Sadly, I do not own SVM... but I want to thank Mrs. Harris for creating it.
a/n: I wrote this before Dead and the Family came out... this is my first attempt in the Sookieverse
I am sitting in my office, behind my desk. I am looking at Pam and I know she is speaking to me, but I cannot concentrate on what Pam is saying to me. All I can think about is Sookie. I have been waiting patiently for months… waiting for the right time to go to her. I am still settling my position with my new King and until that is settled I cannot go to her. I can feel through our bond that she does not understand. She does not grasp that by going to her now or even by calling her on the phone right now, I would be putting her in danger. I cannot let them know her true value to me. If they were to find out, I am positive the new regime would take her from me. At least they would die trying.
There are so many things she and I need to discuss. There are so many things that are clouding my mind and altering my judgment. My mind and judgment have been clear and concise for over 1000 years. I have made very few mistakes along the way and that is how I have survived so long. But, now I can feel she needs me and it is ripping me in two. I can feel through our bond that she is not well. She is beyond unhappy. I hate knowing her feelings. I hate having feelings. These feelings make me fucking weak.
She is my weakness and I need to go to her. The time is almost here. The King and his entourage will be leaving tonight. Once they are gone, I will be able to go to her. Most of my employees have chalked my miserable disposition up to dealing with the new regime. But, only Pam knows the truth. Pam has urged me, from the first moment she knew I wanted Sookie, to take her and "either kill her or turn her." Pam was right. Either of those options would make my life easier. At this time, though, there was no way I could ever intentionally hurt Sookie. It would be like hurting myself and I would never do anything to hurt myself. I hate having these damn feelings.
All of these thoughts flooded my head in seconds, and then I remember Pam is talking to me. I look at her blankly. "ERIC, you have to focus today," Pam said to me. She was annoyed and worried at the same time. "The Kings visit is almost over."
"Yes," I started, "and then we can return to our normal lives."
"Normal?" Pam scoffed, "Eric, I don't think you know what normal is anymore." She was giving me a wry grin. I knew exactly what she meant.
I looked at Pam with a hard glare. "Pam, leave it alone."
"Master, I do not know what you mean." She was relentless when she had something to needle me with. Pam caught my eyes and would not let them go, "Master, you must let her know that you will be coming to her."
"I shall," I replied quietly looking down at my desk, "No more of this shit, only business now." I hate having feelings.
"Sam, I think that was the longest closing shift ever! I am exhausted." I had finished all of my side work and decided to belly up to the bar and watch Sam finish closing.
"Sook, you have to stop pulling so many doubles," Sam was trying to be sweet. "You are running yourself into the ground."
"Sam Merlotte, you know why I am here. You know I need the money and you know I need the distraction." I was better when I was at work. There weren't memories of us here. At least not like the memories that were in my home. I could at least breathe here.
"I know Sookie," Sam paused knowing he still needed to tread lightly, "I am happy you are here, but I want you to take tomorrow off and rest. I am saying this to you as your friend, as someone who cares about you."
My chest felt heavy. I knew Sam was right. I had worked for 3 weeks straight and most of those days I worked double shifts. It was easier to come in here and listen to everyone else's thoughts, than to stay at home and listen to my own. I felt the tears coming and the pain in my chest was beginning to swallow me, again. Ever since Eric had remembered our time together I hoped and prayed that he would come to me and we would talk things through and it just hasn't happened. The crazy thing is the longer he stayed away the more I wanted him with me. I have had too much time to think about everything that has to do with us and it has made me realize just how important Eric Northman was to me. I just needed him. I needed to hear from him. I needed to see him. I just needed him. The tears were falling down my cheeks and I put my head down on the bar and looked down at my Nikes. 'Just breathe and this will pass,' I told myself. I took in a deep breath and before I could exhale I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder.
"Sook, it's going to be ok. Eric will come to you when the time is right."
I became instantly irate. "You cannot be defending him! You, of all people, cannot be defending Eric!" I yelled at Sam with all I had, which really wasn't much.
Sam turned red and I could tell that I had just pissed off one of my best friends. "Sookie, now you listen to me. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, so you listen to me now and you listen good." He spun my bar stool so I was facing him and continued, "Eric has more on his plate right now than just you. But, I am damn sure that he is doing whatever it takes to keep you safe." I started crying again and then Sam grabbed my shoulders. "If he could be with you RIGHT NOW, I am positive he would be."
"What makes you so sure, Sam?" I blubbered and then looked down at my hands that were fidgeting in my lap. "Why would Eric waste his time on any human, let alone me?"
Sam tilted my chin up so I was looking into his eyes, "You are not just some human and you know it! You are blood-bonded to Eric. Do you not realize what that means?"
"I guess I really don't." I think I just need someone to remind me, namely the vampire I was bonded to.
"Vampires take their blood very seriously and you know that. The fact that you are bonded with Eric pretty much means that you are his wife, for lack of a better word. If every vampire knew the extent of your bond with Eric, you would become their primary target. You would become leverage they could use against him. They would hurt you to get to him. Don't you understand that?" Sam looked at me with disbelief in his eyes.
I had never really thought about it like that. I just thought Eric was avoiding dealing with our "issues". "So, you are telling me that by staying away he is protecting me?"
"By acting as if I don't exist, he is protecting me?"
"It doesn't help. It still hurts like hell." I looked back at my hands and then back to Sam, "I want to go home now."
"I will walk you out." Sam stepped back and I found my feet. He went back behind the bar to shut off the lights as I walked to the door and waited for him. He walked me out to my car and then I turned to him.
"Sam, you have given me a lot of things to think about. Thanks for being my friend." I gave him a hug and he hugged me back. I held on to him tightly, "You are one of my best friends, you know that right?"
"Yeah, Sook, and you're one of mine." Sam pulled away and started towards his trailer. "If you weren't I wouldn't have said any of that stuff and I would have just plotted to get you into my bed." He laughed, but I knew there was some truth behind that joke.
I got in my car and headed towards home. I tried to process what Sam had said and I knew he was right on target. My chest still ached. I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to stop. I had been trying for the last month or so to block our bond. I didn't want to feel that close to someone who really didn't want to be with me or at least that is what I told myself. "Eric's protecting me the only way he knows how." I said out loud. I hated it, but it was right. I thought about our bond as I pulled onto my gravel driveway. The driveway he had fixed for me. That thought made me smile. I pulled behind the house and stopped my car and sat there for a moment. I knew the moment I walked into my house this small piece of relief I had just found was going to fade away. And I would remember the things that we said and the things we that we did. And those memories would once again crush me.
I took a deep breath and looked at my home. I was all alone. Amelia and Octavia had left a couple of days ago and wouldn't be home for a couple of weeks. They had gone to some sort of witch-craft convention in New Orleans. I thought about Eric and how much he really meant to me. If I didn't love him would I be hurting this bad? If I didn't need him then why wasn't I my normal happy-go-lucky self? Do I really love him? I thought of him when he was "my Eric" and he was sweet and all he wanted was to be with me. I thought of him when he was Eric the Viking and he was the warrior who was "bowling for vampires". I thought of him when he was conniving to get his blood inside of me. I thought of him when he protected me and had taken so many bullets for me that I was beginning to lose count. I loved every side of Eric. Even the one he never let me see, the shrewd, vicious vampire that was always right under the surface. I found myself smiling again.
I got out of my car and looked at the house. I was in no hurry to go inside. I looked up at the night sky and saw the stars. "Eric is under these stars, too," I said to myself. I wanted to test the bond to see if I could feel him at all. I leaned forward against my car and rested my forehead on the roof and I slowly searched my mind for our bond. I could still feel it. I could still feel him. He was busy keeping the façade place. He had to keep me away. So, he pushed me back and away through the bond.
For a moment I was once again crushed and I thought the pain would envelope me right then and there. But, then I was madder than a wet hen and I was ready to let him know it. I took a deep breath and forced my way through the bond and yelled into the night sky, "ERIC NORTHMAN, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND AS MAD AS YOU ARE MAKING ME I STILL WANT YOU. I WILL BE HERE WAITING FOR YOU TO COME TO ME WHEN YOU THINK THE TIME IS RIGHT!" I felt him startle through the bond and for the third time in less than ten minutes, I smiled. He had gotten my message. I felt myself beaming and felt ready to go inside. I went inside put my things away, scrubbed my face, put on my pajamas and decided to go to bed. I felt better than I had for months.
a/n: Thanks for reading! So, tell me what you think... do you want more or should I just shelve it?