October 3rd 1988
Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a tennis ball, and every time you say something, you grow? It feels like I'm being hit back and forth, and every time I scream there is less and less room for me to breathe. I scream in pain, until I shout, until I cry, until I whisper, and then nothing. I'm helpless. I'm helpless, being tossed back and forth over a court of fucking fire, and the players think they are trying to help me. My best friend serves me to my girlfriend, she hits, he hits, she hits… this goes on for almost a month. Sometimes there were other players, my mom, therapist, sister, teacher, and friends. They all thought that I needed their specific help. I didn't. I knew what had to be done. I could have done it so differently, perfectly. I wouldn't have been so tortured, and hurt. They wouldn't have been so hurt… The only thing that I really know right now is that the sky opened up yesterday. The sky opened up and killed me, so that they all could live.
I'm dead, right? I should be, but every so often, I know this sounds weird, but… I hear this very monotonous beeping noise. Everything is black, but there is this beeping noise. It's soft, but every hour (or, at least I think it's an hour) it grows louder and louder.
"Frank, what is that?"
No answer, "Frank?" I look around me, but everything is dark. Where is he? I need him. I'm alone, and scared, and cold. The therapist said it would just be me and him, right? So, then, where is he? "Frank!" I shout.
Nothing, just the beeping. I walk. I don't know if you can call it walking, or floating, but it's all the same. Nothing around me changes, so I give up and sit down, cradling my head in my arms. "Frank, I'm afraid." My nose stings, telling me that I'm probably crying. "Fuck." I hate this. I've been stuck in here for way too long, my head hurts, I'm hungry, and I need a jacket.
Wait. I'm hungry? How can I be hungry? You know, maybe I'm in Hell. I hear that down there, you can eat and eat and you still won't be full. But why would I be in Hell? I saved everyone. Didn't I?
"I'm sorry," my head whips up. "I left you alone…" I get up slowly, "I didn't mean to."
"Frank?" he's… not in the costume. "Why are you…"
"I have… some good news." The corners of his mouth turn up in a slight smile, but it also looks hurt. "You… are alive." He chuckles, and starts to walk away. The darkness dims into white, and I feel like I'm being pushed backwards.
"Frank! Frank, what's going on? Where are you going! Don't leave me alone, you fuck!"
"Wake up, Donnie."
I fall. I keep falling, and I never hit ground. My head hurts immensely, my stomach growls, my nervous system completely floods over into my mind, and thunderous pain crashes in my chest. I can feel people's eyes on me. I hear voices, but I can't make out the words. They're fast, flying across my line of vision. It's blurry, but there are three figures standing by me, talking, one of them… is crying?
"'Vrythin's okay." I try to talk, but it comes out as a whisper. They hold my hand, tighter and tighter. "'Vrythin's gonna be okay." I smile a little, and rest. Finally.