Title: Ask again in five minutes...

Series: Big Bang Theory

Type: One-shot

Author: JAL

Edited by: Kiraral192

Words: 1805

Posted on: 21/05/10

A/N I'm a roll today. Two fics in one go. Sure, I could be studying for my exam that's happening in five hours time. Or, sure, I could be working on my 3000 word essay due in two days that I haven't started yet. But no, instead I'm spending my time writing BBT fan-fiction.

Oh procrastination, how I love you so.

This fic is pure crack and is not intended to be taken seriously. It's just as silly little one-shot I had in my mind that I just had to write down.

That being said, enjoy!

You hate someone whom you really wish to love, but whom you cannot love. Perhaps he himself prevents you. That is a disguised form of love

-Sri Chinmoy

"You're in my spot."

Penny shoots Sheldon an amused smirk and remains where she is. "Is that so?" Her eyes never leave his face as she picks up a spring roll with her fork and takes a bite.

Sheldon's left eye twitches.

"You're in my spot." He repeats. His fingers tighten around his container of cashew chicken and he takes a step forward.

This time Penny notices the slight waver in his voice. It's the same waver he uses when she steals their milk. It's the same waver he uses when she beats him at HALO. In fact, other than the unfortunate incident involving Howard and Sheldon's cheeseburger, Penny is fairly certain that Sheldon saves that waver just for her.

"I don't see your name on it."

The reaction within the apartment is instant. Leonard squirms uncomfortably in his chair. Howard stares down at his chilli basil shrimp and Raj scoots closer to the bathroom. They all know where this is going. They've seen it time and time before.

Sheldon's grip tightens even further.

"You're in my spot." He warns dangerously. The waver is much more prominent now.

If she was weaker, Penny may have crumbled under the intense glare Sheldon was throwing her way. She isn't—of course—so instead she returns his stare with one her own.

God she loves riling him up.

Penny flashes Sheldon a small smile and cocks her head to the side. "Ask me nicely and I'll move."

Leonard, Howard and Raj all turn and gape at her.

"You're. In. My. Spot."

The urge to laugh is almost too much for Penny to handle. She knows she gone too far, she knows that she'll eventually move (she always does), but for some reason she can't help wanting to drive the guy just a little bit crazy. Maybe it's because things at the Cheesecake Factory have been particularly quiet recently. Maybe it's because she's been single for over three months now and is desperate for some kind of action, regardless if this kind is verbal.

Or maybe, just maybe, she finds teasing Sheldon is fun.

Penny's smile brightens as his blue eyes bore straight into hers. Oh yeah. She could definitely do with some action right now.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie but you didn't say please." She breaks their staring contest and turns back to watching America's Next Top Model. "Ask again in five minutes."

Sheldon's right eye starts twitching.


Penny wakes to Sheldon's signature knock at seven thirty in the morning. At first she's inclined to ignore him because, holy crap on a cracker, it's seven freaking thirty in the morning. Of course then she remembers that this is Sheldon.


With a sigh and a groan Penny drags herself out of bed and shuffles across her apartment. Sheldon's knocks grow in pace and volume until finally she swings open her front door.

"Sheldon, for your sake someone had better be dying." She grumbles, her voice still thick with sleep.

To his credit Sheldon's hand fly's to his throat in protection before he announces why he had indeed disturbed her sleep.

"Greetings Penny. I am sorry that I have breached our agreement to never bother you before eleven am but a situation has occurred and I require your services."

Penny only hears every other word. It's a well known fact that she is not a morning person. Rubbing her eyes, she shakes her head and leans against the door frame. "Wait...what?"

Still keeping his hand protectively in front of his throat, Sheldon backs away so that he is out of her range. "I require your services."

"Why?" Penny glances around Sheldon's lanky frame so that she can sneak a quick peek inside 4A. "What happened?"

At first it seems Sheldon wants to explain the whole situation in minute detail. Thankfully, for once he notices Penny's growing temper and decides to go with the abridged version. "There was an unforeseen incident this morning involving Leonard and the toaster. As such, I am now without transportation and require your services involving this matter."

Translation: he needs a ride.

Had it not been seven thirty in the morning, Penny might have asked Sheldon how Leonard possibly got himself involved in an incident with the toaster of all things. Instead, she simply raises an eyebrow and frowns. "Is Leonard okay?"

Sheldon nods. "Yes, Leonard is perfectly healthy. Unfortunately for me however he will be unable to attend work today. Hence why I require your services."

Relieved that Leonard was indeed okay, Penny relaxes and turns back to Sheldon. "Okay sweetie, can you please not refer to it like that? You make me sound like a hooker."

"A hooker?"

"Yes, a hooker." Penny reiterated. "Can you not just say: Hey Penny, because you're so amazingly more awesome at HALO than me, not to mention smarter, can I please have a lift to work this morning?"

The look on Sheldon's face is almost worth being woken up this early.

Sheldon scowls. "No. Why on earth would I want to say that? While I will admit that you do not offer sexual gratification for monetary purposes you are certainly not more talented than me at HALO, nor do you possess anywhere near the kind of intelligence required to be considered smarter than me."

Penny smiles and pushes herself off the door frame. "Is that so?" she moves forward and reaches over to close her front door, "Well then it looks like you're catching the bus to work today." She winks at him, "Have fun with that."

A firm hand stops the door from closing. Penny lets Sheldon pull the door back open and gives him an expecting smile. "Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Is there something else you have to say to me?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, a devious smirk forms across Sheldon's lips. "Penny." He cocks his head to the side, "Do you really think that I will fall victim to one of your juvenile games? Me? Doctor Sheldon Cooper?"

"I guess that depends if you want a lift to work this morning."

"Ah, is that so?" Sheldon's smirk grew and Penny started to worry. What was going on in that strange head of his? "Are you sure you won't reconsider?"

What did he have on her? Sheldon was only this confident when he had full-proof plan up his sleeve. Penny knew it wasn't anything embarrassing guy related because she'd been single for over five months now—a new record. And it couldn't be work related. She knew for a fact that nothing embarrassing had happened at the Cheesecake Factory since that incident with the pink hair dye.

Speaking of which, she still had to get Sheldon back for that one.

Penny crosses her arms over her chest. "You're bluffing. You've got nothing."

"Oh, I beg to differ."

In a flash, Sheldon pulls out a CD from his pocket and waves it in front of her face. "Do you know what this is?"

"The last shred of your sanity?"

He pauses for a moment, his lips pursing in irritation. "No. It is not the last shred of my sanity, thank you very much. This disc holds-"

"Of course not." Penny interrupted teasingly, "That disappeared long ago."

Sheldon ignores her and continues. "As I was saying. This disc holds footage of a certain neighbour singing karaoke to her Care Bear collection. A certain neighbour who is blonde. A certain neighbour who lives in 4-"

Penny rolls her eyes, "I get it, Sheldon. I get it. It's me."

"Do you also get what I intend to do with said footage should said neighbour refuse to assist me in my time of need?"

Damn him. He always has to get one up on her, didn't he? This was HALO night all over again. A battle of wits. A battle of determination. A battle of stubborness, if anything else. They both knew from the start that she would help him out, she always did. Penny could never say no to Sheldon when he needed her help. But that wasn't the point. That was never the point. It was about testing each others limits. About pushing each other out of their comfort zone.

"Give me the disc, Sheldon."

The smug smirk on his face makes Penny want to lash out and thump him one right in the balls. Hard. Knowing Sheldon this is probably payback for the stunt she pulled the other night involving his Batman cookie jar and a can of purple spray paint. Not that he didn't totally deserve it, pompous ass that he was, but Penny can see why he would feel the need to get even with her.


However the fact that she is pissed off with his initiative rather than pissed off by the fact that he had spied on her is somewhat alarming. When had Sheldon become such an integral part of her life that she no longer cared when, or how, he got into her apartment? When had Sheldon become such an integral part of her life that she not only accepted his crazy but understood it too?

When had Sheldon become such an integral part of her life, period?

"Ask me nicely and I'll consider it." Sheldon gently pushes past Penny and strolls over to her kitchen counter. He searches amongst her bills, take-out menus, and half written screenplay's until he finds her car keys.

Again, the fact that Sheldon knows exactly where she keeps her keys is somewhat alarming. Does he really know her that well?

Penny follows after him and holds out her hand, "Sheldon, give me the disc."

"Oh, I'm sorry Penny but you did not say please." He laughs his strange little laugh and makes his way out of her apartment. "Ask again in five minutes."

Penny's left eye starts twitching.

This is what happens when I write what's in my head at 3am in the morning.