Finally, a fanfic which is not tragic or sad! Well, I just wanted to make something funny about the whole Noah family, so here it is. At first I was kinda out of ideas, but then I thought; what could cause the Noahs problems, and what do I think is disgusting. And then... cockroaches! Well, I hate monkeys more than cockroaches, but I don't know how to put monkeys into a -Man story... and I think it would be weird, so it turned out to be this. Enjoy!
It was a quiet night. Everything was as silent, as it could be; and that was actually very surprising, when it was the Noah family's home. But everyone was sleeping. Tyki was sitting in an armchair with a newspaper on his head, while snoring. Road was hugging Lero, while dreaming about killing exorcists. Even the twins had fallen asleep in their beds, which had been covered with chips from their last food fight.
Lullubelle, Skin and the Earl were out hunting exorcists, so the rest of them were alone in the big mansion. But that kind of made the place more silent than before; maybe because Skin wasn't there, yelling about his food not being sweet and then beat the Akumas half to death.
Jasdero hugged his pillow in sleep, and cuddled up, so he was warm. Debitto snored and mumbled, still not awake; something about beating the shit out of Cross and his apprentice.
But then the silence was immediately broken by a scream waking them all.
Debitto sleepily opened his eyes, and blinked a few times. Jasdero was still asleep, cause almost nothing could wake him.
"What the hell… is that Road screaming…? No, must be my imagination…" he mumbled to himself, and lay down again.
The scream then came again, even louder than before. This time, Debitto immediately rose up from his position. He dizzily walked over to the bed beside his, and lazily shook his twin's back; but didn't get any response to that.
"Oi, Jasdero. Get up, or I'll kick your ass out of bed…" he tried to stay awake, but then collapsed on top of the blond.
"Aaaah!" the scream clang though the whole house, and this time, Jasdero woke up.
He tried to get up, but could feel an enormous weight on his shoulders. When he recognized the body as Debitto's, he tried to gently push him away, but that just ended up with Debitto falling down on the hard floor with his head first.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing!"
Jasdero saw his brother peer up beside his bed, and glaring at him.
"Hii!" he screeched.
The door was then suddenly slammed open, and there Road stood, sweating on her forehead and holding her hand on the doorframe, while stunning hard.
"Hey, we're trying to sleep here. Get the hell out of here, bitch!" Debitto tried to throw a pillow at her, but it didn't reach its destination, and instead landed in front of her.
"Don't swear at me, you idiot! Just come!"
They didn't even have a change to respond to that, before she grabbed them by their pyjama T-shirts.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing!"
"We'll kill you, kill you, hii!"
When she had gotten them out of the room, they stood up by themselves. Road gave them a death glare, and they immediately knew that it meant; that she would throw candles at them, if they didn't listen to her.
They followed her into her room. It was dark all over, and she turned on a light. Debitto blinked a few times, to get used to the surroundings.
Jasdero almost tripped over a teddy bear, which was lying on the floor. It looked like it had just been thrown down there without any mercy.
She showed them over to her bed.
Road bowed down, and so did they.
She pointed under the big bed, and the twins immediately got chills all over their bodies. They could see small brown insectlike things disappearing into a hole in the floor, and coming back up again.
"I was just sleeping, when this almost crawled into my mouth." She held out a dead one between her fingers. Debitto almost felt like throwing up, but Jasdero got fascinated by the dead insect. He was almost going to touch it, when Debitto slapped him over his fingers.
"Don't. Touch. It." He snarled at him.
Road looked expectantly at them, but Debitto talked back in a sarcastic tone. "And what do you want us to do? It's not our problem, that you have cockroaches. Can't you just get rid of them yourself?"
She then pointed at the door. They both looked in the direction, and got chills again, when they saw the small creatures crawling out under it.
"Soon, it's not only my problem, so you have to get rid of them."
"But then why don't you just ask Tyki?"
"He'll soon discover them, and then he'll help us. But we have to work together, to get rid of them. We have to make… teamwork."
Debitto looked annoyed, but then changed his mind, when he took a look under the bed again. "Fine, we'll help you, but we all have to do our parts, then."
Road nodded in agreement, and they stood up again and shook hands.
Jasdero looked at the two, and Debitto then joined him walking out of the door. Road stayed there, and pulled Lero up from her bed.
It screeched. "Road-tama~ how will you remove them from the house, before Earl-tama comes home from the mission, lero?"
"Just wait and see… the small disgusting creatures will soon regret for coming here…" she grinned, and then walked over to her closet and looked through all of her stuff.
Debitto bowed down, and looked under the kitchen table. Nothing could be seen, so he stood up again and looked at Jasdero, who was wearing the same outfit as him.
They had their pyjamas on, but they had taken some pots on their heads, and taped some pans firmly on their legs and arms. Now, they were the ultimate cockroach destroyers; or that was what they thought about themselves.
"Come to Debitto and—DIE!" he immediately smacked a shelf, where he thought the creature had been.
All the kitchen stuff then fell down on the floor, and a pan hit Jasdero in the head.
"Kill them, hii!" he joined his brother and ran over to the other shelves.
"Ssh, Jasdero!" he whispered. "They'll hear us, if we don't remain—"
Debitto's eyes widened.
"Aaah! There's fucking one on my shoulder! Get it away! Jasdero, get it awaaayy!"
Without knowing what to do, Jasdero pulled his gun up from his pocket, and pointed at Debitto.
"No, Jasdero! Not the—"
There was smoke rising from everywhere in the little kitchen. Jasdero looked around, confused. Had his brother disappeared? No, that couldn't be…
A hand from behind hit him in the head. "Oh, you idiot! I didn't say you should fire the gun!"
Jasdero rubbed his head, while looking at the black stained and burned Debitto. "Sorry, hii…"
"Let's just get this over and kill these fucking insects."
"Hii!" they walked out of the door, leaving the burned kitchen back without any second thoughts. Jasdero looked back for a moment, but then shrugged to himself.
He soon catched up on his brother. They both looked in all kinds of direction, while pointing with their guns, like they were some kind of spies. "Path clear. Let's split up and look in different places. I'll take the east and you'll take the west."
Jasdero nodded. They walked in different directions and continued their way on the cockroach hunting.
"Oh, you little…"
A candle got fired again, and the whole wall exploded. "You'll regret for coming here, you—"
"Road, what are you doing?"
She turned around. "Oh, Tyki! Just in time. Take this and go searching." While handing an insect spray to him, he looked blankly at her.
"And what am I supposed to do with this, and what are you even doing up this late at night?"
Road pulled his shirt, and held him closer. She then whispered in his ear. "I'm trying to get the intruders away."
"Intruders? But there's no exorcist here."
She whispered back. "It's not exorcist, it's… them…"
Road pointed at the floor, and he glared at it. The small brownish creatures were crawling into small cracks in the floor. "C-Cockroaches!"
"Correct, and we have to get rid of them, before the Millennium Earl comes home."
Tyki then thought about the Millennium Earl realizing the insect problem, and looking madly at them, for not killing them.
"So, use this to kill them, and we will not have any problems."
He nodded, but still thought it was a little ridiculous to overreact like that. It was just some insects, so how much could something as small as them destroy?
Tyki sighed, while walking into a room. He would start with the library, so they wouldn't be all over there.
Road, who was holding Lero, while walking in the opposite direction then spoke. "Hmm… maybe I should have told him about Jasdevi, who also looking for them…? Nah, he'll be okay."
"Leroo~!" the umbrella screeched, when she swung him playfully in the air.
Road then saw a cockroach crawling under her feet. "Eek!" she fired a candle right down in the floor, where a hole now was. She couldn't see the cockroach anymore; now, there just was a human hole on the ground.
She looked around, while placing a finger on her lip. "This should do it, and then no one will see it."
Carefully she placed a carpet over the hole, and then walked away without even thinking more about it. Lero was looking back at it all the time, until Road just gave it a glare, and it stopped.
"Oh, and I thought it was just a few… darn, now I have to go get a new insect spray."
Tyki tried to shake the tub once again, but nothing more came out. He was still sitting in a bowing position at the bookshelf.
He then stood up and yawned. "Darn, now I have to spend the whole night on this…"
He walked in the direction of the bathroom.
When walking in, he backed away. "N-No way…!"
The insects were crawling in and out of the toilet, and the bathtub was black by all of them. Tyki immediately hurried looking into the lockers with cleaning stuff. While shaking some of the brown creatures off his hand, he managed to get an insect spray.
"I should start here… but I think Road can handle this more than me."
When that was said, he walked out again, and made sure he didn't have anything on his clothes. He closed the door, and then walked down the hallway. He was sure there was something he had forgotten, but couldn't remember what it was…
Tyki changed direction, when he reached the corner, but was then met with a big surprise. He thought it was… well… some insects, cause he knew it couldn't have been Road.
However, he got so scared, that he immediately pulled the insect spray up and began spraying with it, at the figure in front of him. At the same time, he was met with a screeching sound and something hard hitting his head.
"Hii! There's something in my eyes!"
Jasdero stood there and rubbed his eyes again and again with his hands. Tyki had just insect sprayed one of the twins. But at the same time, he had gotten hit by something in his head, and that landed in front of him.
Tyki was lying on the floor, while Jasdero was rocking by the pain of the spray.
"Hii hii, my eyes hurts!"
Tyki stood up and took up the pan from the floor. "Why are you wearing a pot on your head?"
Jasdero, who was still rubbing his eyes, then tried to look at the curly haired Noah. But his eyes were still red. "It's not a pot; it's a helmet, hii!"
"Sorry…" he said, while handling it to the blond.
Tyki then realized something. "Where's your brother?"
"So he's also into this…" he scowled.
The bloodshot eyed Jasdero looked confused at the elder man. "Aren't you going to help us, hii?"
"Yes, I am. But I only got this one tub back, and then I don't have any more against them."
"Road got candles."
"Yes, but I'm not gonna use them. They're too dangerous, and we don't want to destroy the house."
The twin looked away, while fidgeting with his hair. Tyki scowled at him and came closer. "You have not destroyed something, have you?"
Jasdero fidgeted even more with his hair, and Tyki grabbed his face and turned it around, so he could look directly into the blonde's eyes. "What have you done, together with your brother?"
"You're lying, I can see it in your face."
"I-I have to kill them, sorryyy, hiiii" and the next moment, he had disappeared down the hallway in an enormous speed.
Tyki sighed. This was going to be a looong night…
"Fucking, fucking, asscracking, small, disgusting CREATURES!" Debitto swore to himself, like he always did. But now, he was seriously pissed off. They would just disappear into a hole, every time he tried to pull the trigger. And every time he had fired a bomb, they were no where in sigh.
"Okay, this time I'm not getting cheated by all of your small, smart tricks. Come out, or I'll kill you!"
When getting no answer, he looked in the opposite direction. "Okay, I admit it. Whenever you come out, I'll kill you… but that's not the point!"
He sighed. "Why the hell am I talking to myself?"
Then a faint crackling sound broke his silence. He looked around and took the pot off of his head.
"Take this, you bastards!" he quickly shot the pot into a writing board, and it collapsed. The cockroach then came out from the overturned furniture and continued further on the floor.
Debitto immediately followed it by reflex, and started to hit it all the way over the floor. He was now crawling down on the floor and continued hitting it, until the pan affected something massive.
"Aauughh! Why the hell did you hit me, you moron!"
Debitto looked out from the floor, just to see Tyki's mad face. The elder Noah was holding his foot in pain, but tried to avoid it.
He decided to respond in a harsh tone. "Look, now it's gone, and that's your fault! Now, my change to kill it is fucking gone, because you stood in the way, you asshole!"
"Oh, so I stood in the way? Look what you've done to our house!"
Debitto turned around, just to see the toppled bookshelf and writing board, and the burned floor. He shrugged.
"Try to imagine the Earl seeing this! What do you think he would do, if he saw this!"
Debitto shivered. Maybe he was right.
"So start cleaning all of this, instead of destroying it, if don't have anything better to do!"
"No rolling eyes at me! Understand, moron?"
Debitto scowled at him. "Yeah, yeah, I got it… geez; don't yell at me, it hurts."
Tyki let a hand slide over his face in irritation of the rebellious teenager. Why couldn't he just behave like Road. She was never causing any trouble. Okay, she had smashed the wall to ashes, but that was not as bad as this.
Debitto was glaring at him. "Fine, I'll go. But just clean up this mess; more, I am not asking for."
With that, he walked out of the door, leaving the black haired, pot and pan covered Noah alone in the room.
"I really hope his brother is not causing this much trouble…" he muttered to himself, while walking quietly.
"Hii!" Jasdero screeched, as he saw the little creature disappear into the wall. Why couldn't he figure out a way, to defeat them? The only things he had, was the pans and his gun. But without Debitto, he could not fire as hard, as he used to. It was the unison, which made their powers strong, so what could he do now?
Maybe he should ask Road for help, but she was probably having enough with defeating her part.
But then he got an idea… for once. He thought about the Earl always using cleaning tubs to make the house look perfect. Maybe he should try that.
Jasdero was almost proud of himself, because of his good idea. He grinned big, when he walked to the bathroom.
When he opened the door, he immediately slammed it again. He had seen enough. There were cockroaches all over the little room. That would have to be Road's job.
Then another idea came. The Earl had a closet, where he kept all kinds of stuff, so he sure had some insect stuff there.
A moment later, he was standing with almost ten tubs in his hands. He had just taken, what he thought looked good at this. When he had seen the skull on them, he thought that meant that they were very good against them; that they could kill them.
Again, he grinned at his own cleverness.
He placed the tubs on the floor, and then picked one up. He didn't even bother to read on the label, so he decided to just open it.
What was that?
He couldn't get the lid off. It just kept spinning around, when he screwed it.
He thought about Tyki telling him about something called a child safety. Maybe, this was it.
After some minutes of trying to get it off in all kinds of ways, he decided to do it the easy way. He pulled out his gun, and carefully pointed at the tub, while standing a few meters in front of it.
He had his tongue out in the concentrating, and then fired. "Red bomb!"
All the content of the tub had mysteriously exploded. Now, he was standing there, confused. Both walls and the floor in front of him had been burnt, and there was still fire a few places.
Why had it just exploded? Cleaning stuff shouldn't explode, should it?
Then he took another of the tubs. This time, the lid easily went off when he pulled it. Inside of the tub, was a pink mass of liquid.
Believing that the insects would just disappear, when he put it on the floor, then turned the tub around, and so it would just slide down. He did this, all the way down the hallway. He also added some more cleaning liquids, and enjoyed mixing them all together. Then they got a funny colour.
"Yay, now they'll die, when they touch it, hii!" he clapped his hands together in amusement of his work.
He then walked around the corner, making sure he didn't run into anyone who would spray something into his face again. He still had pain in his eyes from the collision with Tyki.
Without knowing anything, he innocently walked further, but then tripped. No, he had landed in the floor. No, he had just gotten through a carpet.
He could feel himself landing hard on a cold ground, and the pots and pans noisily landed beside him.
He stood up, and rubbed his back.
It was like being underground, cause it was very deep.
"Hii, Dero is trapped in a hole, hii hii!"
There was echo, but no one answered him. "Help! The floor has disappeared, hii!"
Still, no one answered. The only thing he could do was to look up at the hole in the… could you call it a ceiling or floor…? Well, anyways, he looked up and saw the little light coming from there.
"Debiiiii! Dero is trapped!"
He could then do nothing, but stare up again. Maybe someone would notice him missing, and then go search for him. Then, he could be saved.
But if no one did… was he then going to spend the rest of his life there, alone…?
The candles were floating in the air around her, and she hummed in amusement. She had just killed an army of cockroaches, so now there shouldn't be any more of them. Well, not in her part of the cleaning.
She then thought about the hole again. Maybe, someone would fall through the carpet, but… no, that was impossible. No one would do that, only…
"Um, it's nothing. I just remembered something, but it's not important."
She still hummed, while dancing down the hallway. Then from a room on the right side, came Tyki.
He looked pretty mad and annoyed, but she knew he would not say anything mean to her. He would only scold the twins, cause they always made trouble. Not like her… not like her at all.
"What?" he took on his hat, and she saw the insect spray in his hand.
"Sprayed some insects, hmm?"
He looked a bit embarrassed. "Well… you can't really say it was an insect I sprayed. More like a—"
Tyki suddenly looked to the right side. Road didn't quite understand, until she looked in the same direction.
"Road, quickly! Get some water or something!"
She then got a bottle up from behind her back.
"Why did you have that on you?"
She shrugged, and they hurried down, where the fire was. Tyki was running quickly in the direction, but then felt something under his feet.
Road could also feel something. Something, which was terribly smooth, like…
They were both losing their balance, as they slid down the floor. Tyki lost the bottle on the way, but now he didn't really care for it.
To get her balance, Road tried to cling to Tyki, but he just lost even more balance. He then tried to change the sliding direction, and it worked!
"Why is there smooth stuff all over the floor, Tyki?" Road said, while still keeping her grip on him.
They were still sliding, so it was pretty hard to concentrate on both the talking and sliding part. "How the hell should I know?"
He held a pause, to try to stop the sliding. "Some kind of idiot must have—"
That was it.
Both Tyki and Road's sliding trip immediately stopped, when they lost their foothold on the ground. Now, there wasn't any ground anymore.
They had fallen down into Road's hole, where there wasn't any carpet anymore.
"Huh? Where the hell have they all gone to?"
Debitto looked startled at the silent place, where there should have just been one sound. Were they all gone, or something?
Not knowing what to do, he just opened the first door he came to.
With that, he immediately closed the door to the bathroom. There was no way he was going in there. He didn't really know if it was his job to clean this, but he wasn't ever going to do it. This was just too disgusting. That would have to be Road's job.
He peered at every corner he came to, but there still wasn't anyone. "Are they all finished? No, that can't be…"
Again, he tried to look every place he could ever think of. When he then came to a dead end, he was really lost. Where were they all? They could not just have gone to a mission without him, could they? No, that just couldn't be it. If Jas was on a mission, then he would be too. But still… where were they all…?
"Hello! Where are you all?"
"Hey, there are still cockroaches in the bathroom, and I don't think it's my task to get rid of them!"
Now he was getting annoyed. "Okay… so, it's maybe my task, but not in hell if I'm going to do it!"
If Tyki was there, he would really have responded to that, but there was still silent.
"Okay, that's it! You can just get rid of the rest yourself, cause I'm fucking not going to do it!"
He was just going to walk into his room, when he thought he heard a faint sound. It sounded like someone yelling for help, but there wasn't anyone in danger, as far as he knew.
Getting closer to the sound, he could hear it even clearer than before.
When he came further down the floor, he could clearly hear it. It was Road, Jasdero and Tyki.
"Get us out of here!"
"Yeah, we're starving down here!"
"Road, it's not the right time to—"
"But I'm hungry too, hii!"
"Whatever, just get us out of here!"
Debitto glared. It was coming from a hole. He walked closer, and looked down. It was really deep, but on the ground, you could clearly see the three Noahs.
"What the—is that you! What the hell are you doing down there, and why's there—"
He looked at the floor ahead of the hole. There seemed to be some kind of liquid mass spread all over the floor.
"Why's there pink and blue stuff on the floor!"
They then responded. "It doesn't matter, just get us outta here!"
"Okay, okay… just wait a second, and I'll find some kind of solution to this!"
"Debii! I wanna go back to our room and sleep, hii!"
Debitto swallowed. "Don't worry, Jas! I'll get you out of there!"
But Debitto's head immediately peered up, when he heard something clacking. It sounded like… a door being opened…?
"Oh, shit, it's the Earl!"
"Shit! Okay, Debitto. Just do as I say, okay? If you—"
A hand touched Debitto's shoulder, and he shivered while turning around. "And what have you been doing, while being alone, if I must ask~?"
Debitto swallowed again, when he saw the creepy eyes looking out from the glasses. "Umm… getting rid of cockroaches…?"
The Millennium Earl looked around at the burned and pierced place, which had once been… well, a house…
"Oh, I see. And I suppose it's the cockroaches, which has burned my wonderful ark?"
The eyes got even closer to the teenage Noah's face. "M-Maybe…"
"Then why are you wearing a pot on your head?"
Debitto immediately tore it of, and hid it behind his back. "Um… you see…it's—"
"And why are my cleaning tubs standing in the west of the ark, all opened? And why is there a big and burned hole in the wall?"
This, he could not answer. He hadn't done that, he knew for sure. So it would have to be someone else… but who…
"And why is there a hole in the ground? Have the cockroaches also made that?"
His eyes got even closer and even scarier than before. But what could he say? Well, they had been trying to get rid of cockroaches, but…
Skin and Lulubell came from behind, and beside them were Tyki, Road and Jasdero, who looked guilty in their faces.
"How did you-"
Skin interrupted him. "I got them up from the hole."
"Because it's our basement, and there's a door down there. There was also a bunch of cockroaches coming out of the wall. But they weren't sweet at all."
"The hole… is our… basement…?"
Tyki looked at him. "Well, apparently, it is. And it's down there; all the cockroaches are coming from."
Everyone was staring blankly at each other, until the Millennium Earl spoke. "Well, then we are all going to help each other to get the house clean. And we start… now."
Road, Tyki and the twins all sighed.
It was going to be a looong night…
My first humor fic... I hope it was funny, and not ridiculous or something. Please review, but no flames please.