AN: Written for the "glee angst meme" on LJ; the rather vague prompt: "Finn abuses Kurt." Enjoy.


ULTRAVIOLET

There is a bruise around his eye, flushed deep purple. He's not worried – it still stings a little, but he's good at covering these things up (his obsessive make-up routine is good for something), so it's not like anyone will know. Not like anyone will even suspect; what, that stand up guy, Finn Hudson, running behind his pregnant girlfriend's back to fuck around with the resident fag? And then beat him up? Not a chance.

Kurt turns on the tap in his impeccably clean bathroom, making the water run lukewarm, and when he sticks his hands under it, it feels comfortable. There are bruises on his wrists from a week or so ago, faded to a dirty yellow. However, these bruises he liked. He normally does like them; when he's flat on his back in Finn's bed, and the guy gets to work out all that pressure and frustration with the one person he knows will never stop him.

Okay, that's normally the reason for the bruises Kurt doesn't like as well.

Most of the time, they just pretend it isn't happening. Kurt plays the unrequited gay crush to perfection, and almost convinces himself it's real sometimes, because surely being miles away from having Finn would have to be less torture than this having-not having see-saw he seems to be stuck on.

When he's just about convinced himself it's true, he always realizes with a panic how much worse it hurts to just not have Finn.

Kurt stares in the mirror, watching his own features flicker around the attention-drawing violet mark. He doesn't even really remember what happened – he pissed Finn off somehow; what exactly he did isn't important. It never is. Finn wants to have him and hurt him, because the guy is a mess, and just wants to take the whole damn thing out on whoever won't be able to stop him. Finn has been a train wreck since the truth about Puck and Quinn and the baby came out, and Kurt knows he's being shamelessly used and abused, but he loves Finn enough he just doesn't care. He's pathetic like that.

Finn doesn't talk about the little family – Kurt can tell he misses them. He misses his perfect girlfriend and he misses the support of his best friend; he misses the idea of the baby girl – Drizzle, he would have called her – more than anything. Finn wanted so badly to have that little person to do anything for, and make it all worth it. But that wasn't his to have, and Puck has turned it into his own redemption story, and it's killing Finn but nobody remembers to care.

Kurt cares. He's all 270 hue with caring.

Kurt doesn't think the bruises are that bad. In return for them, he gets Finn in this deranged, teasing, torturing way. He gets late-night fucks and semi-true friendship; he gets the stupid pipe dream that one day he can have Finn for real, and he gets Finn's ignorance when he does such stupid things in pursuit of that dream.

Finn gets his own personal punching bag, and Kurt gets a focusing spot. He reckons it's a good deal.