A little fic gift for juliet316 2000. She asked for...

Ten and Donna have to escape from this fanatical religious planet. In Nun habits; both of them.

Season Four but Turn Left/The Stolen Earth/Journey's End never happened. Bonus points if the TARDIS lands in the TORCHWOOD hub and Jack peeks into the TARDIS while Donna and Ten are still in the nun habits. And Jack teases the Doctor mercilessly.

Even more bonus points if Ianto give Ten and Donna blackmail material at the end.

I own nothing!

Here we go!


It was another day for the residents of Ceti Zeta IX, home of the Sisters of Perpetual Dowdiness. They awoke, dressed, prayed for the lost souls of the galaxy, harangued them for their choices, maintained their planetwide places of holy worship and then went back to bed.

Two of these nuns moved about the catacombs, heads bowed and shrouded. The one in front held a torch up as they walked through the ancient stone passages, occasionally passing a skeleton in chains or a door leading to another passage. The one in back kept his or her head tucked down and gripped the leader's robes like a lifeline.

Another pair of nuns approached from the opposite direction. "Oh, sisters!" the lead one called out, waving at them. "Have you found the outsiders?" the elderly woman asked. Her companion, a younger humanoid with antennae, nodded along with her.

The lead one's head shot up... revealing the Tenth incarnation of the Doctor. The Doctor flashed a wide smile and his eyes darted about a bit. "Oh, those two!' he said in a falsetto voice. He shook his head, grabbing onto his hood and holding it against the bobbing motions. "Well, my friend and I were so distressed by their garments we simply had to retreat down here," he finished, faking a shudder.

The old nun nodded and patted the Doctor on the shoulder. "I understand. I mean, that redhead and her..." She abruptly leaned in and virtually spat out, "ankle flashing! Can you believe she exposed her ankles?"

The Doctor's mouth formed a small 'O' of surprise. "No!"

The nun nodded. "Yes, yes." She leaned to her side and looked to the one in back. "Are you sure she's all right?" she asked, pointing at her as she shrank away. "Did she see the ankles?"

The Doctor looked back at the shrouded nun and nodded. "Oh, yes. Saw the ankles, which is why I'm taking her down here." He motioned to the gray walls and the torches. "Something to soothe her mind from that... heathen ankle flasher!"

The older nun nodded. "I see." She looked to the shrouded nun and smiled. "Don't worry, dearie. We'll catch those two!" She shook her bony fist at the air. "And when we do..."

The Doctor held up a hand. "Oh, yes. Peace be with you, sister!" he said, hurrying off. He took a corner and speed-walked down another corridor before stopping. "I think we're almost there," he said, looking over his shoulder.

The shrouded nun pulled her hood back, revealing a snarling Donna Noble. "Well, about damned time!" she hissed out. She straightened and waved her arms about. "Can you believe this place? It's like out of some damned bad sitcom!" She motioned to her legs. "And I had on socks, for the record!"

The Doctor held one finger up to his mouth and shushed at her while trying to cover Donna's mouth with his other hand. "All right, all right!" half-shouted. "I know and you know, but I don't think they care." He looked around and breathed in. "The old girl's around here, close by." He started walking off, then turned and looked back at Donna. "Well, come on! Unless you'd like to stay here and end up a decoration."

Donna followed. Her upper lip curled slightly. "This is almost a bad parody of a Father Ted episode."

The Doctor shook his head. "Can't be."

"And why not?"

The Doctor strode through another door, arriving in a small room dominated by a large blue police call box. He hiked up his nun's robes and pulled out the small key to the TARDIS. "No vicars around," he said. He flipped the fake keyhole to the side and slid the key in, opening the door.

Donna shook her head as he entered. "What do you think you are?" she said as she followed.


Torchwood Three, the Hub
The TARDIS faded into view, Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones and Gwen Cooper surrounding it. "You think they'd call ahead," Gwen said, shaking her head and tossing her long, black hair about.

Jack let out a sigh. "Not exactly the Doctor's style." He walked forward and pulled out his own key. "All right, Doc!" he shouted, unlocking the TARDIS door. "We know... we hope you're in there." He stepped back a pace and opened the door, stepping into the main control room. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "Wow, first time in a while I've been surprised," he quipped.

The Doctor and Donna, both still clad in their nun habits, looked up from the central control console. The Doctor looked himself over and groaned. "Oh, no. Please, Jack. Anything that what you're about to-"

Jack held up a hand and shook his head. "Don't even think about protesting Doctor." He motioned to the clothes and groaned. "I mean, come on! You've got to break this habit!"

There was silence before Donna rolled her eyes and slumped. "Oh, he's not."

The Doctor shrugged. "Yeah... he kinda is." He looked up and over as Ianto and Gwen walked in."Oh, hello!" he said, waving and smiling. "Welcome to the shooting gallery."

Jack crossed his arms and shook his head. "Now, now. No time for any of this 'nunsense'. Living vicariously like this is taking its toll on you, Doctor."

Donna groaned. "Oh, those two were bad, Jack!" She reached up and ripped her hood off. "Do we have to listen to this?"

The Doctor leaned against his console and pushed back his hood, letting his scruffy brown hair free. "Better settle in for the long haul, Donna. I feel Captain Jack here has some steam to blow off."


Two hours later
The Doctor emerged from one of the side hatches into the main control room. He rubbed a towel over his head and walked over to Donna, who was sitting down and putting on a pair of sneakers. "Well, all's well that ends well." He flashed her a bright smile and reached a hand to her. "So, where to now? Barcelona?"

Donna looked up from her shoes. "No skin visible," she said, motioning to the socks covering her ankles. She grabbed the Doctor's proffered hand and let him help her to her feet. "The city or planet?" Her head turned as there was a pounding on the door. "It's open!"

The Doctor furrowed his eyebrows. "No, it's not!" He walked over and opened the hatch, letting Ianto in. "Allons-y, Ianto!" he paused and cocked his head to the side. "No, doesn't have the same ring to it." He patted the younger man on the back and led him deeper into the interior. "What can we do for you?"

Ianto glanced back at the door, then reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a small silvery disc. "I wasn't too fond of Jack teasing you like that, so I figure you'd want a little payback." He handed the disc to the Doctor. "I recorded this a few weeks back."

The Doctor stepped back and looked Ianto over before turning to the control console. He looked around before finding a compatible slot for the disc. "Good thing I've never thrown anything away," he said as one of the monitors flickered to life.

Donna walked over and stood beside the Doctor. "So, what's-" He mouth dropped as the image of a topless Jack Harkness appeared, standing in front of the mirror and holding a comb like a microphone. "Oh, my," she said, grinning and snickering.

Jack gyrated and rocked to an imaginary beat in his head. " He pointed at the mirror and winked. "Oh, yeah. This is Captain Jack, the sexiest thing in the universe!"

Donna looked to Ianto. "Thank you for this. We appreciate it." She then looked to the Doctor. "I'm gonna go get the brain bleach." And with that, she walked off.

The Doctor tilted his head to the side. "Save some for me!"


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