Author Notes: The British PM is a made up person because I feel uncomfortable writing RPF.
"We must, Richard!" Hyacinth exclaimed.
Richard groaned. "I'm sure the Prime Minister would have better things to do than talk to us."
Hyacinth ignored him. "Don't be ridiculous, Richard," she told him, sounding exasperated. "I am very well known in certain social circles. I'm positive that the Prime Minister would love to come over for one of my candlelight suppers."
"We've never been skiing," Richard pointed out. "Do we even have the appropriate clothing?"
Hyacinth sighed. "Must you make this so difficult?"
Richard frowned. He didn't think he was making this difficult. They were in Switzerland on a holiday; they really didn't need to go skiing. Just the thought of skiing made his skin crawl. It looked so dangerous. He really was more of a gardening person. "Yes dear," he said with resignation, "we'll go to the resort."
"But I thought we voted Tory!" Richard pointed out. "Why do we have to do this? Can't we just enjoy the beginner's slope?" The wind whipped his face and the fresh breeze smelled wonderful. He was beginning to be glad that they had come to the resort. He was even enjoying the skiing part. His favourite part so far was still the hot chocolate in front of the fireplace at the end of the day.
"We do," Hyacinth exclaimed. "As usual, Richard, you're missing the point!" She stumbled forward and made an exasperated noise. "These skis are terrible."
Richard glided forward on his skis. "We really shouldn't go over there," he whispered. "I think those men are guards."
Hyacinth waved her hand dismissively at him. "I must invite him to one of my candlelight suppers," she said as she marched over, lifting her skis in the air with each step. Richard stifled a laugh; she looked ridiculous walking with her skis on. "Excuse me," she said briskly. The grey-haired man turned around. Around him, his guards narrowed their eyes and fingered their holsters.
"May I help you?" he asked pleasantly.
"My name's Hyacinth Bouquet," she said, shaking the Prime Minister's hand enthusiastically. "It is lovely to meet you."
Richard could feel his face flushing as one of the guards looked over in his direction and raised an eyebrow.
"Why, thank you," the Prime Minister said politely. "I'm always glad to meet somebody who voted for me."
"Well, we didn't exactly vote for you, did we Richard?" Hyacinth said. Richard tried to hide behind his ski poles. "However, I do think that you have a most distinguished face. That's very important in a politician. Far more important than policies, don't you think?"
The Prime Minister had a look of shock on his face. "I'm afraid that I have a pressing engagement," he said politely. "It was lovely to meet you."
Richard was horrified when Hyacinth moved to block his way. He was suddenly very glad that this was their Prime Minister rather than the American President or some other famous person. From telly, he concluded that American Secret Service were always rather hands-on when it came to people around their President. "Mr Prime Minister," Hyacinth said, "I would love to invite you to our house for a candlelight supper."
"I'd love to but –"
"Excellent!" Hyacinth pronounced. "Richard was unsure, but I was positive that you would have heard of my excellent hospitality. You see, I'm well known for my candlelight suppers."
"I'm sorry, Mrs Bouquet," the Prime Minister said, "but I'm terribly busy. I appreciate the invitation though."
"I'll be serving very expensive appetisers and champagne," Hyacinth continued as if the Prime Minister hadn't said anything.
Richard cleared his throat. "Hyacinth..." he tried to say, but she just continued.
"My sister Violet will be so excited. Violet has a swimming pool, Mercedes and room for a pony," Hyacinth said beaming. "You will love her. I'm afraid my other sisters Daisy and Rose won't be able to make it though."
One of the guards stepped forward, a serious look on his face. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said. "The Prime Minister has a very important meeting."
"We'd love to come along to the meeting, thank you!" Hyacinth said cheerfully. "Won't we, Richard?"
Richard tried to tug on her arm, but she shook his hand off. He watched as she stumbled forward on her skis into the Prime Minister. His mouth dropped open in horror as he saw Hyacinth accidentally hit the Prime Minister in the nose with her ski pole. The guards around them suddenly turned to him. "Sorry!" Richard tried to say, but it was too late.
"Disgraceful!" Hyacinth exclaimed, brushing down her ski suit with a look of disgust on her face.
Richard was silent. They had spent the night in the local jail in Switzerland. It was one of the most miserably embarrassing nights of their life. Both of them now had a police record for harassing the British Prime Minister.
"I will be writing a letter to the BBC about this," Hyacinth said firmly. "They must know what kind of person is running this country."
"I'm not sure that they're going to do anything," Richard ventured.
"Of course they will!" Hyacinth exclaimed. "To think! The Prime Minister lied to me! He wasn't going to come to my candlelight supper at all."
Richard groaned. "Come on," he said. "We paid for three days. We'd better go skiing."
Hyacinth sniffed. "You go," she said. "Skiing is such a low-class sport."
Richard hid a smile as he watched her make her way awkwardly back to the lodge. As one of the other skiers on the slope had told him yesterday, he had never seen a worse skier than Hyacinth.