~ Choices ~
ThatPanicGirlE

I own nothing Twilight.

A/N: This is a O/S drabbled mess of thoughts from Bella's mind after Jacob kisses her and she breaks her hand. What if in fact she stayed up in Edward's arms thinking about it? What would go through her mind?

"You're going to think about it tonight. When he thinks you're asleep, you'll be thinking about your options." Jacob Black, Pg. 333 - Eclipse

Warmth.

Why am I thinking of this? It's not right. It's not okay to be thinking these thoughts. Right? I mean I can't be in love with Jacob. Can I? No. I'm not in love with him.

Heat.

Jacob was right, not marble. Much warmer, gentler, human. Stop it. I can't think of him like that. I made this decision. I love Edward. I love Edward. I love him with a ...

Passion.

It lacked the passion. Of course the kiss lacked the passion. I locked up. I locked up like any good girlfriend would do if their best friend just kissed me. I mean my hand and my heart are so...

Broken.

My hand was in fact a casualty, but wasn't Jacob's heart? I know it pains him to see me like this with Edward? He loves me. I wish I could love him back. It's so unfair to him. I know it is. I've got major...

Goosebumps.

Why do I have them? It can't be from Jacob. No. It's got to be Edward's embrace. Or I could just be cold. Which is it? I mean I feel...

Protected.

Jacob could protect me just as well right? I mean I know Edward can, I feel it in his embrace each and every single night. I know Jacob could too. Why am I even thinking of this? That stupid dog has me so confused. It's not my...

Fault.

It is my fault. I could have let Edward go right? I mean I know that he is to blame for all this. Partially. If he hadn't left, then Jacob wouldn't be in love with me and then our lives would have been...

Perfect.

His arms, so big, and brawny. His dark brown eyes, his embrace was like nothing else. The sight of him each time I went to La Push and his eyes would light up. The way he held my hand when I felt lost and so abandoned. He's my best friend. I can't be...

Happy.

I can't be happy without either one of them. Why can't this be a perfect world where I can have it both ways? I mean he says I kissed him back. Did I? I don't think I did. I played dead. I wanted him to stop. I think I did. Gah, why am I thinking of this. This can't be right. This cannot happen like this. I want Edward. He's the love of my life. I want Edward. I want...

Jacob.

...I think?