I don't know where I'm going with this chapter – I'm just writing because I feel like it!
"I mean, really, they call homosexuality a disease! If it's a disease does that mean I can call into work? 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.'"
I tired to ignore Edwards' babbling about homosexuality, but it was hard. Here I was – trying to get the next issue of Vogue ready for the stands and I have an angry, ranting, raging homosexual cursing the world pacing in front of my desk. I would have liked to tell him to shut up and sit but the amount of times he's heard me rant over the last two months, I figured it'd be good for him to have a go for once.
"And why can't there be gays in the army? I personally think they're just scared of a couple thousand guys with M16's going, 'who'd you call faggot?' And another thing –!"
Yeah, I'd be scared shitless if a fag waltzed over to me with a machine gun in his hand too.
"Do you know how hard it is to use Pronouns when trying to describe a date to someone who doesn't know you're a fag? 'I had a great time with… them.' Great! Now they don't think I'm queer – just a big slore! Anyway, the way I see it is my homosexuality is an act of Christian charity – all these men praying for a woman and I'm giving them my share!" he huffed and ran out of steam – finally – as he fell into one of the cushy chairs in front of my desk.
"Did you know my mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen years old? She thought I had a 'latent homosexual gene'. It wasn't latent, honey, trust me."
"Yes, E. You told me already." I told him patiently, rearranging some pictures on the page for the final copy. "Done!"
"Ohhh, show me honey!" Edward called as he rushed over and snatched the book out of my hand. "I don't know why you chose the French instead of the Italians. Paris is so cold – too much black. Now the Italian's, they know where it's at. Milan is got it good. It's rumpled with an edge of sophistication – you know? Rumpled?" he fluffed his hair and popped his collar.
I logged off the computer, grabbed the finished copy of the mag from Edwards' peach smelling hands and marched out to the print section. "Here. It's to be printed ASAP, and shipped off by tomorrow morning – got that?"
The boy whimpered and grabbed the copy in his greasy hands, running off to the printers.
"Right. Done. Let's go – I have an appointment at eleven and I do not want to be late."
I was sitting in the Westward Medical Centre, reading 'What To Expect When You're Expecting.' Waiting for my impregnator with my homosexual best friend beside me. Of course it's strange.
"Do you think she's a lesbian and he's gay – so they made one of those arrangements?"
How did they even know I was here because I was pregnant?
"It's the pamphlet." Edward mumbled to me, flipping another page of NW.
"The pamphlet! They think you're pregnant because of the pamphlet!"
"I said that out loud?" I asked.
Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes."
"Oh." I put the pamphlet down.
Crossing my legs I folded my arms and tapped my foot against the sterile white floor. "Where is he?" I hissed to no one in particular. "Its eleven twenty two and he's not here!"
"Maybe he changed his mind and doesn't want the thing."
"My baby is not a thing! Oh god… what if he changed his mind?"
"Singing a different tune now, aren't you? I thought you didn't want the baby."
"Look Mr. Negative, I'm trying to love it – I really am. I don't need you hovering and whispering pessimistic things in my ears!"
"Jesus, you're like a pregnant woman."
"I am pregnant!"
"Not really… I like to think you're not pregnant until you start showing."
"Why did I even bring you?" I moaned as I dropped my head into my hands.
Edward smiled slyly. "Because you love me."
"I wish I didn't." I mumbled to myself. "Oh thank god! What took you so long?" I screeched as Jasper came barrelling in the plexiglass doors.
"Sorry, I had to deter Alice. She wanted to have brunch." He puffed out as he sat on my otherwise, ignoring Edward completely. Who even has brunch these days? Oh right, Alice.
"You still haven't told her?" Edward enquired snidely, flipping through the magazine again.
"No. Not that it's any of your business." Jasper told him coldly.
"Can we not have a throw down right here? Please? I just want to –"
"Isabella Swan?" The nurse called out, standing by the desk with a file in her hand.
I grabbed all my shit and gave a glare to both my companions, stomping towards the perplexed nurse. "Hi."
"This way please."
She led us down an empty hallway and took a left, opening a door to a – would you believe it? – Sterile room. "The doctor will be with you in a moment, Miss Swan. Have a seat on the bed."
"Thanks." I mumbled as I slipped in past her and dropped all my shit next to the bed.
I climbed up onto the bed and sat, waiting in the awkward silence as Edward and Jasper refused to look at each other.
The door opened and in slipped an older woman with honey coloured hair and bright blue eyes. She surveyed the scene from behind her glasses and sat herself down on a swivel stool. "Hello Miss Swan. My name is Clarissa Redford and I'm going to be your doctor." She smiled tightly at me, eyeing the two idiots again. I shook her hand as she spoke again. "Just lay back and pull up your top."
I did as I was told, flinching slightly when the lights were dimmed a little.
"This is going to be cold." I didn't have time to prepare when suddenly there was gel spread all over and a machine hummed to life in the darkness. There were a few clicks that indicated the doctor was using the keyboard on the machine and the gel was spread even further with the ultrasound machine wand.
"There's your baby." She said, her soft voice penetrating the darkness like a knife.
"Where? I-I don't… see it…" I said as my eyes searched frantically over the picture.
"It's not uncommon at these stages, stay calm… here," she reassured me as she pointed to a point on the screen. "That's your baby."
It wasn't much, I concluded. It looked more like a large bean or nut than a child. The doctor laughed when I told her this. "It's still early – the baby hasn't developed much yet. Just wait, it wont be long before he or she is looking like a tiny human." She told me with a warm smile.
"Can I… Do you know the gender?" I asked her.
"No, sorry. We're usually able to determine the child's gender around sixteen weeks – but here, listen to this–" a couple of clicks and thumping sound followed. "–that's your baby's heartbeat."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I closed them and listened.
Thump- thump- thump- thump- thump- thump- thump- thump.
I started slightly when a warm hand slipped into mine. Opening my eyes I saw Jaspers face as he gazed in wonder at the screen, looking full to the brim with pride. Looking around I saw Edward altering between smiling at me and the screen, his eyes were sparkling with unshed tears too.
I let out a gust of air and smiled up and Jasper, squeezing his hand tightly making him look at me. He smiled beautifully and bought my hand up to his mouth and gave it a soft kiss. The look in his eyes was enough to make me believe he wouldn't turn back in his decision. It was one of resolution. He wanted to be here as much as I did right now.
It was that moment that I realised I no longer was trying to love my baby. I did love him or her. With all my heart.
I'm not so sure about the ending… but yeah. Review!
Thanks to Rosalie96 who makes me smile with all her reviews :)