Twilight In 200 Words

Summary: One of my closest friends Maina(this is not her real name, she wishes to remain annonymous) wrote this. Not me. This is not mine, not at all. Not a little bit.
Now that you understand that...this is Twilight in 200 words. Literally. In case you haven't figured it out by now, this is anti-twilight. Majorly. We both hate Twilight. Anyway...

Hi, um, I'm Bella Swan. I live in Forks, this rainy town that, honestly, does not know that the sun exists. And so, yeah. I'm cynical at times, especially when I'm with my boyfriend, this vampire named Edward Cullen, who has these unbelievably hypnotic golden eyes. But I'm a good person. In fact, I'm so crazed with being selfless, when I'm really playing with these two guys that will die for me, that I annoy the heck out of everyone. The other guy who will die for me, not Edward – did I mention that he has golden eyes? – is this werewolf named Jacob Black. He's like, as tall as the Sears Tower and his skin is an oven. Literally. Oh, did I mention that Edward has golden eyes? If I wrote a 498 page narrative, all I would write about is Edward – and his golden eyes. Seriously. You know, maybe I should write a 498 page narrative. Then I can write about Edward, his golden eyes, how wonderful and selfless I am, and make a ton of money, even though I annoy the crap out of every one of my readers…

Did I mention that Edward Cullen has golden eyes?

I believe she is writing a number two, but I'm not sure. Tell me what you think so I can tell her.