Title: Love Fades
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any character or plots within this fanfiction. I am making no money from the writing of this story. This story contains spoilers for VA: Spirit Bound and possibly the rest of the series. It is mostly a TEEN rated fanfiction but could possibly turn darker later on so read at your own discretion.
Summary: The aftermath of Dimitri telling Rose his love for her has faded. This is a Dimitri/Rose fanfiction.
Authors Note: Just finished reading Spirit Bound (loved/hated it) for obvious reasons. This is what I thought should happen instead. Forgive me because I am no first person writer and this is my first attempt at VA fiction. I also added the 'Love Grows' story to this one to make it one story and hopefully I'll figure out how to update without making it another story? Bear with me because I am new at . Thanks for reading and please review!
Love Fades. Mine has.
I shoved through the heavy chapel doors with all my strength and began to run. It had been Dimitri's first lesson - when overwhelmed - run. I couldn't think of anything more overwhelming then Dimitri denying me. Twenty Strigoi closing in would have been easier to deal with.
Why was this happening?
My thighs were screaming once I made it to my destination - thirty feet away from the beautiful chapel - without much thought my fists found the rough brick texture of the Court gates and I began to pound them against it. I didn't want out necessary - just letting out some frustration. It was worse than the time Lissa's darkness had enveloped me at the cabin - sending me into a rage that I had never experienced before. Revenge and blood lust had soaked into my very being and it had been Dimitri that saved me.
I didn't think that was going to happen this time.
The pain inside my chest was something much, much different then what I had experienced in the cabin that day. This had nothing to do with Spirit.
It seemed like no one was going to run after me this time. I was the last thing on anyone's mind - especially Dimitri. Or Lissa. Or Adrian. I could hear someone screaming - blood curling, mindless screaming at the top of their lungs and it took several minutes to realize that it was me - and my attack on the Court walls was doing me no good.
I slid down onto the damp grass and curled my legs to my chest - almost mimicking the way Dimitri had looked when I saw him in the jail cell. My throat was burning from all the screaming I had apparently done in the last few minutes and I couldn't hold back the emotional pain any longer. A sob escaped me - a loud, unnatural sound that shook my entire body and forced my eyes closed. I must look like a crazy person - spirit finally getting to me like it had Ms. Karp and Anna. Again, this had nothing to do with Spirit.
I'm not sure how long I had been sitting in the grass - sobbing my heart out to no one, because no one ever came. Surely Lissa had to know there was something wrong through the bond? It didn't matter. More than likely she was with Dimitri - protecting him, being his Goddess now. All the hurt and sorrow inside me shifted just enough to allow jealously. Even if it wasn't a romantic relationship, yet, I think that hurt most of all - the way that Dimitri looked at her as if she were his savior.
Another sob shook through me. I had gone to Russia - I had tracked and hunted him to help him - to kill him if that meant saving his soul. When I found out how to restore his soul and keep him alive I had done everything in my power to make that happen. How could he just throw me to the side as if I was nothing to him now? How could this of happened.
"Do you think it was a mistake?"
I blinked through my distorted vision - wiping at the tears enough to see who my company finally was. Lissa. Of course. With all these emotions running through me I must have shut off the bond completely. She looked as beautiful as ever - even through my limited vision and I couldn't answer her. I knew what she meant as soon as the words left her lips.
Do you think bringing Dimitri back was a mistake? No. Having him in the world - alive and dhampir was worth anything. Even if it meant we'd never be together. At least he was saved. Time would eventually heal what Lissa couldn't. I hoped for Dimitri's sake at least. Another, quieter sob.
All I could do was shake my head no and she knew - she knew that given the information before hand, that brining back Strigoi would leave the person a broken shell, incapable of love - I still would have saved Dimitri.
"I wish.. he didn't hate me.."
My voice was like a stranger in my head - I had never sounded weaker in my life and this caused Lissa to kneel beside me in the grass and take my bloody and bruised hands in hers. For a moment I felt warm all over and the stinging in my hands was gone. She had healed me. I was going to be crazy for real at this rate. Using Spirit was just as natural as breathing to her now – a blessing and a curse all in one.
"I'm sorry." Was all she offered - and that just fueled my anger and sorrow that much more. No comforting words for me. Instead of blowing up I just sighed, holding it back. It was obvious through the bond that Lissa didn't know if Dimitri hated me or not. She didn't know why he would - I had saved him just as much as she had. It was something that couldn't have happened without the both of us. "Let's get you out of here Rose.." she finally continued, helping me to my feet. My clothes were stained with dirt and grass but I didn't care. The emotions running through me were slowly fading - just like love apparently did - and I was becoming numb.
I let Lissa guide me back to my room without another word. I had nothing to say - not to her, Dimitri or anyone. I felt like a hollow shell and wondered if that would ever pass? The only thing I had ever wanted was for Dimitri to be with me and that didn't seem to be happening now. "Do you need something?" Lissa asked quietly as she watched me fall to my bed in my dirty clothes. "Alone.." I croaked. "I just want to be alone.."
With that said she gave a slight nod and left the room - closing the door behind her. I laid in complete silence for what seemed like days - barely breathing as I stared out into the nothingness around me. It was all a little mellow dramatic but it was all I could manage until... until I began to scream again.
"She hasn't eaten in days."
Lissa looked up from her hands slowly, meeting Dimitri's dark brown eyes. She wasn't sure how many exact days it had been since she'd seen Rose - who continued to stay locked in her bedroom, who refused to eat when Lissa or her guards brought trays of her favorite foods to her bedroom door.
It had reminded Rose to much of her time in Dimitri's captivity and Lissa had cringed when she heard the sobs come from the other side of the door. She had no idea how to help her friend. Although he had good enough reason for it - Dimitri was being very stubborn.
"She's managed to block me out completely. It's like hitting a wall when I try to talk to her through the bond... and I don't think she's been checking on me, either. I haven't felt anything from her."
Dimitri let his eyes fall. Rose was strong. The strongest person he had ever known. Surely she would get through this? He was only trying to protect her from himself - from the dark thoughts that still plagued his mind whenever she was around. He had spent his entire Strigoi un-life plotting on ways to kill her and not just her but her beautiful, strong soul. He wanted her to be Strigoi like him - to take away her light. It was a fate worse than death.
"She thinks you hate her."
Lissa forced herself to look at Dimitri - scared that his eyes would give truth away and she would see hate in those dark hues. Who could hate Rose? She was a warrior of the people - she had risked her life for the both of them - for the entire Vampire Academy, countless times. Dimitri's silence wasn't helping. "You shouldn't hate her. She loves you - more than anything I've ever seen before... she would do anything for you... anything to help you..."
"I don't..." His voice was thick with emotion and out of respect and embarrassment Lissa turned before she saw the tears begin to fall. "I don't hate her, Vasilisa." It was all he could offer. Torn didn't begin to describe Dimitri's state of mind. Especially when it came to Rose. He had loved her - with every ounce of his being - before he was turned. After having all those vile feelings of killing her - taking away her soul, he couldn't bring himself to find the love he had once felt. It was buired to deep within the heartache of wanting Rose dead. He didn't know if anyone would ever understand.
"Maybe you should tell her..." Lissa's voice was soft and she didn't dare look at him as she spoke. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Talk to Rose. He couldn't find words when it came to Rose. "Just tell her that you don't hate her..." She continued, quietly.
"That won't help. It will only make things worse..." He was talking mostly to himself now - lost in the pain that was haunting him inside. "I couldn't..." His voice broke with emotion again - which cause Lissa to take action. She didn't want to be angry with Dimitri - she knew how fragile he was - but Rose was hurting too and she felt like she was abandoning her best friend.
"This is killing her, Dimitri." Lissa assured flatly. It was a statement full of truth. "I can feel her slipping into the darkness that surrounds her and it has nothing to do with my spirit."
"I can't be with her. Not now. Not after..."
Dimitri's eyes went wide as Lissa turned to face him - grabbing him as roughly as she could by the shoulders so he was forced to look at her too. "I understand, Dimitri. I really do... I felt it... everything... when I restored your soul... and I know as well as you that it's going to take time but Rose isn't like us - she takes action, she needs you to be strong for her..."
"You saved me... I owe you everything..."
Lissa gave him a good shake. "That is a very hurtful thing for you to say, Dimitri. I had to stake you... only a spirit user could be the one to use the stake but Rose is the only reason I did it - she went to Russia to set you free and when she found a way to restore you she did everything she could to bring you back.. You owe her everything..."
All Dimitri could do was shake his head no - refusing to see Rose. It was too hard to see her. "This is killing her, Dimitri. I can feel it through the bond - and our bond is one sided so you know it has to be real. She saved you. I was just the muscle..."
That caused a small smile to form on his lips. Lissa was a lot of things – beautiful, smart, and polite but using her name and muscle in the same sentence was humorous, even to a dhamphir who had just been restored from Strigoi.
Lissa, however, didn't think it was funny. However pathetic it was – she had managed to stake a Strigoi – not to mention bring him back to life.
"Besides, Rose might feel like she's dying of a broken heart but if she starves to death she will die and I don't know what that will mean for me... we need each other..."
With that said Lissa stood to take her leave. She didn't have to say anything for Dimitri to know that she wouldn't come back to be with him. Rose had made a choice to protect Lissa over anything - even if it meant killing Dimitri - and if it hadn't been for Christian then she would have succeeded in that. Dimitri knew the only way to repay his debt to Lissa was to talk to Rose. He turned his back to her as she left the room.
It was the one thing he couldn't do.