Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, and I don't get money.
A/N: I've read some stories about Grimmii being German and mulled over this for some time. Frankly, I like this fact even if his name doesn't sound overly German, but who cares xD Nevertheless, it inspired me, to write this little story.
Warning: M-rated (just to be sure), Yaoi, something between silly and crack, prejudices, sexual innuendos
The Arrancar's gaze stayed on the daily newspaper as he gave Ichigo a low grunt. He had given up the quiz a while ago and was occupied in scribbling a stickman with Aizen's hairstyle, getting killed brutally. The pen made scratching noise on the paper as he colored the puddle of blood under it.
"Nice," Ichigo commented dryly and sat down on a kitchen chair next to the blue haired man. Actually they were supposed to be outside and rip out each others' intestines but that day, they felt like sitting inside and drinking coffee for a change. "Have you been German in your former life?"
Grimmjow stopped, looking up from his master piece. "Do I sound German?" he grumbled, turning back to his picture.
"Well, your name does, kind of." Ichigo added milk to his coffee and stirred it. "You know, there were those guys, the Grimm Brothers..."
The blue eyes turned upwards ever so slowly. "You're not serious, are you?" he said in a tone as if Ichigo was a complete idiot.
"Frankly, I was serious, but you're already getting this insane glow in your eyes-"
"No, wait," Grimmjow put the pen down on the table and leaned backwards. "So, you're saying, just because 'Grimmjow' sounds like 'Grimm Brothers' I am German?"
"You could be; that's why I was asking you in the first place."
"Anything else? If not, I will finish 'Aizen's death No 5' and then I will wipe the floor with your ass."
Ichigo furrowed his brows. "You have blue eyes," he said and regretted it the next moment when Grimmjow cocked a brow.
"No, really," he deadpanned "Have you seen my hair? Surprise, it's blue, too, you dipshit!"
"Okay, okay." The teenager sighed. "You're right, that was stupid."
Grimmjow rolled his eyes and gave his picture his whole attention. Something was missing. Ah, how could he forget? He carefully drew a second stickman.
"How about: you're eager for war?"
"I am eager to fight, not for war," Grimmjow corrected, sticking his tongue out when drawing his own hair. "That's different."
"You're a loudmouth and violent."
Grimmjow gave him a side glance. "Germans are violent and loudmouthed?"
Crossing his arms, Ichigo leaned back as well. "I think so. Considering World War II, that is."
With a small clicking noise the Arrancar hit the pen onto the tabletop in a short rhythm. "I hope you know that the minority of the Germans had been Nazis; the majority had been just stupid, fellow travelers or afraid of dying."
Ichigo furrowed his brows. "Why ever you know that..."
"Go on, I'm almost finished here," he said, smirking as he added the last line to the stickman's hair.
Grimmjow snorted at that one. "Yeah," he chuckled "I'm sorry, next time I'll bring flowers and smile before punching you."
Ichigo almost pouted, feeling his anger rising. "You're an asshole."
"Is that a prejudice, too, or are you insulting me?"
Taking a quick gulp of his cooled coffee, Ichigo leaned his head onto his palm. "I doubt that you are disciplined, seeing your constant disagreements with Aizen."
"You got that right."
Ichigo swayed his cup. "You've got no humor."
A short silence. Then: "What!" Grimmjow almost threw his pen at Ichigo's head. "Why the hell do you say I have no humor! Of course I have!"
"Usually the time you laugh is during battle and that sounds more insane than funny."
"But I have fun when fighting," the Arrancar complained.
"That's different," Ichigo echoed with a smirk that provoked Grimmjow to strangle him. Almost.
"Okay, that's it. When I'm finished, you're finished!" Eagerly he drew a maniacal smirk for the stickman!Grimmjow.
That didn't sound very promising. Ichigo wrecked his brain how he could prevent further damage and decided to boost the man's ego. "You're very athletic...and sexy," the redhead purred, stroking Grimmjow's biceps.
"Whatever you're trying, forget it!" Ah shit, the grin didn't look right, he grumbled inwardly.
"I'm just stating a fact, Grimmjow." His mouth breathed hot air into the other man's ear, without getting a reaction. Trying another tactic, Ichigo stroked with his hand over the firm abs around the hollow hole and traveled up further. When his finger brushed over the chest, Grimmjow grunted.
"You can twist my nipple as much as you want, there will be no reaction," he stated calmly and clenched his teeth as the stickman!Grimmjow still smiled like a complete idiot.
Hot air wafted over his neck and Ichigo brushed his teeth over it while his hand changed the direction and wandered lower. "You know, I heard Germans are well...'equipped'." To emphasis his point, the bold hand slid inside Grimmjow's trousers. "Aren't you?"
Throwing the pen across the table, Grimmjow had enough, grabbing the offending hand and ripping it from his private area. "Let's see." The Arrancar's voice was dark and laced with faint humor. Within a second he had pinned the redhead onto the table and secured his arms behind his back. "Japanese are brunet," he said slowly, yanking on the orange locks. "Check." The irony was evident.
Ichigo wrenched his head up and glared at the Arrancar over his shoulder. "Japanese are always smiling." The ever present scowl was shown on his face. "Check." The next moment Grimmjow groped his butt tightly and smacking it to finish his move.
"Argh, you asshole!"
"Japanese are always friendly." He grinned. "Check." He pulled him up and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Japanese should be small but your height is quite average. For someone of the Western world, that is." He turned his head to the left as Ichigo tried to headbutt him. "And definitely, you're far from being polite, to anyone."
"As if you deserve being treated friendly," Ichigo spat and struggled against the brute grip. His back was still pressed against the other's chest firmly.
"You don't seem to be obsessed with manga and computer games but your name sounds Japanese; I give you so much credit, Strawwwwberry," he purred, biting into his earlobe.
"Ouch!" Taking drastic measures, Ichigo lifted his leg and was about to give him a kick into the half hard best part when Grimmjow groped him through his jeans bluntly. His one leg bucked and he would have fallen to the floor if it wasn't for the strong grip. Using the distraction, Grimmjow sneaked a hand into the pants, making Ichigo squeak loudly.
"Oh, and you're tiny down here," the blue haired man said. "Out of nine prejudices only two are applicable to you. What does that tell you?"
"You're a basta-aaaaaah! Fuck!"
"Wrong answer, try again." Tightening his grip, Grimmjow smirked evilly as the boy writhed and tried his best to not moan too obviously.
"Y-you're not German?" Ichigo guessed and hissed when the other scraped his nails over his sensitive stomach.
"Come on, you're brighter than that."
Taking the last straw, Ichigo screwed up his eyes. "I l-love you!"
Grimmjow mulled over that answer for a moment and pulled away from the boy so that he ended up on the floor, panting and flushing brightly.
"Good," he said, sitting back onto his chair. "Not the answer I wanted to hear, but just as well." He looked for his pen and continued drawing when he found it.
Although Grimmjow had humiliated him mercilessly, 'tiny' Ichigo was still quite excited and pushed against the fabric of his pants uncomfortably. After pushing himself into a sitting position, Ichigo eyed the Arrancar warily.
"Don't look at me like that." Grimmjow's tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth again, as he – this time successfully – drew his own damn grin. "I'll finish this, kick your ass, force you to run nude through the city and show you how well 'equipped' I am. I'm not sure about the order though."
Later that night Ichigo laid on the bed face first and only half conscious, making a whiny sound in the back of his throat. Even if the nude-running part was the most embarrassing thing he had ever done, he couldn't deny the fact that it had been quite arousing... he wanted to cry when thinking about the bad influence the Arrancar had on him.
Said man had his head on his lower back and was occupied in decorating Ichigo's left butt cheek.
"Are you drawing a heart?" a raspy voice emitted from the depths of the pillow.
"That's my name, asshole," Grimmjow slap the colored skin and hastily painted over the embarrassing part.
"So, are you German..?"
Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow as he wrote 'mine' with capital letters on the right butt cheek. "Did it feel like I was?"
"Dunno, never had sex with a German before."