Tastes like Roses on Your Breath

Dark Lady Devinity

This is a Dark Walter x Pip slash story. This is a pairing that I've never read before or even knew about until a little while ago. So I really don't know how it's going to work out. Spoilers for the last, oh, five chapters of Hellsing maybe?

I'm not sure if Walter's actually dead yet and it's been too long for me to remember that detail. But he just died at the beginning of this story.

The title is from Alice Cooper's song "Blue Turk."

Fic is dedicated to 0ShadowNightMare0.

Tastes like Roses on Your Breath

A deep river floods the streets of London, thick and ever flowing. In the dark, failing light of the night it appears to be black water. In places where the river splashed up onto the walls there are streaks of crimson red. The river is not one of water but of blood; blood so thick that it has turned black instead of vibrant red.

There is a war going on. Nazis and werewolves fight the Hellsing organization while the Vatican's Section Iscariot stands against both. Hellsing has unleashed their weapon onto the enemy and he is bringing the river blood into the battle. It rears up, takes form and tears the world asunder. It never dries.

And this is how the world ends.


Seras Victoria's hair is the colour of wheat fields and faded sunlight.

Pip had never found the time to notice the exact highlights and colours that were unique to the girl until it was too late. All through the battle he lived inside her as a faint version of himself, his body left behind to decay. That is, if there was a body left to decay after London saw the end of the war. Yet Pip had removed himself from the thought of battles and their many endings. Seras was unconcerned with his commentary and advice now that she and Integra had realised that Integra's formally faithful butler Walter had died. Both women were terribly upset as they still cared about the man. Pip just watched them in silence, unable to think of anything to say at this moment. So he just took in the little things that he had failed to notice before.

It was only a momentary thing before the small group was discovered by the Nazis and they were attacked. Seras kept Integra behind her and attacked the enemy head on. She was easily the victor. However, one reached up and shot her in the head with his last dying strength. It wasn't enough to kill the vampire, but she was knocked unconscious.

Pip and Seras woke up, side by side, in a strange world that looked like it was drawn by a child. The quality was very poor. Everything was brightly coloured in yellows and blues and greens.

Seras cringed and hid her face in her hands. Pip faintly heard her say "Why does this always happen to me?" However, he wasn't paying any attention to the girl. He was far too caught up in the badly drawn cartoon that he found himself in. Five minutes ago, the world was ending in a painter's palette of black and dark crimson. Now it was bright and sunny and there was a balding man wearing only boxers and a robe floating over them.

Pip sat up and looked at Seras, although he watched the strange world out of the corner of his eye. "Eh... did we die and go to 'ell?" he asked.

"If only." The policewoman groaned. Then she got up off the ground, stood up and faced the strange man. "This is not a good time. Go away."

"Who eez he?" Pip asked.

"My gun."

The mercenary blinked his one visible eye. He failed to form the words necessary to express his confusion. Seras noticed and shook her head. There wasn't any point in questioning it Pip realised as he noticed the stance that the girl had taken. She was use to this and she still didn't understand it any better than he did. So he continued to sit on the ground and watched as the man-slash-gun spoke cryptic words and floated around like a mentally ill person. Seras was spazzing out and together they were nurturing Pip's notion that he was trapped inside a cartoon created by someone within an asylum.

As he was caught up in the circus going on around him, he was unaware of the danger lurking up behind him. An elephant had just appeared, riding a surf board over an ocean of red Kool-Aid; an obvious metaphor for the blood ocean in the real world. However, Pip could not figure out what the elephant stood for. Thus, he failed to notice the thin wire-like material that cut silently through the air to wrap around his leg. He did notice when he was being pulled violently along the ground though. Eventually, he was brought before a man in his thirties. The man was wearing black slacks and a vest, with a pinstripe shirt and leather gloves. Chains adorned his belt and his hair was jet black. However, the cut and style of it was familiar, as was the glasses on the man's face. Walter.

"Hey. What eez up with you?" Pip asked. Of course, there were many reasons for the dark expression on Walter's face that Pip could fathom; he lost to Alucard; he turned into a little boy; he died.

"It's tooth floss." Walter said, his tone stony.

Pip blinked. The wires attached to Walter's gloves, leading to Pip's foot, were frayed. Also, a minty scent filled the air. Walter had captured Pip with tooth floss.

"I am dead. I cannot be drunk." Pip muttered as he snapped the strings wrapped around his leg. This action did not please Walter at all, but the butler seemed to realise that there wasn't much that could be done about it.

"Do you know where we are?" Walter asked.

"I think... maybe Seras' 'ead. She claims that that freaky old man ez her gun." Pip said.

"Harkonnen?" Walter asked. The de-aged butler raised an eyebrow and looked around for the old man and Seras. However, Harkonnen found them first as Seras followed behind.

"Although all seems dark remember that to be gay is to be free!" the creepy old man pronounced and waved his arms. He accidently hit Pip, who had just stood up, and sent him crashing face first into Walter's face. Seras turned bright red and yelped in embarrassment but did not seem all that interested in averting her gaze. The two ghosts were locked into a deep kiss until Walter bit Pip and tried to slice everyone up with tooth floss. Needless to say, the butler did not receive the satisfactory maiming he had been going for.

"That wasn't the type of gay I was going for." Harkonnen said. Then his head was suddenly replaced by that of a young ostrich chick. Seras's eye twitched violently as she murmured something that sounded like 'Not again.'

Walter glared darkly at everyone but there was a faint hint of pink on his cheeks. Pip smirked as he wiped blood from his mouth. However, the mercenary was not feeling particularly cocky himself. He knew he should have been able to shake the incident off but in the bright light from a crayon drawn sun everything seemed so surreal.

"It seems that there are many ways I will have to pay for my vanity and my desire to best Alucard." Walter said. "And what have you done to earn this embarrassment?"

Pip shrugged. "Looking at Seras' breasts when I was supposed to be zinking of ways to 'elp 'ellsing."

Walter wrinkled his nose. "Seras is one of Lady Integra's servants. You shouldn't say such boorish things. Although I shouldn't expect much from someone who tastes like whiskey even when they're dead and in someone else's head." Then the butler smiled. "Things at Hellsing were never dull. I shall miss them."

Pip paused at that and looked over at his girl with faded sunlight hair. As long as he resided in her blood, they would always be linked and he would never have to know a life without the vampire and Hellsing. And he had become rather fond of them. The mercenary wondered if the butler's new found youth had really been worth the sacrifice. Looking upon then wrinkle free face and beautiful raven hair, Pip thought the butler tasted like roses with a touch of death upon his soul. Shaking his head, allowing the hair to fall into his eyes, Pip leaned forward to kiss Walter once more.

"It eez too bad that we could not meet when zhose looks were natural." Pip said.

And then he woke with Seras.


Originally, I had intended to base the story around Blue Turk but it didn't quite work out that way. Anyway, I'll include the song lyrics.

Blue Turk

Alice Cooper (album: School's Out)

I'm lazy, you know it
I'm ready for the second show
Amazin' thing growin'
Just waitin' for the juice to flow

You're so very picturesque
You're so very cold
Tastes like roses on your breath
But graveyards on your soul

I'm hurtin', I'm wantin'
I'm achin' for another go
You're squirmin' wet, baby
Nothin' bad comin' very slow
And it's burnin' holes in me

You're so very picturesque
You're so very cold
It tastes like roses on your breath
But graveyards on your soul

One spastic explosion
Two pressure cookers go insane
It makes me act crazy
I shiver but I love this game

You're so very ordinary
You're so very lame
Tastes like whiskey on your lips
And earthworms rule your brain