Title: Be a Man
Victim/s: Garp & Luffy (with a dash of Coby and Helmeppo)
Sanji drop kicked Luffy out of the kitchen and watched as he sailed through the air then smacked hard against the mast of the ship making the long thick rod of solid wood shake. The cook then ignored Franky's bitching and whiny threats as he shut the door to the kitchen to head back over to the stove.
The blonde bit his cigarette hard in aggravation while staring into the half now empty pot on the stove. That rubber bastard had eaten half of the stew he had been working on all day for dinner tonight. Damn glutton of a captain was making it so he could not even take a piss anymore with out worrying about the safety of his kitchen.
Sanji stroked the scruff on his chin "Luffy really does have it to good these days…" he muttered with his cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth as a slow grin came to light up his face then.
Happily the blonde skipped his way over to the Den Den Mushi with black book in hand!
Many miles away on a government ship Admiral Garp was napping with a large snot bubble slowly increasing with size as he busily snored away behind a desk in his chair. Suddenly the door to the office Garp was in crashed in as both Coby and Helmeppo came racing in getting first stuck in the doorway as they both tried to enter at once then fell forward that ended in another crash that this time woke the Admiral making his snot bubble pop.
"What the hell is going on?" Garp growled out mad his nap had been interrupted.
Coby held up the Den Den Mushi, "Admiral Garp, sir!" Coby yelled as he and Helmeppo scrabbled to their feet. "It's the hospital they are calling about Luffy!"
At once Garp was over his desk and pulling the Den Den Mushi from the pink haired boy, "Hello this Admiral Garp is my grandson ok?"
"Hello Admiral this is East Blue Cross and yes so for the evaluation is going fine we were just calling to confirm your consent for the operation due to Monkey D. Luffy being under age."
"Operation?" Garp yelled out even more worried now as Coby and Helmeppo hugged each other with tears in their eyes and snot hanging from there noses.
"Luffy is not going to die is he?" Coby asked.
"Shut up so I can hear!" barked out Garp.
"Oh dear heavens sir please no, no you misunderstand its nothing life threatening this call is just about the sex change operation."
"Say what?" Garp yelled as the two boys in the room deadpanned.
"Yes Mr. Monkey wants his outtie an innie and a cup B size …is that what you both agreed on? Personally I think it's in very good taste as most people normally go C cup size or higher when they first come in. This really shows maturity in the boy…well soon to be a girl. I always say bigger is not always better."
"NO!" Garp finally yelled out after his tongue learned how to work again.
"Oh then you think it should be C cup size… very well I will make the changes on the forms."
"No no no!" Garp yelled, it at the moment being the only thing he could think to say still in the shock of it all.
"Sir I really don't think a boy of such narrow frame should have a D cup or higher it can lead to back problems as is. Really now you are his grandfather what kind of an example are you setting for him? You don't wish him to be self conscious about his appearance now do you?"
"Gaw …no cup …breasts no!" Garp sputtered red in the face.
"Are you meaning to tell me you're asking for him to be a cunt boy? My, I herd you government officials were pervy but I never…"
"You bastard! Don't you dare go saying anymore of that crap! There will be no sex change!"
A bit of a pause …"Sir look maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. Maybe my words were a little harsh but that is no reason to take your business elsewhere."
"There will be no business period! Luffy is not getting a sex change!" Garp finally was able to think straight again …yet the two boys in the room were still frozen in shock.
"Sir I understand things can be a bit embarrassing when others know about them but that is no reason to take this out on your grandson. You made a very bold step forward signing this form please do not take a step back now."
"You son of a bitch I didn't sign anything! Clearly it's a fake! That's it give me your name I'm personally coming down there to kick your ass if you so even think of giving my grandson a sex change!" Garp was livid on his feet yelling now into the Den Den Mushi.
"Oh dear sir please I didn't know…" there was suddenly then a great rustling on the other side of the line then a loud pop before the voice came back on the line, "I'm sorry sir it seems Strawhat Luffy is holding me at gun point I will need to call you back later." Click.
Sanji smirked popping a potato chip in his mouth from the bag in hand. Now all he would need to do is wait … but first. "Hey Franky!" The cook yelled out getting to his feet.
One week Later!
"Oi Luffy isn't that your grandfather's ship?" Zoro asked.
"Eh?" Luffy moved to the end of the ship to get a better look at the fast approaching ship.
"Luffy!" yelled out Garp with Coby and Helmeppo by his sides.
"Be a man Luffy, there are so much joys of manhood!" Garp yelled on.
Zoro raised a brow, "What is he going on about?"
"Be all you can be Luffy!" Coby yelled.
Luffy frowned, "I think they are trying to get me to join the marines again."
"Luffy let me tell you of the joys of manhood! The birds! The bees!" Garp yelled.
Luffy deadpanned along side of Zoro.
"A man's stinger is his pride!" Garp added.
"FRANKY! We need to Coup de Burst … RIGHT NOW!" Luffy yelled out.
"Ah sorry Strawhat but Cook-bro used my last barrel of cola last night for the BBQ Party." Franky said rubbing the back of his neck.
"Luffy be a man!" Garp, Coby and Helmeppo yelled in union.
As Garp then started to yell out across the ocean the 'good' workings of a man's pride a certain blonde cook was in the kitchen working on a new pot of stew with a huge grin on his face. Sanji had a feeling Luffy would not be trying to come in today to sneak a taste with all the action going on out there.