Authorly preamble or something: Written in 2007, not too long after I saw Boys Love for the first time. I recall being really creeped out by Chidori after writing this, but after several years and subsequent viewings I think he interests me the most. Contradictory? I guess not.


Noeru never knew, but Chidori drew too. Noeru had been drawing for very nearly time out of mind, granted, but one day Chidori decided that if Noeru could do it maybe he could as well, and it just seemed to stick.

He'd never told Noeru, simply because he'd never thought to. No particular moment had ever seemed to scream 'now would be a good time to mention it', and it had never seemed important enough to bother creating a moment.

He'd never drawn Noeru, though he'd often thought about it. He would trace the strong line of his jaw, his full lips, his dark eyes, the gentle wave of his hair with his eyes as he paused in whatever he was doing, hands hovering static in the air, until Noeru finally felt Chidori's gaze on him and Chidori returned to his stalled occupation, flustered and embarrassed.

Every time he had some time to kill and sat down to draw, though, Chidori's memory failed him. The features he adored and studied so faithfully seemed vague and uncertain in his mind's eye, and he would invariably find himself outlining instead images he had unintentionally memorized in momentary dark glances, the same but different every time. He drew photographers, interviewers, models, men he'd only ever seen once, the men Noeru had slept with.

Chidori placed the final dark lines on an impromptu portrait of Noeru's latest acquaintance – some interviewer Chidori had gotten a stolen glimpse of as he entered Noeru's apartment just as Chidori was leaving. He'd mentioned his name, but Chidori remembered only his cheap haircut, his high cheekbones, his piercing eyes. A glance at the glowing digits of his desk clock told Chidori that they were probably up to something by now; not that he knew from experience, but he could only assume that Noeru did not waste any time.

As Chidori folded the drawing into quarters and raised a cheap lighter to one corner, small licking flames reflected in his dark eyes and the glasses that hid them, he reflected that perhaps there was another reason Noeru didn't know he drew.