Yes...here it is...Saturday! Now can I get an awww? You didn't think I'd make you wait another day did you? I hope you all get the warm and fuzzies and I do not disappoint. As I said, I want this to be a looong piece, this is not going to be a case of "one kiss and happily ever after" so shout out ideas or wishes – the more crazy the better! I got a call for angst and I came up with something, and even thinking it made me tear up- how does that sound? And now may I present...Saturday.
The two stood staring at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. They both knew this conversation was going to change their lives, or the immediate future at least.
"Coffee?" Booth asked, desperate for something to do.
"Maybe later. I think we would be more comfortable in the living room." Brennan turned and left the room without waiting for an answer. Booth followed her in and the two sat on the sofa, both trying not to think of the last time they had sat here together, or think without blushing at least.
"So this is, awkward." Booth said unable to look at Brennan.
"It doesn't have to be." Brennan said quietly. "We've always been able to talk. I don't want that to change."
"I know." Booth agreed "Me either." There was another uneasy silence before Brennan finally spoke.
"Angela told me, that this was important, because everything, and I believe I understand her correctly when I paraphrase, we've always been too scared to want is...right here."
"Angela is a wise woman. And she's right. This is important."
"I propose a truth zone." Brennan said.
"You...a truth zone?" Booth laughed.
"Booth!" A hint of indignation in her voice.
"Sorry, sorry. That's sounds like a good idea." Booth agreed still grinning at her.
"Ok, first, this is hard for me. I have...so much I want, need, to say to you. But I find that even though my vocabulary is quite extensive, I am not sure how to say what I wish correctly. You've told me before to speak from my heart, I want you to know, this time, I am trying Booth." The honesty behind her words was raw and pure.
"I know Bones, and if it makes you feel better, I am not sure what to say either."
"I find that comforting, yes. Illogical as it is." Brennan took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This is it she thought. "I decided many years ago, relationships hurt. I know that I'm not the only person who has lost someone they love, or been hurt, but you have to understand. After I lost my parents, I lost Russ, my extended family wouldn't take me in, and 4 out of my 6 foster parents should have been put in jail. So although people say that you have to let others in, I find that they have not experienced true loss and are therefore ill equipped to offer such advice. If they had, they may be more understanding." Booth wanted to stop her talking and just hold her. But he knew she had to do this.
"Before we met, I had found the balance. I could engage socially enough to get by, usually just for professional reasons, but I never stayed long enough for anyone to want to get really close. Not until I met Angela, and then a month later, you. That day we met in my class, I had what I can only describe as an extreme physical response to you."
"You thought I was hot." Booth said nudging her with his fist, trying to relax her.
"Your symmetry was pleasing yes. But this was something I could not quantify, and then before our fight, when we kissed, it felt different."
"That's one word for it." Booth said toe curling spine tingling life altering religious experience also works he thought.
"And then, six years happened. You became my best friend, and above all else taught me how to trust. Angela is partly responsible for this as well, but I would not have half the courage I do now if it was not for you." Brennan said smiling. "But now we're here and I...really don't know what to do. I can trust you with anything, but I can not trust myself to not hurt you. And if I ever hurt you that way, if I ever hurt your heart..." When she began to tear up Booth decided she needed a break and thought it was time he bared a little of his soul.
"I understand what you mean, about losing people, and hurt. I've told you before it was my grandfather who saved me, without him..." Booth didn't need to follow through. "And when I had Parker I was so terrified I was going to be like my old man..."
"You are an excellent father Booth, nothing like your own." Brennan said finally reaching out and grabbing his hand.
"Thanks Bones. But I was still scared. You know I can't even yell at him. I discipline him, and most of the time he's a good kid anyway, but I can't even raise my voice because all I hear is my father yelling at me. Part of me is also scared for...anyone close to me. My father promised to love my mother forever, he promised God to love, honour and protect her. Then he smashed a dinner plate against the side of her face when he didn't like the way the potatoes tasted one night. I have that temper in me Bones, I've seen it. Like now, I am going to ask you to promise me you never tell me where any of those foster homes were, because I'd be there in a second. If I ever lost control like that with, you, I could not live with myself. I guess what I am getting at is, as scared as I am what could happen, I can't let it stop me from being with Parker as much as possible. I can't let it stop me being with someone. I just do what I can to make it work." Booth took a breath and let himself shake off the memory of his father.
"I didn't leave you." He said suddenly out of nowhere.
"To go to Afghanistan, I didn't leave you."
"Well no, technically I left you, I decided to accept the Maluku project first."
"You didn't leave me Bones, you needed it."
"That's what Angela said. We needed to make sure we could still be ourselves and be us." Brennan agreed.
"Bones, I would never want you to forget who you are. And I hope you feel the same about me. I know how much I valued our partnership, and I admit part of me wishes we could put the bad guys away together forever. But I don't want you to turn your back on what makes you, you."
"So, hypothetically, if we were in a sexual relationship and I was given the chance to go on an extended project overseas, you'd be alright with that?"
"No." Booth answered honestly. "But I'd be ok knowing you were coming home to me if that counts."
"Thank you for your honesty. For the record, I would be uncomfortable with you going to Afghanistan again. But I accept the possibility."
"Ok now that we've got out past and that out of the way, I need to apologise."
"For what?" Brennan asked.
"For pushing you...that night. At Sweets' office. I was, am..." Booth stopped, unsure he should say it.
"What Booth?" She asked. Booth turned to look at her completely and said a prayer in his mind.
"I'm so...in love with you Bones. And I just thought that it was the moment, but it wasn't. It was a moment, not the moment. And I pushed you and I'm sorry."
Brennan sat silent. If she moved she was sure she would shatter.
"Oh god I shouldn't have said that...crap...see I did it again, I'm sorry, I was just trying to..."
"Do you mean it?" She asked raising a hand to stop him talking.
"What you said. Do you mean it?" She asked again. Well, no point in lying, Booth thought.
"Yes." He said, unsure of what was coming.
"I told you that I believed in love because of you. So if I was to tell you that I'm still unsure of the purpose of marriage, and I can't think 50 years ahead because right now tomorrow is scary enough, and that I am going to make mistakes. Would you believe that I believe in love because of you, because of how much I am in love with you?" Brennan could barely breathe after her declaration, the tension between them was again hanging like a thick fog they could almost touch. His silence was killing her. "Say something Booth."
"I'm done talking." Was all he muttered before he reached out and grabbed her. The second his lips touched hers they both felt that metaphorical wall crumbling between them. The fear, pain, confusion, it was all part of the process to get to this one moment. Booth found his hands roaming over her back before tangling one in her hair. They let themselves have a few indulgent moments before Brennan finally had to pull back and gasp for air. Booth began lightly nuzzling her neck with his nose, almost giddy at the fact she was letting him. Just as we was about to take an indulgent nibble of her ear she pulled him back to reality.
"Do I have to?" Booth asked, already moving back to look at her.
"If you don't, then we'll get carried away. And your cast is not conducive to coitus."
"Making love Bones, and you're right."
"I generally am."
"Aaaaand" He cut back in. "I'm not making love to you until we've had at least 5 proper dates."
"WHAT?" Brennan jumped up. Booth could not help the laughter.
"Bones I'm flattered, but we've just spent the last 20 minutes discussing how important this is. I want to do this right Bones. Not thinking about anything else, expectations, our past, or what Angela has said. We need to do this right. Whatever happens between us I want to give it the best chance. And there is too much between us to just jump into bed. Plus I want all the fun first date stuff." Booth said moving to stand in front of her.
"First date stuff?" Brennan asked as he took her hands in his.
"You know. Stuff. I want to see you in a new dress, and the jewelery you only use for dates..."
"What makes you think..."
"Every woman does Bones. I want to smell your perfume that you only wear on special occasions. You don't wear it to work because you don't want any smell to cover potential olfactory evidence or chemical traces. Not to mention you smell...amazing without it anyway. Then I want to see what kind of cocktail you like to order before a great Italian dinner. And when we sit down I want to see what colour your hair turns in the light of a single candle on the dinner table. And after, I want to see what colour your eyes are when you're dancing in an outside courtyard under the stars after one or two red wines. And after all that I want to know how your lips taste after sharing an ice cream sundae with caramel and chocolate..."
Booth lost her at that point, she grabbed him and once again was kissing him for all she was worth and he actually had to sit them back down before he guided her back to one of the bedrooms.
"Oh god Bones" he said barely breaking the contact between their lips. "You have no idea how much...this is..." Booth couldn't think of the end to his sentence when Brennan ran her hand up his chest under his shirt. It was only a few minutes until Brennan was pinned underneath Booth on the couch, her shirt buttons at some staged had been undone and Booth was kissing along her ribs. It was his sudden yelp of pain that cleared the passion coloured fog from Brennan's mind.
"Are you alright?" She asked between heavy breaths. He was straightening out his leg and adjusting the skewed strap on his cast.
"Yeah, I zigged when I should have zagged." He said holding his ankle through the cast." Brennan looked at him confused. "I just moved it the wrong way." He said stretching his leg out. Brennan suddenly turned away from him and began to do her shirt up.
"Don't bother on my account." He mumbled in jest. Brennan was ready to shoot back an admonishment when she had an idea. Without missing a beat Brennan simply did the button above and below her breasts up and left the rest of the shirt open. Her flat stomach on display for Booth who was sure he was drooling as he looked at her creamy skin. The pain in his foot long forgotten.
"We have a while before dinner. Did you want to watch a movie then maybe grab something from the Deli and take it to the park? It's supposed to be a nice night?" Brennan asked.
"Sounds good except for one thing." Booth said.
"And what's that?"
"You'll have to do your shirt up." He grinned cheekily. "Come on, lets make coffee and pick a movie." Booth started to walk to th kitchen and grabbed Brennan's hand as he went. Without over thinking it she simply held his hand followed him, stopping just as they entered.
"So, are we...us I guess?" She asked a little unsure, hoping the entire thing had not been for nothing. Booth wrapped his arm around her waist and played with her hair absent mindedly.
"We've always been us Bones. But now we're us on every level...I can't believe I just said that." Booth groaned with embarrassment.
"I can't either." Brennan said with a laugh. It was cheesy but Brennan understood the sentiment. They were always them, they just had to let it happen in it's own time. The two were fixing coffee in silence sharing small grins here and there when Brennan finally spoke.
"So, I start back at the Jeffersonian on Tuesday."
"And I have my meeting with Hacker and the other suits on Monday."
"And if all is well with our foot you'll be just in support bandages in two weeks."
"Sounds about right. I think it was more the fact I have not moved it properly in a while that hurt before, not that I actually moved it." Booth explained.
"So factoring in me starting work, you potentially starting back at work, you coming out of your cast the following Friday, we could have 3 proper dates. Two this coming weekend and one after you get your cast off."
"Your point?" Booth asked cautiously. Not sure where she was going.
"If I promise to show you just how double jointed I am would you consider amending your 5 date rule to 3?"
Before he could respond she sauntered off back to the living room leaving Booth practically hyperventilating. Noticing he had not stopped pouring his coffee only when the hot liquid ran down the outside of the mug burning his fingers. Oh...mercy he nearly cried.