Disclaimer: I do NOT own Death Note in any way, shape or form... if I did I would actually have to have some art skill... which I DON'T! :(

A/N ok soooo this is all just a random convo I had with my friend LovelessYaoiFanGirl in FF private messages and it's all L x Light and Near x Mello so if you don't like don't read. Oh and there's a bit of Matt x Near but its all bribed and for the good of Mello XD Theres also lot about the Seme or Uke quiz... if you want to know what we're talking about then go take the quiz... if you have before GOOD FOR YOU! I'm sorry for any spelling / grammar mistakes but I'm kinda tired right now XC Almost all of the talking was from our convo but most of the other stuff is not.



Near and L are sitting in Task Force HQ while the police on the Task Force are all out... somewhere. Mello is in his room... I think, Matt is ummmm idk where and Light is at his house hanging out with Ryuk and eating apples. So anyways L and Near are sitting in Task Force HQ silently when randomly Near says "Ello L." L just gave him a weird look and replied

"Yello Mello."

"I'm not my lover Mello! I'm Near!" Near yelled and sat in the emo corner playing with dice and pouting.

"AWWWEZ I'm sorry Near! I'll give you this toy car if you come out of the emo dice corner!"

"OK!" Near said and ran over to L and started to play with the car.

"Good Near :D Now listen to Uncle L and rape Mello."

"OKAY!" Near skipped to Mello's room and stood at the door... "WTF is he doing?" Near opened the door and looked at Mello "Oh hes just playing a video game..." He bounced up to Mello "ummmm Mello... sorry but I was told to do this." He glomps Mello and starts to rape him... Mello just yelled "WTF NEAR?"


"Good Near...Just don't tell Mello I told you to... blame Matt or Watari. And because you did what you were told you get ummmmmm A FINGER PUPPET MAKING SET! And Mello gets a chocolate bar."

"YAYZ!" Near went to go give Mello the chocolate but he wouldn't respond. "Ummmm I think Mello's in shock... It's not every day I rape someone. It's usually him raping me not the other way around. Oh well." Then Near went to making finger puppets of random people.

"He will get over it soon... I think... There is a 98% chance that he will."

"And what about the 2%?"

"He will turn into an innocent uke."

"Oh. Well hes a DFWM seme so I highly doubt that."

"Well I am L and I say that there is a 2% chance that he will turn into an innocent uke from shock!"

"Yeah well... LOOK OVER THERE! THERS A GIANT STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!" As L was distracted by the fake cake Near caught Kira and put him in jail before L. "HAHA I caught Light before you !"



"Fine then no toys for 2 weeks... and don't even think about stealing Matt's credit card Watari will be watching you..."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Then he whispered to Watari 'Hey if yo let me go I'll pay you twice what L pays in a month!"

"I heard that! Who knew that little Near was so evil? Fine then... no Mello for a month... I will put him on a tropical island in the middle of nowhere with Matt XD."

"NOOOOOO!" Near ran and handcuffed himself to Mello. Mello just looked at him and said

"WTF?" before going back into Fetal position rocking back and forth.

"Let Kira out so that I can catch him later... AFTER I have my way with him." L just stood there with a blank look in his eyes and a perverted smile on his face.

"If I get to video tape it" Near stared at L with an evil perv grin on his face.


"PLEEEAAASSSEEE! I'll give you cake for 3 months!" Near pleaded as he gave L puppy dog eyes.

"AND super sweet tea?"

"YES! And some super sweet tea. The sweetest tea you've ever had!"

"Ok then yes you may tape it... as long as I get the tape later." L just said that and smiled super creepy pervy like.

"YES!" Near said and ran off to the jail.


"Light you have been freed." Near said as he put on a reeeeaaallly~ fake sweet smile.

"What? By who?"

"I am not allowed to tell you but... you must follow me..." Near turned around and said, "Unless you'd rather die?"

"I think I'll follow you..."

-L's office-

Neat threw Light at L and set up the cameras. "Here you go! HVE FUN~~!"

L just smiled evil and said, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE NOW LIGHT-KUN!" He pinned Light down, kissed him and said, "You're mine now Light Yagami!"

Near was sitting in to corner of the room taping it, " SOOOO HOT!" and he got a MASSIVE nosebleed.

L was moaning, "MMMMM LIGHT"


L and near were in Task Force HQ... AGAIN...

"So, did u and Mello have any fun today? I know me and Light did."

"Well... mello's over there." Near pointed to the emo corner where Mello was sitting eating chocolate. "He's been there all day... eating chocolate... and mumbling stuff."

"Looks like he still hasn't recovered... we may need to shock him awake... go get Matt... I have a plan." L had a positively EVIL smile on his face.

"KAY!" Near ran to Matt's room where he was on the computer. Near grabbed Matt, tied him up and dragged him back to the main room of the HQ. "There ypu go :)"

L leaned down to Matt and made sure that Near wouldn't hear him whispering. "Ok so to cure Mello you have to start making out with Near... I will get you ANYTHING you want if you do this.."

"You do mean ANYTHING right?"

"You are NOT allowed to have Mello! HE BELONGS TO NEAR!" Matt just sighed and said

"OK D:"

"Good now bring Near to Mello's room and go... I'm not paying for your medical bill. Light will.

"C'mon Near"

"Where are we going Matt?"

" Your and Mello's room."


"I want to talk to you." Matt said as he opened the door and walked in.

"What do you want to tal-" Near didn't get to finish his question because Matt kissed him. Near kicked him off, "WTF MATT?" Mello heard Near and ran to the room. "MATT GET O-" Near was cut off by another kiss.

"MATT!" Mello yelled and punched Matt in the face. The punch sent Matt flying THROUGH the wall.


"WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO TO YOU? I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" Near glomped Mello and said


"N-N-NO PROBLEM" Mello replied blushing madly as he picked Near up and slamming the door shut and locking it. L walked into the next room and looked around. The hole in the wall was boarded up so that no one could see inside. Matt was sitting on the floor looking kinda dazed.

"You're not that baldy hurt are you Matt?"

"No Matsuda broke my fall."

"Ok... so, what was it like kissing Near?"

"Like I'm gonna tell you... PERV!"

"Fine, so what was it you wanted me to buy?"

"I have a list."

"Ok, just give it to Watari cuz I have to go erm, monitor the cameras to make sure no one gets in..."


"Go away Matt it's not my fault Mello likes Near more than you. Go rape Misa or something, Just leave me alone!" L said to Matt then yelled to Light "COME ON LIGHT YOU ARE COMING TO MONITOR THE CAMERAS WITH ME!"


"OK... party pooper." L said as he grabbed Light bridal style and carried him off to the monitoring room. "REMEMBER MATT NO STAYING UP PAST 5 AM!"

"Your one to talk Mr. Insomniac!"


A/N when we were having the convo I was L and she was Near. PLZ REVIEW! There will probably be more in time but it all depends on how much we talk and how the convos go.