A/N This is going to be very dark, unlike what I usually write. It involves child sexual abuse so don't read if that bothers you.

Pain

Mark Sloan was a three year old toddler who hardly ever saw his parents. He was left with the nanny most of the time, but lately his mommy had been staying home with him more. Mark didn't understand that his Daddy wanted nothing to do with Mommy anymore. In Thaddeus Sloan's mind, his wife had given him a son, which was all he really wanted. Having Mommy home was good, but Mark really didn't like what she was doing to him. She was hurting him and Mark was scared. He didn't want his mommy to hurt him anymore. He liked it better when his nanny had been around and his mommy had been out. His nanny, Carrie had never hurt him like this.

It had started one day when he had walked into his parents bedroom and saw his mother lying naked on her bed, touching herself in her private parts. She had coaxed him up onto the bed and she had taken his fingers and put them inside of her. Mark hadn't liked the feeling that it gave him. He felt dirty. He wanted to go play with his toys.

"Mommy, stop!" Mark yelled at her. He just wanted her to stop.

"Doesn't that feel good? It makes Mommy feel really good." Elizabeth Sloan cooed to her three year old son. The fact that her husband was no longer interested in her sexually, had forced her to turn her attention to her son. She wanted her son to give her the kind of pleasure that her husband had stopped giving her. She was not a well woman.

"No Mommy. Bad Mommy!" Mark yelled at her again. Despite being three years old, Mark knew when something wasn't right.

"Shhh, we can't wake Daddy." Elizabeth whispered. Mark wanted to wake his Daddy. Maybe Daddy would make Mommy stop.

Elizabeth's hand drifted down to her son's boxer shorts and her long narrow fingers slipped beneath the waistband. Mark had had enough. He knew what was going to happen. His Mommy was gonna touch him down there.

"Mommy, no hurt me." Mark pleaded as tears pooled in his slate colored eyes.

"It's gonna feel so good baby. I promise." Elizabeth insisted. Mark just wanted to kick her and run far, far away, but he was only three and there wasn't a lot of places he could get to.

No, Mommy!" Mark repeated desperately as he struggled to get away. It was then, that things turned aggressive. Elizabeth ripped his boxers from his body and lifted her three her old and put him on top of her and inside of her.

"No Mommy. It hurt!" Mark pleaded as he felt the worst pain he had ever felt in his short life. Mark just wanted things to be over. So he closed his eyes and waited for it to be done. He was sad and scared and he hated his mother for doing this. When it was over, Elizabeth put Mark on the bed.

"Don't tell anyone about the special way Mommy loves you. Not even Daddy. Promise?" Elizabeth warned Mark sternly. She knew that no one would understand how she chose to love her son.

"Uh huh." Whispered a frightened three year old Mark. He put his clothes back on as best as he could and ran back to his room. His legs hurt and in between his legs hurt even more. He crawled under his bedcovers and curled himself up in a ball and cried.

Forty year old Mark Sloan hated remembering what he had been through as a child. Most people didn't remember that far back, but he did. He remembered the pain and the fear that he had felt as a three year old. It had kept happening until he was twelve years old and able to shove his mother off of him and tell her that it was never going to happen again. Elizabeth Sloan tried a couple more times, but Mark was right. It never happened again. Every so often he thought about it. Even in New York, his shrink had never known that part of him because Mark was never ready to tell him about it. To this day only Derek's family and Addison knew the horror that his childhood had been. He knew that he had to tell Lexie. After all they were engaged and the wedding was set for six months from now. Mark knew that Lexie deserved to know the truth about his childhood. Maybe it was time for him to go see a shrink and be completely honest about his traumatic childhood.

He left his office and went to find Derek. He wanted Derek to know that he was ready to go seek help for the guilt he had for letting it continue even once he was in school and knew better. He found Derek standing on the bridge where they had had their infamous fight. He walked over to his oldest and best friend, feeling confident that Derek would be supportive of his decision. He wasn't sure how to say what he had to say so he had to think about it for a minute.

"I'm going to go see Dr. Wyatt." Mark finally began.

Derek looked at his best friend in shock. He had had no idea that Mark was about to say that. Derek knew how Mark felt about shrinks.

"Why?" Derek asked. Derek honestly thought Mark had dealt with the childhood sexual abuse a long time ago.

"Because I need help. She helped Meredith get better. Hell Meredith's all bright and shiny now. Kinda creepy if you ask me, but in a good way." Mark explained with a half grin.

"You aren't thinking of breaking off the engagement are you?" Derek demanded.

"No, I just need help to deal with what my mother did to me." Mark answered in a low voice. Derek was wrong. Mark was clearly still dealing with that pain. Derek guessed that Lexie didn't know yet, but he figured that it was none of his business.

"Good. I think that's good that you want to be whole and healed for Lexie." Derek told Mark.

"Big Grey and I are more alike than I realized." Mark commented.

"Except her parents didn't put her through the kind of hell your mother put you through." Derek pointed out with a nod. He did agree that Mark and Meredith were alike in many different ways.

"Yeah." Mark agreed as he looked down at his hands.

"Go see her Mark. I know she'll help." Derek told Mark. Derek could tell that Mark was in a bad way emotionally and psychologically and truthfully Derek was worried about his best friend.

"Thank you Derek." Mark told his best friend. Mark was lucky that he had the support of his best friend. Derek was encouraging him to get help for the childhood trauma and Mark knew that he had to do that for everyone's sake. He left Derek's office and headed in the direction of Dr. Wyatt's office.