This is written for Sadyna on deviantART, and inspired by the conversation between us on her artwork Holmes' Bad Hair Day.

Disclaimer: I don't not own the characters or the various interpretations; I'm just borrowing them. And messing with them.

*kicks the website for not doing the lines all the way across in her other stories*

........................................................................................................................................................................

BR Holmes: Basil Rathbone Holmes

JB Holmes: Jeremy Brett Holmes

RDJ Holmes: Robert Downey Jr. Holmes

NB Watson: Nigel Bruce Watson

DB Watson: David Burke Watson

JL Watson: Jude Law Watson

Edward Hardwicke Watson isn't there because Sadyna drew David Burke, not Edward Hardwicke. And Basil Rathbone Holmes and Nigel Bruce Watson are there because they are classic. And I'm using the actor's initials because they're easier to type instead of the whole name. Enjoy!

........................................................................................................................................................................

The Watsons were sitting in the kitchen calmly discussing the latest medical discoveries, the latest cases, and the antics and eccentricities of the Holmeses.

However, the Holmeses were not getting along so well. They were seated in the sitting room by the fire. JB Holmes and RDJ Holmes had started an argument about which was better.

"More people like me," said JB Holmes. "So there."

"Yeah right," RDJ Holmes rolled his eyes.

"Well, I don't have so many haters."

"At least I don't parade around in that stupid hat!"

"Hey!" said BR Holmes.

"Why is he," JB Holmes jerked his head in BR Holmes's direction, "here anyway?"

"I think they said it was because he's classic."

"Not a very good reason, is it?" said JB Holmes.

BR Holmes seemed very offended at this.

"At least he," RDJ Holmes pointed to BR Holmes, "only wore that hat twice and reached for it once!"

"You're in love with The Woman!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Oh yeah? She loves me too!"

"So you admit it!"

"You're just jealous. Neither of you ever had much of a love interest to speak of."

BR Holmes crossed his arms and looked even more offended.

"At least I'm not shorter than my Watson."

"Me and my Watson have a dog together!" RDJ Holmes picked up Gladstone.

"According to your Watson, it's his dog." JB Holmes sniffed. "And at least my Watson isn't a bumbling idiot." JB Holmes looked accusingly at BR Holmes. "And he doesn't have a gambling problem either." JB Holmes looked accusingly at RDJ Holmes.

"See?" RDJ Holmes turned to look at BR Holmes. "He is jealous; he just won't admit it!"

"I'm offended," said BR Holmes. He started to get up from his chair.

"Where do you think you're going?" RDJ Holmes got up to stop BR Holmes.

"Home," said BR Holmes.

"But you can't leave yet!" cried JB Holmes. "You still have to tell us which one is better!"

"Fine," BR Holmes pointed to RDJ Holmes. "He is." BR Holmes went down to the kitchen. "Come, Watson, we're leaving."

"But Holmes," NB Watson protested, "we haven't even started discussing—"

"We're leaving. Now."

NB Watson got up from the table. "It's been a pleasure to meet you both," he began.

"Watson!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Meanwhile...

"So," RDJ Holmes leaned back in his chair.

"Okay then," JB Holmes was deep in thought. "You're Watson doesn't love you."

At that moment, DB Watson and JL Watson opened the door of the sitting room.

RDJ Holmes's world came crashing down. He himself at JL Watson's feet and put a death grip on JL Watson's legs. "WHYYYYY!" he cried. "Lies! Hold me, Watson!"

"Why? What? What did he say?"

RDJ Holmes didn't answer, so JL Watson hugged him and tried to assure him that everything was alright, although he still didn't know what was wrong.

"What did you say, Holmes?" asked DB Watson.

"I told him that his Watson doesn't love him." JB Holmes said nonchalantly.

"Holmes, you can be really cruel sometimes," said DB Watson.

"I have my moments," said JB Holmes. "Now let's go buy a puppy."

........................................................................................................................................................................

Some of these lines were borrowed from Sadyna's Holmes vs. Holmes pr3.

In summary, BR Holmes is deeply offended, RDJ Holmes is heart-broken, and JB Holmes wants a puppy. But the question is, will DB Watson (and Mrs. Hudson!) give in?

So who really should have won? I'd love to know what you think!