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Chapter IX: A Missing Scene [Edgar's point of view]

The touch of her soft and gentle hand was pleasant. I wanted her hand to be glued on my cheek for ever. Usually her touch was calming and I always felt serene. But not today, not right now. Her hand was placed upon my cheek to show rejection. She didn't want me anymore. I instantly knew that she wanted me to leave, she had slapped me to let me know. What more could I do to ease the pain? All I would be able to do is do what's best for her and leave.

I was heading out when I heard her voice calling for me. I didn't know what she would want, but she called for me. Me, of all people me! Perhaps she did want me after all, or maybe she just wanted me to do her a favor. As I was contemplating how there was the chance that she did miss me, I remembered what she had done. Not only had she slapped me, but Nelly as well. It wasn't something I expected of her. I knew that she would be disappointed in herself if she knew of my disapproval.

Suddenly her calls became furthermore loud and I wasn't able to think to myself anymore. She was pleading for me not to leave. I almost felt guilty when her calls began to sound pained. This just hurt me, to know that if I left, she'd be all alone. I was afraid that if I did leave, she'd not take me back. She just hasn't come to the realization that I wanted, no, I needed for her to be with me. Nelly had warned me to leave and even though I knew that's what I should have done, I didn't. I didn't leave because I loved Catherine. I loved her without knowing why. Everything she did just added on to my incomprehensible love for her. If she saw Heathcliff again, I knew that she would say yes to him eventually. I knew that she still loved him and for some reason I was aware that he loved her too. But as much as that was true, I also loved her and perhaps even more than Heathcliff.

After being with her for so long, I couldn't give her up. I had to do something in order to keep her with me longer. Selfish? Yes immensely so. I simply could not live without her while I have the chance to make her mine, forever. I didn't care what she would want from me. I didn't feel that she would want me for my money anyways. Before she had met me, she was in love with a filthy servant. I was the one who gave her a proper living and I was the one that deserved to be with her. After all I was the one that saved her life from becoming a beggar.

I couldn't possibly stay away from her. I remember the feeling of jealousy. Heathcliff was probably in my mind more than he was in hers. And Heathcliff was the reason for which I took a step back and slowly began turning around, to go back to Catherine. I had to take my step towards making sure that she belonged to me and nobody else. But I had been so stupid to not carry the small box with me. I was beyond frustrated. So I turned back to the door and ran out making sure that I ran as fast as humanly thought possible and begged to dear life that she wouldn't think I ran away. I approached my dresser and opened the middle drawer. I took out the small box I had kept for a meaningful amount of time and slowly opened it. Once I opened it, the beautiful diamond ring was revealed. I looked at it for a long time almost as if it were the first time I had seen it. As I stared into the ring I soliloquized about how much this meant to me and how much it would affect her. I wondered if this was enough to make her forgive me for my churlish behavior. I was hoping that in response she would say, "yes".

Once I was back in the same room as her, I came closer to her.

"I'm surprised that you have not asked me to remove myself from your sight Edgar." She began instantly making me feel culpable for her misjudgment.

"I don't believe I have a reason to." I responded almost befuddled by the way she was looking at me.

"Edgar, will you forgive me? I meant no harm to be done. I'm truly sorry. I never intended to hurt you in any way. I-"

"I will forgive you if it makes you feel better Catherine. Now I have something to ask of you." I turned my eyes to meet hers. I don't think that she was able to see what was to come.

"I'm listening, but may I remind you that I'm perhaps not the only one."

I waited there for a moment and quickly took a glance at my surroundings. I had forgotten that we were in the middle of the kitchen. I snuck a peak out the window and saw in amazement the glowing moon. I reached out my hand placing it into hers and led the way out into the garden. That seemed like a good and quiet place, out of anyone's sight.

"Well then, what is your question?" she urged.

Frankly I did not know how to begin. I started out by saying, "Dear Cathy, your mere presence makes me joyful. It makes me feel stronger everyday. I, however, have no right of you. I simply do not deserve you." I slowly bent my knee and let it fall to the grass that was moist from the rain that had fallen earlier. I never allowed her hand to slip out of mine.

"Catherine, I love you far too much to let you out of my life for even the slightest second. And all I want to know is if you feel the same way would you like to become Mrs. Linton?"

I stared at her for what seemed like decades and awaited her response.

"Oh Edgar! You know that I love you too and you are a substantial part of my existence. Ever since you came into my life I feel that you are the most important thing to me. Yet I am not quite sure how to answer you."

"Don't feel obligated to say anything my dearest. That is the last thing I want you to feel." I looked at her and she appeared to be suffering internally. As if she had a reason to say no to me! I had failed and now I deemed it reasonable to forget this and go on with my life. So I began to stand up and I heard a soft whisper that could only belong to Cathy.