The Infertility Issue
Penny's cell phone rang as Leonard took off her yellow Cheescake Factory vest. The ringtone didn't belong to anyone she could think of and when she rolled over, she vauegly recognized the number. It took a moment, but she remembered. It was the local jail. Please don't be Kurt, she thought as she hit ANSWER.
"Penny!" Amy was on the other end. "Penny! Thank God! I only get one phone call. Look, Shell and I are in county. Call my dad! He'll wire you bail money for the both of us!"
"Why do you need bail money?" Penny asked, very confused and a little scared. "What the hell did you two do?"
"Well, we alledgely assaulted the fertility doctor with my purse and his laptop."
An hour and a half earlier…
Sheldon and Amy had discussed children in depth and had reached a compromise. They would have three to four children in a 13 year period. To ensure that this would happen, they needed to conceive within the next six months, and the next four were the ideal window. As the wedding was maybe in the spring, they hoped to be pregnant by then. They ended up going to Mrs. Vartabedian's daughter's doctor, a man named Dr. Jensen. What he told them that morning had not been what they wanted to hear.
"So we may not be able to conceive?" Sheldon asked.
"Well, the chances are minimized by your medium sperm count and her slightly inhospitable environment," Jensen said in a bored voice.
"But we want kids," Amy said softly.
"You might be able to conceive with out treatments, but that could take a year or more."
"Look," Amy's voice changed to a tone that scared even Sheldon. He had only heard it once, the night that they had broken up when they were nineteen. It meant possible death and dismemberment. And that was when she loved you. "We want a baby by early 2011. And you will help us. Do you want us to be dissatisfied?"
"Miss Derris, please sit down." Being ordered by this little man seemed to make Amy snap and try and hit him with her purse. He ducked and she aimed again. It was a direct hit to the side of his head. Deciding to join the fray, Sheldon tried to try and grab Amy's arm. He somehow hit Jensen upside the head. Amy picked up her fiancé's bag and hit Jensen in the back.
They put Amy and Sheldon in separate cells and gave Sheldon something to try and get him to shut up. It didn't do much. While he stopped being so for lack of a better word 'Sheldonly', he did still act up. Amy was right across from him and they were now yelling sweet nothings at each other from their cells.
"I'm so sorry that I got you into this!"
"It's okay Amy!" There was a pause. "I love you!"
"I love you too! I wanna have your baby!"
"Let's have unprotected coitus as soon as we are released!"
"Hell yeah? Wait…why wait? I see an empty cell!"
"They aren't going to let you too have sex in jail!" A hooker in Amy's cell grumbled and put her hands over her ears.
"Wait." Amy unbuttoned her shirt. "Just till we get out!"
"You skin is lovely in blue!"
"They will sustain our children just fine!"
"Ew!" That was the hooker again.