Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.
Spoilers: All books.
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have all pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…
BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.
Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.
The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!
Chapter One: Team Swiss, Baby!
"Aren't you dead?"
Luke's right eye twitched.
"No, I'm pretty sure you're dead."
"Shut up, Percy!" Luke yelled, slamming his lips onto the other demigod's. Then he moved back and stomped away. "And hurry it up and get on the ship! We'll leave without you!"
"I told you Luke was gay for you," Annabeth suddenly popped up.
"But I thought he liked you. Or Thalia," Percy blinked naively.
"But you two look more hot together."
Annabeth coughed, "Never mind. We're late. We should be getting going onto the cruise ship, Percy."
She snapped her fingers and random Athena campers came huffing out of nowhere, carrying a chariot. They placed it down in front of her and she grinned and stepped into it, pulling Percy behind her.
"Forward, my subjects! Carry me and my king!"
Percy watched incredulously as the campers carried the chariot, with them on it, up the ramp and into Princess Andromeda.
"I'm pretty sure this ship was wasted too."
Meanwhile, in another area in the ship already, Clarisse La Rue sat back against her chair and looked stoically at the shivering nameless kid.
"It's very tragic, child. Very tragic. Your story moves me," Clarisse said dramatically, taking the unlit cigar out of her mouth and placing it firmly on the table between them. "Chris!"
Chris Rodriguez scuttled into the room, wearing a slick Italian suit, hair gelled back, and a stoic expression on his face. He had an earpiece in his ear and dark sunglasses.
"This little one lost the money he owes us because he was too stupid to stop gambling when he was on the high," Clarisse smiled coldly. "Show him what happens to those who burn my money up."
Chris nodded sharply and grabbed the shocked kid before hauling him out, the kid kicking and screaming hysterically.
Clarisse sighed, "It is so harsh being me. Next!"
Travis and Connor Stoll strolled in grinning from ear to ear.
"If it –"
"Isn't the lovely –"
"The glamorous –"
"The talented –"
"Miss Clarisse," the two finish in unison.
She grimaced, "That's so annoying."
Travis shrugged apologetically, "Sorry. We're in a phase right now."
"We're trying to imitate twins," Connor eagerly added. "Fred and George Weasley are our idols."
"Don't cross fandoms!" she snapped, narrowing her eyes. "Now, onto what we should be talking about. Are we settled for the coming days?"
"We're good to go," Travis nodded. "We have the betting pools set up, and we're ready for the money-making operation to begin."
Clarisse huffed, "Well, what are you dimwits still here for? Let's get this party started!"
The three of them put their heads together, rehashing plans and building new ones before Clarisse kicked them out to start everything. As they were together, we go back to Percy, who was wandering around the ship in boredom, having abandoned "Queen Annabeth" out of sheer incredulity.
And now he was in front of his mortal best friend…who was currently in a fortuneteller tent and dressed in gypsy rags.
"And like I was saying, I don't really need to tell them their real fortunes. Being the Oracle doesn't work like that. We get visions when we get visions, ya know? But they don't know that, and because I'm the Oracle they'll take what I say at face value," Rachel nodded surely. "Easy money. You should give it a try. Well, they might not believe you as much, since you're just the Son of Poseidon…but you could go into hydrotherapy or something like that!"
Percy went from watching her in disbelief to looking thoughtful.
"Huh…that's a good idea. I've been thinking about getting a summer job too."
Rachel nodded enthusiastically.
"Great! So, you wanna go out sometime?" she asked forwardly.
Percy went back to being incredulous.
"Wait a second, you're the Oracle. Are you supposed to be asking me out?" Percy raised an eyebrow.
Rachel pouted. "I'm supposed to be chaste. That is to say, actual intercourse. Says nothing in the job description about dating, making out…other stuff," she winked at him suggestively.
Percy blinked, absolutely clueless.
"Oh, well…good for you then. I'll see you around, Rach. I'm gonna keep looking 'round the ship and see what else is here. We should have dinner!"
Rachel's disappointed face lit up at that.
"Yes! Tonight's good!" she called out as he started leaving again.
She pumped a fist in the air and stuck her tongue out at a picture of Annabeth in her head.
"Take that! Score one for the mortal, huh!"
Now, all the demigods (and mortal) was doing all these things, making plans, and having some general fun. But there was still a group of people who were unaccounted for. That was because the major Olympian gods had holed themselves up in the main business meeting room on the Princess Andromeda, and had refused to come out and therefore everyone was unaware of where the gods were at and just thought each of them were milling about somewhere on the ship.
Though they wouldn't be surprised to find out the gods were in a meeting.
They would, however, be surprised to know what the meeting was about.
"All in favor of turning Percy into a god anyway?" Zeus' voice rumbled within the soundproofed room.
Like hell, er Tartarus, was they going to take Percy's refusal down lightly. No one refused them! Especially when they were offering godship. Sure, Percy was being noble and selfless and self-sacrificing and gallant and altruistic…
Yeah, point showed.
Basically, they were gods and they were going to do whatever they wanted. Hey! Universal truth here.
So yeah, they were being pouty and hasty about things here, but no one's ever refused them like that before. It was just…weird. And they didn't do weird.
That being said, the picture of the subject of the meeting hanged over their heads, bright smile and twinkling eyes and all. And then with a loud bang, the doors burst open and Eros came flying through clumsily, his arrows flying out of his carrier and tumbling towards several targets in a classic anime moment, hitting each god in the heart (exempting Poseidon, who scrambled off his chair and hid under the table as soon as he saw Eros and the arrows come hurtling through and just knew what was going to happen next).
Coincidentally, the gods had been gazing at the picture of Percy at the same time as they had been struck with one of Eros' arrows, having been caught off guard and didn't have time to look anywhere else (unless they were Poseidon and were super cool like that…and 'cause he did not want to fall in love with his own son thank you very much).
Each of them adopted a dopey look on their face, gazing at the hovering portrait of Percy Jackson reverently.
He turned tail and ran, hoping Percy would forgive him and hoping Poseidon would have his hands full with the other gods and goddesses to bother remembering it was Eros' fault in the first place.
"Damn. I just wanted to sneak into Mom and Dad's meeting," he mumbled as he ran.
Poseidon slid out from under the table, glaring heavily at the gathered group.
"No. Way. In. Tartarus," the god of the sea growled. "Lay one hand on my son and I'll murder every single one of you."
Overprotective!Poseidon was scary as hell, so they all obediently nodded rapidly. Looking at them suspiciously, Poseidon stomped out of the room to look for his son and watch over him closely. It was quiet in the room, and everyone was still.
Then Hermes grinned cheekily and tossed a smoke/smelly bomb he'd invented earlier that week into the middle of the room, disappearing straight after.
"Hermes!" everyone else roared.
The messenger god whistled innocently, tracing their wayward boy at the pool.
Percy was squinting at the large indoor pool, gazing at it intently and not noticing Hermes' presence until the god was right next to him.
The demigod 'eeped!' and whirled to face him, heart beating fast and eyes wide. Hermes noted gleefully that Percy was only wearing clingy swimming trunks.
"L-Lord Hermes," Percy greeted uncertainly.
"Ah, come on, Percy. Don't go all formal on me now," Hermes said cheerfully. "What were you doing?"
"Me?" Percy blinked innocently. "Oh! I was wondering how well the pool would do with hydrotherapy. I was thinking of going into the business. What do you think?"
Hermes grinned happily, "Fantastic! You should do swimming lessons too."
Percy hmmed, "That sounds good too. Would you help spread the word?"
The god nodded and was about to snatch Percy, when Percy nodded surely and jumped into the pool to test it out. Then he felt something hit him at the side of his face, making him fly off to the side and conveniently land into a janitor's closet, the door locking behind him.
Luke grinned smugly, hand dripping with some weird glop of goop he'd gotten from somewhere.
"Bingo," he gloated. "Thank you, Lady Athena, for informing me of my father's plans."
The goddess nodded before landing a hand chop onto Luke's neck and knocking the former traitor out. This time, she was the one grinning smugly (looking very strange to see at that).
"Sucker," she murmured. "Like father, like son. Thank Zeus that's not always true, otherwise I'd be trying to kill Perseus rather than claim him."
Quickly hiding Luke's body, she made it back in time to see Percy pull himself out of the pool, lean body dripping with droplets of water and florescent lights shining on him and making him look like he was sparkling.
A miniature devil version of herself appeared on her shoulder, fanning herself with her hand and gazing dreamily at the picture.
'I don't know whether to call him Percy or Edward,' mini-devil self swooned.
A miniature angelic version of herself popped into existence and hit mini-devil self on the head with a fan.
'Don't cross fandoms!' Mini-Angel Athena screamed.
Athena cleared her throat, inwardly wincing and banishing Mini-Angel Athena and Mini-Devil Athena off of her shoulder, focusing on the boy in front of her. She made her face stoic, though she knew that sadly her face probably still had a hint of a blush on it.
"Lady Athena! What can I do for you? Oh, are you okay? Your face is red," Percy did notice her flushed state, damn it. And her face turned even worse when Percy's wet hand was held to her forehead, trying to check her temperature. "Lady Athena, you're hot," he stated worriedly.
Of course, she was thinking he was saying something else.
"Why thank you," she said dazedly. At his confused look, she coughed in embarrassment and took a step back. "I mean, I was looking for you to ask for a favor. Would you accompany me to the bookstore?" she asked stiffly, going back to making her face stoic.
Inwardly, Athena cheered as she pulled Percy behind her, even as he stayed confused the entire way.
Surprisingly, it wasn't so bad. Percy, though the spawn of Poseidon, wasn't really dim and though was averse to the prospect of books, once she'd promised to make them readable by transforming them into Ancient Greek, Percy was much more agreeable to finding books for himself. He even had a healthy collection of books gathered, that she periodically added onto.
And then her daughter came in.
"Percy! I've been looking all over for you," Annabeth cut into their time.
Percy and herself had been browsing through the manga section (guilty pleasure of hers) when her daughter had appeared, the two of them bent over a Naruto graphic novel. Instantly, lightning crackled between their gazes, both females glaring intently at each other.
Annabeth knew there was something different about her mother and was instantly suspicious why she was with Percy.
"Percy, you hate books and you hate shopping. I'm surprised you're here. You want to go get some ice cream instead?"
Percy grinned, "Actually, books are alright, I guess. Your mom made it easier for me to read 'em, and I kinda like some fiction stuff. Though I'll probably like graphic novels the best. The books and shopping bits ain't so bad. Your mom's made them cool and kinda fun."
"'Them,' 'kind of,' and 'aren't', you mean, Perseus," but Athena was appreciative and happy all the same.
"Sorry, Athena," Percy chuckled apologetically. "I kind of clip my words and sentences when I'm all excited or really happy."
Her mother and Percy were getting along? And Percy was calling the goddess by her name alone?
Annabeth sniffed unhappily, "That's great. So how about that ice cream though? Aren't you almost done?"
Percy looked like he just remembered something.
"Oh, I can't have ice cream. I promised Rachel we'd have dinner and it sounded like she'd like to go tonight."
" –Where at?"
Athena and Annabeth glanced at each other once before focusing intensely on Percy, who sweatdropped at the intensity and staring.
"Um, I suppose that nice Italian restaurant I passed by earlier would be nice…"
"Ohh, nice," Annabeth nodded.
"Are you treating us?" Athena smiled sweetly.
And that was how Percy found himself sitting at a table with three girls looking at their menus and he glancing furtively and alarmed at them over his own menu. Rachel was glaring heatedly over the two every once in a while, Athena was back to her stoic face, and Annabeth was clearly irritated by the other two's presences.
He sighed. It was up to him to make peace.
"What do you mean 'he's unavailable'?" Clarisse screamed into the telephone. "What 'dopey face and weird attitude' are you talking about?"
She screamed some more into the phone before slamming it back onto the base, glaring at it enough that it could've melted by the heat of her glare.
Travis and Connor asked, building plans spread out around the two as they were studying them attentively.
Clarisse grunted, "We're supposed to be in negotiations with Hephaestus TV, but Hephaestus is missing in action. No Hephaestus, no closed deal."
Travis whistled, "Damn. Wish we could help."
"But we can't on that end," Connor finished.
Clarisse sniffed in irritation, "Chris! C'mere!"
Chris promptly got into the room, whipping off his sunglasses and smirking at her.
The Daughter of Ares pouted, "Do me a favor. Find Kelp Brain. I need his help on our plans."
"Alright. Be back in a bit. I hear he's causing a stir down at a restaurant, hanging around some females."
Clarisse grinned wolfishly, "That player. See ya soon, hubby."
After Chris left, Travis spoke up.
"Wait, you two aren't married, are you?"
Connor nodded along to his brother's question, eyes wide.
She snorted, "No. I just like calling him that. So how's our other plans going along?"
"Well," Connor started out. "I've talked to our contacts, the same ones who gave us the idea for the betting pools and theater installments, and they're okay with us copying them. We've also subcontracted H.E.L.L. Inc. from them, so we're good on workers and stuff. I'd say things are going along just fine, Boss Ma'am."
"Good, good. It's too bad we don't have a romance war going on like they did," Clarisse pouted. "I would have liked to have a betting pool like that. It would probably be our main attraction."
"Sounds good," Ares stated, and all three jumped in their seats at his sudden appearance. "I heard my daughter was runnin' an operation. And lucky for you, there is a romance war going on."
Clarisse bared her teeth in a predatory smile that her father echoed.
"Oh do tell, Father."
And Ares began telling her the gods' predicament towards a certain Son of Poseidon.
Clarisse cackled, "Excellent. This is good news, indeed."
Ares nodded before glaring at her warningly, "Bet on me."
She nodded with a sheepish smile and then he strode out after.
"Bet a small portion on my dad, but don't bet the big spread until we get a good inkling on who will probably bag Percy," Clarisse said hesitantly, glancing around furtively as if her dad might hear her. She shrugged at them. "Money is money."
Well, no one ever said the life of a demigod was boring.
Started 3/24/10 –Completed 5/16/10
A/n: Yep, that was odd, wasn't it? Probably not what the challenge was asking for, but eh…Anyways, Nico and Thalia will more than probably make their entrance next chapter, and more pairings will definitely pop up. Hope you enjoyed, and please review!
If you support the Percabeth Revolution, write an anti-Percabeth or anti-Nico/OC fic or whatever, with the words The Percabeth Revolution first and then your title. Like mine is The Percabeth Revolution: The Break Room. And then, in your author's notes, copy and paste these instructions. I am a proud supporter of The Percabeth Revolution. You can be, too!