Title: Saix's Holiday Vengeance, or, Why Organization XIII Has To Buy Their Own Presents
Summary: Saix was definitely going to be on the naughty list next year.
Warnings: Language, some violence, abuse of a childhood icon, and pissed-off Saix. Barely-there XemSai
Author's Note: This was inspired by BlackChain14's story Organization XIII: We Fit Because We Misfit. It's very funny and has a chapter explaining why Saix hates Christmas. I recommend reading it. I just wrote this for some un-seasonable fun, so enjoy! :)
Saix stalked through the darkened halls of the Castle That Never Was, grumbling and occasionally snarling as he avoided all the nonsensical decorations that Number IX had cheerfully strewn about the hallways earlier that day.
Demyx had been put in charge of decorating for Christmas this year, simply because he was the only one who really wanted to. Xigbar was the usual choice for decorating, as his powers came in handy when hanging things such as tinsel and whatnot, but Xemnas had revoked his holiday privileges when one of the guests that Xigbar invited to the Valentine's Day party traumatized Roxas by trying to give him a lap dance.
The young blonde still freaked out when ever he met a woman named Gloria.
Thus, Demyx volunteered to decorate, and now Saix, even in spite of his superior night vision, was stumbling over strings of popcorn and plastic snowmen and all manner of ridiculous, overly cheerful things.
Not to mention Saix really hated Christmas.
As a young child, Isa had been heartbroken one Christmas morning when he opened his presents to discover that he had been given a plastic lightsaber instead of a claymore like he had always wanted. Of course, he had a claymore now, and it was a rather awesome one to boot, but the point was that Santa had really let him down. Isa decided that he no longer believed in St. Nick, but there was always the slim chance that he did exist. So, being the upstanding child he was, Isa swore everlasting revenge on Santa Claus.
Tonight, he had been unable to sleep, so he decided to head down to the kitchen for a snack. Someone had to take care of those cookies, right? Saix suspected Xaldin was the one actually responsible for the disappearing cookies every Christmas, as the man had a hidden fondness for chocolate chips. This year, however, Saix decided he wanted the cookies for himself.
And when morning came and Demyx began squealing that Santa had come and eaten the cookies, Saix would reveal the horrible truth and laugh at Demyx's crushed dreams.
Kingdom Hearts, this holiday really did bring out the worst in him.
When Saix entered the kitchen, he knew immediately that something was not quite right. One of the large windows was open, providing clear access to the roof, where Saix could see what looked like eight deer and a carriage of some sort.. The plate that had held cookies was empty and the glass of milk drained. And there was a fat man wearing a red suit and ridiculous hat rummaging through the fridge, muttering something about eggnog.
Santa Claus was in Organization XIII's kitchen.
Santa fucking Claus was in his kitchen!
Saix was pretty sure his jaw was about halfway to the floor before he regained the ability to think straight. Standing before him was the man who had crushed his childhood dreams so many years ago. Saix could feel the growl building up in his throat, the urge to kill growing within him.
Tonight, he would have his revenge.
Xemnas was just in the middle of a very good dream that involved dangling Sora over a pit of acid-spitting snakes, when he was jolted out of sleep by an ear-splitting shriek that could only belong to Demyx.
Grumbling, he sat up. He was slightly surprised that Saix wasn't already up and snarling about being awoken. He glanced over to Saix's side of the bed, and experienced a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach when he saw that the Diviner was not there.
"XEMNAS HURRY, HE'S KILLING SANTA CLAUS!"
Xemnas did hurry, unfortunately having a very good idea of who "he" was. Upon portaling down to the kitchen, Xemnas was met with one of the strangest scenes he had ever witnessed, both as a human and a Nobody.
For Kingdom Hearts' sake, why couldn't they ever have a normal Christmas?
Saix was in full Berserker mode and appeared to be throttling a fat man in a red suit, while Demyx clung pathetically to Saix's right leg and wailed at him to "please please please don't kill Santa".
Santa's real? Xemnas thought blankly as Saix paused to kick Demyx into the pantry.
"XEMNAS!" Said person snapped out of his revere as Demyx crawled out of the wreckage of the pantry. "DO SOMETHING!"
Granted, Xemnas wasn't entirely sure what to do in a situation quite like this, and he wasn't sure he wanted to even get involved; Saix struck quite a terrifying picture, with his hair fluffed and ragged, his eyes glowing gold with murderous wrath, his fangs bared, in his...
...Blue flannel star-and-moon pajamas and pink fuzzy kitten slippers that Marluxia had given him for his birthday.
Well, from the neck up, he looked terrifying.
By now, the rest of the Organization was portaling down into the kitchen to see what could be causing such a tremendous commotion in the middle of the night. Needless to say, they were also all quite dumbstruck at the sight of their feared second-in-command menacing Santa Claus in his pajamas. (Though Marluxia was flattered that he was actually wearing the slippers.)
Their collective thoughts were interrupted by Demyx hurling himself at Saix and being thrown face-first into a wall. As he picked himself up off the ground, he screamed at the rest of the Nobodies. "DO SOMETHING! HE'S GONNA KILL SANTA!"
Everyone glanced uneasily at each other, and Xemnas decided to step in as Superior and take charge.
"YAAAAAHHHHHH!" He yelled and tackled Saix to the ground, effectively causing him to release the hapless St. Nick.
Okay, so it wasn't that impressive, but even he wasn't actually going to fight Saix when he was like this.
There were a few moments of silence as Xemnas planted his knees in the middle of Saix's back, pinning him, and Santa staggered to his feet, gasping for breath.
"SANTA!" Demyx squealed, launching himself at the man. "OH EM GEE I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!"
Santa, however, was in no mood to deal with anymore psychotic heartless people tonight, and he promptly backhanded Demyx across the face and leaped out the window onto the roof, making a break for his sleigh.
He flew off into the night, leaving his trademark jolly parting, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND I HOPE YOU ALL DIE OF AIDS!"
There was a long, awkward silence in the kitchen as the Nobodies surveyed the scene.
Saix was face down on the kitchen floor with Xemnas on his back, still growling and making long gouges in the tile with his claws. Demyx was holding his nose, which, ironically, had held up throughout Saix punting him across the kitchen and then broken when Santa had smacked him. The pantry door was in splinters, and there was a large crack in the wall where Demyx had collided with it.
Axel scratched the back of his head. "That was really fucking weird."
The rest of the Organization nodded and muttered their agreement, then portaled back to their rooms to try and forget this ever happened. Demyx eventually got up and wandered back to his room too, turning in the doorway to blow a raspberry at Saix and then portaling away.
Slowly and cautiously, Xemnas got off of Saix. The blue-haired man was out of Berserker mode, but still looked royally pissed. He glared at Xemnas.
"What the hell was that for! I had him!"
Xemnas sighed. "I don't think it would be very good for group morale if you murdered the patron saint of Christmas, VII."
Saix scoffed. "Who cares about group morale, that cookie-eating bastard owes me!"
Xemnas shook his head and decided that he didn't want to know.
They decided to walk back to their room, as Saix still needed to work off some of his aggression. When they were almost there, Xemnas grinned and nudged Saix in the ribs.
"I know someone who's going to get a lot of coal in his stocking next year."
Saix growled. "Shut up."