Authors note: Right well, I was sitting bored out of my skull in McDonalds when I was struck with an idea that ended up evolving into this. Warnings for this; occasional swearing, sexual references and just generally sexual stuff. Anyway, hope you enjoy folks =D

The portrait of Jean De Grave was widely reputed among the students of Hogwarts School to be the only portrait who did not gossip. She lounged inside her frame all day and night, amusing herself with various activities, none of them involving gossiping. Unlike the other portraits in the school, she had no time for it and never had done. The way Jean saw it, if she didn't partake in gossiping she would learn more. She would be considered trustworthy and so would be told, or shown, the most interesting and scandalous things that the other portraits would know nothing of. And through this Jean would gain the knowledge necessary for manipulation, if it was required. Jean may be the silent portrait when it came to gossiping but her mind was as sharp as a razor edge and her tongue was incredibly witty. Jean had found her life to be, in a word, monotonous. Now, her after life trapped in a portrait was, in comparison, almost too interesting too handle. There really never was a dull moment and Jean thought it was a suitable repayment for the boredom in her life.

Students confided in Jean, sometimes their deepest and darkest secrets. She was the agony aunt of Hogwarts, in a way, and she didn't mind it at all. After all, it was knowledge they gave her. Knowledge was power and Jean had accumulated stacks of it over the ears. One particular piece of knowledge that Jean had could have been immensely powerful if she could use it. It was something she had seen a few nights before and was something she didn't think she'd ever forget.

It had been the 'dead' of night and Jean was reading her copy of Utopia penned by the muggle Sir Thomas More. It had been one of her favourite books and when she had been alive Jean had specified that it was to be painted into her portrait along with some of her other books. She had been sprawled across the carpet in her portrait, eyes scanning the pages of the book soaking up every word that she already knew practically off by heart, when she heard a small disturbance. It was only a slight rustling of clothing and the gentle patter of footsteps but it was enough to disturb Jean. She looked up, eyes and ears on alert. Most portraits struggled to see in the dark, and it wasn't just because of their old age. Jean however, could see perfectly in the dark. Her eyes widened and a smile crept onto her face as her eyes detected two moving shapes in the darkness. She recognized one of them straight away and barely managed to contain a gleeful cry. This was scandal of the highest order, potentially life ruining and defiantly reputation destroying. Jean could have practically every wish achieved through careful use of what she was seeing. So much for constant love of Lily Evans Jean thought as she watched the man and girl, arms clutching each other.

Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts, such a careful man was showing the effects a buxom girl had on any man. When he should be patrolling and catching students breaking curfew, he was engaged in what would quickly become the lover's dance. Jean leaned forward, desperately trying to see whom the girl was. She recognized the hair but couldn't place a name. She frowned in concentration as she desperately wracked her brains. Then it hit her and she very nearly revealed that she was awake and aware of what was unfolding before her eyes. Severus Snape was brutally and forcefully kissing a more than willing Hermione Granger" The so-called 'Gryffindor Princess' had given into temptation. It was like watching Eve's Fall, only much better. Severus Snape was weak at the knees drool worthy sexy and even Jean herself had to admit she would throw herself at his feet with her legs wide open and say 'take me now stallion!' if she could. Being confined to a portrait though did hinder that plan just the tiniest bit. That and since when had anyone other than the pathetic Ronald Weasley got a boner from watercolours on canvas?

Jean watched transfixed as Severus' hands began to undo Hermione's lacy shirt, his hand brushing across her skin causing her to shudder in what Jean guessed to be pleasure. If it was revulsion the girl needed her brain checked. Secretly, everyone wanted Severus' hands dancing across their skin. She'd even heard it from certain students (Lavender Brown and Pansy Parkinson) as they described fantasies to her that they'd had. Jean put up with it, not just because the knowledge gave her potential power over them, but because she could relate to them on that. Severus Snape was welcome to join her in her portrait whenever he wanted to.

Severus finally succeeded in removing Hermione's shirt and discarded it, her bra quickly following. Jean had to admit that under all those clothes Hermione looked quite good. She could see why Severus had chosen her. Jean would have done the same if she'd been in his situation except she'd need a strap on. Those breasts were the perfect size and they looked so soft. Jean just eanted to squeeze them and lick them, suck them and bite them but unfortunately she'd have to leave that to Severus seeing as he had a physical body and she, sadly, did not. Jean watched as Severus kissed Hermione again. They both shut their eyes and Severus began to gently and carefully pull and twist Hermione's nipples. The girl moaned softly and shuddered again. Jean was enjoying the show, except for that burning feeling of anger and jealousy in her chest. That and Severus had yet to squeeze those fine tits or bite them. Poor Hermione was missing out. Jean knew she could have handled her a lot better than Severus was.

Hermione's response to Severus' frankly poor work on her nipples was to brush her hand across his crotch, pressing slightly as she did. Severus stiffened and a low growl released itself as he took hold of her by the arms and shoved her up against the wall opposite Jean's portrait. This is more like it Jean thought as she eagerly watched. Painstakingly slowly he ground against Hermione, for all intents and purposes just humping her against the wall. Hermione gasped and shut her eyes, a smile on her flushed face. This was obviously her first time experiencing anything like this. Lucky Severus Jean thought bitterly. Severus sped up slightly and slowly undid the buckle of his belt whilst tugging Hermione's skirt down. It was so slow and it was aggravating Jean. This was the closest she could get to sexual stimulation nowadays and it just wasn't going fast enough for her.

"Just hurry up will you!" She snapped angrily, realizing her mistake a minute too late. Quickly she pretended to be asleep but to no avail. She heard footsteps approaching her frame then the silky soft voice of Severus Snape

"Jean De Grave. We know you aren't asleep" Jean growled angrily then opened her eyes, feeling decidedly pissed off that she'd been rumbled. She hadn't see anything this interesting and sexually arousing in a good few months. All the students seemed to flock to the Astronomy Tower and for some reason Draco Malfoy had stopped letting her see his conquests. She had wondered why until she remembered that with the last one, Jean had said that she could fuck the girl better than he was doing it. Men and their stupid pride she thought bitterly.

"With that show there who'd want to be asleep" Jean commented happily, throwing Severus and Hermione what she thought was a winning smile. Severus glared at her and Hermione was trying to put herself to rights. Thankfully her breasts were still out and Jean took a moment to memorize her half naked image.

"You look lovely dear so no need to be embaressed" Hermione blushed an even brighter red than before, despite the encouraging and reassuring smile Jean flashed her.

"You had np right to be watching us" Severus remarked angrily, fire in his eyes. Jean tried not to laugh but failed miserably. She started rolling across the carpet of her portrait, laughing like someone being tickled. When she eventually stopped laughing she propped herself up on one elbow, her ankles crossed together as she faced them.

"You had no right to be doing that. And to be fair I only said what she was thinking" Jean's gaze flicked to Hermione then back to Severus. She was still smiling as Severus turned to her. Hermione nodded in agreement with Jean whose smile grew slightly wider at that.

"You were kind of being a bit slow" Hermione murmured softly. Severus looked at her incredulously for a moment before advancing on her in a rather predatory manner.

"You should have just said then" He purred, stroking her hair away from her face. Back to the good stuff Jean thought eagerly and gleefully, only to have her hopes dashed when Severus helped Hermione properly clothe herself. They looked to Sean once before turning to leave. Severus looked furious and Hermione looked almost grateful.

"When your both dead and are in portraits your both welcome to join me for some action. Especially you sweety" Hermione turned, totally dumbstruck and rather frightened, then giggled as Jean winked at her then suggestively waggled her eyebrows.

"You will keep quite on this?" Severus asked when he turned to look at what Hermione was giggling at, totally ignoring what Jean had just said. Jean rolled onto her side, facing them and placed her hand on her heart.

"I keep all secrets, always have done as you well know" Jean said solemnly, locking eyes with Severus. He nodded curtly to her before taking hold of Hermione's hand.

"Then perhaps we will get you a partner portrait to keep that libido under control" Severus remarked in parting as he and Hermione rounded the corner and left. Oh goody Jean thought dryly. She knew that bastard would probably get her Sir Cadegon. Jean shuddered at the thought. She'd rather have her eyeballs skewered and tongue cut off to be used as Dumbledore's penis warmer than have to put up with Sir Cadegon in any way. If he tried for sex she wouldn't be surprised if she died, again. It might sound impossible but where there's a will, there's a way and no one had a will stronger than Jean De Grave.

Jean would never forget that night for she had witnessed something she had never thought could happen. Her cold, calculating mind sat it as a spectacular opportunity, her body saw it as a wonderful memory for masturbation. She had a painted body with all the parts so she could still fuck herself with her fingers, seeing as no one else would. Her heart on the other hand, saw it as the start of a romance. She hoped it was, for Severus would look after and love Hermioen the way she deserved. In turn, Hermione would free him from the shackles Lily Evans had placed on him many years ago. The man had done some wrong in his life and he deserved something good now, some reward. Hermione would be that reward. They had a tough road ahead to be together but they would be or I'm a flobberworm Jean thought absent-mindedly.

Severus had been true to his word when he said that Jean would get a partner portrait. Rather than Jean having a portrait moved next to her she found herself being the one to move. Her portrait was taken to the Slytherin Common Room (at least it wasn't near Sir Cadagon) This could be perceived as a nice enough gesture but Jean was silently fuming. She wouldn't be able to see any more scandal or in fact anything of interest. She was going to lose any power she'd had before and she silently cursed Severus Snape to the bloody bowels of hell. She would see that he would suffer for this. It would require a lot of thought though. After all, for all her talk of manipulation, Jean was trustworthy. In both life and death she had never broken a promise or exposed another's secrets, even when there was some gain for her. All she wanted was to know. All Jean De Grave really wanted, deep down in her heart, was to have some importance in this world and to be included in it's workings. She might be dead but her heart and soul were still bound to the world, and they could still hurt.