Chapter 1: Angry Chapter Text
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"Mmmmm," I hummed to myself happily. The bright sun felt wonderful as I lay on the floor of the beautiful meadow. My mood was totally happy and serene. I was finally over my one year mark for being a newborn and allowed to hunt alone. I loved hunting with Edward, and even the family, but once in a while I liked to be alone and just relax.
After getting Nessie, dressed this morning Edward and I waited for Jacob, to come and pick her up for the bonfire on the beach in La Push. Edward, was going to spend the day with his brothers and father in what Emmett, was calling the "Annual Cullen Men X box bonding tournament." I laughed at the time but Edward, seemed excited and Jasper, as always, was up for the challenge. I kissed Edward, and told him I wanted to spend the day alone in the meadow to read and relax. Alice, tried to persuade me to come shopping with the girls, but I told them I needed some alone time.
I had been in the meadow almost the whole day when I started to miss Edward. Standing and gathering my books I tilted my face up to the sun and smiled. Life couldn't get any better than this. I had a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, good friends like Jacob, and my family. Nobody in the world was luckier then I was. With one last deep breath of the wild flowers of the beautiful meadow, I set off for home.
When I get to our empty cottage I ran inside to drop off my books and to change clothes. As I was leaving the cottage to go to the main house, I stopped and a huge smile spread across my face. I wondered what the guys had been talking about all day and wondered if it were possible to sneak up close enough to the house without being noticed, so I could listen. I was in the main house so much that if they smelled me they wouldn't think much of it. Edward couldn't read my mind, all I had to do was keep my emotions on amused, and if Jasper, caught it he would think it was coming from Emmett.
With my plan in place, I decided to walk as gingerly as I could so they wouldn't be able to hear my footsteps. After only a few minutes of walking Emmett's, booming laughter floated to my ears and I smiled. Leaping up into the tree, I found a branch big enough for me to sit on and got comfortable.
"Oh my god, you're telling me when you put her down and she spotted the bed she froze solid?" Emmett asked, and then burst out laughing again. I heard a sharp smack and his laughter finally calmed.
Were they talking about me? I wondered and my eyebrows pulled together.
"This is great. Then what happened? I always figured you two wouldn't make it to the Island, before she ripped your clothes off," Emmett said before another round of laughter.
My eyes grew large. They were talking about me. My mood was suddenly angry. Edward knew how shy I was when talking about our sex life. Would he really tell his father and brothers about our first time? Maybe I was wrong; I hadn't actually heard Edward, say anything. Maybe Emmett just guessed what happened...
"Her heart was beating so fast I thought she was going to have a heart attack, so I decided to give her some time alone and went for a swim while she took a shower."
Edward's voice sounded amused. My hand came up to cover my mouth before I made a noise and they found me out. I could feel the anger slowly seeping toward rage.
"When she got out of the shower, I could hear her in the bathroom stalling. It sounded like she sat down on the floor and she was taking deep breathes. And just before she left the bathroom I heard her whisper to herself "don't be a coward.'"
All the men laughed then, including my husband, Edward. My body was trembling so badly with rage that the branch I was sitting on started to sway. How could he betray me like that? How could he make fun of me because I was scared? He was a virgin that night too. I have never made fun of him for it. Never once have I been embarrassed about our time on Isle Esme. Sure, we were awkward teenagers making love for the first time. Who wouldn't be scared?
My rage simmered into hurt and rejection.
Edward continued, but his voice seemed to mellow from amusement into sounding sheepish.
"The next morning when the sun came up, I noticed that she had some bruises on her body, and I sort of freaked out."
Carlisle's voice came next
"What do you mean bruises? Did you hurt her?"
I could hear four video game controls being set on the coffee table, the games forgotten.
"She had bruises on her arms and shoulders where my grip was too tight. And, her lip was bruised. She tried to tell me she was fine, but I could tell she was lying. She can't lie to save her life. So, I told her I wouldn't make love to her again until she was changed. That's when she got mad..."
Edward trailed off when they chuckled.
"I still can't believe you were able to do it with a human. I wanted to kill her half the time she was here in the house. Her scent was so strong, I had to leave the house most of the time. Thank god toward the end, while she was pregnant, her scent was over powered by that stupid mutt.
Jasper's, words made my eyes prickle with tears that would never come. I wondered briefly if the girls ever talked about me like this. I always figured that Carlisle, and Esme would put a stop to conversations like this, they were supposed to be my mother and father. But, here Carlisle, sat listening and laughing about me like I was the laughing stock of the whole Cullen family.
"Speaking of the mutt," Edward, cut back in... "You don't know how close I came to killing him when he put his hands on Bella at the wedding. I sent him that invitation to let him know he could scamper off and lick himself or whatever the flea bag does when he is at home, and leave Bella alone. I didn't actually expect him to show up..."
Now the rage was back.
"Bella, tried to act like it didn't bother her that he had to be dragged away by the other flea bags, but I could tell she was hurt. I don't know what he has over her, or why she could never let him go. She actually thought his temper tantrum was her fault."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Would he never get over his aversion to Jacob? He is my friend and I didn't like to see him hurt. Was I such a bad person for that?
"I mean, you remember how mad she got when she found out about Tanya? She completely flipped out on me and Tanya, and I never had anything going on. I never kissed her or hung around her much because I knew how she felt about me. I know how uncomfortable even speaking about Tanya, makes Bella, feel. Do you see me running off to Alaska every weekend because she is my friend? Do you see Tanya, around all the time sneering hateful words at Bella, because she wants me?"
He was right. It hurt to admit it, but he was right.
My head drooped and almost all of the anger slipped away. It still hurt me that he would discuss our sex life like it was a joke. It hurt that Jasper, my brother, would talk about me behind my back. But, what he said about Jacob was true. I guess I didn't realize how much I hurt Edward, every time I insisted on seeing Jacob. Sure, Jacob was my friend and I wanted to see him, but I knew how uncomfortable Edward, was when I did, and I did it anyway. I knew how Jacob, felt about me and I allowed him to rant about Edward every chance he got. I even willingly kissed him. My hands came up to cover my face. What the hell was wrong with me?
During my self-hatred rant one of the guys cell phones rang.
"Ha Jazz, I bet that's Alice, and she wants you to unload all the stuff she bought," Emmett said laughing.
"Hey, tinker bell, what's up? Are you almost..." Jasper trailed off. "Wait, Alice, Slow down I don't understand you. Bella, is sitting where?"
I gasped. Dammit I forgot all about Alice. I jumped down from the tree and landed softly.
"Oh no," Where the last words I heard before I took off running. I didn't know where I was running to, it was dark and I didn't want to talk to them. I still had a little of my new born speed left so I knew I could get pretty far before they found me. Soon I came upon the La Push border. The treaty was lifted for the Cullen's after Jake imprinted with Nessie. I knew it wouldn't be a problem for me to cross the border. I knew everyone would be at the bonfire so I turned and ran toward the beach. I hadn't heard anyone behind me, but that didn't mean they weren't on the way, so I spend up a little. When I saw the flames of the bonfire through the trees I slowed to a walk. Calmly, I walked out of the trees and headed to the circle around the fire pit.
A few heads snapped up when they smelled my vampire scent, but when they saw it was me, they smiled and nodded at me. I saw Jake sitting in the sand beside his father, who was in the middle of the Legends story. As I got closer everyone smiled at me. Billy looked up at me and smiled but continued his story. Very quietly I walked over to Jake and sat down on my knees next to him. My beautiful Nessie was in his arms fast asleep. When Jake finally realized I was there his face lit up with a smile. "Hey Bells. Did you come to take Nessie home? She conked out about an hour ago." he whispered.
I shook my head and sighed deeply. Jake, looked at me when I sighed and my eyes went to the sand. He knew something was wrong. He always knew when something was wrong with me. I felt Jake, bump me with his shoulder to get my attention, so I looked up. His face was worried, but I knew I couldn't tell him what was wrong. That was the whole point of Edward's rant. If I had a problem I should talk with him about it. But I was still a little mad at all of them for laughing about my personal life, so I didn't particularly want to talk to him or any of them right now. I didn't come here to rant to Jake either; I came here to see my daughter. She was the only one who could calm me down when my thoughts were running in all different directions.
"Bells, what's wrong?" Jake whispered. I smiled sadly at him and shook my head. "It's nothing Jake, I'm fine." I tried to reassure him. I could tell he didn't believe me, but before he could press me on it his head whipped around, and I looked up to see Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and Edward walk from the trees. Everyone at the bonfire turned to watch them walking to the circle. Jake, turned back to look at me, but my head was lowered again.
"Dr. Cullen," Billy said, when he too noticed them getting closer, "It's good to see you. What brings you all out here tonight?"
I didn't look up but I could feel my family's eyes on me. I wondered what excuse they would tell Billy.
"Well, today was sort of a male bonding day for us since all the girls went shopping, so we wondered if we could join you all for your bonfire. Jasper, and Emmett, has not heard your legends and I thought they might be interested. That is if it is alright with everyone?"
It was a lie, but Billy invited them to stay. I told the Cullen family the legend shortly after the newborn army attack. It was the only way to explain to Edward why I cut my arm while he was fighting Victoria. They all knew the legend well and were proud that Nessie was the newest addition to it.
Quil, and Embry, who had been sitting next to me, moved to make room for the Cullen men. I flinched slightly when Edward gently touched my shoulder. He sighed and removed his hand, but sat next to me so close that his knee was touching my right thigh. Jasper, sat next to Edward, and Emmett, beside him. Carlisle, sat behind all of us. Once everyone was settled, Billy started where he left off in the Legend. After a few minutes had passed Edward reached over to take my hand, but I moved it away from him. Again he sighed, and his head lowered. I wasn't ready to forgive yet, but this was not the place to deal with it.
Eventually Nessie started to stir in Jacob's arms. I raised my head for the first time since Edward, had arrived, to look at her. "Mama," Nessie said sleepily as she reached for me. I smiled when a few of the wolves chuckled. I reached for her and pulled her against my chest. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I kissed her cheek as I gently rocked back and forth and she fell back asleep. As Nessie always does, she calmed my nerves and I was able to keep my eyes up. A few of the wolves were watching us and Emily, winked at me. I smiled back at her the best I could. When her eyebrows drew together and she looked back and forth between me and Edward, I knew everyone must have noticed how cold things were between us.
Emily leaned over and whispered to Sam, that she was going to go for a walk and stretch her legs. Sam nodded and kissed her. Emily rose up and stepped out of the circle walking around to where I sat. She leaned down next to my ear.
"Bella, would you like to take a walk with me on the beach while I stretch my legs?"
I loved Emily. She was kind and sweet. Jacob told me the whole pack consider her the mama bear. She cooks and cleans for them. She keeps clean clothes ready and waiting for each and every one of them. If there was anyone I could talk too it would be her. Very carefully I got to my feet and without looking at Edward; I turned and fallowed Emily toward the beach. Nessie's hand rested on the back of my neck, so I could tell she was deeply asleep. She was dreaming about the day she spent with Jacob on the beach. He took her swimming and chased her up and down the beach all afternoon.
"Is everything Okay, Bella?" Emily finally asked when we got a little ways down the beach. I knew we were still close enough that Edward and his brothers and father could hear everything we said. I kept silent as we continued to walk along the shore. Emily, didn't pry as I knew she wouldn't. Eventually I got up the nerve to start talking.
"Can I ask you a question?" I whispered. We stopped walking and she turned to face me.
"Of course Bella, you can ask me anything," she said with understanding eyes.
"Um...I know Sam is the alpha if his pack and Jacob refers to the other wolves as his brothers."
She nodded. "Yes, Sam is the leader when they are doing wolf business, but when they are together as humans, they are as close as brothers. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I was just wondering...Does Sam ever talk with them about your personal business?"
Her brows furrowed. "I'm not sure what you mean exactly. Can you be more specific?"
"What I mean is...does Sam ever talk with his brothers about when you two are...intimate?" I had never been so glad to be a vampire in my life. My face would have been tomato red.
"Oh," She responded shocked. And then... "Ohhhhh," She said a bit louder, her eyes wide. Her eyes flew down the beach where the bonfire was and Edward still sat, and then back to me. In that minute I knew she put together why I was in a bad mood. She seemed to be searching for words to say. But, really, what could she say? She met me for the first time when Jacob, was in love with me. The same day I found out about the wolves.
"Okay," she said suddenly. "Let me see if I got this right. Edward, and his brothers and father had the day to themselves. You caught them talking about when you two were intimate, correct?" she asked.
I nodded. "Among other things, But it wasn't just that. When Edward and I were together for the first time on our honeymoon, it was a first for both of us. I was a little scared and I kind of freaked out for a while when we first got there. Everything turned out great, but I...," I trailed off embarrassed.
"Aww honey, everyone is scared during their first time, it's only natural. That's nothing to be embarrassed about." She replied sounding more and more like a mother.
"I know that, and your right, but how would you feel if you caught Sam, with his brothers, laughing hilariously as he told them every detail? How would you feel if you listened to one of his brothers, tell him that he couldn't even stand to be around you half the time?"
She grimaced but allowed me to keep talking.
"They are my brothers..." my voice cracked. "They are supposed to love me no matter what. Not laugh at me and make me feel like I was just some stupid human. If Edward could speak about me this way, with his brothers, it makes me wonder what my sisters say about me when I am not around."
God I sounded pathetic. I always thought becoming a vampire would make me strong. But here I am again, I feel like some stupid pathetic human girl.
"Do you love him, Bella?" Emily asked.
The question was so sudden that my breath caught, and my chest felt tight. I looked down at my daughter sleeping innocently and then back to Emily.
"I have loved Edward, since the first moment I saw him. I love him with everything that I have inside me." My voice was only a whisper.
Emily took a deep breath and then turned toward the water. Nessie's dreams changed from the beach to Jacob's house. I smiled a little as she dreamed about watching cartoons with Jacob and his father. She found it very amusing that Jacob, and his father laughed at the cartoon more than she did. I was watching along with her dreams until Emily turned back toward me.
"Bella, I know this doesn't excuse their behavior, but I don't think you were supposed to hear their conversations. Guys-no matter if their vampires, wolves or humans, tend to talk about crude things. It does sort of shock me that Edward was a part of the conversations though. He always seemed like a proper gentleman." she trailed off chuckling. I gave her a small smile.
Could I really pass it off as male bonding? I knew that guys talked about sex. I just didn't like that my husband had made our relationship the main topic of discussion.
"For what it's worth..." Emily said bringing me out of my inner conversation. "When your family joined in beside you at the circle, they all looked ashamed," she laughed. I smiled again. When her hand came up to cover her mouth and she laughed even harder I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Your mad at Edward, for discussing your...sex life with his family right?" I nodded.
"I think you know what you have to do," She said, looking way too amused. I was just confused.
"I don't understand," I said, drawing my eyebrows together.
"Bella, the last time Sam did something to make me mad, he didn't get any for a good three weeks. If Edward, thinks it's so amusing to discuss your sex life, then maybe you should see how amusing it is, when he doesn't have one at all."
A shocked sort of laugh bubbled up from my chest.
"I don't care if they are big strong vampires or wolves; we all know that the women hold all the power. I bet if you talked to Alice and Rosalie, and maybe even Esme, they would agree with you and probably give the same punishment."
We both laughed again, but I knew I was way to chicken to actually talk to my sisters about what happened. My mood was lighter now, but I was still feeling a little hurt.
"Thank you, for talking to me, Emily," I said smiling. "You're welcome Bella...," she turned to look down the beach again. "Looks like things are wrapping up, time to face the music my dear." She smiled and turned to walk back to the bonfire.
Most of the wolves were gone, except Sam, waiting for Emily. Edward and his brothers stood next to Carlisle, and they were all listening as Billy, told them of his and Jacob's afternoon with Nessie. They were all smiling but I could tell it was a little forced.
"Bells, you missed the story. What were you an Emily, talking about?" Jacob asked.
Carefully avoiding my family's eyes, I smiled at Jacob, and his father.
"Oh, it was just a little girl talk," I replied. A perfect example, I thought, looking over to the guys. I knew how to keep things private.
"Thank you, Jake, for keeping Nessie, entertained all day. She has been dreaming about you chasing her on the beach and watching cartoons with you and Billy. I'm glad she is asleep or I would never get her to come home," I chuckled.
For a split second I felt bad for having a normal conversation right in front of my husband and his family. Normally they would be a part of the conversation, or at least laughing with me. They knew they were in trouble and were correctly keeping their mouths tightly shut.
"Oh man, you should have seen her today," Jacob started. "That little monster kept me on my toes all day today, and when I did stop to take a break and catch my breath, she would call me an old man and take off running all over again." Jacob laughed and the smile on his face was so genuine, I couldn't keep from smiling back.
Billy, picked up the conversation then, talking to Edward about watching cartoons with Nessie, after they made her lunch. He smiled and laughed when something was funny, but otherwise didn't say much. I noticed the way Jacob, kept looking between Edward and me. He knew something was wrong, and I could tell he wanted to ask, but when I slightly shook my head at him, he kept his mouth shut.
When everyone went quiet and we all stood in an awkward silence, I knew it was time to go home. Jacob kissed Nessie, on the head and turned to push Billy's wheel chair up the beach. Without a word or even looking at my family, I turned and started walking toward the trees.
"Bella," Edward stopped me.
"What?" I said, turning around to glare at them. My anger was back.
Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "The Volvo is up on the main road, if you want to ride back with us."
"Fine," was my short response, as I turned around and walked up the beach.
It was a little funny to see three big grown men scrunch in the back seat of Edwards Volvo. I didn't smile though. I opened the passenger side door and got in, not waiting for Edward to open my door like I usually did. Everyone was quiet until we were about to cross the La Push border.
"Bella I...," Jasper started, but I cut him off.
"I am not having this conversation right now. I just want to go home and put my daughter in bed."
Jasper sighed, but the rest of the car ride was silent. When Edward pulled into the garage at the main house, I opened my door and got out. I walked into the house not looking behind me. I walked through the kitchen, into the living room, past the couch, where all the girls sat, and stopped at the back door. I turned to see the whole family standing around the living room. They were all watching me. I didn't know if they were expecting me to yell or scream or pick a fight, but I wasn't in the mood for any of those things. I wanted to be alone.
Alice looked sad. Rose, looked angry, but not at me, she was glaring at Emmett. Carlisle and Esme looked worried. Jasper, as always, looked like he was going to be sick from all the emotions in the room. Edward, looked like he had just lost his best friend. Very rarely did I ever get mad at Edward, and he hated it every single time. This time I had a very good reason to be angry with him.
"Look, it's late. I need to take Nessie home and put her in bed," I said to the room. And then I met Edward's eyes.
"You should stay in the main house tonight. I want to be alone."
Edward, lowered his head, and then I looked in each of their eyes. Turning, I walked out the door and shut it behind me.