"Em, please move your ass out of my face." I huffed shoving it to the other side of the car.
"I would man, but I can't see them." He whined swinging his leg around.
I ducked before it could hit my head. "My car is only so big."
"About that, we need to get you a Jeep so when I'm riding I can fit. Wait is that them?" He whispered.
It was. We both ducked and held our breathe hoping they didn't see us.
"If Rose finds out about this I'm going to kill you." He whispered so low I had to strain to hear him.
"It was your idea in the first place!" I hissed.
He punched my arm. "I'm not the one being an idiot. That girl loves you and you're too stupid to appreciate it. Quite frankly, you deserve seeing her with someone else."
Ouch. "Thanks man." I whisper hurt.
Em looks at me and frowns. "I would say I'm sorry but I'm not, E. You screwed up big time. You were being selfish. I love you but whatever happens, you deserve it. I want you guys to be happy but you have to do something."
He raises an eyebrow at me. "Well, apparently not hard enough. How do you expect to get anywhere in the relationship if you're doing it alone?"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "If I have everything together when I go talk to her, it will be easier that way."
"Sure, but is she really willing to wait that long? You don't text or call her. From what I hear from Rosalie, Bella thinks that you've moved on."
My eyes widened. "But I haven't."
He sighed. "How do you expect her to know that if you don't talk to her?"
"I don't know man. I want to talk to her. So badly but I can't face knowing that I had her so close to danger and I wasn't even conscious when it happened. I didn't protect her like I should have."
I watched as Bella and that kid exchanged conversation. There was that smile again. I frown deeper; I wasn't the one who put it there.
How could you when you don't even talk to her? Is that really protecting her?
She seemed…happy…happy without me. I couldn't talk to her and make her sad or cry again. If she was happy with this guy I couldn't take that happiness away from her, especially after everything that I put her through.
Em punched my arm. "Stop thinking about whatever you're thinking about and listen to me. I know what you're going through right now. When Emily was still alive and me and Rosie were just getting used to being in a relationship, I realized that I loved Rosie. You and Bella don't know this but we took a break."
My head whipped in his direction. "A break? How did-"
He held his hand up and I sat back. "Please just listen, E."
"We took a break. It was my idea. I've never been punched so hard before, but Rosie punched me. I deserved it. I was scared of being in love with her. I felt like I had to give us some space so I could check my emotions; make sure that I was serious about her, about us. That was the biggest fight we've ever had; it was the first time I saw my girl cry. It hurt. I felt like an idiot but I still thought that I was doing the right thing. We didn't talk. We made sure to make it seem like we were still together. Dealing with it with everyone involved would've been harder. So we decided to keep it quiet. I did a lot of 'thinking'.
I've never seen Emily so mad at me before, but Rose was like a sister to her. Who would've thought my own twin would pick my girlfriend over me? She swore she'd castrate me if I even thought about dating another girl. I wasn't thinking about it anyway; Rose was it for me. It took me seeing her go on a date with this random punk from a tattoo shop to realize it. That was the first time I saw red and I wanted to kill him for touching my girl. The girl I love; the girl I would die for. I drove to her house, sat on the front step and waited. In that moment, seeing her with another man made me angry because she was supposed to be with me. I apologized so many times you would've sworn it was tattooed to my brain. I even cried, not my proudest moment, but I had to let her see that I was in it for real. It took me three weeks to come to my senses, Edward; three painful weeks of no Rosie. Come to find out it was Emily's idea for Rose to go on that date. I found that out because after we made up, Rosie called Emily and said 'it worked'."
We graduate in a few months, Edward. Your time is literally running out. You don't have three weeks to get yourself together. You might not even have three weeks to get her back. Open your eyes, man. I mean are you seriously okay with going off to college and never speaking to her again? Are you okay with her going out on a date with some random guy she met last week? Are you okay with never being able to tell her how you feel about her? Ever. Again?"
"I get it, Emmett!"
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the steering wheel.
"I thought bringing you here would make you realize that you need her, Edward."
I shook my head. "Em, I can't hurt her anymore then I already have. If she's happy then I've missed my chance."
"You're hurting her by not being with her. Yeah she might rip you a new one if you finally get up the courage to face her. But isn't that better than never having her in your life?"
"I hate it when you're right." I sighed opening my eyes. "But if this- if he- is what she wants then I have no right to take it away from her."
"Look at them, Edward." I did. "That should be you."
I nodded. That used to be us. "I know."
"So what are you going to do about it?" The look he was giving me dared me to say the wrong thing. He wouldn't have to worry about that though, I knew what I needed to do.
"Get her back."
My phone vibrated signaling that I have a text message.
The name that shows on the screen almost gives me a heart attack. I didn't believe that it was real. I closed my eyes, counted to ten and then opened them again.
His name was still on the screen.
I read the message cautiously.
I glanced out my window to see it wasn't raining too bad outside. After replying, I stuck my phone in my pocket and pulled my rain coat on.
I slipped on my rain boots and grabbed my car keys. I ran down the stairs, thankfully not falling, and into the living room. I hugged Charlie tightly around the neck.
"I'm going out. I'll be back for dinner."
Before he could reply I ran out of the room and out the front door. I walked down the front steps then ran to my car. When I got in I immediately cranked up the heat. I waited for the car to warm up so I could kill some time. When it was warm enough I couldn't bring myself to pull out of the driveway. I hope that this is a good idea. I wanted to kick myself for giving in to him so easily, but I couldn't help it. This was my window and I couldn't let it close without taking my chance.
I need closure. I need to speak to him. Talk about us. I needed something and silence wasn't it. I can always leave. It's not like he will make me stay. If it's too much I can just hall it out of there right?
There was nothing to be worried about. We are just two normal people who are meeting at a park to talk about relationship issues. No problem at all.
No matter what happens today I won't let it break me. I had to be strong and I'd be stronger knowing what we were…or weren't.
I pulled out of the driveway, before I could change my mind, and drove to the park. My nerves started to kick in and my leg wouldn't hold still. My heartbeat quickened and a nervous bubble began to rise in my throat.
As I got closer to the park my mind started racing. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. Maybe him asking me here was to sign off on what I already suspected was going to happen to us. Maybe if I was a no show we could still be together unofficially but never officially break it off?
But then again, I'm worth so much more than that and I know it. Me going shows that I'm strong right?
I pressed on the gas and soon found myself pulling into the parking lot of the park.
There were no other cars but his and I sighed. I pulled into the parking spot next to him and shut my car off.
Here we go.
He got out of his car. Taking a deep breath I pushed my door open and climbed out. I pulled my hood over my head to protect me from the rain and he walked over to my side of the car.
"Hi." He whispered not coming too close to me.
I don't know why but it hurt.
"Hi." I whispered back. "Is everything alright?" I was almost afraid to ask.
"I just needed to see you." He sighed. His eyes studied me carefully and he assessed my appearance.
I got upset. What happened when I wanted to see him and he didn't come? Why does he get what he wants but I couldn't? "Well you've seen me." I spat.
I turned to grab the door handle but he caught my arm. "And I need to talk to you."
I slowly turn around. "About what?"
"You know." He sighed looking away.
I had a right to be angry right? I wasn't going to be easy on him. I made a promise to Emmett and I owe this to myself. "Obviously I don't or I wouldn't be asking, Edward."
"I wanted to talk about us, if there still is an us?" It was a question that I couldn't answer, because I didn't know if there was an 'us' anymore either.
I just stared at him. I wanted him to feel my anger and possibly feel what I've been feeling for the last few days. I wanted him to see what a mess he's made of us and everything else.
Seeing that I wasn't saying anything, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I want there to be an us. I miss us and…I miss you. If I had died I would have left you questioning what we are, Bella, and that makes me mad. I did not and do not want you to question what we are. There was never anything to question. I-I was just trying to protect you. It was for my own selfish reasons and I wasn't thinking straight. But I had to protect you."
"Protect me from what?" I demanded.
He took a deep breath.
"Protect me from Eleazar right?" I got it out before he could tell me what I already knew.
His eyes snapped open.
I took a deep breath and let down my filter. "If you knew me at all, you should know that I started asking questions. At first I thought it was your dad in the hospital room that day, and I confronted him about it. Imagine my embarrassment when I find out that it's his twin who just so happens to be extremely dangerous. Just my luck right? How did you expect me not to find out about this?"
He looked so torn. "I don't know. I was trying to protect you from him. I had to distance you from us because if he found out about you then he would find some way to hurt you. I couldn't let that happen. So, I decided to let you go to protect you. I had to."
"You don't get to make those kinds of decisions alone, Edward. There are two of us in this relationship. We make decisions about us together. Why didn't you just tell me about him from the beginning, instead of avoiding, lying, and making this bigger than it has to be? You hurt our relationship. If I had known, I could've better protected myself and been more cautious. What did you expect me to do if I was in the dark? How did you expect to protect me if you weren't there?"
"I knew that you would run."
"Run from what, Edward! The last thing I would ever do is run from you. Gosh, you are so blind! So stupid! When I say I love you, it's not because it tastes good coming out of my mouth! It's because I mean it you idiot. I never say it half heartedly. Sometimes I hate how much I love you because even though you do the stupidest things I can't help but forgive you! But this…the way you been acting, the way you've been treating me is unforgiveable, Edward. I've been there for you for everything since we've been together and even before then. I gave myself to you completely expecting it to be returned fully. And the biggest and most dangerous thing to happen to you happens and you chose to close yourself off from me. How dare you think that I would run! How dare you shut me out like that… You ran. I didn't."
"I know I should've known better, and I am so sorry. Since I've been home I have been trying to think of a way that I could tell you and explain. Not once did it cross my mind that you knew. You can't blame me for-"
"Stop talking. It's my turn to talk now." I snapped. "You Edward Cullen are the only, most frustrating human being I've ever been in love with. You're so stupid, Cullen! Stupid. Extremely stupid. I love you so much I hate you. Sometimes I just want to hit you so you can feel the frustration I go through trying to love you. And yes I can blame you and I do. I blame you for not talking to me and not handling this like two adults. I blame you for making us be apart for such a long time. I blame you for all of my sleepless nights. I blame you for my being miserable every time I see a couple hug or kiss reminding me of what we don't have. I blame you for making me miss you so much that I can't be mad at you because all I want you to do is hold me and promise me that you won't ignore me again. I blame you for keeping me in the dark and not letting me comfort you. Not letting me be there for you when you needed me. I blame you Edward for everything."
He looked so sad.
Good. He should be.
"I didn't think-"
"Yeah you're right. You didn't. How can you think that I wouldn't want to be there for you? What could possibly convince you that there was something more important than being there for you? What would shutting me out solve, Edward?" I spat.
His eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know. I didn't think that you would miss me. You would be better off without me. Last weekend confirmed things for me when you were cozying up with that guy at the bowling alley."
"Excuse me? What confirmed things for you? I'm not allowed to have friends anymore?"
Edward narrowed his eyes and looked at the trees. "Not guys who are flirting with you."
"Well I honestly don't think that you have the right to control who I'm friends with. I wasn't about to spend my whole night sulking over you and not enjoy myself. I'm through with waiting for you to grow up Edward. I'm not sorry that I got to spend time with Jackson, at least he gave me attention."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that if we still meant something and if I still meant something to you, you would've come over and put claim on what was yours. But obviously I'm not that anymore. I've called, I've texted and I get no reply. You can't have your cake and eat it Edward; especially not when my feelings are involved. I deserve more than this."
"I know you do." He sighed defeated.
"You obviously didn't because I waited for you to come over to us and tell Jackson to back off. I waited for you to show some kind of discomfort because another guy was talking to and touching your girlfriend. I waited for you to do so much as look at me, and I got nothing."
"I should've gone over there. I looked at the two of you smile all night and I wanted to be in his place. I wanted that to be us again but I couldn't get up. Seeing that smile on your face; knowing that I didn't put it there killed me. But then I thought that maybe moving on is what you wanted. I couldn't stomach knowing that I might deprive you of something that you wanted."
I scoffed. "You are depriving me of something I want."
"You said yes to that guy, Bella. You went out on that date with him. How was I supposed to know that you still want me as much I as I do you?"
I smack the side of the car. "Maybe the fact that I spent every day at the hospital waiting for you to wake up, talking to you, and crying over you is a good place to start. Or maybe it's the fact that I almost died when I found out you were hurt in the car crash. By the way, I only went on that so called "date" because Jackson wanted to show me the guy he's been trying to ask out for weeks. He works at the restaurant we went to. He needed my advice on approaching him. I was helping a friend."
He looked so stunned. His face lost colour and he pressed his lips together. I was just focusing on controlling my breathing.
~Flashback: Friday night. Jackson and Bella's 'date'.
Jackson had asked me to come with him to the restaurant to help him talk to a guy. Emmett offered to go with him but Jackson said that Em would probably ruin his chances of ever being with him. Rose said I should go and she'll accidentally tell Edward about it.
As much as I didn't want Rose to tell Edward, I owed Jackson since he helped me with Edward, I thought that I needed to return the favor. He was a cool guy and turned out to be a great friend.
"Why are you so nervous?" I whispered as we walked into the restaurant.
"What if he sees me?" He pulled the collar of his shirt from his throat and searched for him.
"Wasn't that the whole point?" I asked trying to stifle my laughter. "He's supposed to see you and fall in love?"
He turned to look at me. "Bella, please be serious. I'm really freaking out right now."
I sighed. "Alright, lover boy, I'll play nice. Let's get a seat in his section or something like that."
His eyes suddenly widened with worry. "What if he thinks I'm here with you on a actual date? He'll never talk to me. And if I try asking him out he'll think I'm some kind of ass and throw a drink in my face. I should've thought this through better. We should go."
He caught my elbow in his hand and began to tug me back through the door but I stopped him.
Rolling my eyes I said, "Jack, seriously, take a deep breath; I'll handle it. Now which one is he?"
He began to scan the place again and he smiled when he saw him. "He's right there; the one giving the old couple their menus."
I followed his finger and smiled. "Whoa..he's hot."
He nodded in agreement.
He started walking towards where we were standing.
"Okay, collect yourself he's walking over here." I whispered quickly.
He stood up straight and did some more awkward movements with his arms before placing them by his sides.
When the guy approached the black podium he spoke into his headset before looking up and flashing me a smile. His eyes traveled to Jackson and he smiled nervously at him but immediately looked away. Much like mine do-er used to do- when I'm with Edward, his cheeks turned a crimson red. I smirked knowingly; he's got it bad.
I approached the podium ignoring how awkward Jackson was being. He really needed to act normal.
"Welcome to Felicità, my name is Travis, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I made a reservation for my cousin and I. The name is Bella Swan."
He swallowed slowly. "Cousin- yes Ms. Swan your table is ready, if you would follow me."
I nodded my head and smiled. He grabbed two menus and turned to lead us to our seats.
I grabbed Jack by his arm and pushed him to walk in front of me. "Stop being weird, Jack, or he'll never talk to you."
He sent me a glare and followed behind her.
Travis led us to a table in a cozy corner of the restaurant. Jack pulled out my chair for me and Travis left us with our menus.
"How did you meet?" I asked curiously skimming over the menu even though I couldn't understand a word of it. If Edward were here he could help me. I shake my head slightly; I can't think about that right now.
"We never actually met. After work one night, Emmett and Rosalie were picking up his Jeep. Since he lost a bet he had to take me to an expensive restaurant; I could order whatever I wanted. Rosalie chose this place and Travis was here that night."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Emmett usually makes that face when he's going to embarrass someone, usually me."
I smiled cheekily. "Not embarrass. I just know what it's like to want someone and not be able to have them."
He smiled sadly. "He still hasn't come around huh?"
The smirk left my face and I suddenly found deep interest in the folded napkin beneath my fingers. "No."
He reached out and placed his hand over mine. "He's an idiot if he can't see what's right in front of him."
"Maybe it's just not meant to be, Jack." I sighed.
"It obviously is. From what Emmett and you have told me, it's the real deal." He said smacking his hand on the table.
I shook my head. "It might be, but obviously that's not going to happen right now."
He sat back crossing his arms. "And why the hell not, Bella?"
I mimicked him. "Edward and I have drifted further apart when we should be getting stronger together. If we were meant to be then we'd be, Jackson."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "You can't give up! I won't allow it!"
"I don't really think you have any control over that, Jack."
"You'd be surprised at what I am capable of, Bella Swan."
I arched an eyebrow. "Would being able to talk to Travis be on that list? Oh wait…no it wouldn't."
"You dirty hoe."
I smirked not bothering to respond as Travis returned to our table.
"You two ready to order?" He asked his eyes only on Jack as we ordered our food.
I ordered the first thing on the menu which turned out to be mushroom ravioli and Jack ordered something that didn't really sound edible.
After our food came I had to seriously use the bathroom.
I was directed towards the bathroom and was passing by the employee lounge when I heard a voice.
"He's here tonight with his cousin." It was a hushed whispered but if I got closer to the door I could hear just fine.
"No, I'm not going to make a move. I don't know what his…preferences are. It would be embarrassing for me and him if I approached him and he wasn't interested… like that."
I smiled both happy and sad. Happy that Jack would get the chance to be with someone who wants him back and sad that everyone else's relationships seemed to be doing better than mine was.
"Look I have to go. I'll call you when I get off."
I decided that helping Jackson could get me good karma in another life.
Travis started approaching the lounge door. I leaned against the wall next to the door and waited for him to exit.
The door opened completely and I flashed my best smile. "Hi Travis."
His eyes widened with surprise. "Bella, hi, did you guys need something?"
I shook my head. "No, we're fine. I just wanted to speak with you. He'll probably kill me for doing this but you only live once right?"
Travis answered completely confused. "Yes?"
"I know what it feels like to have someone so close yet so far away."
"I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean."
"You have to go for it. Who knows what will happen at the end but at least you put yourself out there."
"Put myself out where?"
I rolled my eyes. "Gosh you men are so dense. Talk to him, Travis, you might get a better reaction out of him then you thought you would."
With that I continued to the restroom.
I hoped that Travis would take my advice. I know that there wasn't anything he could do while at work but he could slip him his number.
I washed my hands and made my way back to the table.
My heart dropped when I saw Jackson sitting our table with a sad expression on his face. I made my way over as quickly as I could. When I sat down I asked. "Jack, what's wrong?"
He sighed and handed me the receipt. "He left you his number, Bella, congratulations."
I snatched the receipt from his hands. At the bottom was Travis's number written in blue ink. I turned it over hoping he'd been smart and left a message for Jack.
Jackson, if I read you right, I'd really like to get together sometime. Thank your cousin for me. –Travis 775-9856
"Jack, did you read the back of the receipt?"
He sighed. "I think he made himself pretty clear, Bella."
I smacked the receipt down on the table in front of him. "The last time I checked, wise guy, my name isn't Jackson."
His eyes snapped to the message scribbled on the back and widened.
Back at the park.
"Bella, I am so sorry."
"Are you?" I asked holding back the tears.
He'd finally said the three words I've desperately wanted to hear, but was it enough?
"Of course I am. I've been so stupid, Bella. I am so sorry for everything I did." He took a step towards me and I reflexively took one back. His face fell.
If he got too close I would lose my mind. Just one touch would make me forgive him too quickly and I couldn't let that happen. We got into this mess by rushing into everything; we had to take things slow. I had to take control for the both of us.
"You hurt me, Edward. You say you want me back, but that can't happen overnight. We can't rush into anything. You know where that got us the last time."
He nodded solemnly. "I understand. Whatever you want, Bella, I will give to you. Whatever you need I will do."
I shook my head frustrated. "It's not what I want, Edward. It's what we need."
"You're right." He nodded agreeing with me.
"We need to talk about everything that drove us apart. Your problems; my problems. I want to be with you again Edward, but we have to make adjustments so we can make us work."
He nodded again. "You're right."
"Stop agreeing with everything I say." I snap annoyed.
He jumps at my sudden outburst. "I'm sorry."
"Please don't do this because you feel you owe it to me. That's not what I want."
"I want to be with you forever, Bella. I know my actions have proven otherwise, but from here on out I will show you what you are worth. I owe it to us to make this work and I also do owe it to you to be a better man for you."
I swallowed slowly. "I-I want to be with you for forever too, Edward."
He smiled softly. "Then we'll take things however fast or slow you want."
I returned the smile happily. I suddenly felt a warm jolt on my hand and glanced down. His pinky had wrapped around my pinky. I glanced back up at him to see his eyes asking if that the small contact was okay.
I could handle this. I won't lose my mind; holding hands won't kill me.
With new found courage I released his pinky and locked my whole hand in his. I don't know why I thought our separation would change it, but my hand still fit perfectly into his. I still loved the feeling and that made me feel better than I have in a few days.
Tearing my eyes from our hands, I looked back up at him and smiled.
"You're so beautiful." He sighed in awe.
For all things good and evil I don't know why I couldn't hold my blush back for once in my life. But…
"You're blushing." He whispered amused.
"Can I ask you what happened that day?" I asked trying to avert the subject from my magenta colored face.
He closed his eyes trying to remember what happened. "Everyone went to Port Angeles and I opted out. I didn't even hear him come in and the next thing I know there's a gun against my head. I tried to get away but he threatened to kill my family. The rain was so thick and I remember seeing a curve in the road. I tried to jam the brake but it wasn't working. I don't know why I didn't suspect he had done something to my car."
"Why would you get in the car?" I asked my eyebrows scrunching up. He almost died.
He sighed. "He said that if I got in the car he would leave them alone. Somehow I believed him."
We sat quiet for a minute and the rain began to pour.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asked almost hesitant.
I looked into his eyes. "I'd like that."
I got home and began to miss him. Thoughts of driving to his house and hugging him for the rest of eternity kept crossing my mind, but I had to fight them. I was the one who told him we had to take things slow. I should at least live by my word.
We could do this. Taking things slow would prove that we're willing to stick it out for each other and it would be worth it.
We didn't see each other on Sunday because Charlie dragged Rose and me to a daylong Police event in Port A. How we got talked into it is beyond me. I certainly wasn't there for that negotiation. I secretly think Rose was too distracted to even recall what she was getting us into. She'd honestly do anything my father asked her to do.
Long story short we learned how to shoot guns from Lt. Dave and Lt. Warts. Don't knock the name; he was actually a really nice guy. To top the day off we had a mini self defense course with a woman police officer who was almost as buff as Emmett.
Edward and I had planned to see each other when we got home from the Port but we ended up not coming home until midnight. I was physically drained and we rescheduled for next weekend. Monday was one of those random holidays the school gave us that I personally don't believe exist but won't complain about it. And again it couldn't work out because the Cullens had to attend a Children's Charity Luncheon at a Children's hospital in Seattle. They left early this morning and won't be back until later tonight.
Nature was working against us. There was no way that these things could be scheduled on the same weekend just by coincidence. It was planned. I don't know by whom but it had to be the only explanation.
I was alone for the day. I have no idea what I could possibly do to keep me occupied and I am not in the mood to watch any movies. I'm not hungry and it's raining too much outside to go for a walk.
Charlie was at work early this morning and he'd get off around one or two. He was going fishing with Sue after his shift. I was invited but I didn't want to impose on their time together. So I politely declined the invitation.
Rose was out having sexy escapades with Emmett. Why do I know this? Because Emmett made a painful point of letting me know it when he picked her up earlier; a painful point that included an obscene amount of Emmett gyrating his hips to an internal beat he made. At some point he backed up on me and starting booty bumping me into the wall. I've never been so eager to be out of his presence before; Rose was too busy laughing her head off to help me.
When they left I sat on the stairs and stared into outer space for a good hour. I started cleaning the house. Beginning on the second floor I gathered our laundry and started the cycles. Rose had done the laundry last weekend and it was my turn this weekend. We alternated chores because it made things easier. I returned upstairs and clean the bathroom making sure everything was squeaky clean and smelling fresh. I went to the guest bedroom next. It was technically Rose's room but she didn't use it as much as she did mine. We were both grown, yes, but sometimes it's nice being able to have deep conversations with your best friend before going to sleep.
I stripped the bed and tossed the covers into the hallway. I went into my room next. I stripped the sheets and pillow cases and threw them into the hall as well. Next was Charlie's room and I did the same…only this time, I am scared to say, I found a red lace bra tangled in his sheets.
I didn't own anything that sexy, and I knew it definitely WAS NOT Rosalie's. This left only one option; Charlie was a cross dresser…because there is no way that my father and precious innocent Sue Clearwater got busy in this house. Just the thought of it made me shudder.
For some reason, and the reason is beyond me, this made me think of Edward and I. How we never really did any of that. Come to think of it, we never even talked about doing that at any point in our relationship.
I finished up the laundry and thought it best that I feed myself before I pass out.
I threw together whatever I could find in the fridge and pigged out on the couch for the rest of the day. Rose came home first and I couldn't resist telling her about the red lace bra. I share my assumption that Charlie is a cross dresser but she and I both know what really went down. I think Rose was more concerned that Sue's bra was slightly bigger than her own or the fact that she didn't have a red lace bra either.
We made a plan to confront dear Charlie about it when he returned from his fishing trip. We weren't trying to be mean but this was priceless.
He came home around eight and we were prepared. We were in the living room watching a movie when he walked towards the kitchen to get some left overs.
He was in the middle of asking us how our day went when he suddenly got quiet. Rose and I scrambled to our feet and peeked around the corner to see Charlie red as a tomato, holding Sue's bra in his hand.
"Girls?" He squeaked out.
"Dad we need to talk." I was really trying to hold back my laughter.
School resumed on Tuesday and I was more than anxious to see Edward. I didn't know how I was to act around him so I was preparing myself for anything to happen.
Tuesday we were okay. Wednesday we fought, but it was a step in the right direction. Thursday we were okay and Friday was better than the last few days. We still agreed to meet during the weekend.
"Hello?" I whispered into the phone. I was trying not to wake up Rose. She'd come home last night fuming because Emmett "was being bad".
I don't know about you guys, but usually when it comes to these two being "bad" was a good thing for their relationship. I've heard stories. Insert shudder here.
It has been a while since they fought and I should've expected it. I didn't get the full story but I'm pretty sure I'll hear all about it when she wakes up.
"I'm sorry, Bella, did I wake you?" The sound of his voice made my stomach flip. It was as if I didn't see or talk to him yesterday.
Maybe I'd forgotten but the sound of his voice on a Saturday morning was the best thing to wake up to.
"No, I've been awake." I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.
"I need to show you something." His voice sounded sincere and this made me perk up.
"Show me what?" I asked a little too excited.
"I can't tell you but if you can meet me outside in ten minutes I'll show you."
I stayed quiet. If I went would that break taking things slowly?
"Bella?" He whispered.
"Yes?" I whispered back.
"Will you come meet me?"
I shivered when the words slipped his lips. "Yes."
I could hear the smile in his voice. "Dress warm. See you in ten. I lo- See you soon, Bella."
In exactly ten minutes, and me waiting impatiently by the front door, I saw his car pull up outside. Charlie and Rose were still sleeping. I didn't want to wake them so I quietly left a note telling them I'd be home soon. I locked the door and ran out to his car. The passenger door was already open for me and I slipped in.
"Good morning." He smiled.
I blushed. "Morning, Edward."
"Ready?" He asked putting the car into gear.
I nodded. "Will you tell me where we're going?"
"If you don't mind I'd like to keep that a secret."
His eyes brightened and I couldn't hold back that smile.
We drove in silence. No music, not talking, just Edward and I. It took all of my self control to keep from twisting my body towards his and possibly letting myself go. Instead, I looked out the window wondering where we could possibly be going.
Ten minutes later Edward pulled off onto a dirt road (these seemed to be very popular when it came to the two of us.) We stayed on it until we came across a brown picket fence. Edward parked the car as close as it could get to the fence. We got out and as Edward retrieved something from the trunk I went to see what was beyond the fence. There were no trees just cloudy skies. Leaning over the fence I noticed we were on a cliff. I step back quickly and bump into Edward, who I hadn't noticed was standing right behind me.
He immediately wraps his arms around my waist. "You okay?"
I shiver because of his closeness and scamper out of his grip. I take a deep breath so I can collect my thoughts and smile.
"I promise I'll behave myself, Bella."
I nodded. "Okay."
There was a sad look in his eyes but that disappeared in seconds. "Shall we?"
He motioned to the edge of the cliff. I looked at him puzzled. Was he crazy? "Jump off the cliff? I'd rather not. There's been enough excitement in my life for a whole year, I don't think I need anymore."
He smirked. "Silly girl, I was actually suggesting we lay on the hood of my car…to get a better view of the well view. Maybe talk for a bit?"
My eyes widened in surprise. He has got to be joking. "Edward you never let anyone do that."
His eyes connected with mine. "You're not just anyone." He fanned out a blanket and spread it on the car. He used the wheel to climb on top and sat on the blanket. He left enough room for me. "So join me, woman before I'm forced to jump of this here cliff."
He was crazy. First, almost denting his car and possibly scratching up the metal to jumping off a cliff. "Edward, what's wrong with you?"
"I can't talk to you unless you're sitting next to me."
Well played Cullen, I sneered to myself. I bit my lip while convincing myself that he was really serious.
With a sigh, I walked up to the car and proceeded to climb the same way he had. I crawled along the blanket and sat next to him.
"That was easy, yes?"
I scoffed. "You won't be saying that when we leave here; you'll get home and there will be an incredibly big- and permanent- imprint of my ass left on your car."
He smirked amused. "I'll let you know if that happens. Now sit back and relax."
He leaned back and crossed his hands behind his head. "Let us enjoy the view."
I stared at him for a few seconds and mimic him. After a few moments of silence I whisper,
"Not that I'm not enjoying myself, because I am, but what did you want to show me."
A smile spread across his lips and he made eye contact with me. "I brought you here so that we can talk just you and me, no interruptions and no pressure."
"Okay." I said slowly.
"Are you really okay with that?" He asked watching me carefully.
I nodded. "Yes."
"And you won't freak out and run away?"
I gave him a pointed look. "I'd get lost."
"But that's not the only reason that is keeping you here is it?"
I shook my head. "Of course not." The other reasons will stay withheld.
A beautiful smile was my answer. He sat up and turned to me. He reached out to me and cupped my cheek in his hand.
"Then ask me anything and everything you want, Bella, my thoughts are yours for the rest of the day." He whispered as his hand left my cheek.
"Really?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yes really. Today I am yours." I got lost in his smile. "Bella?"
I shook my head. "Sorry, I got lost in thought. Were you being serious?"
"Yes, you came willingly today. You barely made any objections and you trusted me. I trust you and part of me trusting you is being able to let you in fully. So ask me anything, I am at your mercy." He sat back, his eyes never leaving me.
"Will you be asking me questions in return?" I wondered.
He shook his head. "No. It's your day."
I took a deep breath. "Alright."
We were quiet for a minute or two and in those few minutes I couldn't form a good question.
I pressed my lips together and finally came up with something.. "How is Alice? Esme?"
With a heavy sigh he leans towards me and gets so close to my face I hold my breath. "They are fine. Alice asks for you all the time and Esme is Esme."
"Okay." I squeak.
"Bella?" He whispers so softly I almost struggle to hear it.
"I won't get mad at you for asking me what's really on your mind. When I said you can ask me anything, there were no rules or conditions. So, please be real with me."
I nodded slowly understanding what he was asking of me. "Okay."
He smiled softly and leaned away from me. I took a deep breath and shuddered because of the cold. Concern crossed his face and he slipped off his jacket and put it around my shoulders.
"But you'll get cold."I protested.
"I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt and a sweater, Bella, it's fine." He smiled sitting back and watching me again. "Next question."
"Did you and Lauren hook up when we split?" I was almost ashamed to ask.
He frowned. "No. I didn't send a glance her way, Bella. I only have eyes for you."
"Would you ever lie to me? In the future, if we get back together, would you lie to me because you think it will keep me safe?"
He closed his eyes for a brief second. "In the future, when we get back together, I will not lie to you. I've learned my lesson and I'm better off having you angry with me then not have you at all."
"Do you believe in long distance relationships?"
"With you? Yes."
"Because the love I have for you cannot be expressed with words. I trust myself never to hurt you again, and I trust you with everything I am. I also trust that no one can be as perfect for me as you are. That's all I need. Everything else will fall in to place. Why?"
"When you go off to whatever college you choose, we'll be apart."
"Bella, you know that-" I held up my hand before he could continue.
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Edward. I don't want to get into it right now." I said sadly.
He nodded in understanding.
"Why do you really want to be with me?"
Once again he closed his eyes for a second then opened them with a smile on his lips. "You complete me. Before we became Bella and Edward, it was just Edward. I always felt like a part of me was missing. Like there was something more for me, but I never knew what it was. Then you," He broke off to smile, "you were you. You showed me that I was worth something and that what others think of me really didn't matter. But you were wrong; there is one person's thoughts of me that really matter. Yours. I found myself striving to be a better person for you, because I never wanted to let you down. You spirit lifts me and when I'm with you I feel like I can fly. When I'm with you I feel free; I feel like nothing can touch us because we're so good together. I want to be with you because I want to give you everything you want and ever need. I want to be your rock. I want to give you everything I have in me. I want to make you happy. At the end of it all, you are the main reason I know everything will be okay. You are my haven, my soft place, my escape from everything that is wrong with me. No matter how much I've messed things up, that is the one thing that will reign true."
I wiped away the tears that escaped down my cheek and I smiled. "I didn't know-I never-"
He held up his hand this time. "You don't have to say anything, Bella. I don't want you to feel obligated to. I understand and it's okay."
I smiled through my tears. I never knew he felt that way.
"When-" I cut myself off. I couldn't ask him that. Of all the questions in the world, I come up with the most embarrassing one.
He turned onto his side to face me. "You can ask, Bella."
Before I even asked the question my cheeks heat up. "When we-before we…split did you ever think about uhm-havingsexwithme?" I slurred that last part together.
He sat up and held my hands. "I didn't catch the last part, repeat it?"
I looked away embarrassed. Think before you speak, Bella, one of life's most valuable lessons.
"Hey," He whispered catching my chin in his hand and making me look at him, "never be embarrassed to ask me anything. Everything you ask or say is important to me."
I nodded closing my eyes. Here goes… "Before we split…did you ever think about having s-sex with me?"
His eyes never left mine but his eyebrow raised surprised. His cheeks acquired a hint of pink. His thumb on my cheek remained and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. He wasn't saying anything and I was pretty sure I freaked him out. I freaked myself out and of course he never thought about me that way. No one ever has.
"I never thought our relationship was built on, driven by or about sex. I didn't want you because I wanted sex from you that was never my intention. I never cared for it…no that came out wrong. Sex was never a deciding factor for me."
"Oh." Of course he didn't think about sex with me. I was expecting it though, I'm not Rose and I'm definitely not as desirable and she is. I have absolutely no experience in that department so I guess it makes sense.
He watched me carefully for a second before leaning towards me. Soft like feathers against my skin, he brushed his thumb over my cheek while staring deeply into my eyes. "Okay, let me try that again. To answer your question, Love, yes I have and do think about sex with you. Unashamedly, it's on my mind constantly. I am a man and you are beyond beautiful. Mom always told me to respect a lady and never push her to do something she was uncomfortable doing. Being with you was all I needed and I never wanted to push you to that level. Yes I want that with you someday, but I don't think that we are ready for it. I know it will be amazing, we just have to build up to it."
I closed my eyes and gulped. Is it getting hot out here?
"I don't want you to think that sex is all I care about, Bella, because that's not true."
"I never thought that." My eyebrows pulling together.
"What made you ask me?"
Once again I was blushing. "We never did anything and we never go at it like Emmett and Rose. I mean you know they're always having sex. It made me think that you never thought of me in that way." I felt so small being all vulnerable with him like this, but at the same time I felt safe. He told me never to be embarrassed and I was going to take him on his word.
He had a sharp intake of breath. "I apologize in advance for what I'm about to do, but I can no longer sit here and not do anything."
"Edward, what are you talking about?" I asked him confused. Was this over? Had I pushed him too far?
He doesn't answer me. Suddenly, I'm on my back and Edward is above me pinning me down to the car."I know I promised you I would behave myself but I'm afraid I have to break that promise now."
His gaze was intense and I felt like his eyes were looking into my soul. "Bella I know that I haven't given you any reason to believe that I, for lack of a better word, desire you, but I do."
His nuzzled his nose at the base of my neck. "I've been afraid to say it to you because I wasn't sure how you would take it but I never stopped loving you."
His nose trailed up my neck and he placed a soft kiss on my chin. "You are the only person who I know believes in me and loves me for me."
He trailed kisses up my jaw and nipped my earlobe. "I trust you with everything that I am."
He did the same to my other ear. "I love you and I will always want you in every way."
He placed a kiss on each corner of my mouth but not my lips. "I desire you always and I will never make you doubt my feelings towards you again."
He brushed his nose against mine and chuckled. "Bella breathe."
I let out the air I was holding and blushed. "Sorry."
He smiled. "No apologies needed, Love."
"I love you, Edward, and I forgive you always. I trust you now more than ever and I trust you to love me like I love you. I want to be with you and I'm tired of staying away and pretending that taking things slow is easy for me. We can still take things slow, but I want us to be together. Before when I asked you why you really wanted to be with me, you mimicked my thoughts exactly. You complete me in every way and I don't care what happened before. We can make us work again, but no more being apart. No more lying to ourselves and no more games. I'm all in if you are. I love you."
His smiled could light up the sky. "You mean it." It wasn't a question.
"Yes, with all my heart."
"I love you." He whispered pulling me up into a hug. He place soft kisses on my neck.
"I love you too, Edward."
We sat there holding each other. Today did not go the way I thought it would. Today went better than any of my wildest dreams. We were okay. I could smile again without forcing it. I was complete again. We are complete again.
"Did you have any more questions?" He whispered against my ear.
"No questions, but one request." I sighed. He pulled back so he could see my face.
"Kiss me and never let go, Edward."
Happy belated Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it! I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations and if not I'll try better next time :P.
Our duo is back together now. I couldn't stop smiling when i wrote this chapter and I hope that it was the same for you. But what's next? Graduation? College? We'll see!
There was a song I couldn't get out of my mind while writing this chapter and I thought i'd share. It's I won't Give up- Jason Mraz.
Please share your thoughts? Till next the post.
-Always and forever, Ozy.