A Simple Scientific Truth
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and I make no money from this fanfiction.
It hadn't taken very long for Spock to notice certain elements in the Captain's behaviour that were somewhat suspect. He was always giving him looks, Spock had noticed that his Captain looked at him more time than anyone else on the Enterprise, women included. There was also a certain quality to the looks that made Spock certain that these were not merely arbitrary looks. There was far more evidence than that. There was the fact that Kirk touched Spock far more frequently than was considered normal, especially for Vulcans. On the Bridge that day, Kirk had touched his shoulder a total of five times in two hours for no apparent reason. He also engaged Spock in conversation outside of work and took time to play chess and generally associate with each other.
Yes, Spock was almost certain, Captain Kirk harboured some feelings for him, he was possibly even in love.
Now Spock was one of the best scientists in the fleet, he knew that for any scientific theory to be viable it had to be peer reviewed. This was where he had a problem, even he knew that in human circles talking about these sorts of feelings could be extremely embarrassing for those holding the feelings; he had no desire to embarrass Captain Kirk by talking about it. Instead Spock allowed himself to bide his time and wait to see if anyone else had noticed anything unusual in the Captain's behaviour. Spock was extremely patient but he didn't have to wait long before he was able to confirm that others had come to the same conclusion as he had.
He was eating alone one day when he happened to over hear his name being mentioned at one of the other tables. It had been whispered, the gossiper hadn't been indiscreet enough to speak loudly, but nevertheless, Spock heard thanks to his amplified Vulcan hearing. He listened further and found that the person was talking about the very subject he had been wondering about.
"So, do you know what they are saying about Spock and the Captain?" the crewman had said, his friends leaning in eagerly around him, shaking their heads to indicate that they did not know. "They are saying that the two of them are in love but they are both too proud to admit it!"
"Really? Do Vulcans fall in love?" a female crewmember asked in surprise.
"I suppose they must, wow, that actually makes some sense, I wonder if they'll get together," said another giggling.
"Should we really be talking about our superiors personal lives? I don't believe it anyway," another crewmember commented, looking across the room at Spock, anxiously. Spock knew that for all purposes it looked like he was engrossed in his food, they would assume he couldn't hear them. He objected somewhat to the assumption that he returned the Captain's feelings but he was glad to get more evidence to support his hypothesis.
In the next few days it seemed like everyone was talking about it. Spock wondered whether it had always been this way or whether it was a result of his being aware of it himself and people had always talked about it but he had just never noticed. Sometimes it seemed impossible to separate perception from objective reality no matter how logical you were.
Despite this, Spock felt that he could say with some degree of certainty that the Captain was in love with him.
It was all settled in his mind and Spock felt completely satisfied with the outcome, there was no need to further examine the evidence, the case was closed. Later that night and Spock was extremely awake despite there being no reason for it, usually this only happened when he was pre-occupied with a project of some sort and he couldn't rest he was so motivated to work on it. He cast his mind back to his conclusion of the day and he wondered whether there was any reason for him to be needing closure, after all he had practically confirmed his hypothesis.
In horror, Spock asked himself the forbidden the question, did he, Spock, love Captain Kirk in return? Often it was easier to pretend that his emotions did not exist, that the emotionless mask really was who he was. A good scientist didn't ignore possibilities because it did not suit his view of reality, once again, he lamented the problem of perspective; life was a search for the truth but you could never be certain that you had found it- the problem was made worse by living with humans who were more prone to lying that Vulcans.
He thought about the Captain. He had to admit that he did not mind his unnecessary touches, despite the fact that as a Vulcan he found most physical contact discomforting. He would have to investigate this further tomorrow; there was no more he could do tonight. Even so, his sleep was disturbed that night.
The next day on the Bridge he monitored his reactions to the Captain. If he wasn't mistaken his heart was beating faster than average every time he gave him one of those special looks. Now come to think of it, he had always thought differently of the Captain, he had always seemed special to Spock- he'd just assumed it was because he admired his extraordinary command skills. Now it seemed like little things that he had always taken for granted were collaborating to form solid evidence for the hypothesis that he might actually requite Captain Kirk's feelings. Despite himself, Spock found the whole thing quite fascinating.
When he returned to his quarters at the end of the day he reviewed the evidence. Under the circumstances he could quite safely come to the conclusion that he was in fact in love with Captain Kirk. It wasn't exactly a comfortable conclusion to make, it went against everything he thought, everything that was Vulcan.
He cast his mind to when he was younger and he had first considered ideal qualities for a partner…it was an especially hot day on Vulcan, he had retreated to the mountains to meditate to escape from the burning heat. The trip had also been prompted by another round of taunting from his peers about his human mother. He didn't understand why his father, a Vulcan among Vulcans had chosen to marry a human woman. It went against everything his father believed in- he had always been insistent in teaching Spock the ways of logic and sternly disapproving anytime his human heritage showed itself. That his father and his mother had married had seemed highly illogical to young Spock.
He had then thought of the qualities that he desired in his future spouse; she would of course have to be logical- the less emotional the better so that she would not encourage emotionalism in Spock, she would have to be intelligent and able to bear children to help ensure the next generation. Beyond that young Spock could think of nothing else that would be needed in order to make a good marriage.
Now that he was older, Spock realised that although these qualities were in theory, it did not necessarily ensure success. T'Pring had possess all of the qualities he had deemed necessary and yet they were repulsed by each other. Captain Kirk didn't exactly fit the criteria either; he was certainly intelligent, but he was not entirely logical, his strength often lay in acting with emotion rather than cold logic, and of course he was a man and hence could not bear children. Not what Spock would have thought would have been his 'type' at all.
But he was also thoughtful, attentive and brave. He was selfless in the way his put his crew before himself, adhering to the Vulcan principle about the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few. T'Pring had always only been self serving. And Spock was forced to admit that his Captain was physically attractive to him as well, much more so than any woman had been. It seemed that despite what previous logic might have told him, he was best suited for him, after all, the two of them did work well as a team; they offset each other's weaknesses and enhance each other's strengths. Now Spock wondered whether his father's experience with his mother was similar to the one he was having now, that he had simply loved her for her humanity and the unique qualities she possessed. It seemed quite likely although knowing Sarek he would be loath to admit it.
Now all he had to do was decide whether or not to act upon said feelings. He assumed that unusually for him, the Captain was not going to make the first move- presumably because he worried about offending Spock- if Spock hadn't known about his own feelings until now then he could hardly expect Kirk to, he wasn't a mind reader (unlike Spock.) Spock wasn't sure making an advance himself was necessarily a good idea either, he did not want to impair their working relationship by starting a romantic relationship however not acting on feelings could also lead to stress and tension which could also affect their performance on Ship. In the end he decided that he might as well make an attempt, if the Captain thought it would be detrimental to their efficiency in Starfleet then it would continue no further.
He promptly walked out of his own quarters towards Kirk's quarters, there seemed no logical reason to wait- the Captain would be reading about now if he was following his usual routine. He pressed the button and waited for the Captain to respond. The Captain came to the door and let him in. As soon as Spock entered the room he realised that he didn't actually have a plan, it was unusual for him to rush into situations like this, he usually considered matters very carefully.
"What is it Spock?" Kirk asked concern in his voice.
Spock felt lost for words, it would take too much explaining and no phrase seemed adequate to express his feelings. Instead he stepped forward and kissed him. In that moment Spock knew that he had found his truth, his place to belong in the world. It wasn't really so illogical, he was half human after all.
The end! Please review, I love reviews and constructive criticism makes me a better writer.