Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Nor do I own Twilight. I'm just playing with the plots. And each chapter will be based off a song. The links are in my profile.
Warning: There will be darker themes throughout this story. Mental illness, rape, violence, and slash being a part of it.
Summary: Post 'The Prince's Tale' and post 'New Moon'. After seeing Snape's memories, something changes inside of Harry. Not wanting to die, he runs, straight into a vampire.
Chapter 1 – Save My Life (Xandria)
Finally, the truth.
Harry stood, realizing he had to die. His heart beat frantically in his chest, wanting to beat as much as it could before the end.
After watching Snape's memories, Harry couldn't help but feel betrayed. Not only by Dumbledore, but also by the professor himself.
Dumbledore had his secrets and Harry respected that fact, but to keep something as important as this from him after all these years, it stung him to his core.
I'm a horcrux.
The words rang strangely in his mind.
In Dumbledore's office, everything looked so neat, so orderly. But Harry's thoughts were composed of chaos as he gazed blankly at the darkness outside of the room.
So the boy… the boy must die?
Don't be so shocked Severus. And Voldemort must do it. That is essential.
The boy must die.
"I don't want to die," Harry whispered. He was startled by how strong that thought was compared to the voices inside of his head.
Dumbledore was his mentor, his grandfather, his everything. But apparently he did not care like Harry thought he did. To the headmaster, Harry was merely a weapon. A tool.
The realization hit him hard, tearing at his sanity. His breathing began to come fast and he fell to the ground, wiping fiercely at the tears that had just begun to fall.
"I don't want to die," he whimpered again as vertigo struck his being.
His entire life he had suffered. He had grown up without love, without a parental figure to teach him right from wrong. But of course Dumbledore wanted him to 'test his strengths' before he faced death head on.
Snape could have been there for him while he grew up. He said he cared, but throughout the years he refused to show it. How could Harry forgive that? Snape had loved his mum, but he had turned his back on her only son, protecting him only from afar.
All Harry ever met were lies and he was tired of them! He was so very tired of being used all the time.
Harry groaned when his body throbbed with pain. He blinked, trying to stay conscious, and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. His mind seemed to be tearing in two.
He couldn't afford to black out now, not when Voldemort was so close. He still had a job to do after all. That, apparently, was the meaning of his existence. From birth on he had been marked. It seemed as if his time for life had finally run out.
Using every ounce of strength he had left, he rose from the ground, concentrating on even breaths. His vision swam, but he remained upright. Throwing his invisibility cloak on, he successfully hid his body from view.
- SR -
Walking through the castle had never been so difficult. Not only were there scorch marks and fallen boulders all over the place, but Harry couldn't get his body to function normally. He seemed to be watching himself from the outside. There were no thoughts of his own, no pain he could feel. He was just a body walking through empty halls.
He watched himself pass Neville on the way and his mind connected when his lips formed quiet words.
"Kill the snake."
Neville jumped at the voice and stared into the empty air.
"Harry, is that you?" he whispered.
When no answer came forth Neville's tone became nervous.
"Don't… don't do anything rash Harry. Like Luna said before, we're all still fighting. We're in this together."
Harry swallowed thickly before walking past the concerned boy.
"Kill the snake," he said one last time before leaving Neville alone to his thoughts.
When he brushed past Ginny, he didn't pause. In his mind, he was already a part of the dead. Despite the fact that he was walking, breathing, and feeling, he felt as if he had already fallen behind the veil of death. In his mind, Harry was gazing out from the other side.
The forest itself was alive and moving. Harry flinched when thousands of bats swooped down low, their wings beating like drums against the noble trees. A herd of thestrals galloped by, forcing Harry to dive aside. Spiders crawled through the underbrush, intent on a destination far away. Little did Harry know he was walking into his own delusions, for nothing he saw was real. They were all figments of his mind.
At last he came upon a campfire's light and paused. He felt Voldemort near.
It's time to leave, a voice whispered in his mind. Harry started and whirled around, but only darkness met his eyes.
Escape, the voice said again and he backed up slowly, afraid.
"Who are you?" he breathed and a low chuckle was heard.
Why I am you. Run away now, before it's too late. You don't want to die, do you?
"No, I don't want to die."
Harry turned and ran, blindly feeling the path beneath his feet. His invisibility cloak caught on something, but in his panic he left it behind and did his best to ignore the whispers in his mind.
"I'm going mad. Everything's finally caught up me. I've lost it completely," he muttered between short breaths.
An owl hooted in the night and he stumbled, falling heavily to the ground. Hermione's bag flew from his grasp.
Panting, Harry looked skyward wishing for someone to help. But he was on his own, just like always. This time wouldn't be any different. He didn't know why he expected anything else.
Harry stiffened when he heard footsteps approach. When he looked up, his breath caught in his throat at the deadly-looking creature in front of him.
Vampire, the voice supplied sarcastically, but Harry ignored it. He scooted back against a tree, but it was too late. He had been seen.
"Well, well. What do we have here?"
The vampire bent down and reached out to stroke his cheek in a rather intimate way. Harry recoiled from the cold touch, all the while denying any attraction to the stunning immortal hovering above.
"A student has come out to play," the vampire growled and Harry didn't like the sound at all.
"Please," he whimpered, feeling pathetic inside. He cleared his throat and tried again in a more forceful tone.
"Let me go."
"Oh I don't think so love. You and I are going to have some fun."
The vampire crashed their lips together violently, slamming Harry roughly against the tree. He heard the bark splinter and felt a searing pain. He struggled beneath the hold, but the vampire didn't shift.
Feeling tears streak his face, Harry finally realized the helplessness of his situation. He was a mere human, struggling against an all-powerful vampire. There was nothing he could do but wait until he was finished with him.
But even as he thought this his mind slowly lost its connection with its body. He became a floating spirit once more and watched as his rapist tore away his clothes.
Watching from above, he felt disgusted with himself when his body reacted with lust to the endless hammering. He had to look away, wishing he had just chosen death. Death would have been better than this humiliation.
"Now my love," the vampire breathed into his body's ear after he had come. "Now it's time for you to die."
Harry's body jerked severely when sharp fangs bit into his neck. His mind was partially sucked back with the pain, but the other half watched as fire erupted through the shadowed trees. Dark figures were striding closer to where he lay. One figure in particular had ruby eyes.
Harry was aware of someone screaming. He had never before heard such powerful screams. He wanted to go to them, to tell them it was okay, but he couldn't find it in himself to move.
Over the screams he heard shouting.
"You fool! What have you done?" a voice hissed in all-out anger.
"I'm sorry, my lord. But he won't last very long. I've punctured his artery. Any second now the venom will be pumped into his heart. And with that much venom in his system, I'm afraid his heart won't last. He'll die shortly my lord."
With a flash of blinding green light, the screams faded.
- SR -
When Harry opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. Not only did his body feel different, but he was enclosed in a small, dark box.
A coffin, his mind supplied. Did he die? Almost immediately his mind showed him the answer. Like a film, he watched the last few moments of his life play out.
Harry groaned, letting out his first breath in three days. Reaching up, he used his strength to shift the top of the casket, blinking as the cracked marble rang loudly in his ears.
Feeling both healthy and disconnected, Harry emerged from his white tomb and looked up at his beloved castle.
Hogwarts was broken. There was not much left of her. Black smoke rose from the ruins and a sense of foreboding lay around her fallen form. A growl startled Harry before he realized that it came from himself.
Dreamlike, Harry walked to the edge of the black lake and gazed into its silky depths. A stranger looked back at him from its waters: a beautiful being with raven hair and scarlet eyes. Harry shattered his reflection before standing up, trying to feel some sort of emotion. He, however, felt nothing.
A breeze blew in from the south, bringing with it the smell of humans. Hogsmeade laid only a league away. Harry tensed, hearing the faint sounds of tinkering objects and voices. He felt his throat burn.
Walking toward the settlement, Harry forced himself to stop. If he got any closer, he wouldn't be able to stop himself. His thirst would be too overwhelming for any logical thought. He would have to decide here. Now.
He didn't want to kill anymore. He was so tired of death. His entire life he had been marked for death, surrounded by death, hit with death. Death seemed to follow his every move. And now he was dead. He would never walk among the living; would never breathe that breath of life. Not anymore.
He didn't want to help Death do its job by killing countless of humans so that he could survive. But he was a monster now, forced to kill in exchange for existence.
Looking into the forest, Harry made a choice then and there. The humans would survive, he decided, but he would kill other animals that crossed his path. The forest always held a wide variety of creatures. He was sure he could survive on them alone.
Grinning, Harry sped into the dark trees. It was time for his first hunt.
- SR -
Harry gazed at the destroyed grounds from the highest tower of the school. Funny how the Astronomy Tower was the only tower left after the war. So much had happened here. The air was thick with pain.
After his hunt, Harry had decided that the best course of action would be to write to Hermione. Since he couldn't get close to humans, she could supply him with answers from afar.
He reread the letter one more time, losing himself in the fading memories of his past.
It's Harry. Yes that's right, Harry Potter. Don't rip this letter apart, or throw it in the fire. At least not yet. This isn't a joke, it's really me.
If you need proof, then in third year you and I used the timeturner to save both Buckbeak and Sirius. We made it back by midnight, so no one knew the truth, save Dumbledore.
But I'm writing to you now because I need your help. You see, I did die, but I'm still around. I'm a vampire Hermione. A monster, but I need you now more than ever.
I need you to tell me what happened to Voldemort. Is he still alive? And Hogwarts - are you going to rebuild?
I'm so scared Hermione. Please write back.
After another moment of staring, Harry shook himself and whistled loudly through the silent air. A thestral flew out of the forest, landing proudly on the stones before him. Harry walked over to the dark beast, rubbing its scaly nose in appreciation.
"Thank you for coming, my friend," Harry said softly.
The thestral snorted, bumping his nose harder against Harry's cold hand.
"Can you deliver this to Hermione Granger for me? The owlery was destroyed and the owls have all gone. You're my only hope."
The horse threw his head back as Harry tied Hermione's bag around its neck. While out hunting, he had come across the place where he died and retrieved the item that was rightfully his. His cloak was still out there somewhere, but that didn't matter anymore. Vampires could hide in the shadows when they wanted to.
As he watched the thestral fly into the darkening sky, Harry whispered mournful words.
"She'll be able to see you. They all will."
- SR -
While walking towards the headmaster's office, Harry swore he saw faces in the walls. That unnerved him a bit, but he continued on despite the initial panic.
When he reached the closed door, he hesitated, but only for a second. It was in this room that he had finally learned the meaning of his existence. Only a few days ago, the terrible burden had fallen on him to save the world in a way that meant certain death for himself.
But he had failed. He was dirty. An embarrassment to the wizarding world. Some savior indeed.
Pushing against the wood, he walked over to the portrait of the late headmaster. Dumbledore eyed him with something akin to grief in his blue eyes.
Harry stood staring, his voice deserting him.
"My dear boy," Dumbledore said and Harry tensed. "I am – so sorry this had to befall you."
Harry struggled to force his words out. "Ron? Hermione? Are they okay."
"Yes, I do believe they survived."
Harry took a deep, unneeded breath and looked around at the other portraits watching them. He knew he had to ask one more thing.
Dumbledore remained silent for a moment, scrutinizing Harry over his half-moon spectacles. Finally, with a sigh, the headmaster answered in a deeply troubled voice.
"He is alive as well. Once our young friend, Mr. Longbottom, killed Nagini, Voldemort was left severely weakened. He disapparated and took the remaining Death Eaters with him."
Harry closed his eyes, wishing he were walking in a dream. He hoped beyond hope that he had died, and Voldemort had died that one, fateful night. Maybe these illusions were from behind the veil. Created to confuse him and trap him in a fake reality for all eternity. He dearly hoped so.
"There is one who could help you with your vampirism," Dumbledore continued hesitantly, unaware of the turn in Harry's thoughts. "A good friend of mine, Carlisle Cullen, lives in America. He's the kindest vampire I have ever known. He'd gladly accept you into his clan."
"No Albus," Harry heard himself say and left, never to return.
- SR -
The next day Harry found himself sitting on the hill by Hagrid's hut, his eyes scanning the distant sky for any sign of the thestral or an owl. The sky remained stubbornly empty though.
It was odd, Harry realized, to watch the world through unchanging eyes. The cycles of normal life continued despite the fact that he was frozen in time. Years would pass and those alive would live and die, but he would always just be.
A door creaked open nearby and Harry crouched, ready to defend himself if need be. He need not have worried however, for it was Hagrid.
"Hagrid," Harry called out, hopeful, but realized his mistake a moment too late. From his close proximity, Hagrid's blood all but sang to him.
He backed away, watching how Hagrid's face rapidly lost its color.
"Harry? Blimey Harry, though' yeh were dead! Carried yeh in me arms, I did. Even attended yer funeral. Is tha' really yeh?"
"No Hagrid, stay back!" Harry called out frantically, backing away even more. "I am dead. I'm not the same anymore. Please, don't come any closer."
Harry felt the first pang of emotion wash through him as Hagrid's face showed nothing but hurt.
"I'm sorry Hagrid, but I'm a –"
"Vampire," Hagrid whispered in shock. Harry had to look away, trying to get his thirst and emotions under control. It was one thing to accept what you had become, but it was even harder to watch others try to accept it. As a human, Harry remembered that he had loved Hagrid dearly. Now they couldn't even get close enough to talk.
"What – what are you doing here, anyway?" Harry said shakily, trying to get himself under control.
Hagrid seemed to shake off his shock and looked toward the forest.
"Came back for Grawpie. Coudn' leave him. Couldn' leave Hogwarts fer tha' matter," Hagrid said, tearing up. "It's been me home for so long."
"Aren't they reopening Hogwarts?"
"Wha'?" Hagrid asked, distracted. "Oh, no. No, too many memories, they say. Buildin' a new school down south, near Englan'," Hagrid said, grabbing a handkerchief and blowing hard.
Harry, meanwhile, felt his world spin out of control. His racing thoughts were becoming darker with each passing moment.
They're not rebuilding Hogwarts. My home will remain broken. She'll be forgotten. I'll be forgotten. We'll be lost. Forever alone. His mind continued to chant, unaware of the changing sky above.
A loud crash of thunder was heard and ice began to pour down on the two.
"Blimey," Hagrid said, looking up. Broken from his thoughts, Harry blinked and the storm went away as quickly as it came. They both watched as a rainbow formed over the school. The sun's rays were golden upon the fallen stones.
Looking straight at Hagrid, Harry said, "Go. Take Grawp and go to the new school."
"Go Hagrid," Harry said, trying to put as much force as he could behind his words. "And don't tell anyone you saw me here."
"Harry, yer comin' with me o' course."
"No," Harry repeated one last time. "I don't belong with wizards anymore."
With one last look at Hagrid, Harry turned and walked towards the school.
"Harry, wait!" Hagrid shouted, sounding torn. "I have, er, something fer yeh."
Harry, for his part, didn't turn around. It would be too painful to gaze upon that which he would lose forever: his friends, his family, his life. Things would never be the same.
"Here Harry, I'll jus' lay it here."
Harry waited patiently for him to leave. When the footsteps faded, he whispered, "Goodbye Hagrid."
Turning around, Harry saw that the gift was Hagrid's wooden flute. He picked it up gently and walked back to the empty school.
- SR -
The thestral didn't return for two more days. During that time, Harry had walked the crumbled halls, visualizing Hogwarts whole once more. And as he walked past the cracks and crevices, he watched Hogwarts heal.
It was strange indeed, that whatever he imagined came to be. He'd have to explore this new gift more thoroughly with time. But for now, he had a thestral to greet.
"Hey boy, did you find her?" Harry asked, patting the horse's side.
The thestral snorted and bobbed its head. Harry smiled, admiring the beast's intelligence.
"And did she give you anything back?"
This time, the thestral looked into Harry's eyes, before lowering his head.
Harry frowned and looked off into the distance. "Maybe she'll send an owl." He paused, before turning back to the horse. "You did well. Thank you." Harry watched as the thestral took flight once more, soaring into the depths of the forest.
He sat down on the stone steps leading up to the main doors and waited. Harry didn't know how long he sat there, as still as a statue, waiting for a reply.
There you have it! This idea came to me full force and I just had to write it. Next chapter will have the Cullens. Ten years will have passed, so I guarantee that Harry'll be quite changed.
Review please! Shall I continue?