't go," I say. I look at Mallory and Jessi apologetically. "Sorry you guys."
"Wait, why are we the ones who can't go?" asks Jessi. "It's because I'm black, isn't it?"
"That is so stale!" Mallory cries.
"It has nothing to do with skin color," I reply. "You two are the youngest and by default that means you can't go."
"That is so unfair!" Mallory whines.
"Yeah, that's totally NOT fresh, Kristy," Jessi pouts. She stands up. "C'mon, Mal, I can tell when we're not wanted. Let's go to your house and watch Twilight."
"Yeah, you guys can have your stupid winter break vacation and we'll have Edward and Jacob!" Mallory sticks her tongue out at me and I shrug as they leave.
"So can you guys go to Colorado with me?" I ask the remaining members of the BSC.
"Yes!" they all reply in unison.
"Kristy, when have we ever turned down a BSC adventure?" asks Stacey.
"Where's Colorado?" asks Claud.
"It's between Kansas and Utah," replies Mary Anne.
"Where's Kansas and Utah?" asks Claud.
"So where in Colorado are we going?" asks Stacey. "It's Aspen, isn't it? I can't wait to get on the slopes!" She makes a swooshing noise as she mimes skiing. "I'm gonna get me a sugar daddy!"
"It's not Aspen!" I reply.
"It's not Telluride."
"It's not Vail."
"Just let her tell us, Stacey," Dawn says irritably.
"South Park," I tell them.
"I've not familiar with that ski resort," Stacey replies. "Maybe they're one of those cute little ski towns like Breckenridge or Copper Mountain."
I shrug. "Watson says it's a small town like Stoneybrook," I offer. "And Aspen and Denver are in driving distance so maybe Charlie and Sam can take us there for a few days."
"This is so exciting," says Mary Anne. "I love taking trips with you guys!"
My friends and I've taken many vacations together - New York, California, Massachusetts, Hawaii, Europe, New York again, California again, a road trip across the USA...
"And you guys, I have a great idea," I begin.
"Of course you do," Abby teases.
"Since this is a small mountain town, I'm sure there will be lots of families, so
I think we should offer our services while we're there! I've already made brochures to pass out to the parents when we get there."
"Oh, Kristy!" Stacey whines. "I don't want to baby-sit when we're in Colorado. I want to be skiing the slopes and looking for LUV!"
"We already have corporations set up on the both sides of the coast," I point out, "why not put one in the middle of the country too?"
"But that's because Dawn's friends run the one in California!" Abby replies. "When we leave North Park, who's going to run that one?"
"South Park," I correct her, "and I'm the President so whatever I say, we're going to do."
My friends groan except for Mary Anne.
Stacey rolls her eyes. "Whatever. But you better not let baby-sitting interfere with my finding TRUE LUV on the slopes!"
Colorado here we come!
"No, Kitty, these are my extra-spicy, extra-crunchy chipotle buffalo wings, you can't have any!" Eric Cartman screams at his meowing cat as he settles onto his usual place on the couch.
"Goddamnit, Kitty! Leave me alone!" Cartman yells again. He reaches for the remote to turn the TV on. It's 2:59 and Terrance and Phillip's show is about to begin. He pushes the power button but nothing happens. "Damnit!" he shouts hitting the remote against his plate and trying again. Nothing. "MAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM! The TV won't turn on! Can you come in and turn it on for meeeeee?"
"Coming, hun." A few seconds later his mother shuffles in the room, holding what looks to be a rolled-up thin magazine in one hand. She flicks the power button on the TV. "Is that the right channel?"
"Yah," Cartman replies. "Maaaammmm?"
"These buffalo wings are making me awfully thirsty. Can I have some Mountain Dew?"
"Of course, poopsie. Would you like some Cheesy Poofs too?"
"Yah, I want Cheesy Poofs!"
Picking up another hot wing, he focuses his attention back to the TV.
"Say, Terrance, can I borrow your car?"
"Sure, Philip, but what's wrong with yours?"
"It's ran out of gas!"
"Well, I think I have some spare gas I can share with you!" Terrance farts on Philip and the Canadian comedy duo erupt into a peal of laughter.
"This show is so fucking funny," Cartman says licking his fingers.
His mom returns with his beverage and Cheesy Poofs during the first commercial break.
"Maaaamm, what's that you're holding?"
"Oh, well, a group of girls are offering a baby-sitting service while they're here in South Park and I think it would be a great opportunity to get you one so Mommy can go out like a normal person."
"But Maaammmm, I don't need a baby-sitter! I'm old enough to take care of myself."
"You're only nine, Eric. And I know you're a very mature young man, but you still need a baby-sitter if Mommy wants to go out during the evening...or all night. These girls are very professional! They have their own business called the Baby-Sitters Club back in Connecticut where they're from."
"Baby-Sitters Club!" scoffs Cartman.
"Yes, this brochure here tells me all about the club and the members."
"There aren't any Jewish members are there?" Cartman asks. "Wait, Mam! I think you should tell Stan's mom and Kenny's mom and especially Kyle's mom about this baby-sitting service because I'm sure they'll need it too."
"What a wonderful idea, Eric!" Mrs. Cartman exclaims. "I'll call all of them right now."
"Sweeeet," Cartman whispers as his mom leaves the room.
The next day Cartman meets Stan, Kyle, and Kenny at the bus stop. They were all glaring at him.
"Why the angry looks, gentlemen?" he asks.
"You know damn well why we're pissed off at you, Cartman!" Stan shouts. "Your mom told our moms about this baby-sitting group and now our parents are going to hire lame-ass baby-sitters for us!"
"Yeah, thanks a lot, fatass!" Kyle furrows his brow.
"Mmmphhhh mpphhhh mpphhhh!" Kenny shouts
"Yeah!" agree Stan and Kyle.
"I don't know why you're blaming me!" Cartman says innocently. "It was MY mom who called YOUR moms. I had nothing to do with it!"
"My mom said your mom said it was your idea to call her," Kyle angrily spats. "And now my mom already has a baby-sitter lined up for Ike and me! Now everybody at school is going to think I'm a big baby!"
"Relax, Kahl," Cartman assures him. "Everyone at school already thinks you're a big baby!"
"Shut up, Cartman!"
The bus pulls up in front of them and takes the four boys to school.
Author's notes: okay, so I decided not to have Jessi and Mal be invited to SP because I have ideas for the other girls, but I couldn't think of any story lines for them, plus they're lame and annoying (: