Short one-shot about Bella's jump. Words from the book mixed with my own. I was listening to Hold on to me from Courtney Love. And I dunno, I felt it fit with this part of the story, seeing as Edward is Bella's everything, her "centre of the universe", and she sorta lives on his memories as if it is oxygen. I didn't write about Jacob saving her, because I'm only focusing on her experience of the jump. (Doesn't mean that Jacob didn't save her though) So yeah.. here it is. Pretty short, I know, but hope you'll enjoy, and maybe listen to the song while reading? xx


I'm standing on the top.

This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted to jump from the top, I wanted the long fall. I wanted to fly. Just for a moment.

The ocean sounded far away from up here. The faint sound of crashing waves matched the sight beneath me. I shivered when the cold of the wind seeped through my clothes and made contact with my skin. My frozen toes felt carefully for the edge of the rock, and I closed my eyes and waited for his voice. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth when the sweetest of velvet crept into my mind, forming words that in reality hadn't been spoken out loud. But that was ok. It was there, and that was good enough.

He pleaded. I shook my head. My toes curled around the edge. Rain was blown in my face, and formed tear-like drops on my cheeks. It did not match my emotion. My heart was elated, not sad. I felt like flying. I felt like flying and desired to have his memory carry me like the wind. I would hold on and let his memory carry me forever if gravity would let me.

He pleaded again when I rocked back on my heels. And when I rolled onto the balls of my feet, his angry, desperate words reached my ears and caressed them as if it were a sweet wine on the tongue. Drunk on it, on him, I raised my arms out and lifted my face to the rain. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring. And then I flung myself into the deep, swirling darkness below.

A scream escaped my lips as I sliced through the air. Fear, exhilaration and adrenaline pumped through me. Cold wind bit my skin. It tried to push me, to play with my body, twirling me in spirals as I made my free fall.

I closed my eyes when my feet hit the surface of the water. Goosebumps broke out on goose bumps when the cold air was traded for icy liquid. The blackness greedily sucked me in and under. Another boost of adrenaline pumped through me as I plunged deeper and deeper into the water. I could only hear the deafening pounding of my pulse until my ears popped with the difference of pressure under water.

I wanted to cry out in happiness when visions of his memory fluttered through my mind. But I clamped my lips together to save oxygen. Instead, the word Yes! echoed around in my head like a mantra.

And then, the current caught me. I jerked around in the waves. They fought enthusiastic and determined over my limbs. But I didn't want to surrender. Not yet. I refused to drown if I wasn't out of life yet. I tried to let his pleading voice guide me back to the surface when exhilaration made place for panic as I swam and pawed in the desperation to find open air. But I couldn't tell upward from downward. Gravity was gone and my fight was useless. I was flung round and round like a rag doll. I realized that I really was going to drown. I was already drowning. His urgent voice begged me to keep swimming, to keep fighting. But where to? The fight left me and I was happy here. I could see him. He was with me. I focused on his image. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there. I clamped my lips even tighter together to save the little oxygen I had left. I stared into his desperate eyes as I waited for him to come to me and to secure his arms around me. I was impressed with my imagination as I could really feel him. I held on as his arms squeezed the life out of me and watched, feeling content and oddly peaceful, when a thick cloud of tiny silver bubbles finally escaped my mouth in a whoosh. My troath burned and choked and my legs cramped as I held on to my last memory and told him I loved him.

Then, the light headedness got the best of me. Black spots obscured my vision, and I let myself being dragged under, deeper into the darkness, to the bottom of the ocean.