A/N: This is the sequel to "Down Beside Her".
x x x x x x x
"So that's it then. Just … see ya around sometime … ?"
"Stop being so melodramatic, House. We're around each other every day at the hospital. And I'm not writing you out of my life. I just think it's time for us to move on with our respective lives."
"I've tried 'moving on', Wilson. The problem is, it's never enough."
"You've never moved on voluntarily in your life, House. You hate change. That's what your problem is. You want everything, and everyone, to remain exactly the same ..."
"Tell me more about changes, Wilson. I guess I just don't 'get' the concept. It isn't like I, say for example, kicked the Vicodin addiction. For you. Or gave up alcohol. For you. Or started going to therapy sessions. For you. Or basically began rewriting myself from page one to try to be what you wanted-"
"But you did all those things-"
"For you! Why the Hell else, Wilson? So I could be clean and sober and emotionally healthy while sitting alone, in pain, and watching you disappear over the horizon?"
"I'm not going anywhere, House. I'll still be here."
"Yes, House. With Sam."
"So if I'm a good boy and eat all my vegetables, maybe she'll allow us a play-date once a month?"
"It's not enough, Wilson. It's not enough for me, and it won't be enough for you."
"I have to find that out for myself, House, because this … whatever it is … is not enough."
House moved suddenly, almost violently, pinning Wilson against the wall and crushing his mouth against the younger man's lips. He thrust his hand behind the oncologist's head and pulled him roughly into the kiss. Wilson went rigid, his eyes round and big as saucers. House leaned against him, bracing one forearm on the wall and pressing their bodies together tightly. He ground his mouth against Wilson's … open and hungry … desperately hoping for a response as his tongue traced the other man's lips and begged for admittance. Wilson stood frozen as though made of stone, his arms slack at his sides. His chocolate brown eyes stared into House's blue eyes as his breath halted in his chest. House returned his wide-eyed stare with his own eyes clouded in longing and lust, and waited for Wilson to react. Time stood still. House's heart was pounding against his ribcage, his pulse roaring in his ears as all the blood in his body seemed to have but one urgent destination. He pulled back a fraction of an inch and looked at the one person he loved with all his heart, and waited … daring to hope …
And still Wilson stood immobile, just staring back into those tortured blue eyes. He began to clench and unclench his fists at his sides. He took a shuddering breath, his chest expanding to fill the minute space between them again. House closed his eyes and rubbed his stubbly cheek and chin against his best friend's face, gently nibbling and licking at the tender lips … asking again for them to part, begging for acceptance. He moaned softly, the low sound trailing off into a whimper as he held his body against Wilson's and offered him his soul …
Wilson just stood there, now trembling visibly, and pressed back against the wall as if seeking to escape through it. House held his breath and touched his forehead to Wilson's. And waited.
"Is it enough?"
The moment stretched out … a few heartbeats … a single breath … a lifetime …
Finally House pulled back. When he spoke again his voice was soft, broken, defeated. "It's never enough." He stepped back and turned sadly away.
Wilson watched as he limped heavily down the hall.
"I'll arrange to have my things out by the weekend."
"... I …"
"You were … always enough."
"You were right. You've always been right. And … it would always have been enough, for me. But I'm scared. I don't know if I can do it, House. I've fucked it up so many times … and if I fuck this up … us … then there's nothing left for me. I need to know you'll always be there. I need to have you there, House. If we take that step … and I … I … fuck it all up like I always do … then you won't be there to pick me up and put me back together. And I can't do it without you, House. I can't be … without you. So I can't risk that … I can't take a chance on losing you … because I won't survive that. I love you too much to let myself ..."
"Wilson, you're an idiot."
"You can't lose me because I only exist when I'm with you."
"Then what if I destroy you?"
"The only way you'll destroy me is if you destroy yourself. And I won't let you."
Wilson pushed himself off the wall and moved toward House. When House stepped through the doorway into his bedroom … Wilson followed, at last.
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