"I don't like this plan," Buffy said.
"I know you have the kneejerk liberal view that guns are evil, self-aware entities-" Xander began.
"No!" Buffy exclaimed, interrupting him. "I have the kneejerk reaction that dislikes any of my friends being in the hot seat!"
"Oh," Xander said, falling quiet for a moment. "Well… Thanks, but you tend to hog the hot seat and I think we've earned the chance to sit in it."
"Listen to him," Spike said. "You keep the exit clear and let us take care of the rest, we'll be fine."
"I-I know, I just worry," Buffy admitted.
"We both think it'll work and we rarely agree on anything," Xander reminded her. "Now go below so we have a way to get out if we turn out to be wrong."
Buffy nodded and climbed down into the sewers, settling the manhole cover on top.
"We getting out of this one alive?" Spike asked him.
Xander took out a cell phone and made a call. "Hey, Jack! I need a favor. My other self's heart may stop sometime in the next couple of hours, make sure there is a doctor on hand to restart it. Thanks! I'll tell you later, bye." Xander closed up the phone and put it away. "We'll be fine," he deadpanned.
Spike snickered and lit a cigarette, before leaning on one of the crates they had set up as makeshift cover around them in the center of the empty warehouse, while Xander checked the 50 cal tripod he had set up.
"How'd you get that much oil anyway?" Xander asked.
"Since all that mattered was it was slippery, I got waste peanut oil they had at the recycling center," Spike admitted. "They have loads of it from some hippy who sells low fat, all natural, peanut butter."
"Is peanut oil flammable?" Xander asked, trying to sound innocent.
"You've ringed us with explosives, haven't you?" Spike asked, not the least surprised.
"Claymores, with silver bearings, and it wasn't cheap," he admitted.
"Only the ones pointed outward."
"You've got some pointed inward?" Spike asked him in disbelief.
"Only on the outer walls," he assured him. "I figured we'd start with a bang!"
Spike laughed. "People who think demons are bloodthirsty haven't met you! Want me to go get the guest of honor?"
"Can't have a party without her," Xander agreed.
Spike found it insulting how easy it was to lead Glory's followers to the warehouse. All he had to do was pretend to be a little drunk and let some 'facts' slip at Willy's. Anyone with half a brain could have told it was a trap, thankfully that left Glory and her minions completely in the dark. He closed and locked the warehouse door behind him before hurrying to join Xander in the center of the empty warehouse.
"Any troubles?" Xander asked.
"Willy watered down his whiskey a bit more than usual," Spiked replied nonchalantly, as the door he'd locked rattled hard enough to shake the wall it was attached to.
"Showtime!," Xander muttered as a petite fist with freshly manicured nails punched a hole in the door.
"Xander?" Jack called out as Xander returned to the base.
"Yeah?" Xander asked curiously, wondering why his uncle had waited up for him.
"Why would you call to warn me that your heart might stop beating in the next couple of hours?" he asked concerned.
"Hmm." Xander tapped his chin for a moment. "Probably because my twin is going to do something that may kill him and if one of us goes, we both do."
"What?!" Jack stared at him in shock.
"I'm in two places at once, but there isn't two of me," Xander explained. "If one of me dies, both of me dies, because they are the same me, understand?"
"No, but I get it," Jack said. "He, or you, suggested having the tools on hand to restart your heart would be a good idea."
"Couldn't hurt," Xander replied.
"You seem pretty casual for someone who's going to die," Jack snapped, leading him to the conference room SG1 tended to monopolize.
"Everyone dies, Unc," he said with a shrug.
"Yeah, but it's generally a surprise!" Jack said agitated. "What happens to the other you when we restart your heart?"
Sam and Anise both stopped sorting data to stare at the two.
"He'll probably remain dead," Xander admitted. "Truthfully, there's no guarantee you'll be able to restart my heart."
"Calm down," Xander ordered his uncle.
"You're telling me you're going to die and there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm supposed to be calm?!" Jack demanded.
"Death isn't the end," Xander told him firmly. "Now I may die but I may not, and you may be able to restart my heart," Xander explained, "but regardless, panicking isn't going to help."
"I'm not panicking, I'm just upset," Jack replied. "I don't like losing people and the number of decent relatives we have isn't that large."
"Other you?" Sam asked.
"Classified," Xander replied. "The details aren't important anyways as it's all way outside your experiences. The important bit is that my heart may stop and there is a chance you guys can restart it."
"We need to get you to medical now!" Jack said.
"So this is where you little worms are hiding my key?!" Glory demanded.
Xander took aim as Glory's minions poured in the open door behind her.
"I can't think of a witty one here," Spike admitted and pulled a cord, dumping half a dozen barrels of peanut oil over the concrete floor.
"Smooth," Xander replied with a smirk.
"Shut it," Spike shot back, as they watched Glory and her followers lose their footing and fall, unable to get back up.
"Fire one," Xander said, causing Spike to duck as Xander flipped a switch and a series of claymores went off. The sound was deafening, almost enough to drown out Glory's cursing as she dug her hands into the concrete and started crawling forward, unable to keep her feet. Xander opened fire with the fifty cal, but even that wasn't enough to do more than slow the hell goddess's approach as she clawed here way towards them. Surrounded by empty brass casings, the gun fell silent a little over a minute later.
Glory was actually panting by the time she reached them, whether by tiredness or cursing, they couldn't tell. "Y-you monkeys will –"
At point blank range, the claymores surrounding them blew the hellgoddess back a good 20 feet right into the middle of the shredded remains of her worshipers who lacked her godly invulnerability. Sadly, so did the two in the center. Spike had tried to cover Xander with his own body, but the blow back from the claymores had riddled them both with holes.
Glory's roar of rage shattered the remaining windows and she felt herself slipping away, unable to muster the strength needed to stay in control and thus Ben found himself, naked, coated in blood, guts, and peanut oil in the middle of an empty warehouse. As he stared around himself in horror he realized what the smell was and wondered, "How did they know?" before he started convulsing.
Blue flames slowly grew, dancing across the surface of the oil, as the warehouse began to burn.
"I have to call it," Janet told Jack sadly as they stared down at Xander's still form.
"I-I know," he admitted sadly, as SG1 gathered around their grieving friend.
Anise stood to the side, staring at the healing device in her hand, a device that had been useless in saving the Tau'ri... in saving the man who had treated her like a woman.
"Time of death, zero two-twelve AM," Janet spoke into the medical recorder as she pulled the sheet over Xander's head.
Typing by : chrono2x!