WARNING: This fanfiction is very stupid. In a good way I hope.
"It's all over. You lost the game." Everybody in the room groaned simultaneously and Light's head snapped up.
"DAMN YOU NEAR!" He howled, face contorted in rage. Was it even possible to hate someone as much as this? Not only had Near just exposed him as Kira, but he had made him lose the game. He hadn't lost the game for... 7 years, at least.
"Aww man. I lost The Game," Matsuda mumbled. Near looked slightly confused.
"No, Matsuda. Light lost the game. He's Kira, and we discovered his identity. You're on our team, so to speak, so you won." Matsuda was obviously still confused as to the fact that Light was, in fact, Kira. It was then that Aizawa spoke up.
"He didn't mean that game, Near. He's not talking about the Kira case. He's talking about The Game, which everyone in this room has just lost thanks to you."
"What game?" Near was mystified. He couldn't think of another game that would fit the current situation. But everyone seemed to know what they were talking about. All except him. For someone like Near, who was used to knowing everything and having other people ask him to explain it, this was a very new and scary feeling. Plus, he loved games. How could there be a game he hadn't heard of? Light made a strange noise, and Near turned to look at him. It took a while for him to realise Light was laughing. By then, the room had gone silent and everyone was staring at Light.
"HAHAHA..." He suddenly fell silent.
"Do you seriously mean to tell me, Near, that you have never heard of The Game?" Light asked, an evil grin on his face. Near blinked. Why was this... Game... suddenly so much more important than the Kira case?
"No, I haven't. But isn't there something a lot more relevant to talk about here, Kira?" Light ignored him.
"So. Has anyone else not heard of The Game?" Ryuk scratched his head.
"I think I've heard of that one. Isn't it where if you think about it, you lose?"
"Yeah, yeah!" Matsuda burst out. "The aim of The Game is not to think about The Game, and if you think about The Game you lose!" Near stared at them, utterly mystified by what was happening.
"But that doesn't make sense, because as soon as you learn the rules of The Game, that would mean you've lost."
"It doesn't work like that!" Everyone turned to see Commander Rester. "Listen, Near. What happens is that once you've lost The Game, you have five minutes to forget it and then you rejoin The Game once you've forgotten it." There was a massive outcry from Light and Matsuda.
"That's not it!"
"You don't get five minutes! Whenever The Game is in your head, you've lost until you forget it again! There's no five minute break!" Commander Rester shrugged.
"Well, that's how I heard it."
Near sighed. It looked like the others had "more important" things on their minds than the fact that Kira was right here for them to capture.
"Right, I understand. So when you think about The Game you lose it, and you rejoin The Game after you've forgotten it." Everyone nodded. Near hesitated. He knew there were more important things to be doing, but he had to know the answer.
"So, if that's how you lose The Game... how do you win?"
"You don't," said Halle. Everyone rounded on her.
"Yes you can!" Shouted Matsuda. Halle backed off.
"OK, OK! No need to be so aggressive... so go on then. How are you meant to win?"
"You become the Prime Minister or President, or basically ruler of whatever country you're in, and then on live TV you have to say "I won The Game." Then The Game ends and you're the winner!" Matsuda explained. Near snorted.
"That seems stupid," he muttered but nobody heard except Light.
"I know, but that's the rules." Light sighed. Ryuk floated over to Matsuda.
"Hey, I thought you could win if you made the Pope lose The Game?" Matsuda stared.
"Can you? Wooohoooo!" Everyone turned to look at Matsuda. He shrugged and blushed, embarrassed.
"Well, before... I thought I'd have no hope of ever winning The Game. I mean, I'd never be able to rule a country."
"You can say that again!"
"But now, all I have to do is meet the Pope and yell "You just lost The Game" at him!"
Unnoticed by the others, Light had taken the opportunity to escape. He crept behind their backs and fled from the building while they were all arguing about the rules of The Game.
"Well, how are you gonna get to meet the Pope in the first place then?"
"I'll manage somehow!" Matsuda retorted. Ryuk chuckled. He was the only one who had noticed Light leaving.
"OK everyone!" Near shouted. "It's ok, I understand everything now. Now that we've finished talking about The Game, we can get back to more urgent matters."
"More urgent matters?" Matsuda looked confused.
"Kira, you moron!" Hissed Aizawa.
"Oh..." They turned around.
"Where's he gone?" Matsuda yelled.
"He must have run away while we were all arguing! I've decided. I don't like The Game." Everyone groaned.
"I'd just forgotten about The Game... and you made me lose, again!"
Light laughed as he ran. Those idiots. They'd never catch him now. He had it all planned out.
"Sucks to be you, Near!" He laughed. "After all that time and effort you still won't be able to catch me!" He had won the game.
"AAHHH!" He yelled. I lost The Game...
So, I hope you all found that annoying. And I just have one thing to say to you:
You all lost The Game!