Caution! This fic is rated M for language, future lemons, and adult situations and all around craziness, so if you don't have a sense of humor.... this fic isn't for you...


Finding The Perfect Man

Chapter 1: A Plan and The Cabbage Patch

"Grapefruit Margarita please" I say to the bartender. He nods his head and gets right to work on my drink while I dig in my purse for some cash to pay him. I look around the restaurant, with the folded up 5 dollar bill in my hand and smile when I look over to where my friends are.

Today is my best friend Alice's birthday, and we're here at our favorite restaurant celebrating. Rosalie, Alice and I have been friends since high school. We used to be the cute girls that used to party on the weekends and study hard on the weekdays. We had to keep the grades up for college, right?

Well, it worked for us, and we were all given scholarships UW, where we started the fall after we graduated high school. We kept up our study/ party schedule for college, and we had a lot of fun. We have pictures and memories of our nights out, and stories that would make even our mothers ashamed of us, but that's just how we are.

Well, at least until a month ago.

Rosalie started seeing this guy, Emmett, 2 years ago when we were in our last year at UW. At first he was just a guy we would go out with, and have fun, but within the last year, I've watched as things got serious with them. She stopped wanting to go out as much, she spent more time at his place than in our shared apartment, and if she wasn't with him, she was on the phone talking to him.

Yes, she was in love, and it was disgusting. Then, a month ago, we were at a club and I was sitting with Alice in our usual couch in the VIP area, when Rosalie shows up with a fucking rock hanging off her finger!

"What the fuck is that?" I yelled over the loud booming music in the club, while pointing at her left hand. The cheesiest smile I've even seen on Rose spreads on her face, and she looks at Alice and I and says "I'm Engaged."

The two words killed me, and if I had been the wicked witch of the west, those words would have been a bucket of water.

"Noooo" I yelled, at the same moment that Alice screamed "Yes!" and ran over to inspect the ring on her finger.

I should have known then that I would be the only one to stay sane as I watched my friends go insane over wedding shit the next day.

"Here you go, Hun. That'll be $4." the bartender says and I hand him the 5, and grab my drink, and head back to our table where Alice is on the phone.

"Yea… I mean, if you want, Jazzy. Ok, we'll wait for you" she snaps her phone shut as I sit down and looks over at me.

"That was Jasper, he's coming over to give me my gift now, so is it Ok if we wait for him before ordering?" she asks, and I nod my head. Jasper is Alice's boyfriend, and while I hate the idea of both of my friends being in a relationship, I feel better knowing that Alice and Jasper aren't that serious. They go out, they bump uglies, and then he leaves…. Leaving me with plenty of time to party with my non-engaged friend, which is awesome.

Let me get something straight. I'm not against finding love…. I think it's great; I'm more against what happens to a person after they've found love. I've witnessed it first hand what happens when a woman loses herself in her man, and I've made a vow not to let that happen to me. I have my fun with guys… not in a slutty way… well, maybe not ALWAYS in a slutty way, but I have needs that my rabbit doesn't always fulfill and that's when I need a man to fill those gaps.

"There he is!" Alice says, and I turn my head and watch as Jasper comes in through the door, and walks over to the hostess desk. She points him to our table and we all wave at him, watching as the smile spreads on his face and he starts to walk over to us.

"Hello Ladies…. Mind if I join you?" he says, and we shake our heads. He grabs the chair and pulls it back before sitting in it, and leaning over to kiss Alice's forehead.

"May I take your orders" the waiter says, as he takes out his notepad and we start ordering our meals. I finish my margarita, and start to work on my flute filled with champagne, and when our food is brought out, I practically inhale it.

We order our deserts, and I can't help but notice how different Jasper is acting tonight, but I brush it off, thinking maybe he's so fidgety because he's got a hemorrhoid or maybe itchy balls or something and he keeps having to shift his body….

Hey… this is how my mind works.

Our deserts finally get to the table, and I grab my fork, ready to dig in when Alice starts to shriek next to me. My fork falls to my plate, clattering against the porcelain as my eyes dart to see what happened to her. What I see makes my breathing pick up and my heart start to beat like crazy.

Alice's hands are covering her mouth, and Jasper is next to her. His torso is turned towards her, and he's holding up an opened jewelry case in front of her.

'Please let them be earrings… please let them be earrings' I chant to myself, shutting my eyes, before cracking one eye open and looking back over at them. Jasper is talking, but he's saying it low enough for her to hear, so I look over at Rosalie, who is wearing the similar expression of shock on her face as Alice is.

Alice nods her head frantically, and I watch as Jasper pulls a diamond ring for the box and sets the box on the table, grabs Alice's hand and raises the ring to slide it on her finger.

I look around, trying to find something to do that will stop this from happening when I spot the sprinklers on the ceiling…

Maybe I can grab on of the candles from the table and blow it out. Then I can stand on the table and hold the smoky candle up to the sprinklers, making them go off, and when we have to evacuate, I can grab Alice, and we can run away. Run to an island where we can be single and fun loving forever….

I go to grab the candle, and that's when I catch a glimpse of Alice's face. The smile on her face is huge, and she has tears falling down her face, and my face softens as I put the candle down.

Alice is happy, as is Rosalie, and here I am, single, and kind of happy.

Alice says yes, of course, and when dinner is over, Alice goes with Jasper and Rose calls up Emmett, and I'm left by myself. I decide to stop by this club around the corner, it's ladies night so drinks are free until 12 and I plan on being fucked up way before that. I walk in as some techno music is blasting through the speakers, and as I walk to the bar I take in all the people on the dance floor. My eyes wander over to a guy dancing with some girl, and his fist is raised up over his head and he's…. what the fuck is that? Fist pumping? Well, he's trying to fist pump, but it just looks like he's jerking off a giant or something. I laugh to myself and walk over to the bar, sitting down on a stool and calling over the bartender.

"Vodka…. Straight Vodka, please" I say and watch as she goes to get me what I want. She comes back with a clear glass in her hand and I toss her a couple of bucks and chug down my liquor, enjoying the burn as it slides down my throat. I bounce in my stool to the beat of the music and ignore the men who walk up to me and try and talk… I'm just not in the mood tonight. I order my fourth drink and also tell the bartender to call me a cab, which she does after she hands me glass of rum.

I love my partying life, and I love not having to answer to anyone about where I go, what I do and how I spend my money, but maybe not all relationships are that way.

Maybe I can find someone, who has all the qualities I would want in a man. Someone who won't hold me back from what I want to do in life, and won't try and rule me…

Maybe I can find someone for me…. The perfect man.

I laugh at my drunk ramblings that go on inside my head, and slide the empty glass across the bar. I turn in my seat, and hop down, staggering across the club until I reach the door. I step out, the cool night breeze cooling me off and blowing some of the club stank off of me as the cab pulls up. I get in and hand him my id, not able to remember where the fuck I live and he hands it back, nodding his head as he starts to drive.

I press my head against the glass of the window and look out. I see a couple strolling hand in hand along the sidewalk in front of the closed shops and businesses, and instead of scowl and crinkling my nose at them, I find myself smiling and wanting what they have.

Maybe I can do it? Maybe I can be happy with someone else….

The cab pulls out in front of my apartment, and I throw a 20 at the driver and thank him, in my slurred speech. I walk up to the door, and slide my key in and open the door. I make my way to my room, ignoring the sound of the headboard banging against the wall in Alice's room, and once I'm in, I throw myself face first into the bed and fall right asleep.

The next morning, I wake up, knowing what I'm going to do. All that's left is to talk to my friends about it.

I get up from my bed, throwing the blankets off of me, and I grab my robe from the hook behind my door, ignoring the pounding that's going on inside of my head. I slip on the fluffy terry cloth, and tie it at the front and walk out of my room. I start the coffee, and grab my mug from the counter, rinsing it out when I hear someone else come out of their room. I look up to see Jasper leaving, and he waves as he slips out the door.

Alice comes out not too long after, with her hair sticking up in all directions, and her skin glowing, and I know she had a good night, especially since I heard most of it when I came in.

"Slept well, dear friend?" I say, and she smirks and shakes her head. We laugh and I rinse out her mug and fill it with coffee and hand it to her.

"Thanks" she says, and slowly takes a sip. I'm about to ask her if Rosalie is home, when I hear the door to her room opening, and she walks out and holds her hand out for coffee.

I hand her mug to her, and I tell them to join me in the living room. They take their seats on the sofa, and I move to the armchair to make my announcement.

"So…. After seeing how happy you guys are, you know, with your boyfriends…"

"Fiancé's." Rosalie says, causing all of us to laugh.

"Excuse me. After seeing how happy you guys are with your Fiancé's, I've decided that maybe there's someone out there for me. So, I decided to look for him…. I'm going to find a man…"

I wait for their reactions, but their faces stay blank for a couple of seconds before their eyes meet, and they burst out laughing. I huff and throw my back against the chair, and scowl at them.

"Oh, Bella. Don't make that face at us…. It's just…." Alice starts, but then Rosalie finishes.

"You're the last person on earth we'd figure would want to settle down…" she says, raising an eyebrow. I put my coffee on the table in front of me, and lean back once again, holding my hands in my lap and looking down at them.

"It's just…. I'm the only one, now. I'm the only single one, and while it was fun while it lasted, I want what you guys have. I want to have someone that makes me smile just by being near him, I want the romance, and the love…. And shit, it might be nice to have sex with someone and not have to slip out of bed in the middle of the night and leave a fake phone number on their nightstand because they were a lazy lay" they smile, and get up from the couch, and stand on either side of me, grabbing my shoulders.

"It's my turn to find someone to spend the rest of my life with." they nod their heads at me, and both wrap their arms around me.

So it's decided. I'm going to put myself out there, and try and find the man for me….

I hope he's out there.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

After I told the girls of my plan, we decided that we should celebrate my decision to settle down, so we went out and rented some movies, and pigged out on junk food as we watched romantic comedies. We hadn't done something like this since we were in high school and Tommy Sharp broke up with Alice. It felt good to do this for a good reason, instead of doing it to mend one of our broken hearts.

Our movie night ended when it hit 7 o clock, and it was time for me to head into work. I went into my bathroom and showered, and then dried off and slipped on some jeans and a t shirt and some sneakers, and headed out to my job.

The bright lights from my workplace can be seen the moment you hit the city, and you can't miss the sign that says 'The Original Bookstore" glowing yellow in the night sky. I pull up to the building, and park in a spot right under a street light, not wanting to park in a darkened spot since the area I work in isn't always so safe.

Ok, so something you might want to know about where I work, is that although it's called "The Original Bookstore", it's actually a porn shop, sandwiched between a sandwich shop and a liquor store in downtown Seattle. I've been working here for about a year, and even though I have a degree in business management, I like working here. Not to mention that these days it's hard finding a job and here I get steady pay and get to deal with interesting people.

I take the stairs up to the front door, and smile when I see my co-worker, Tony, standing behind the counter. I walk to the back, throwing my purse and keys back there, and then walk back over to the counter, just in time to help Tony with one of the customers.

The customer, an older gentleman is standing there, holding one of the largest dildos we have here in the store. Right as Tony is about to scan it, I notice it's a vibrating one, and bring it to his attention.

"Hold on, Tony. We have to make sure it works" I say, ripping open the package, and grabbing some batteries from underneath the counter.

"We have to make sure it works, cause you can't return the dicks." I open the bottom of the dildo, and put the batteries in and then twist the bottom, sending strong vibrations from the monstrous fake cock, up to my hands, and I can even feel it in my forearms.

"Strong stuff" I say, smiling and Tony blushes. Tony is new, he started working here about a month ago, and he still gets his moments where seeing a man buy a dildo really freaks him the fuck out.

"If you're going to use this on yourself, I suggest you grab some of this," I say, pulling a tiny bottle of anal lube out from under the counter. "It has a numbing agent in it, and it will make anal penetration much pleasurable. Plus, it's water based and it feels more realistic" I say, handing the bottle to the man who looks at it.

"Do you have this in a bigger size?" he asks, and Tony chooses that moment to go to the back room, unable to fight his giggling fits any longer. I walk around the counter, and take the man over to our wall of lube, and show him our bigger sizes. He picks one, and we walk back over to the counter where I ring him up and bag his items in our discreet black bag. I hand him his receipt and tell him to come again, and as he walks out the door, I hear Tony's outburst of laughter as he hears my parting words for the man.

I walk over to the door, and push it open, laughing myself and plop down on the seat next to him.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to sell a plastic dick to a man, and be as calm about as you are" he says, and I smile.

"You get used to it. You realize they're just trying to make themselves feel good…"

"I don't think having a monster dildo shoved up my ass will ever feel good" he says, wiping the tears from laughing out of his eyes.

"Don't knock it till you try it" I say. His head shoots up, and I wink at him and stand up and walk back out into the store.

After shocking Tony, which I do on a daily basis, we got back to work. We had some people come in for movies, some came in for sex toys, and a couple came in for one of those sex swings, which I am definitely putting on my Christmas list this year.

At 3 am, our shift is over, so we close up shop, and Tony walks me to my car.

"You wanna get some food, or something?" he asks, as I pull my keys out and press the button to unlock my doors. I look back at him and see that he has a nervous smile on his face and I agree.

"Sure. Um, you wanna go in my car, or yours?" I ask, and he says we should go in mine since I have my keys out already. I get into the drivers side as he gets into the passenger side.

"Where do you wanna go?" he asks, and I shrug my shoulders.

"There's a Denny's not too far from here. You want to go there?" I ask and he says yes, so I drive down about 5 minutes from the shop, and once we get there, we see that the parking lot is deserted except for a couple of cars that must belong to the people who work here.

We walk into the empty restaurant, listening to the oldies music fill the room, and an older woman walks up to us. She looks to be about 40, and her blonde hair is piled on top of her hair, with a pencil sticking through the bun.

"Hi ya'll. Table for two?" she asks, and we nod as she grabs two menus from the host stand and asks us where we'd like to sit. I look to Tony who points to a booth in the back, and she walks over and places the menus on the table.

"My name is Darcy and I'll be your server this morning…. Can I start ya'll with something to drink?"

"I'll have an orange juice" I say, and she jots it down in her notebook and then looks back to Tony, who says he'll have the same. She tells us she'll be right back and less than a minute later, she brings us our juice and we put in our orders.

While we wait for our food to come out, Tony and I talk about each other. I learned a lot about him that I didn't know, like that he has a little girl who just turned 4, but her and her mother live in California. He had gotten laid off a couple of months ago, and couldn't find a job so he decided to come up to Washington, and he got lucky and found a job at the shop.

"Why do you work in a porn shop?" he asks, as I shove some French toast in my mouth. I chew a bit, and swallow quickly, smirking over at him.

"It's money…. And the people are great" I say and he laughs.

"True. But you have a college degree… you could get a much higher paying job somewhere else" I look up at him and place my fork down on my plate, leaning towards him and begin to speak in a soft voice.

"Ok. Well the truth is… I'm a sex addict. I got the job there so I can get all my sex toys discounted…."

I watch as Tony shifts in his seat, and I try and keep a straight face, but I lose it and burst out laughing as his head shoots up and his shocked look is replaced by a smile.

"I'm waiting for the right opportunity. Plus, the shop's been good to me… and I like it there."

Tony nodded and smiled at me and grabbed up his fork and began to dig into his eggs again.

We eat the rest of our food, and make small talk. When we finish, he pays and we make our way back to the car. The whole time I'm trying to decide whether or not I should tell him about my plans, but I decide against it, figuring I can wait and at least go on a couple of dates before I tell him.

After I drop him off at his car, I drive straight home, exhausted from being up all day and as soon as my body hit's the bed, I knock out.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

The sound of my cell phone ringing from my pocket wakes me up the next morning. I crack open my eyes, shielding them from the light streaming in through the windows as I squint, looking over at the bedside table and seeing that it's a little after 1 in the afternoon. I grab my phone, and see that it's Alice calling, but I don't answer in time, so she sends a text.

We'll b home soon. Pick up lunch from Mikey's for us? Love ya- Alice

I quickly text back 'Ok' and get up from the bed. I throw my clothes off, and walk into the bathroom, turn on the shower and once it's warm enough, I step under the stream. I jump out after I'm toughly clean, and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt, and slide my feet into some sandals and grab my purse and keys and get into my car.

Mikey's is an Italian restaurant a couple of blocks from our apartment. It just opened up about 2 months ago, and we've only been there twice, but those two times we've been there, the food has been out of this world, so it might quickly become 'our' place. I pull into the parking lot, finding a place in the front, and step out and walk into the 2 story, brick building. I walk in and tell the host that I need to place an order for take-out, and he directs me to the bar, and hands me a menu. I walk to the center of the restaurant, and take a seat at one of the stools at the bar as I flip through the menu.

"I'll be right with you" I hear someone say, and I don't look up from the menu in front of me as I throw up a thumbs up, and continue reading through the entrees.

"What can I get for you?" I hear a smooth, deep voice say, and I look up and come face to face with one of the sexiest men I've ever seen. His long blonde hair is pulled back into his pony tail, and if his eyes we're a crayon, they'd probably be 'Glacial blue'.

Fuck he's good-looking

I finally remember he just asked me something, and I clear my throat and take a deep breath. "I want to place an order for takeout" I squeak out, and he smiles and grabs a note pad from the other side of the bar. He grabs a pen from his pocket and tells me to go ahead.

"Ok, I'll have the baked ziti, with the garlic bread. A penne rustica, light on the peppers, also with garlic bread, and a Tuscan chicken wrap with Italian cheese bread." I close the menu, glad I could get all of that out without fucking up. I look up at him and he smiles as he tucks the notepad into his pocket and grabs the menu from me. I watch as he walks back to the kitchen to place my order, and the way his ass looks in those black slacks should be illegal. I'm licking my lips and making a 'mmmhmmm' noise when he suddenly turns around, totally seeing what I'm doing. He lets out a chuckle and disappears through the kitchen door, leaving me there, mortified that I've just been caught ogling his ass.

Fuck me.

I pull out my phone, getting on the internet and reading up on the latest gossip news as I wait for the food to be ready.

10 minutes later, the bartender comes back out of the kitchen, holding my bags of food, and placing them on the counter.

"That'll be $20.45" he says, and I reach into my purse and pull out my debit card. The smile doesn't leaves his face as he slides my card, and hands it back to me with the receipt. I sign their copy, and place my card and my copy of the receipt in my bag and thank him, grabbing a 5 dollar bill from my purse and giving it to him for tip. Only to have him shake his head, and hold his hand up.

"I won't take your money… but maybe I could get your number…. We could go out sometime." he says, and I have to hold back the urge to fucking scream right there. I smile at him and as him for his pen and he hands me his notepad and he pen from his pocket, and I quickly jot down my name and number and hand it back to him.

"Bella…. Beautiful name" he says, and I can feel the blush rising to my face.

"I didn't catch your name" I say

"I'm James"

"Well… I hope I hear from you soon, James" I tell him as I grab the bags of food from the counter.

"Don't worry. You will." he says with a smile and I walk off, and out of the restaurant. As soon as I reach my car, I place my bags in the passenger seat, and as soon as I get in the car, I shut the door, and scream. I bounce up and down in my chair while simultaneously doing the cabbage patch, excited that I just gave my number to Hottie Mcfuck in there, when I hear a knock on my window.

I turn my head, and come face to face with Hottie Mcfuck himself, the smile on his face widens and I mutter a quiet 'fuck' as I place my key in the ignition and start the car, rolling down the window.

"You left this in there" he says, holding up my cell phone. I grab it from him, and tell him thanks.

"I put my number in there… just so that when I call you you'll know who it is…" he says and I blush hard, nodding my head. He tells me he'll talk to me soon, and turns and walks back in the restaurant. I take another look at his sweet ass as he walks away, and then pull my car in reverse out of there before he catches me doing something else embarrassing.

I get home and Rose and Alice are there already, waiting for me on the couch. I place the food on the coffee table, and sit down as Alice gets up to grab some drinks for us. I can't wipe the smile from my face as I pull out my ziti, and the girls notice and ask me what's going on.

"I think I might have found him…."


Let me know what you think!

-Ana