This was my first ever Companions Quartet song fic, written about three years ago, so forgive me if the quality is not amazing. After rumours of fanfiction 'purges' I've been hearing recently, I've decided that it's better to be safe than sorry, and to remove the song lyrics from my fanfictions, as fics containing copyrighted lyrics are considered a breach of the rules. While I was here, I also decided to elaborate and flesh out the fic slightly, as, let's face it, it was more lyrics than my own writing. But hey, I wrote it a while ago XD Just to say, it was originally a song fic to 'Teardrops on my Guitar' by Taylor Swift and Liz Rose, so bear that in mind while reading, and hey, maybe even have a little listen. Thank you for your time, and I hope you enjoy what this ex-song fic has to offer :)
The barn is packed, a variety of humans and creatures sitting on either side, waiting for the meeting to begin. My eyes scan the hay bales, taking in sylphs, dragons, banshees and many more and finally coming to rest on him, standing near the white pegasus, stroking it's mane, his eyes crinkling with laughter as he shares a joke with his companion. He turns his head and our eyes meet; I smile at him, across the throng of society members trying to find their seats, my heat leaping in my chest. As we gaze into each other's eyes, I feel a tingle go through my body. I like him so much…surely he must feel this too? The connection that we have? His face lights up, and I suddenly feel hope rush through me like a waterfall of rainbows and smiles. For a moment, I forget everything and the world seems like a brighter place, because he has a look on his face which says that I am everything to him, that he'd cross half the earth to just to see me smile. Except now I realise that his eyes aren't focused on me. They are focused just behind me. I turn, and see her walking through the doors, her long hair falling down her shoulders in waves, ruffled by the wind outside, her own eyes shining as she meets his gaze. Her. Strutting around him all the time, batting her eyelashes, pretending to be so perfect.
She reaches him and they begin talking animatedly. I see the way he smiles at her as she laughs at something he says, his eyes crinkling again, the way they had when he was talking with his companion. He can't take his eyes off her.
Why did it have to be her?
The question reverberates around and around my mind, but I just force myself to smile, trying to dispel my doubts, and wave to him, gesturing towards the seats that I've been saving. The seats for me and him. He didn't even see.
He's too wrapped up in the girl in front of him, unable to see anything else, unable to see how my heart is slowly beginning to crack as the doubts that I've suppressed all these years begin to pour in. I'd always thought that we had some kind of connection with each other. Even when we argue I never take it seriously. It's friendly banter, that was all. I've always thought that we'd make a great couple. I'd always through we were friends, at the very least. And so I waited, waited so long for him to see that too. For him to realise that we are perfect for each other. And I'd never given another boy a second look. Even now Omar's smiling at me in a friendly fashion, waving a hand for me to come and sit with him and his group of friends a little way away. I can see the pity in his eyes, for the girl sitting alone at the end of the row. But I shake my head, waving him away, even though I can feel my smile stretching too tight across my lips to look natural, even though the empty seat beside me is throbbing away in my consciousness like an open wound. But still, I sit alone and cling to what little hope I have left.
I find my eyes inexplicably drawn back to where he is talking to the girl, sitting with her in the centre of a crowd, but seeing no one else, and I suddenly wonder how, even in a sea of other people, he could still only see her. How, even in the midst a crowd, I can feel so lonely.
The meeting has begun, but I'm not listening; I can only here a dull buzzing sound echoing in my ears. It hurts to look, but I can't take my eyes off of the two of them. My breath catches in my chest every time I see the girl's eyes, full of adoration for him, looking up at his face. I can feel an invisible hand squeeze my heart every time he touches her, every time he brushes her hair back off of her face.
I should have known from the start that it wouldn't be too long before she had her claws into him. Of course, this girl is the perfect one. The one that everyone loves. The one everyone thinks is special and beautiful and funny. Why does she need him? Why does this girl have to take everything away from me? This girl doesn't need him, not the way I do. Because this girl is the special one. The perfect one. Everyone is always telling her just how special and perfect she is, everyone is always talking about just how special and perfect she is. And then there's me. And although I put up a shield, although I try so hard every day to smile and be the same old me, there's a rottenness inside. My parents don't know me, not really. They don't care. My friends don't really know me either, not the real me. I hide everything away from them; I know I can never let them see who I truly am. But him. He was the only one I can be myself with. He's the only one who seems to understand me. She doesn't need him not the way I do. Everyone tells her she's perfect. But he's the only one who makes me feel perfect.
I'm suddenly aware of the people around me standing up, beginning to talk and laugh. The meeting is over. I leave the barn quickly, my thoughts brewing around me like a hurricane. Why didn't I say anything to him earlier? Why didn't I get there first, before she had the chance? Why did I just hide my feelings away? Someone's trying to speak to me, but I ignore them, walking out into the yard and sitting on an old barrel, resting my head in my hands, trying to ignore the prickling in my eyes. I will not cry. Not over him. Not because of her. I don't cry.
I freeze at the sound of his voice and slowly raise my head. Col Clamworthy is standing over me, concern in his eyes.
"Are you okay, Shirley?" he asks. "You seem a bit down."
My eyes flick to the left and see the universal standing in the distance watching us both with eyes identical to his. I nod slowly, managing to hide the fact that my heart shatters with every word he says to me.
"I'm fine." I manage to say. "Just a headache."
"Oh. Well, hope you feel better soon." He smiles at me, before turning away and walking back towards the perfect girl with the long dark hair.
I watch him go, my lips twisted in an endless façade, a masquerade mask tattooed on my face to hide the true me from the rest of the world.
Because the doubt has become a certainty, and I know now.
The way he looks at her…
That's a way he'll never look at me.
So for now, I'll just fake a smile so he won't see.
Reviews are appreciated very much :)