Disclaimer: Well, I own neither Naruto or Harry Potter, thus, neither Sasuke Uchiha or Draco Malfoy. That makes me sad. But I do own a Slytherin necklace and hat and a Naruto coin-saver/piggy bank-type thing. And it has Sasuke on it, so I'm staring at him…
So, this was a random idea I got while washing my hair. It's also my first (and hopefully only) crossover story. Yup. And it's totally pathetic, and not even really funny, and the word "cool" is used way too freaking often. But I had to get the stupid idea out of my head.
Oh, and I have no idea how Sasuke got into the Harry Potter world. He's just kind of there.
The Coolness Factor
Dumbledore was sitting in his headmaster's office, staring at his bowl of random sweet things that looked like they wanted to eat him, when the door opened and two teens stalked into his room.
One of them he knew well. Blond hair, grey eyes, bad attitude. Draco Malfoy was kind of unforgettable. The other one he didn't know at all. But he had pale skin, dark hair that was in a seemingly impossible hairstyle, and very strange attire, including an open-chested shirt and a…huge purple bell rope? And said bell rope was being used as a belt, apparently.
This seemed interesting.
The two teens stopped before his desk, Malfoy looking irritated and the other boy looking emotionless as he crossed his arms over his partially visible chest.
"Headmaster, we need you to be the judge of something," Malfoy said, slamming one hand down on Dumbledore's desk.
"The judge of what?" Dumbledore asked curiously.
"Which one of us is cooler," Malfoy replied, gesturing at himself and the other boy, who still looked totally impassive.
"What?" he said after a moment of silence.
"We need you to decide which one of us is cooler," Malfoy repeated, and both the teens rolled their eyes as if that was obvious.
Utterly confused, Dumbledore began, "And just how would I go about-"
Waving a piece of paper in front of his face, Malfoy cut him off, saying, "We got a bunch of people together, and came up with these ten questions. Just ask us the questions, we'll tell you the answers, and then you decide whose answer is cooler, and the person with the coolest answer gets a point."
"The one with the most points wins," the dark-haired boy said, which was obvious.
"I kind of figured," Dumbledore said as he hesitantly took the paper, scanning the questions, some of which really didn't seem to apply to "coolness" at all.
But these two teens seemed to want him to do this so he said, "All right, then," and began with the first question.
"What is your name?"
And now the mysterious boy had a name.
Dumbledore considered for a moment, then said, "I think I'm going to have to go with Malfoy on that one."
The blond Slytherin shot the other boy a cool and triumphant look, and the dark-haired boy frowned in a manner that also happened to be very cool.
"Who has the best weapon?"
In response, Malfoy withdrew his wand—coolly—and held it before him, smiling.
The other boy—Sasuke—raised a (cool) eyebrow and unsheathed the Katana that hung from his…bell rope.
Dumbledore had to concede that the Katana was cooler.
"Who has the best smirk?"
Sasuke, who looked as if his face could never hold even a semblance of a smile, actually pulled the corners of his lips up and gave a wonderful smirk, complete with hooded eyes and a lazy expression.
But he could never beat the Slytherin Prince of Smirking, whose smirk was so cool it was nearly frozen, so the score now stood at Malfoy: 2, Sasuke: 1
"Who has the best glare?"
Assured in his victory, because arrogance was cool, Malfoy glared long and hard at the Headmaster, who nearly began sweating under his student's furious expression. He didn't think that the Uchiha boy would be able to beat that.
He was unpleasantly (but coolly) surprised.
When he turned to look at Sasuke, he was met with a flat, cold, hard glare that held absolutely no emotion, and was just about the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. If looks could kill, Dumbledore would have been poisoned, stabbed, drawn and quartered, burned, buried, then dug up, cloned, and killed all over again. All in a very cool way.
Needless to say, Sasuke got the point.
Trying to stop his hands from shaking (which was really not cool), Dumbledore looked at the next question, which happened to be regarding hair. Dubious about the outcome of this one, Dumbledore read aloud, "Who has the best hair?"
He closely scrutinized the hairstyles of the two boys. That ridiculous slicked-back looked that the Slytherin favored, or that… unnatural thing on the top of the Uchiha's head.
"Uh, tie," Dumbledore said eventually. Neither of those hairstyles seemed very cool to him. In fact, to him, they both just seemed kinda wrong.
Neither boy looked happy, but seeing as complaining wasn't cool, Dumbledore forged ahead.
"Who has the best clothes?"
That one didn't even need consideration. The sleek, professional Slytherin robes versus the open shirt and that…huge purple bell rope thingy.
"Malfoy gets that one."
"Who can show me the coolest power?"
Malfoy, looking confident with his win, raised his wand and shouted out, "Serpentsortia!" There was a blast of (cool) magic, then all three of them were looking down at the writhing snake on the floor. Dumbledore had to admit that was a pretty cool spell.
Sasuke, from his look, didn't like snakes very much. Dumbledore waited for him to do something, highly suspecting that he wouldn't be able to even come close to Malfoy's coolness. Sasuke brought his hands in front of him and began moving them in a series of rapid movements, almost too fast to see. Then he made a ring with the first finger and thumb of one hand and blew through it.
The result was a huge cloud of fire that completely enveloped the snake on the ground, and also half of the things in Dumbledore's room, leaving Dumbledore with a singed beard, and Malfoy with a smoking robe.
Okay, that was cool. Also majorly destructive, but seriously cool.
"That's Sasuke's point."
Sasuke smiled. He was feeling pretty cool.
Question number eight: "What is your profession?"
"Wizard," Malfoy drawled, because drawling was cool if you were blond, British, and Slytherin.
"Rogue ninja," Sasuke said shortly, which was cool if you were a rogue ninja.
Oh. Those were both incredibly cool.
"Hmm," Dumbledore said. Then, "tie."
Again, both boys were annoyed, but as long as Sasuke didn't turn his death glare on Dumbledore, everything was fine.
"House association?" Dumbledore asked, wondering how that increased the coolness factor.
"Slytherin," Malfoy said, while Sasuke, who was too cool to look confused, remained silent.
Dumbledore felt an explanation was called for, so he said, "You know, what group are you associated with?"
The dark-haired teen still looked a little not-confused, so Dumbledore considered his profession and said, "You know, like, what ninja team or something?"
Sasuke's face cleared and he said, "Oh. Team Taka."
Yeah, that one was going to Malfoy. Team Taka didn't sound very cool.
The score was 4 to 3 in favor of Malfoy when Dumbledore asked the tenth question. He really didn't see how this one was supposed to connect to how cool a person was.
"The name of your biggest crush?"
"Hinata Hyuga," Sasuke said without hesitation, his arms back to their position across his chest, which he figured increased his coolness by thirteen percent.
Malfoy looked down and mumbled something that Dumbledore couldn't quite catch, so the Headmaster said, "Say again? I couldn't hear you."
Malfoy looked up, because mumbling wasn't cool, and if he had been using the glare he was using now just a few questions ago, he would have had a better chance of winning.
"Hermione Granger," he said darkly (but coolly).
Dumbledore's eyebrows nearly grew wings and flew away. That was just about the most interesting thing he'd heard all year. But in the end, he decided that Hinata Hyuga was a very cool name, so the score was left perfectly tied, 4-4.
Ties, of course, were majorly not cool.
So, seeing as the coolest way to resolve something as troubling as this was to duke it out on the front lawn of the school, Sasuke turned to Malfoy and said, "Outside. Now."
The two teens stalked out of the room just like they had stalked into it, though this time, Sasuke was pulling out his Katana, and Malfoy was fingering his wand. They were careful not to look like angry children, but like angsty teenagers, because angry children were not cool, and angsty teenagers were.
As the sounds of "Incendio!" and "Chidori!" rang out, Dumbledore looked down at the paper in his hands and wondered how on earth he had been chosen to judge such a cool competition.
Oh, well. He should probably go and stop the two from killing each other. Though, of course, they were both probably too cool to die like that.
So that was pretty much the most pathetic thing I've ever written. I'm not expecting reviews, but if you feel like it, please don't hesitate. And if you have any major flames, I totally welcome them, mainly because this totally sucked. Just don't swear at me. That bugs me.
Oh, and by the way, I love Sasuke's name. But I love Malfoy's name even more.