This message is brought to you by the United Espada Alliance Against Kurosaki Ichigo
"Stop stealing our Fraccion, you bastard!"
Alliance President: Nnoitra Jiruga
A Message From Aaroniero Arruruerie, Noveno Espada - Who is the midget Shinigami that keeps following me around, demanding I release the soul of "Kaien-dono"? Can I eat her? - I can't believe I actually have to ask if I'm allowed to eat a Shinigami, and that the answer might be "no". Things have gotten so complicated these days. Aizen-sama married our greatest enemy, Kurosaki might as well be considered a Vasto Lorde class Arrancar, Hollows are dating Shinigami, a human with godly powers is our usually-absent queen and more and more Arrancar are deserting after one encounter with Kurosaki. Not to mention that pink thing wandering around distant parts of Hueco Mundo, capturing lesser Hollows and calling them her pets. I never know who I'm allowed to kill anymore, and I swear Yammy tried to eat me yesterday. - Does Hueco Mundo have winter? It's getting a bit chilly and I think I saw snow.
A Message From Szayel Aporro Granz, Octava Espada - If anyone needs me, I'll be in Soul Society. - I'm taking Ylfordt with me, by the way. I hear Kurosaki might have a thing for brothers.
A Message From Zommari Leroux, Septima Espada - What does 'free love' mean and why does Kurosaki think it will end the war?
A Message From Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Sexta Espada - You assholes wouldn't be complaining if you knew what he can do with his tongue. - I'm still the Sexta! Stay away from my shit! I'm coming back for it!
A Message From Nnoitra Jiruga, Quinto Espada - Gimme back my fucking Fraccion! He is not abused and you can't fucking have him! He's mine! Mine, you hear! Tesla, get your ass back here! You're mine! MINE! (the rest consists of various curses and illegible scrawls that tear through the paper in places)
A Message From Ulquiorra Schiffer (name is struck out and a second name scribbled in its place) Nnoitra Jiruga, Cuatro Espada - Bastard's gone, fucking traitor! Psycho Princess has got him whipped and I hear that orange-haired freak chained him to his bed for a week. Who knew that emotionless dick could be led around by his dick. Ha! - Does this make me the Cuatro Espada now? FUCK YEAH! - What the hell!? Why is fucking Lilynette the only pretty ('pretty' is scratched out) non-hideous one left!? And Stark had to threaten to reabsorb the bitch to get her to stay put! There's no way this Kurosaki fucker is so great! I'll prove it! - (in a much calmer hand) If anyone needs me, I'll be in Soul Society.
A Message From Tia Hallibel, Tres Espada - (this space left suspiciously blank)
A Short Note From Baraggan - Has anyone seen Halibel lately? Her Fraccion are missing too...
Princess Nel-too-Awesome Says - (written in blue crayon) SLuMbEr pArTY!
A Message From Baraggan Louisenbairn, Segunda Espada - Where did Ggio Vega go, and why is Charlotte crying? What is this about my Fraccion being unworthy? Unworthy of what? Why does no one tell me anything anymore?
A Message From Coyote Stark, Primera Espada - Carry on.
A Message From Yammy Rialgo, Zero Espada - (a crude drawing of what looks like a horse violating a turkey on top of a mound of bloody corpses)
A Short Note from Zommari Leroux - Yammy is illiterate. I believe that caricature means he's hungry. - I hope it means he's hungry.
AN - I had the next three chapters written and ready to go, but only a few hours after posting chapter 31, my computer crashed. For good. I had to get an entirely new one (and it's awesome). My laptop also died, so I've had no computer and no internet for nearly a month. I lost the three completed chapters, along with several hundred thousand words of fiction spanning seven different fandoms (Bleach, Naruto, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, Stargate, Doctor Who) that I'd yet to publish. Without access to what I'd already written, I was hesitant to write anything new, because there is a bit of a plot to this, flimsy as it may be, but I got to wondering: "What do the Espada think of all this? How is the Shinigami's insanity affecting Hueco Mundo?" So, I wrote this up in a notebook. I have to tell you, I hate having to write the Arrancar's names, especially from memory.
As to how this fits in with something that's supposed to be posted in the Shinigami's barracks, I imagine Nnoitra got pissed when he realized Tesla was gone, so he wrote a message, forced everyone else to participate and then dumped a bunch of copies all over Seireitei.
TL;DR - Computer died. Lost fic. Wrote this instead.
PS - As of a few hours ago, I found out I'm allergic to scorpion stings, the hard way. It crawled into bed with me and stung me three times before my frantic, terrified flailing killed it. Strangely, my first reaction, after freaking the hell out and rushing for the medicine, was to come update. I have really strange priorities.