Disclaimer: The plot is mine, but that's about it.

Warnings: Er, Kaishin? Language, too, I guess...


Kuroba Kaito, in the persona of Kaitou KID, really hated the fact that outside of solving mysteries and reading Sherlock Holmes, Kudou Shinichi's favorite hobby was playing soccer.

Normally Kaito didn't much care what the detectives who chased him did in their spare time. Well, with the exception of Hakuba. That prick just never seemed to realize that following Kaito around in hopes of finding actual evidence of him being KID was not only rude but creepy. But British bastard aside, Kaito didn't much care that Hattori Heiji practiced kendo, Nakamori Ginzou golfed, and Mouri Kogorou blew his money at the horse races. Shinichi seemed to have been the only one to have not received the memo that quite plainly said hobbies were to be done in one's spare time.

Now it may seem egotistical, but Kaito didn't consider a Kaitou KID heist to fall under the category of spare time. Thus Kaito never expected to see a soccer ball, bokken, golf clubs, or betting receipt at a heist unless he brought them himself or they fit the heist setting. And normally that was the case. After all, most normal people didn't tote those things around. There was just the little problem of Kudou Shinichi being nowhere near normal. Putting aside his three year stint as the child Edogawa Conan and his being the key component in the take-down of the largest criminal organization in the world, death followed Shinichi everywhere.

While initially he usually just finds dead bodies, being the justice loving detective he is also leads him to find the murderers as well. And, generally, murderers don't like that. Which Kaito could sort of understand. If he had spent two years devising a clever way to kill his brother using dental floss and toothpicks only to have some busybody detective solve how the crime was done within an hour of finding the body, he would be pretty angry too. And thus, all too often Shinichi had unsavory characters trying to do him harm.

So in order to prevent a 'Conan-type' situation from ever happening to him again, Shinichi asked Agasa to make him an adult sized Anywhere Ball Dispensing Belt. Or as Shinichi liked to call it, the SoccerBelt. (Agasa-hakase, while great at making gadgets, absolutely sucked at naming them.) It was great for not only fending off murderers, but avid fans, kidnappers, and general stalkers as well. Yes, Kudou Shinichi did indeed have creepy stalkers. Being famous, even moderately, was dangerous. Which Kaito could sympathize with, really he could. Kaito was actually glad Shinichi had a way to protect himself from criminals and creepers.

There was just the one issue of the detective wearing the SoccerBelt to KID heists. Kaito was in no way, shape, or form any kind of Shinichi stalker. Sure, he liked to keep tabs on what the detective was up to, but he did that for all his detectives. They were all danger prone, and it was his own way of making sure a 'Conan-type' incident never happened again. Kaito also didn't consider himself a criminal. Though Kaitou KID was technically labeled as a thief, he never actually kept anything he stole. He always made sure to return the taken items in perfect condition. And he had a very strict Nobody Gets Hurt policy.

So despite the fact that Kaitou KID was neither a stalker nor criminal, Kudou Shinichi still insisted on wearing the SoccerBelt to heists. Which was, truth be told, rather irritating. Personal insult notwithstanding (KID heists were usually perfectly safe. Getting there and returning home? Not so much, particularly for Shinichi), Kaito was willing to overlook its presence if it weren't for the fact that Shinichi insisted on using the blasted thing! On him no less! Now if Shinichi were to use it on Hakuba… Well, Kaito didn't think he would complain. Some days the Brit was really just asking for a soccer ball to the face.

The thing was, Kaito was sick and tired of waking up the morning after a heist with soccer ball induced bruises. Though between going home with bruises or going home without the jewel, Kaito would definitely choose going home with the jewel. But he'd much prefer getting away without the ouchies. It wasn't like he got hit very often. Being a phantom thief, and dealing with Nakamori Aoko on a daily basis, meant that he was very good at dodging things.

Whether it was the task force, a mop, or a randomly thrown finny thing, Kaito was rather difficult to pin down and hit. It was just that Shinichi was really, really good at soccer. For goodness sake, the boy could calculate just what way to kick a ball to have it ricochet off of five different things before hitting his target. It was a rather scary thing to behold. Kaito would think he'd completely dodged it only to have it come at him from the ceiling. Don't ask him how; he wasn't nearly as good at on-the-spot physics as Shinichi apparently was.

In fact, Shinichi's deadly aim was one of the (very good) reasons Kaito still brought his card gun to heists even though Snake could no longer attend them due to his permanent residence in jail. Shinichi's deadly aim was also why Snake was in jail. It seemed that Shinichi wasn't very fond of being held hostage. Or perhaps it was the being groped while being held hostage that he wasn't very partial to. It was anyone's guess really. Just that once Kaito let his Nobody Gets Hurt policy slide. Snake had really deserved the elbow to the face and kick to the balls.

That wonderfully pleasant memory aside, Kaito was always doubly sure to bring his card gun to heists. Not only was it great at popping soccer balls, but it also helped to keep the detective busy. Busy feet couldn't very well kick soccer balls now could they? There was just one problem with his SoccerBelt defense; Kaito couldn't use the gun unless the only people in the area were Shinichi and himself. Shinichi was the only one he could trust to actually be able to dodge the razor sharp cards. So being unable to thoroughly rely upon his card gun to keep Shinichi occupied, Kaito decided it was time to implement a new game plan. Operation Abject Humiliation would begin next heist.


A/N: So I hope you enjoyed what I have posted thus far, the next chapter is already half-way done so expect to see it soon! If you liked it, please tell me why so I know what I'm doing right and what I need to fix. Thank you!