Epilogue

One year later...

I stood looking out over the back lawn, so much had changed since I'd attended Perverts Anonymous. The sun glinted off the patio and I felt glad to be alive.

So I'd lost my two best bounty hunters. Ranger and Steph had finally gotten together and had moved down to Miami to be closer to his family. Can't see the attraction myself. Grandma Mazur... golden beaches. Ellen and her iron... hot salsa dancing...

There's nothing wrong with the Plums really. Nothing that a good machine gun wouldn't cure. Hey, now there's an idea...

Anyway, as I was saying, it's good to be alive.

Lucille had enjoyed our much delayed holiday – so much so that we were now booked in for a caesarean section – turns out Lucille wasn't built for natural child birth.

Alanah forgave me and had insisted Harry burn the photo he took of me and Doris – hey, can't a man know the name of someone he's been intimate with. The name was Lucille's idea, actually.

I was even allowed to witness the demise of the piece of paper that made me famous!

Lucky me.

I felt a pair of arms wrap round me. "coming back to bed, big boy..." Lucille purred. Damned pregnancy hormones – I was exhausted, not that I was complaining mind you. After all, I'd been able to replace Joyce with my crazy wife in my office and we'd really tested the desk if you know what I mean. She wasn't half bad at animal noises either. Way hay.

"Sorry, Honey. It's D-Day." I replied as I unwrapped Lucille's arms from my body. Turning round I pinned her against the counter top and kissed her senseless before letting go and standing slightly back and gazing at her lovely face.

D-Day? You might ask. Well, not only was Lucille pregnant but Doris was about to be a mother too. Several of the books I'd bought on the subject suggested that the eggs she'd laid were due to hatch today and I didn't want to miss a single one of them. The father? Not me you weirdo! Gus, a strutting, strong ox of a duck who reminded me of someone...