Disclaimer: I don't own anything harry Potter nor do I make any money from this story.
A/N: Okay, lovelies, so here is the deal: I know I have a lot of other stories that I should be working on but I heard this song the other day and this popped into my mind. I tried to write around it but I kept thinking about this, so in order to get refocused on my other works in progress I caved and wrote this. Definitely AU, although secretly in the books I think Draco was attracted to Hermione but was too much of a coward to go after what he wanted. Such a shame. Anyway, this story starts in the sixth book and continues on. A song-fic (which personally I feel are my specialty) to Over and Over by Three Days Grace. Love that song, if you have not heard it, check it out. The words with the quotation marks are the lyrics to the song. Alright, enough rambling, on with the story so I can reclaim my brain.
Over and over
My eyes follow her of their own accord. No matter what I do, I can't seem to break myself of my attraction to her. I shouldn't want her, hell I shouldn't even look at her. For as long as I can remember, I was taught that her kind was inferior.
But she is anything but worthless. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that she is a useless mud blood, that she isn't worthy of my attention, I find myself drawn back to her. She is like a beacon in the darkness of my life, like a lighthouse guiding me home during the darkest of storms.
And she is entirely oblivious.
The mere thought of her is almost enough to bring me to my knees. She never acknowledges me. It's not as if she's trying to get my attention. She never even looks at me unless I provoke her somehow. It's as if someone has cast a permanent disillusionment charm on me. She never sees me, never notices how my eyes follow her around the Great Hall or how I watch her during lessons. It hurts to know that she deems me unworthy of her attention when she occupies my every waking thought. She's even in my dreams.
I know it's foolish, these feelings that I have for her. We come from two different worlds, different cultures. We could never be. But deep inside me, in the bottomless recesses of my cold heart, I know that I'm in love with her. And as much as I want to blame her, to lay the burden of guilt at her perfect little feet, the pain that I feel is all my own doing.
I tried to squash my growing feelings for the pretty, muggleborn witch. Nothing good could come of it. The war was looming and we belonged to opposing sides. I couldn't imagine being put in the position of having to face her on the battlefield. I never wanted to join the Dark Lord in his bloodthirsty quest for domination but I never had the luxury of a choice. It was join or send my mother to an early grave. My mother was the only one to ever show me that she cared about me and I loved her unconditionally. I would never condemn her to death when I could save her. So, I took the mark.
Through the years, my feelings only grew in intensity so I resorted to bullying and insulting the Gryffindor beauty, trying to push myself away from her. That plan backfired horribly. Instead of running away crying, the fiery witch stood toe to toe with me, matching me insult for insult and hex for hex. She gained my respect. No one ever dared to stand up to me and found myself actually looking forward to these encounters. They made me feel alive in a way that I'd never felt before and it scared me.
I tried to distract myself with Pansy which was complete and utter failure. I kept comparing the two of them and found Pansy to be seriously lacking. She wasn't as pretty as Granger. Her magic wasn't nearly as powerful as Granger's. Pansy was dim-witted and slow. Granger was the smartest witch in school. Pansy caved instantly to my demands. Granger never gave up, never backed down. When I slept with Pansy, I could only imagine how it would be if it was Granger instead. How her lips would feel against mine. What she would taste like. Merlin, save me. I can't get her out of my head.
Day after day, they all seem the same. On the outside I appear emotionless, the Malfoy mask firmly in place covering the turmoil roiling inside of me. The Dark Lord has given me a task. Two actually. And they are both seemingly impossible. I'm certain that I'm being set up to fail. Failure is not an option where the Dark Lord is concerned. On top of that, my father has been putting pressure on me to give him my marriage prospects. The trouble is that the only one I want, I could never have. My father would avada me where I stood if I told him that I wanted Granger. Besides, she is in love with the Weasel. A blind man could see it even though he can't.
I had managed to keep my distance from the Gryffindor Princess over the years. But all my fighting and denial flew out the window when I found her in the stairwell crying one night. Tiny, twittering canaries fluttered around her shaking form. I was rooted to the spot. I'd never seen something so beautiful and heart-breaking all at once. I knew that I should walk away before she spotted me. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. She was breath-taking even with her tear stained cheeks. Her soul cried out to me. We were kindred spirits, put under too much pressure and forced to grow up before our time.
Before I knew what I was doing, my legs were carrying me to her. I touched her shoulder gently.
She didn't flinch under my touch or jerk away from me. She didn't even raise her eyes. "What do you want, Malfoy?" she said lowly. "Come to make fun of the mudblood crying in the stairwell? Well, go ahead. Take your best shot. It's not as if you can make me feel any worse than I already do."
Gods, I'd never seen her so crushed. She was always so fiery, so full of vitality. I dropped my hand away from her and cleared my throat. "No… I… What's wrong?" I asked.
Finally, she raised her honey colored orbs to meet my steely grey ones. "As if you care. Just leave me be, Malfoy," she replied quietly.
I gritted my teeth and folded my arms across my chest. Why did she have to be so stubborn? "I wouldn't ask if I didn't care, Granger. And I'm not going anywhere until you answer. So, I'll ask once more. What's wrong?"
She looked up again, her eyes searching my face. Then she sighed quietly. "Fine. I don't even know why you want to know. Have you ever liked someone, I mean really liked someone, and they don't ever give you the time of day? No matter how much you try to get them to see you and return your feelings, they are completely clueless."
Her words pierced right through my heart. She just described exactly how I felt about her. I settled my self next to her on the stairs, breathing in her unique scent. This was the closest I'd ever been to her other than the time she punched me. The corners of my mouth lifted slightly at the memory. She packed quite a punch for someone so small.
Finally, I answered, "As shocking as it may seem, I know exactly what it feels like. There is one witch that I care very deeply for, I have since the first year, from the moment that I first laid eyes on her. But she doesn't know, she never even notices me. She is the most beautiful creature in the world but she is in love with someone else."
She looked at me in surprise at my sudden confession, tears shimmering in her eyes. My eyes settled on her plump lips. I wanted to kiss her so badly. Just once to know what it felt like. I leaned closer to her. She stayed still, making no move to pull away. Her breath fanned across my face. She was intoxicating. She was so pure, so good. She brought light to the darkness that was my life. I threaded my hands in her silky hair, shuddering at how good it felt against my quidditch roughened fingers. I tilted her chin and searched her eyes of liquid gold for permission. She merely gazed back steadily.
There wasn't any hint of malice or disgust in her golden pools. Only a deep seated hurt. It made me want to murder whoever reduced her to this broken girl. She closed her eyes as I closed the distance between us. Her lips were soft and smooth. She sighed quietly and I deepened the kiss a little further. She tasted better than anything that I'd ever tasted. Slightly salty from her tears, but there was something else that was purely her. I'd never encountered anything quite like it. Pure pleasure zinged through my body. I had wanted her for so long but it was over before it really started. Whatever spell she had been under to get her to allow me to kiss her was broken the moment Lavender Brown stumbled around the corner, giggling and pulling the Weasel behind her.
Granger jerked away from me as if she had been burned. Damn it. What would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted? I noticed the Weasel narrow his eyes at us. I smirked at his reaction.
"Oops," Lavender giggled. "Looks like this room is taken. Come on Ron." She tugged on his hand but he stayed frozen in place.
His face was bright red. He resembled a volcano. "What are you doing her with him, Hermione? Turned traitor on us, have you? Fraternizing with enemy?" he shouted angrily.
Granger's face contorted with fury. She stood and I felt it physically as she flexed her power. I'd never felt anything quite like it before. This girl was far more powerful than anyone had known.
"Oppugno," she muttered quietly.
The once happy, little birds were instantly transformed into dangerous projectiles that turned and launched themselves at the Weasel. He screamed, like a girl I might add, and took off with the Brown girl, the little birds chasing him until he was out of sight. I laughed quietly to myself. That was possibly the funniest thing I'd ever seen.
Granger breathed deeply and sank back down on the stairs. She covered her face with her hands. I wasn't sure what to say to her. It was obvious now what had upset her so much. Her display of temper made it a little more awkward. I mean, I knew she had a temper, her punch from the third year was proof enough, but I'd never seen it displayed like this before. It was quite scary actually. I have no doubt, had she been a pureblood, she would have been place in Slytherin. I was even more smitten than ever.
Finally, I broke the uncomfortable silence that had settled between us. "Granger, I must say, that was impressive. You even did it wandless. You are just full of surprises, aren't you?"
She looked up and smiled slightly. It was almost a smirk. "There are many things that people don't know about me. No one ever takes the time to bother," she said quietly.
"Even your friends," I pressed.
"Especially them," she replied.
She interrupted me abruptly, "Malfoy, stop. What is this?" she gestured between the two us. "You hate me. You hate my dirty blood. Maybe we should just pretend that this never happened. You can go back to your pureblooded bigotry and I can go back to pretending that the insults don't hurt," she whispered.
She stood to leave and I grasped her wrist, stopping her. I stood in front of her, blocking her escape. My heart was absolutely shuddering in my chest. I didn't want her to go. The top of her head just barely met my shoulder so she looked up at me. Her eyes looked like golden pools of honey in the dim light. I swallowed heavily as her eyes pierced my own. "Draco, please move. What would your friends say? Just…. Just let me go," she said softly.
My heart soared when she said my first name. I loved the way it sounded as it fell from her perfect lips. I decided to tell her how I felt. I didn't care what my father or my friends thought. I knew that she was the one, my other half.
I put my finger to her lips, silencing her. They were so soft. I traced them softly with my thumb, savoring their texture. "Shh…" I soothed her. "I want to tell you something. Remember what I said about the one witch? It's you. It's always been you. It will always be you. No matter how hard I try, I can't break myself from wanting you. The more I try to pull away, the more you suck me in. I'm tired of fighting it. I don't want to fight it any longer." I sounded almost desperate and I loathed it. But it's how I felt. I was so tired of keeping everything inside.
Her eyes were wide with shock. I stared back at her, my stomach felt like it was full of rampaging hippogriffs. I'd never put myself so far out onto a limb before. I'd never breathed a single word to anyone about how I felt about granger. Not even to my best mate, Blaise. Now, I'd spilled my guts to the girl herself. Very uncharacteristic, but I felt liberated, like an immense burden had been lifted from my shoulders. At least she finally knows.
After several agonizing minutes, she said, "Draco… I… You…,you can't be serious. If you liked me, why were you always so horrible to me?"
I let go of her wrist and moved my hands to her shoulders. Squeezing gently, I said, "I told you before. You never looked at me, never noticed me unless I was fighting with you. It was the only way I could get your attention. Then I found that I actually liked provoking you. It was challenging. I had to actually try to match wits with you. I started to look forward to those little tiffs. It was invigorating. It made me feel like I was alive for the first time in my life."
She looked at me for several more minutes. I felt like I was laid bare before her. That she could see so deep within me that she could see my very soul. "What about the war, Draco? We're on opposing sides. I know you have His mark. So don't deny it," she stated quietly.
Now it was my turn to be surprised. How did she know? In this situation, it was obvious that honesty was the best policy. "You're right, I do have the mark but please let me explain." I paused momentarily and when she didn't explode, I continued, "I didn't want it. I never wanted to follow Him. The Dark Lord threatened to kill my mother. She's the most important person in the world to me. She's the only one who ever loved me. I can't let anything happen to her. I could never choose to let her die. Do you understand?"
"I understand, Draco, I really do. But even if you didn't want it, you are still on their side. There is so much at stake, so many lives. The fate of the world literally rests on Harry's shoulders. How can you honestly expect me to trust you?"
I pulled her against me, where she rested stiffly for several moments. Wrapping my arms around her, I whispered, "I'll prove it to you. If you'll let me."
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
She kept me at arms length. I can't say that I blamed her. I had been a right bastard over the years. She spent time with me as friends but nothing more. It was the sweetest torture, spending time with her knowing that I could never have her. I got to know her as a person and my attraction to her grew by leaps and bounds. Over time, I hoped that she could see the real me, the person I kept buried beneath the cold façade.
I didn't really have a set plan for courting my reluctant beauty. I knew that she was the one I wanted, consequences be damned. My father would never approve of her. I would probably be disinherited but I was okay with that. I could make more money and buy another house. There was not another Granger.
My task was wearing on me. I couldn't seem to get the vanishing cabinet fixed. Every time I worked on it, I could only think about Hermione and how badly I was betraying her trust. We had become good friends over the course of the year. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her, the more I wanted her.
I was conflicted. I wanted to sit her down, to tell her everything. But I couldn't. My mother would suffer the consequences of my actions. The Dark Lord was the master manipulator. He knew exactly how to make me do exactly as he wanted, no matter how impossible it may seem.
Ironically enough, Granger's presence in my life helped me get through my darker moments. We met twice a week in the Room of Requirement. It was the anticipation of this time that we spent together that kept me from going insane. I knew that my time with her was running out though. After I completed my task, she would surely hate me.
It was during one of these moments that Hermione confronted me. She had enchanted the ceiling like the Great Hall so that we could see the stars since it was middle of winter. We were laid on our backs, side by side, gazing at the ceiling in silence.
Her voice broke the peaceful quiet. "Draco, what's going on with you? Every time I see you, you are paler and thinner. I hardly ever see you at meals in the Great Hall anymore. What's wrong?"
I glanced at her to find her eyes intensely watching me. She was too perceptive for her own good. "It's nothing, Hermione. Just having a hard time with my schoolwork, I suppose." I could never tell her the truth, could never tell her that guilt was eating me alive. Guilt over the fact that I was betraying her.
She looked at me skeptically. "You are second only to me in marks, Draco. You are going to have to try harder than that. They don't call me the brightest witch of my age for nothing, you know."
She flicked her fingers and I felt the wards on the room shift powerfully. What in Merlin's name was she up to? "There," she said sounding very satisfied. "We're not leaving until you tell me what's going on. You helped me once, it's time that I returned the favor."
I narrowed my eyes angrily at her. Didn't she understand that I couldn't tell her? I stood up abruptly and pulled out my wand. I attempted to dismantle the wards she had placed. The door glowed but remained locked. I tried again and growled in frustration when I got the same result.
She stood and placed her hand on my arm dangerously close to my mark. "It won't work, Draco. It is my own spell and can only be unlocked by myself," she said gently.
Through the haze of my anger I couldn't help but feel astonished by the level of magic she could wield. She was proof positive that purebloods weren't always better than people of mixed heritage. Pansy could hardly cast a simple unlocking charm and Granger was able to weave complex wards. Wandless, no less.
"Open the door, Granger," I stated calmly even though my blood was boiling. How dare she? Who did she think she was? "I told you before, nothing is wrong!"
"Don't lie to me, Malfoy!" she ground out angrily. I couldn't deny that it stung when she reverted back to using my surname. "I know that Voldemort has given you a mission. It's not going well, is it?"
I turned my glare to her. How in the bloody hell did she find out? She answered my unspoken question, "Harry overheard you talking to Professor Snape the night of Slughorn's party. What's the mission?"
"Fucking Harry Potter!" I hissed through my teeth. "Always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong!" I paced away from her. What in the hell was I supposed to do now?
I felt her small hand on my shoulder. I tensed under her fingers. "Draco," she murmured. "Please, trust me. I can help you. The Order can help you. You don't have to face this by yourself."
I spun around, grasping her arms cruelly with my hands. "The Order can help me, you say. I'm…a…death…eater. They can't help me. I have to do this. Don't you understand? He'll kill her if I fail!"
To my immense embarrassment, a single tear slipped from my eye. This was becoming a very dangerous situation. She reached up and wiped the offending moisture away. I leaned into her soft touch. It should be a crime for her to be so beautiful, for her to be so good.
"Draco, please. Let me help you. I can't stand to see you like this," she whispered.
As much as my entire being wanted to concede to her demands, I had to stay strong. I pushed her away and turned away from her. "Why not?" I asked petulantly. "It's not like I'm more than a friend, a casual acquaintance. You know how I feel about you, yet you still push me away."
I should have known that she wasn't going to back down. She grabbed my arm and spun me back around to face her. With surprising strength, she pushed me up against the wall. "Now you listen here, Draco Malfoy," she stated calmly although her eyes were blazing with anger. She had never looked more beautiful to me than she did at that moment. "You are my friend, which in turn means that I do care about you. Just because it's not in the way that you want doesn't mean that I care any less."
I stared her down from my position against the wall. The brave, little Gryffindor had no idea the fire that she was playing with. I wanted her so badly, more than anything else in the world. Being the Slytherin that I was I had a stroke of genius. She would be mine and I finally knew how to accomplish it. She had even set it all up.
I smirked and spun us easily, so that now she was the one trapped against the wall. I pressed myself against her petite form, stifling a groan. She felt so good against me, the soft contours of her petite form setting fire to the hardened lines of my body. My pants tightened as I inhaled her unique perfume. Placing my lips to ear, I whispered, "You Gryffindors are all the same, so brave and so trusting. Always ready to sacrifice yourselves for the greater good."
I paused as I felt her tremble against me. I hoped that she trembled with desire and not fear. I wasn't out to frighten her but I wasn't waiting any longer. Brushing my lips against the shell of her delicate ear, I continued, "I'll make you a deal, Princess. I'll let you help me. I'll tell you the mission that I was given. I'll tell you everything that I know about the Dark lord. But I have a few conditions of my own that need to be fulfilled before I divulge anything."
"What do you want, Draco? Whatever it is, If it's in my power, I'll do it," she said softly.
I chuckled darkly. So easy. "Before I tell the Order anything, I want my mother safe. I want her out of Malfoy Manor. Tonight, if possible."
She shifted against me and gasped as she felt my arousal press against her. "I'll… we'll…" she stuttered nervously. "Have to talk to Professor Dumbledore, Draco. I'm sure there won't be a problem. You'll be protected as well." Her cheeks were stained pink in embarrassment at having felt my erection. She was adorable.
"That's not all, Princess. Can you guess what else?" I took her silence as a negative so I ground myself against her. "No," I breathed into her ear, delighted when I felt her shiver. "You know what I want, who I want. I want a Wizarding Oath, the Unbreakable Vow, from you, that you'll become the next Lady Malfoy after this is all over. I want you and I will settle for no less."
"Why?" she whispered brokenly. "I'm a mud blood, Draco, as you've reminded me many times in the past. Do you really want to taint the purity of the great Malfoy bloodline?"
I threaded my hands in her sleek curls and tilted her head so that I could see her eyes. "I know what you are, Hermione. I can't take back what I said in the past and I am sorry if I hurt you. I've watched you for years. There is no other witch, pureblooded or not, more fitting to become the next Lady of the Manor than you. You are smarter, prettier, and more powerful than any pureblooded witch that I know. Just getting to know you has changed my opinion on the importance of the purity of your blood. You are the best and Malfoy's always have the best."
"What about your friends, your father? Surely they won't approve of your choice of bride?" she asked, grasping at straws.
I smiled at her tenacity. She would always keep me on my toes. I leaned forward and traced her ear with my nose. Placing an open mouthed kiss on the underside of her jaw, I answered, "Other than you, the only other person I count as a true friend is Blaise Zabini. He has never believed in pureblood idealism. He will support me unwaveringly. As for my father, I could really care less what he thinks. I'll be disowned the moment he finds out about my betrayal."
I nuzzled her neck as she trembled against me. Merlin, I just wanted to throw her on the floor and have my wicked way with her. But she deserved better than the dirty floor for her first time. I would give her the world if she'd let me.
She sighed quietly and sagged against me in defeat. "Okay, Draco. You win. I'll do it. I'll make the vow," she whispered.
End Note: Okay, so this was going to be a one-shot song-fic, but honestly it's getting out of hand. I think three chapters will be in order. I have fifty pages written out and this first portion was only the first seventeen pages. Good news is that I can post chapter 2 as soon as I get it typed. Hopefully I can have it ready to post by Friday night. Seriously, tell me what you think so far. Reviews are my caffeine, they really make an authors day. : ) This story has been edited and all song lyrics removed.