If I did say I owned this, and they tried to sue me, wouldn't they have to sue my parents since I'm a minor? LOL. They'd would sooooo kill me. LOL. I own it. Lol.
KIDDING! I don't own nada. That would be so funny.
The two made it through 'Spain' without further incident and continued on towards the monorail. On the way, they passed by a parade. Anna caught Aladdin's gaze and he winked at her(1). She just barely had enough sense to grab Wade's shirt before he tried to lunge at him.
"Wade. Stop it now."
"You're not the boss of me," he scoffed, crossing his arms.
She just glared. He looked back.
"Who wants ice cream?" he asked brightly, trying to change the subject.
Lucky for him, Anna was in a good mood, what with Aladdin and all, so she decided to let him off the hook. They weaved through the crowd, headed to one of the vendors, when Wade was bumped into by a sixteen year young boy.
"Excuse-moi," the boy, nodded his head to him, but Anna could have sworn his eyes were on her behind his shades.
"Ne vous inquietez pas," Wade responded airily, and they continued on their way. Anna looked back, and the boy smirked at her, bowing slightly at the waist. Anna blushed and rolled her eyes. They waited in line a short time before they were second to go.
"Now he knows good and well he doesn't need that," Wade commented on the man in front.
"Wade," she admonished him, smiling, "don't even start."
"What? I'm just sayin'," he left it where it was.
The man moved on, and they stepped up to the young man behind the counter and placed their orders. He didn't attempt to flirt with Anna or have that look, so Wade decided not to give him a hard time.
Anna requested mint chocolate, and Wade,
"Let me get a bowl of, you do have bowls don't you? No, I don't mean those dinky little cups they give you to rinse and spit in at the dentist's office. I mean a real bowl. That's it? Whatever. One of those. Tootie fruitie on the bottom with caramel, rocky road in the middle, and uh – What? You're out of rocky road? How could you possibly be out of rocky road? What is wrong with you people? That is just – I – it -."
"All righty then. Cookies and cream in the middle. Do you have that? Okay. Strawberry on the top. Mmhmm. Thank you."
He muttered darkly under his breath in Italian as reached in his pocket for his wallet. He pulled his empty hand out and quickly searched his other pockets. And then, realization dawned on him.
"That damned little Frenchy stole my wallet!" he yelled, startling the people around him.
Anna let him scream – sorry, women scream, men – yell death threats and curses on the boy and his mother. The workers and by-standers were too stunned and afraid to move.
"Dishonor! Dishonor on him, dishonor and rabies on his cow of a mother, dis – "
"Wade! Enough already. Let's go," she turned and walked a few steps, expecting to be followed.
"I will not go! I'm not done cursing his family. May your mother end up in a two bit whore house and your carcass – "
"Stop quoting the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and – "
"Stop interrupting my tirade!"
"It's not a tirade. It's a fit. You're actin' like a baby."
"You so are!"
"I am so not!" he emphasized it by stomping his foot and pouting.
Then he realized what he just did.
"The bloody Mary!"
Anna just smirked at him.
"Oh, shut up."
She stuck her tongue out at him,
"Come on. We still have to see the pirate show before we go to the castle. And maybe we'll get lucky and spot the 'fils d'une ânesse malade'," she said, quoting Wade on that last bit. (2)
"Yeah, okay. And when we find him, he's going to pay. Oh, yes," he cackled maniacally as the two walked away.
The cashier took off his name tag that read 'Paul' and hopped over the counter.
"These people do not pay me enough to put up with nuts like that on the daily."
Up on a stage designed to look like a ship, two pirates dueled each other fiercely, captivating the audience. Most of the audience.
"Boo! You suck! Are you kidding me? He left himself wide open! Run him through, you moron!" Wade screa – ahem – yelled at the two actors on stage from his seat, front and center. Three people in the row behind him leaned in their seats to hush him for the umpteenth time. The person sitting next to him had long since moved on.
"Don't you shush me! This is my freedom of speech. And my freedom of speech says these guys suck meat balls!"
The two actors, finally having enough, stopped trying to ignore him and addressed him.
"Look, buddy, this isn't as easy as it looks. Give us a break," said Captain Jack Sparrow.
"You're right. It's not as easy as it looks. It's easier if you have an iota of skill! What you're doing is just disgraceful. A retarded monkey could do better!"
"Well, then why don't you try it?" Captain Barbosa snapped.
"I wi – Hey, wait a minute. Are you implying I'm retarded? And a monkey?"
Anna rolled her eyes, grateful for the forty-second time that day that they'd gotten Wade's guns away from and that he was showing such restraint with his knives.
"What is wrong with you?" Captain Jack actually sounded like he wanted to know.
"Several things. If I told you, I would have to kill you. No, seriously, I would totally have to kill you then I would have to kill me. So, I just prefer not to tell you."
A third of the people got up and left the theatre. Don't ask me what's wrong with the other two thirds. I sure as heck don't know. Captain Barbosa calmly exited stage left.
There was an awkward silence as Captain Jack, his real name is Randy Jackson, no relation, went over to the right curtain, talking with the director or somebody, I don't know how these things work. He came back, center stage, and addressed the remaining crowd.
"I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but this show cannot go on without its Captain Barbosa. If you go to the customer service counter – "
"She can do it," Wade volunteered Anna, picking her up and dumping her on the stage, despite her protests and slapping.
"Uhh," Randy looked at the glaring pre-teen in front of him to the man in the front row beaming at her to the director behind him, safely backstage. He held his hands thumbs up and mouthed 'Go with it.' Randy mouthed 'Overtime'. Director shrugged and waved it away.
"Well, if all of you give us a few minutes with hair and makeup – "
"No," he was surprised at the forcefulness the little girl was able to put into that one word. "Just give me a hat and a sword."
A stage hand wash stumbled onto the stage and waved nervously to the crowd, before jogging over to Anna. She accepted the hat and sword with a gracious thank you, and the hand clipped a mic onto the sleeve of her shirt before scurrying off the stage.
"Do you know the lines?" Randy asked her.
"Nope. How 'bout we just improvise?"
She took her stance, feet apart, with one arm behind her back and the other poised in front. Randy adopted a much more lazy stance, in accordance with his character as Captain Jack.
"When I beat ya, Jack, the Black Pearl is mine forever. And so is yer hat," Captain Barbosa snarled.
Randy couldn't even spell 'improvise' and was caught off guard, floundering with what to say. Anna used this to her advantage, as she had been taught and attacked. When your opponent is just gobsmacked over something you said, take him out.
She lunged at him. He blocked her, sloppily. She wasn't sure if that was his character or actually him. She attacked him viciously, paying no heed to the fact that she was pushing him towards the front of the stage with her onslaught. Randy yelped when her last hit struck him in the chest and he fell backwards off the stage in the seat next to Wade who immediately stood up out of his chair and proceeded to give Anna a one man encore. When he realized no one else was clapping, he turned around and pulled five large knives from out of nowhere and held them in both hands.
And they did. The people outside the theatre looked around wearily, paranoid of another stampede.
Anna preened, naturally, bowing and blowing kisses to the crowd. Wade stepped forward and extended a hand to help her hop down. She landed gracefully and walked over to Randy, still sprawled out in his seat.
"Aside from being completely embarrassed, I'm fine," he smiled at her and stood up. Kneeling with a flourish in front of her, he plucked the hat off his head and presented it to her.
"Cool," Anna tossed her hat over shoulder, smacking Wade in the face with it, and accepted her official Captain Jack Sparrow hat.
She looked over her shoulder at Wade, who was picking feathers off his tongue.
"I think we've done enough damage here, don't you?"
"Well, no one is bleeding, nothing is on fire, or – "
"On to the castle, it is."
"You never let me have fun."
"Here, you can wear the hat."
He stared at it a moment, and then,
"Coolness," happily situated it on his head.
After stealing, I mean, 'commandeering' another cart, the two arrived outside the Princess castle. They stepped out, and Wade leaned over the back of the cart and patted a lump covered by a tarp.
The lump groaned.
They walked around the left of the building, ignoring the little 'tour' that only took you one way through the hall of the castle and not up the stairs where they kept the fabled shoe, until they came to an area that was blocked off by a fancy, nine foot tall, privacy fence and then went to the right side that was similarly enclosed. Wade turned to Anna and said,
"All right, we can do this bold and silly, sneaky and totally awesome, or duh."
"Does sneaky involve the vents this time?" she deadpanned.
He pouted and crossed his arms.
"Well, it did."
"Uh-huh. Let's just do 'duh'."
"Aaww, that's no fun."
"Then don't even suggest it as an option."
"Whatever. Come here."
She stepped up to him, and he picked her up around the waist and threw her over the fence. She was too surprised to scream but managed to land in a crouch. Wade jumped over the fence in a flip and landed gracefully just in front of Anna, grinning like the mad man he is. Until she smacked him on the back of the head.
"What the hell!" she whisper-shouted at him.
"What is wrong with you?"
"You of all people should know better than to ask me that."
She glared at him.
"What? This is 'duh'. You said to do 'duh'. Now you're mad at me?"
"Just give me a lil' warnin' the next time you're gonna do that."
She walked over to the door that read 'Emergency Exit' and stood next to it, waiting for Wade. These guys definition of 'emergency' is slightly different than Disney's. Wade came up behind her and noticed that the door was already unlocked. He jerked it open to see if the alarm would go off. Nothing. Anna was looking at him curiously, like playing with doors was the weirdest thing he'd done today. All things considered, it kind of was.
He just shrugged and gestured for her to go inside. They were in a service hall, with janitorial closets to either side and the door out straight in front of them. When they reached it, it was also unlocked, and Wade poked his head out to check the area. It being clear, he stepped out and held the door open for Anna.
He spread his arms wide.
She crossed her arms, unimpressed.
"This is what everyone sees. I wanna go upstairs."
"Brat," he muttered.
"Where, oh, where are those stairs?" he turned and walked to the right with Anna staying where she was as she watched him wander farther from the stairs which were on the left. She rolled her eyes and went up the stairs. He'd figured it out and find her eventually. She looked all around her. On the walls, were pictures of the princesses with their princes, in lovely dresses, that she actually thought were very pretty but would never admit it.
She passed by several room but found them all to be locked and frowned. Maybe she shouldn't have left Wade. At least he could get the doors open. And he really should have caught up to her by now. Her curiosity overcame her worry when she came to a huge, golden door and noticed it was slightly ajar. Looking left and right, she pushed open the door and stepped in. And her jaw dropped.
Apparently, she was in Belle's room because on a table next to the wardrobe was a red rose actually hovering inside a glass dome. She knew the rose wasn't actually supposed to be kept in Belle's room but details, details. Anna rushed over to the rose and carefully removed the glass, gingerly placing it on the floor. The rose still floated and it actually looked like light was sparkling off of it. She raised her hand to touch. Just a few inches away, she was startled when she heard,
"What are ya doin'?"
She quickly jerked back and spun around, barely suppressing a yelp.
"Don't do that! I 'bout near died," she panted.
"Desole, petite," he chuckled from a doorway leading to another room she hadn't even noticed.
"I am not little," she huffed and actually looked at the boy in the familiar pair of shades.
"You!" she pointed him.
"Moi," he pointed at himself.
She planted a fist on her hip.
"You're the boy who stole Wade's wallet," she informed him matter-of-factly," and now he's gonna kill you."
He smirked at her.
"Is that right?"
"Yup," she popped the 'p'.
"And that's really too bad, 'cuz you're kinda cute if a gal looks past the whole thievin', swamp rat thing you got goin."
He stepped forward.
"Idiot. Why did you call him cute?"
"Chere, 'm flattered, but I think I'm just a little too old for you."
"'Cuz he really, really is."
"First off," she walked up to him and poked him in the chest," my name is Anna."
He took her hand and kissed it.
"Remy Lebeau. 'S a pleasure."
She snatched it away and willed herself not to blush.
"It is your pleasure. Secondly, ain't no one even thinkin' 'bout you like that. Now give back the wallet with everythin' you took, and I can keep Wade from killin' you."
"I didn't think ya cared."
"I don't. I just don't wanna have t' help him hide your body," she said while playing with her hair.
Remy reached up and removed his shades, revealing his red on black eyes.
"I don't think you mean that."
All of the sudden, Wade burst through the door and slammed it behind him. He looked around, panting, and saw Anna and the little thief, who was standing just a tad too close to her. Anna saw his look and tried to deter him.
"Where were you?"
"Hmm? Oh, I'm not entirely sure. The authoress just wanted me away for awhile so she could give you two some alone time," he explained to an exasperated Anna and a confused Remy.
"Now back to the business."
He flicked his wrist, and a wicked looking knife appeared in his hand.
"Merde," Remy cursed, backing up to the window.
"Wrong, boy," Wade corrected him, excitedly. "The word is murder."
He took a step forward, a mad grin on his face. Remy frantically looked around for an alternative escape route that didn't involve breaking the reinforced windows and jumping two stories.
"Wade, enough," Anna told him. "We both know you're not actually gonna kill him."
"Um, I had kinda planned to. I already found where we can stash his body!"
"Look, he didn't even take any money," she held up the wallet, and Remy stared at it like it was an alien.
"When did – How - ?"
"Oh, snap! Anna just thieved a thief," Wade hooted.
Anna, seeing that Wade had come out of his 'kill, kill, die, die' mood, decided it was safe to treat him like a bag boy.
"Go stand over there," she pointed to the opposite wall.
"But – "
"Man, I can't do nothing!" Wade huffed and stalked away.
Anna looked at Remy.
"Ya stole from me," he sounded and looked shocked.
"You started it."
She could feel the excess from the glare Wade was shooting at Remy and knew he was considering this flirting and decided to wrap this up.
"I, uh, better go," she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Bye."
Remy took her hand and raised it to his lips, not taking his eyes off Anna's. She swore she heard Wade's jaw hit the floor.
She stared at him, then abruptly turned around and started walking for the door, knowing she was blushing. Then, she stopped, walked back to him and kissed him on the lips. She didn't look at him as she turned to Wade. His eyes were bugged out of his head, and Anna was afraid that his jaw had actually come unhinged what with the way it was hanging.
"Come on," she grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door. She looked back, but Remy was already gone.
He was silent for all of a minute before he started.
"Since when do you like boys?"
"Shut up," she tried to sound threatening but the dreamy tone in her voice didn't help.
"Anna and Remy, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," he sang at the top of his lungs.
"WADE!" Anna screamed and tried to hit him, but he wisely took off running, laughing his head off.
Logan sat on a bench in front of a Mickey Mouse head shaped fountain, smoking a cigar. Usually, smoking wasn't allowed, but no one was brave enough or loved there job that much or felt they got paid enough to tell him that. He had long since given up on trying to track 'his kids' after he found out about the cart incident, and 'Africa', and heard about some man going around slapping, tackling, tripping, and throwing random objects at boys, and just relax. He had the keys to the truck, and he knew where Wade's guns were. They would come to him.
It took a few hours, but he finally spotted them headed his way from the castle. For one reason or another, Wade was wearing a black pirate hat, running from Anna who was wearing a colorful skirt she hadn't had on when she left, yelling curses and threats at him. Wade spotted him, ran to him, and dove behind the bench.
"Hey, Jimmy. Watcha dooooin?"
"I don't know what you two did today," Logan told him,
"What makes you think we did anything?" Wade shot back, "Who have you been talking to?"
"And I don't wanna know," he continued like he hadn't been interrupted.
At that moment, Anna ran up, panting.
Logan stood up and spoke around his cigar,
"I hope y'all had fun, 'cuz we ain't never comin' here again," and walked away.
Anna and Wade looked at each other and followed him, wanting to say something but both sensing this was a time to be silent. They followed him out to the parking lot to the truck and Anna took shot gun. They were well onto the highway before Wade spoke.
"What about Six Flags?"
"What ya think takin' him so long, Etienne?" a tall, blonde haired boy asked his companion as they waited inside the fence on the left.
The red head looked at him and shrugged.
"Could be anythin', I s'pose," he responded, scratching his shaggy hair, then grinned,
"But, Lapin, I bet you anythin' it involves a fille."
"Ya know me so well, Eti," Remy called as he strode out the side door.
"So is he right?"
Remy just smirked at them.
"Lucky dog," Lapin muttered.
Etienne rolled his blue eyes.
"At the very least, did ya get it?"
Remy's response was to pull up his shirt and remove a flat bundle from his waist band. He unwrapped the cloth to reveal a silver mirror with a gilded rose and other designs.
"Ugh, 's such a chick thing, though," Lapin moaned.
Etienne shoved him.
"It was your dare, idiot!"
"Whatever," he dismissed him, "It's Remy's turn."
"Eti, truth or dare?"
"Can't believe we playin' this. Truth."
"How much younger would ya date a girl?"
A/N: I forgot last time. That bit about 'they're loose' comes from a lot of different profiles, and the 'I need to be slapped face' comes from the comedy of Mark Lowry. Go to YouTube and put in his name with 'Momma had enough'. Hilarious.
Is there another word for stage?
I was gonna make this a one-shot but that would have been one long aspen one-shot. So it's a two-shot.
I interrupt a lot in my stories. That's just so I don't have to finish the thoughts.
I don't know the name of the train. Is it Epcott or is that a center or something? I have no idea whatsoever how this Pirates of the Caribbean thing is supposed to go, either. I've seen the movies, but there are three of those things and they are veeeery long. Forgive my laziness and inaccuracy. LOL I was gonna put unaccuracy.
As I wrote this, I was wonderin' why everything seemed so funny. Then I realized I had two sodas, four chocolate kisses, and chocolate cake today. LOL. Diabetes anyone?
Does anyone mind that this gets a bit unstructured towards the end?
(1)My sister went to Disney Land or World, whichever one is in Florida, rlove22, and he actually did.
Y'all know where 'dishonor' comes from. I'm gonna get a dog and name him Mushu.
(2)son of a diseased ridden she ass. That's what it's supposed to say.
I love the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly so much. Never gets old.
A/N2: what a weird and long author's note
I should really do the next chapter of the main story. Ugh, I am so dreading it.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorited this story. REVIEW: did you laugh? Yes or No