Title: of soap operas and judgment day
Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns, yessir
Warnings: General season five spoilers. 5.8 specifically. Gender-swap.
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Dean(na), Sam – mentions of others.
Other: yea, idk. Plot bunnies, away! I dub this CRACK. Bad crack, maybe.
When Sam enters their shared motel room, he nearly walks right back out when he catches sight of what's playing on TV. It's a new episode of Dr. Sexy, MD and his sister is sitting cross-legged on her bed, face vacant and her mouth slightly open. He grimaces and asks her, "You're not going to make weird sounds again, are you?"
"Shh!" Deanna hisses at him, leaning forwards a little when Dr Sexy turns to one of the nurses. Sam's too busy rolling his eyes to catch what the character is saying, but Deanna inhales a sharp gasp and her eyes go glassy.
It takes him a moment to realize she's on the verge of tears. Jesus Christ, his sister could go through the fucking End of Days without crying, but once her attention is drawn to Dr Sexy, his super-bad big sister goes out the window to be replaced with a hormonal, soap opera watching big sister.
"You're like a stereotype," he informs her because she's in her pajamas in the middle of the day, single and in her thirties watching soap operas when she could be out having a life. Well, as much as one fighting Satan could allow.
Deanna ignores him, of course, and bursts into mild hysterics when the pretty doctor who had slapped him when the two were in Gabriel's little TV land tells Dr Sexy she is pregnant.
"You gonna be okay?" Sam asks, more to be a bitch because he knows it pisses her off when he talks when Dr Sexy is on than out of actual concern. It's fun, baiting her.
Deanna reaches behind her blindly, not once taking her eyes off of the TV, and hurls a pillow at Sam's face. It misses, but it skims off the side of his head. Deanna would label that a victory, but she's already ignoring him again.
So Sam just sighs, picks up the pillow and tosses it back onto Deanna's bed. He sits down on his own and watches the TV with her, just to see what the fuss was about.
Thirty two minutes later – because Sam had missed the first fifteen-ish and he knows he'll be looking up the episode online later – he realizes that maybe there was something to this show after all. Even if the cowboy boots are just embarrassing.
Deanna wipes at her eyes when the credits come on and inhales deeply. "I hope this ends up like General Hospital with their twelve thousand episodes and never ending!" She turns to Sam, eyes bright. "Maybe we could stick Lucifer in a holy oil circle and make him watch this? He'd never want to destroy the world, just to see if Dr Sexy is Dr Piccolo's baby's daddy."
Sam wants to laugh, he really does because it's so ridiculous, but he sort of thinks Deanna has a point. Deanna makes another incoherent sound that reminds him painfully of Becky and launches herself off the bed, scrambling towards Sam's laptop.
"Quick," she calls, "gimme your credit card!"
He fishes it out of his wallet, frowning at her, but he hands it over anyway. "Why?"
"They have a special going on – buy all four seasons of Dr Sexy for the price of two!"
"And you're using my card why?"
Deanna pauses in her frantic typing, shifting her glance from the credit card to Sam. "You threw my DVDs out," she tells him, voice dangerously soft and Sam drops the subject 'cause, yea, he threw everything of Deanna's out when she died. He couldn't bear to look at anything of hers, which led to her shrieking at him for ten minutes when she found out and her spending three days wearing Missus Singer's dresses.
"Here." His sister tosses him her cell phone distractedly as she returns to ordering her boxsets. "Call Cas – tell him we have a plan!"
Sam scrolls through Deanna's contact lists. "He's going to think you're insane."
"Nah. He'll do that head tilty thing and I'll flash him and he'll go along with it." She wouldn't, not really because there are lines and doing strip teases for semi-fallen angels were likely crossing them.
He decides to just roll with it because once Deanna is on a roll, you can't stop her and presses down on Castiel's number. Moments later, it picks up, Castiel's rough voice saying, "Yes, Deanna?"
"Ah, Castiel, it's Sam. Deanna says we have a plan – no, she's not going to say yes to Michael. No, I don't... look, she wants to make Lucifer watch her soaps." He pulls the phone back and frowns at it. "No, not her actual soap, her TV shows. Look, just – yea, just go with it."
Castiel's voice fades away as Sam listens to Deanna hum the Dr Sexy theme song.
SHOOT ME, Y/Y?