Title: All's Not Lost 1/10

Author: forsaken2003

Pairings: S/X, A/W

Rating: NC17 (Mild description)

Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!

Summary: Xander is date raped and Spike is there to help him

Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5 No Glory, No Dawn

Plot Bunny by: Lady Q: write a story where Xander is date raped

Beta'd by: Dragonfly_64 and mrs sakuma

Part One

Willow and Buffy bounced into the Magic Box. "Xander!"

"Hey ladies." Xander looked up from making a stake. "What's got you all Tigger-like?"

"We talked to Brett, you know the guy in our philosophy class?" Willow replied, a smile on her face.

Xander focused all of his attention on his friends. "What did he say?"

"You guys are on for tomorrow night!" Buffy answered and sat beside Xander. "We showed him a picture of you and told him you had a great personality, and he said he was in!"

"What's this now?" Spike asked, sauntering in from the training room. "The whelp is a pouf now?"

Xander glared at Spike. "Shut up Spike."

"Not judging," Spike said and rolled his eyes at the snort he got from Xander. "I'm a vampire remember? We don't care about the sex of the person; as long as we're getting off, that's all that matters."

"Eww!" Buffy scrunched her face up in disgust.

Xander blushed at the thought of Spike having sex with another man. He couldn't lie and say it wasn't a nice thought.

"Just ask Peaches next time you see him Red," Spike smirked. "He's got lots of stories."

Willow frowned. "I am not going to ask him about his past sexual experiences. It's none of my business."

"Can we get back to me?" Xander interrupted, looking anxious. "Did he say where he wanted to go? He doesn't want to make me decide, does he? I can't think under pressure."

"Can't think at all," Spike muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.

Willow put a reassuring hand on Xander's shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about. Brett said he'd take care of everything."

"What am I suppose to wear? I don't want to look like a loser," Xander said frantically. "Shut it fangless!"

"I didn't say a word," Spike replied looking like a picture of innocence.

"Keep it that way," Xander threatened. He was in panic mode. This was his first date with a guy and he needed to make sure he didn't screw it up.

"He's a great guy," Buffy comforted Xander. "He just got out a long term relationship, so it will be simple. No pressure of any kind."

Xander sighed in relief. "I guess I'm as ready as I'm going to be."

Xander fiddled with the too tight jeans that the girls made him buy. He turned around for the fifth time. "People are going to actually be able to count the change I have in my pocket," he said to himself.

"Oi Whelp, let me in!" Spike yelled through the door before banging on it.

"Damn it." Xander glared at the door before opening it. "What do you want Spike? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Spike looked over Xander, wearing black boots, skin tight blue jeans and a green wife beater. He couldn't deny he looked good. "Oh right, your little date." Xander glared at Spike before he began to close the door. "Bloody hell, I need your help alright?"

"And I would help you why?" Xander asked curiously.

"Because you're one of the good guys," Spike replied. "Just let me in alright?"

With a sigh, Xander let him in. "You break any of my stuff and I'll get Buffy to beat you up."

"Always with the violence," Spike complained.

"So what do you need my help with?" Xander asked while looking at his watch. "You have a few minutes before Brett gets here."

Spike tossed his duster over the arm of a chair and made himself comfortable on the couch, putting his docs on the coffee table. "I don't seem to be wanted at Willy's anymore."

"What did you do now?" Xander asked accusation filled his voice.

"Why do you lot always assume it's my sodding fault?" Spike grumbled. "I may have cheated at poker with a couple of Zakara demons. Nasty things they are, they work together to kill something. One is hard enough to kill, three of them is nearly impossible."

Xander didn't look impressed one bit. "Don't tell me they chased you out of there and possibly to my home."

"They were trailing me; might have lost them," Spike answered, looking bored. "But most of the demon population knows where I live and I need a place to hide out for a bit."

A knock came on the door. Xander looked between the door and Spike. "Fine but you don't talk to Brett, break any of my stuff and don't blast that crap music you listen to and have the neighbours call the cops."

"Take all my fun," Spike complained. "Fine, alright. I'll be a good little vampire."

Apparently that was good enough for Xander, because he opened the door. "Hi, Brett?"

"Xander," Brett smiled. Xander had to admit he was a good looking guy. Black hair slicked back. His eyes were brown and seemed to sparkle when he smiled. "Your picture didn't do you justice; you are much better looking in person."

Spike rolled his eyes as Xander blushed. "Bloody pathetic."

Brett's attention went to Spike. "Am I interrupting?"

"What? No, Spike is just a … friend. He's having some problems and needed a place to stay tonight."

"We can reschedule if you want?(,)" Brett offered but looked like he wanted to do anything but.

"No, he's fine here alone." Xander promised and smiled, "Let's go."

Spike watched them leave before turning the T.V on. "Now let's see what's on the telly."

Part Two

It was quarter after two in the morning, when Xander finally made his way back to the apartment. He closed the door and stumbled towards the bathroom. All he wanted was take the longest, hottest shower possible.

"Had a good night did you?" Spike sat up on the couch startling Xander.

"Leave me alone," Xander replied, not looking at Spike.

Spike quirked an eyebrow, "I can smell it, you know. So much for simple; tsk tsk. Putting out on the first date, what would the girls say?" He mocked; he was surprised when he was grabbed by the collar of his black t-shirt and shook hard.

"You don't tell them a god damn thing," Xander hissed, tears filling his eyes. "I'll stake you before you use this against me… against them."

"What are you blabbering on about?" Spike demanded then he caught the whiff of blood. "Bloody hell." Spike's eyes enlarged as he realised what happened.

Xander shoved Spike away from him. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You need to go to the hospital," Spike disagreed with disbelief.

"No I don't," Xander answered and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Spike heard the water turn on and steam soon leaked through the crack at the bottom of the door. He listened as Xander washed himself, worried that Xander might do something stupid.

Finally, after half an hour Xander came out of the bathroom his skin red from the heat. He refused to look at Spike, "I'm going to bed."

"Talk to me, tell me what happened." Spike said in almost a calm voice, as if he were trying to not scare an already frightened animal.

"Why? You know what happened," Xander replied but stopped at his door. "You just want the details."

Spike shook his head even though Xander wasn't looking at him. "You aren't going to tell your friends about what happened and you washed away any evidence to go to the cops. If you don't talk about it, it'll end up eating you up inside."

"Alright, but if you laugh or make any kind of comment I'll stake you," Xander threatened before entering his room.

"I thought you were going to tell me?" Spike asked confused.

"I will, but right now I need sleep okay?" Xander asked and stood there as if he was waiting for permission to go to bed.

Deciding not to push, Spike nodded. "We'll talk in the morning."

"Thank you," Xander whispered before closing the door.

Spike lay back on the couch but remained awake in case Xander needed him. He knew he was a bastard; he'd killed his share of people, tortured them for the sheer fun of it. But never in his hundred plus years had he ever raped someone. That had always been more Penn's thing. He thought about how, in order to get revenge for Xander, the chip needed to be removed.

Xander tossed and turned knowing, sleep would not come to him, but he couldn't face Spike just yet. He just wanted to forget what happened. What was he going to tell Buffy and Willow? What would Brett tell them? The second question scared him even more. Would Brett tell them that they had sex or that things didn't work out? What if he told them he wanted to see him again? How would he explain that he wasn't interested without telling them what happened?

With a groan, Xander rubbed his palms against his eyes hard, seeing all the pretty colors dance under his eyelids. He listened for Spike in the living room; it was completely silent. Maybe he decided to leave. Xander hoped that he did but at the same time he didn't. He couldn't stand to be alone right now.

There was A small knock on the door and it opened; Spike's head popped in. "I know you don't want to talk until you've slept. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, though," Spike said and realised how stupid that was. Of course Xander wasn't alright.

With a sigh Xander sat up. "Why are you here, Spike?"

"Told you, just wanted to make sure you were alright," Spike replied lingering near the door.

"Why?" Xander asked, looking away from Spike. He wanted Spike to care, wanted to know this wasn't some trick.

Spike shifted, looking uncomfortable. "No one deserves this. Death is much better; you're not left with the memories of what's happened to you."

Xander sniffled. "You picked a hell of a time to piss off some demons you know?"

"You'd rather be alone?" Spike questioned.

"No," Xander answered, wiping his nose.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Spike asked gently.

"Not really," Xander replied. "But I promised didn't I?"

Spike remained silent letting Xander get his thoughts together. He had no doubt that this was going to be hard. He only hoped that he could keep his emotions in check.

"It was going great at first. He seemed nice and really interested in me. We went to this underground club that I didn't even know about. It was like a rave or something," Xander started off. "I decided not to drink because he was, and one of us had to be sober right? He didn't seem that big; he was smaller than me wasn't he?" Xander asked.

"Yeah pet, but size doesn't always matter," Spike explained. He slid to the floor, not wanting Xander to think he was looming.

Xander swallowed fighting down the bile. "He had too much to drink, I think. He was getting a little more touchy feely than I was comfortable with. I told him that and he apologized and stopped. Later I started kissing him. It was my fault, I led him on. He thought it was the go ahead. We were kissing one minute on the dance floor and the next we were in the backroom."

"This isn't your fault Xander. Just because you kissed him didn't give him the right to do this to you," Spike disagreed. He couldn't stop the growl that rumbled through his chest.

Xander nodded but Spike could tell he didn't believe him. "I kept telling him no but it was like he couldn't hear me. The next thing I know, we're both naked and he's towering over me, pushing his way in. He never said a word. I couldn't move, like I was paralyzed. It was over pretty quick."

Spike sat there trying to find the words to comfort him. He said the only thing he could; "I'm sorry."

"That wasn't even the worst part," Xander laughed mirthlessly. "When he was done he actually had the nerve to cuddle. The entire time he held me, I cried. I still couldn't move; I was afraid if I did he would do it again. Then he kissed me and told me we needed to go. We got dressed and he dropped me off." Xander finished the story, his whole body shaking, "It's karma."

"What are you talking about?" Spike asked not following what Xander was saying.

Xander brought his knees up wrapping his arms around them. "When Buffy first came to town I was possessed by a hyena spirit. I was crushing on Buffy big time. I had been so cruel to Willow and I attacked Buffy. If she hadn't been the slayer or thrown a desk at me I don't know what could have happened."

"That wasn't you, it was the demon. This bastard has no bloody excuse. I promise you pet, he'll pay for ever touching you."

"What are you going to do Spike?" Xander questioned looking at Spike.

"I'm going to get the bloody chip out of my head and kill the bastard." Spike snarled his promise.

Xander's eyes went wide. "What?"

"I'm going to kill the bastard," Spike repeated and stood up, making his way over to the bed, only stopping when Xander tensed up. "He deserves to suffer and I am going to be the one that bloody well does it."

"Why do you even care Spike?" Xander remained wide-eyed. "What is it that you want?"

Spike knelt beside the bed. "I like you. Angelus told me years ago you were a white knight. You still are; you're keeping your pain bottled up to spare your friends the guilt. You're loyal to a fault. I should despise that but I don't. I only hope one day I could have such loyalty for myself and I hope that it's yours that I get."

"But you hate me," Xander reminded him.

"No I don't. I just play the role you all think I should play," Spike clarified.

Xander seemed to accept that answer. "I don't trust you, but if you keep my secret, I'll help you find away to get rid of the chip."

"You don't need to do that," Spike replied clearly shocked that Xander was willing to actually help him get rid of his disability.

"I want to, I-I can't do it myself," Xander responded. "Just don't go after my friends."

"I have no intentions on killing any of them. I just want him," Spike promised. "Once I'm done with him, if you want me gone, I'll go."

"I… don't know. I'll decide when the time comes," Xander answered, suddenly tired.

Spike stood again. "Get some sleep. If you need me I'll be on the couch, alright?"

Xander snuggled down, his eyes closing. "Thanks Spike."

Part Three

Sunday afternoon found Xander at the Magic Box. He spent the previous day in bed, Spike being very un-Spike like and stayed with him giving small talk and bringing him food. Giles phone telling him a new demon was in town, he didn't go into much detail but did asked Xander to bring some donuts. Setting the box on the table he waited for the girls to arrive, he paced around the front room trying to figure out what to say to them.

"Xander is everything alright?" Giles asked walking in with a cup of tea.

"Yeah… fine," Xander replied quickly going back to the table and sitting down, his leg bouncing slightly.

Willow and Buffy burst in smiling when they saw Xander, "You didn't call us yesterday about your date!" Buffy accused.

Xander became uncomfortable, "I-I had to work, problems at the site."

"Oh, well tell us now." Willow demanded excited to know what Xander thought of Brett.

"Maybe we could hold off on Xander's personal life for now and get down to business?" Giles asked rolling his eyes at the teens.

Buffy took a bit out of a donut, "We might want to hold off on that."

"Why, did something happen on patrol last night?" Giles asked becoming interested.

"Nope just your everyday run of the mill vampires. Actually Brett was talking about stopping by to see Xander. He had a great time with you on Friday." Buffy told Xander getting excited. "I think he wants to ask you out again."

Xander stood and stumbled backwards, "No!"

"Xander," Willow's eyes got wide, "What's wrong?"

"I-I…" He began breathing hard. "I just didn't feel a connection with him."

Buffy frowned, "But he's such a nice guy. Maybe if you give it another shot…"

"I said no!" Xander yelled at her and made his way to the door. "I have to go, sorry."

"We have a dangerous new demon." Giles called out as Xander made his way to the door.

"I can't help… call Angel," Xander answered and fled the shop.

Xander rushed into his apartment twenty minutes later slamming the door shut and locking it before sliding to the floor burying his head into his knees. He flinched away when a hand rested on his shoulder.

"Pet what happened?" Spike asked sleep in his voice. He hadn't expected Xander to be back so soon.

"He was going to be there," Xander said the words muffled by his knees. "He was actually going to be there!" His entire being was shaking.

Spike helped him up and to the couch setting him down before going to the kitchen to get him some water. When he came back out Xander was back in a ball rocking back and forth. "He's not going to hurt you again Xan. I promised you I'd take care of it and I meant it."

Xander accepted the glass with shaky hands and took a sip, "Why is he doing this Spike?"

"I don't know luv," Spike sat beside Xander and pulled him into his arms. He waited for Xander to go rigid but it didn't happen. Xander actually wrapped his arms around Spike's neck pulling him closer.

"How are we going to get rid of the chip?" Xander enquired.

"I don't know," Spike replied knowing it wasn't the answer Xander wanted. "We'll start looking though yeah?"

Xander nodded, "Can I ask a favour Spike?"

"Course," Spike spoke and settled into a more comfortable position.

"Will you move in? Just for a little while anyways?" Xander begged, he knew he was pathetic afraid of a human after he spent the last 5 years helping fight demons.

Spike couldn't say he wasn't a little shocked by Xander's request, but at the same time he wasn't. If this guy did come by Spike wouldn't be able to hurt him but one look at his demon face and he'd be running scared. "Keep me in blood and I'll stay as long as you need me."

"Thank you," Xander pulled away calmed down a little. He wouldn't be alone Brett wouldn't be able to get near him.

The phone rang, Xander made no move to answer it. The machine picked up after the third ring. Willow's voice came on, 'Xander are you there? What happened on your date with Brett? He stopped by and was disappointed that you weren't around. Anyways I phoned Angel and he is coming down to help with the new demon. We could use your help; we can't seem to find Spike. Call me or stop by the shop okay? I'll talk to you later.'

Spike looked at Xander; obviously he wasn't able to hide his emotions as well as he thought he could. "You're not going to be able to hide it. They know something is wrong and they'll want to know."

"I know," Xander replied. "I don't want them feeling guilty though. They didn't know what kind of guy he was they shouldn't have to suffer for it."

"Neither should you," Spike argued.

"I don't know what to do Spike," Xander said tearing up.

Spike pulled him back into his embrace, "We'll figure it out."

Part Four

Spike and Xander ended up at the shop that night, Angel already there. Spike ignored him completely and hopped up on to the counter. "So what's this new demon?"

Angel looked between Spike and Xander, something was different. Xander reeked of Spike and vise versa. "We're looking at a 'bul'ga' demon."

"What are those?" Xander asked.

"They are demons that cause their victims to become comatose. It's never been answered to why they do this," Giles explained to them.

"How many people are we looking at?" Buffy asked wondering what their next move was.

Giles grabbed the newspaper, "It says eleven people have been admitted into the hospital in the last two weeks. They are starting to think it is an epidemic with no answers to what's causing it."

"Alright than, how do we kill the bugger?" Spike asked looking forward to some violence. He had been cooped up in Xander's apartment for the last couple days not wanting to leave Xander alone for long periods of time. He needed for Xander to trust him to protect him and he wasn't about to let him down.

"Simply cut off its head but before that Willow will need to do a spell to release the essence you could call it to awaken the victims," Giles informed them. "If we kill it before the spell is complete they will stay in the coma and there will be no way to fix it."

"Anything else about this demon we need to know about?" Buffy asked pulling her sword out of the sheath.

Giles went back to his books but Angel beat him to it, "They have tentacles."

Willow beamed; she loved when Angel was knowledge vamp.

"Great tentacles, can't go too long without tentacles what would be the fun in that?" Xander complained. He hated tentacles the way they wiggled around freaked him out.

"Just make sure you have a sword on hand and things should go smoothly," Giles reminded him. "Now Willow and I should go and gather the ingredients that will be needed."

And hour later they were already headed out to the area where all the victims were found. It was a fairly large area so Angel suggested that they split into groups of two to cover more ground. So now Xander was walking close to Spike every now and than his shoulder would bump into Spike's, if it bothered him though he didn't say anything.

"I hope we don't find it," Xander whispered not wanting to draw any unwanted attention there way.

"You don't want me to have any fun do you pet?" Spike criticized as he lit up a cigarette.

Xander flushed realising that Spike hasn't actually had any violence since he found out about Xander. "Sorry, I didn't think."

Spike noticed Xander's demeanour change and recognized his mistake. "I've gone longer without violence. I was in that wheelchair chair for over a month."

"Right, I forgot about that," Xander replied. "Maybe we'll run into some fledges."

"Maybe," Spike smiled letting Xander know he wasn't really upset if they didn't find the demon.

They walked for a little while, before Xander spoke again. "Should we stop off at your crypt?"

"What for?" Spike was thrown by the questioned.

"Extra clothes and whatever else you might need." Xander answered and then looked worried. "You're still gonna stay with me aren't you?"

"And give up the blood and the satellite dish?" Spike asked with a smirk knowing Xander would know everything was going to be fine.

A storm rolled in quickly surprising even Spike. The rain fell heavily causing Xander to shiver, "Maybe we should find the others."

"Alright," Spike led Xander to where Angel and Willow were sensing his grandsire. Along with sensing Angel he also knew the demon was close. "Sorry Xan, looks like the demon is close."

"Why can't it hate the rain?" Xander complained as he pulled out his sword. When they were close enough he saw Angel fighting the demon along side Buffy while Giles stood over Willow making sure she wasn't interrupted during the casting of the spell.

Spike charged in helping Buffy and Angel keep the demon at bay. While Xander stood there unsure of what he should do. Than he remembered that he was the master of distractions, so he straightened up and yelled like warrior and rushed into the fold. He soon realised that his battle yell was probably the wrong move because it gave the demon a heads up and knocked Xander away with a tentacle.

Xander was down for the count, his leg cut up. He tried several times to stand but his leg would give out.

Spike growled and yelled to Willow, "You better finish that sodding spell or I'm killing this thing, screw the others."

A few seconds later there was a loud pouf and lightening struck a little too close to Spike making him jump back. Everyone watched as the bul'ga screamed in rage as the essence of its victims left him. As soon as the last one left its body Spike jumped at it slicing its head clean off. Not wasting his time with a victory or taunting the others that he got the kill he rushed over to Xander who was still on the ground. "You alright pet?"

"I think so, just need some help standing," Xander explained and Spike and Angel helped him up.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked as she came over. "Your leg seems bad."

"I'm alright; I just want to go home." Xander replied looking at Spike with pleading eyes.

"Buffy could you walk Willow home? I just want to make sure Spike gets Xander home safely." Angel wanted to talk to both of them something was up and he wanted to know what.

Willow pouted for a minute, "You'll be by after though right?"

Angel smiled and gave her a quick kiss, "You know I will."

Both vampires helped Xander home and Angel decided he would wait until Xander was patched up before he started his interrogation.

It didn't take long for them to get to Xander's apartment; half way there Xander's leg gave out making Spike carry him much to Xander's discomfort. He had been close to Spike, let him hold him even but this was different, it made him feel weaker than he was.

Angel grabbed a wet towel and came back kneeling beside Xander, "I can't tell how bad your leg is. Take off your pants so we can get a better look." Angel knew there was blood, but without seeing the wound he couldn't determine if it was bad enough that they should go to the hospital. He waited patiently for Xander to do as he was instructed and was shocked when he tensed up and more than shocked when he found himself on the floor with Spike's knee driving into his back.

"Not going to fucking happen," Spike growled at Angel.

"Get off of me," Angel growled back, not understanding what happened. All he was trying to do was help. He saw Xander begin to shake and got the wrong idea, thinking he was afraid of Spike. Worried about Xander, Angel quickly flipped over and pinned Spike to the floor, "What the hell did you do to him?"

Xander was up and grabbing Angel's arm, "Let him up!" Xander begged. "He didn't do anything."

Angel released Spike and looked between the two of them, "Someone better explain to me what the hell is going on."

Part Five

Angel sat there stunned after Spike took care of Xander's leg, Xander told him what happened. He remembered Willow telling him how excited she was about setting Xander up with this guy and how she was sure they'd make a cute couple. "They don't know?"

"No, and they're not going to," Xander answered. "The only reason you even know is because you're nosy." He complained making him sound like a child.

"What does Spike have to do with this?" Angel asked, he had no doubt Spike had something planned.

Spike looked at his sire, "You gave him to me didn't you? I protect what's mine."

"Spike we've been over this for the last three years. It was a trick, Xander does not belong to you," Angel told his grand childe.

"I what now?" Xander looked between both vampires, "When did this happen?"

"That night at the school pet," Spike reminded him. "The poof here gave you to me and I accepted."

Xander frowned, not sure if he liked the thought of being owned. "He offered me to you for a snack."

"Still gave you to me," Spike simply said.

"For the hundredth time it was a trick," Angel brooded.

Deciding it wasn't that time for this completely insane conversation Xander went back to the important one, "We want to get the chip out."

"You want to what?" Angel's eyes almost popped out of his head. "That chip is the only thing keeping Spike from killing people Xander."

"I know, but…" Xander couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't look Angel in the eye and tell him he wanted Brett to suffer for what he did to him, that he wanted him dead.

Spike placed a comforting hand on Xander's shoulder. "The bastard needs to pay and I promised Xan that I'd be the one to do it. I have no intentions on going after your girl or any of the others. I just want him. After that I'll leave if that's what Xander wants."

"You really do consider him yours," Angel said in awe.

"Been telling you that for years Peaches," Spike replied obviously annoyed.

"Look we're going to find a way to remove the chip. You don't approve and I understand that but we're going to do it and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the others." Xander requested. "You know that the girls will blame themselves and I won't let that happen."

Angel sighed unnecessarily, "I do know. And you're right I don't approve but it's not my place to tell them what happened to you. This is your choice and if there is anyway I can help let me know." He turned to Spike, "If you kill anyone besides him I'll take you out is that understood?"

"If Xander tells me to stay I'll be a good little vampire and stay on the baggies. Good enough?" Spike asked sarcastically. Angel loved to live on his high horse.

"Good enough," Angel accepted and stood. "I'm sorry Xander, I truly am. If there's anything I can do let me know. And I promise I'll never tell Willow."

"Thank you," Xander was grateful that Angel would keep his secret. He never really liked the guy but he knew he would let nothing hurt Willow. He watched as Angel left to go check on Willow. "I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed."

"Xan…" Spike started but didn't know what he should say to him. He knew Xander would never voluntarily want to be his and he could never make him. But that didn't mean he wouldn't look after him."

Xander shook his head, "Not right now alright Spike? It's all too much right now, everything is too much. I just need time to think, the most important thing right now is to get rid of the chip."

"Alright pet," Spike agreed, not wanting to upset Xander. He seemed to be holding it together, a little to well and Spike was afraid to much pressure on him and he would crack. When Xander retreated to his room Spike went to the kitchen taking the cordless phone with him. After three rings the other end up picked up, "Willy it's Spike I need a favour. … I need you to track down a demon or a witch anything that can get this sodding chip out of my head. … I know I bloody well asked you when I first got it; I want you to try harder! If you don't find me something that will get the damn thing out in forty-eight hours I'll have my boy torture you. … You don't need to know who he is all you need to know is that he'll do as I ask. … I'm glad you understand." Spike hung up the phone and went back to the living room turning the television on making sure the volume wasn't too loud wanting to make sure he could hear Xander if anything happened.

Xander laid in his bed thinking about what Spike and Angel had been talking about. How could Spike possibly want him? He wasn't clean; no matter how much he showered he'd never be clean. So how is it possible that Spike would even think about him? He decided he was jumping to conclusions neither Spike or Angel said anything about Spike wanting him like that.

His eyes flickered towards the door wondering what Spike was doing. He wouldn't lie and say he wasn't attracted to Spike, he had been for sometime. Willow knew of course he'd never been able to keep things like that from her. That was actually the whole reason for the set up. He needed his mind on someone else, he got his wish. Giles had been right about that, never make wishes on the hell mouth aloud and apparently never silent ones.

His body shook at the thought of Brett, his first real chance at a normal relationship and just like that it had been taken away from him. Could he have a semi-normal relationship with Spike? God how many times had he thought about that? Shaking his head he scolded himself, now wasn't the time to be thinking about something like that. It was too soon to be thinking about something like that.

Deciding he couldn't sleep until he knew what the vampires were talking about he climbed out of bed and slowly walked to the door. His hand on the doorknob as he worked up the courage to actually open the door. With a deep breath he jerked the door open.

Spike couldn't stop the jump that he did when the bedroom door opened; he just grabbed a mug of blood which he was now wearing. "Are you okay?"

"Sorry," Xander rushed to the bathroom bringing back a towel for Spike. "I-I'm not sure."

"What's wrong?" Spike stood, he hadn't heard anything.

Xander bit his lip, "I want to know what you and Angel meant."

Spike couldn't say he wasn't surprised, considering that not even half an hour ago Xander told him it wasn't the time for that conversation. "I thought you didn't want to know?"

"I didn't… I don't," Xander looked confused at what he just said. "I don't know but I don't want to have all theses thoughts in my head because I don't know what you two were talking about."

Spike motioned Xander over to the couch, "What is it that you want to know pet?"

Xander sat on the couch but not too close to Spike, "What did Angel mean when he said you really consider me yours?"

"Since that night he offered you to me, I've taken it upon myself to look after you." Spike said he continued when Xander gave him a sceptical look. "How do you think you and your little friends survived that summer when the slayer took off after sending Peaches to hell?"

"You were off with Drusilla," Xander decided to remind Spike; obviously you could get Alzheimer's when you were a vampire.

Spike rolled his eyes, "She kicked me to the curb before that pet. Basically as soon as she woke up she was gone."

"Well what about the time you kidnapped me and Willow?" Xander asked not feeling any less confused.

"Wanted to see you," Spike answered. "I followed you to the school. I wasn't expecting company though."

"And the spell you wanted Willow to do?" Xander questioned.

Spike looked at Xander like he was dumb and maybe he was, "What else was I suppose to bloody do? Go sorry Red I want to take the pretty boy to stare at? That would do wonders for my reputation now wouldn't it?"

Xander couldn't help the blush that covered his cheeks, normally he would take it as an insult to being called pretty but he didn't seem to mind having Spike call him that. "So you like me than?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be trying to get revenge for you now would I pet?" Spike retorted, the words were spoken softly though. He brought his hand up and placed it on Xander's cheek. "I'd kill for you pet; I'm going to kill for you."

"I shouldn't want you to," Xander said. "But I do. Some white knight I turned out to be huh?"

Spike smiled kindly, "White knight with tainted armour." He leaned in to kiss Xander but at the last second pulled away and stood. "I'm gonna go to the Bronze for a beer. Get some sleep."

"Spike…" Xander stood as well and watched Spike leave.