Sylar's eyes flickered open as an alarm started blaring. He swore and threw the clock against the wall, effectively shattering it. Then he realized that he'd have to fix that, or it would drive him crazy.
Not the best start to a day.
He hurriedly got dressed and left, though he didn't know why he felt like he had to rush. It wasn't like he really needed to go anywhere.
"Hello, Gabriel!" A voice called to him.
Sylar rolled his eyes and continued walking.
He sighed. "My name is Sylar." He growled under his breath.
But the person didn't seem to hear him. She bounded up in front of him.
"Hi, Gabriel!" She grinned.
Sylar took a step back. "Claire?"
The cheerleader grinned. "How's life?"
He raised an eyebrow. Claire Bennett looked like she'd been jogging, wearing a hot pink running suit and listening to an ipod, one earphone in her ear, the other hanging out so she could talk to Sylar.
Her smile faded as he didn't answer. "Well?"
He shrugged. "Fine."
"Any new abilities?"
Now Sylar was confused. Claire hated the thought of him taking abilities. She thought he was nothing but a murderer!
But he shrugged and turned invisible.
"That's so cool!" The cheerleader cried. "Omigosh, how do you do that?"
But Sylar didn't answer her. Instead, sticking to his true nature, he plucked her ipod out of her hands. It seemed to float away from her in mid-air for a moment, then disappeared as well as he turned away from her and started walking in the other direction.
But Claire just laughed. "That's awesome!"
Sylar rolled his eyes and scrolled through her playlist, gagging at her taste in music selection.
"Lady Gaga?" He demanded. He whirled around and threw the ipod at the cheerleader's head. "Your music is crap!"
The ipod hit Claire's head with a satisfying thunk, and she stumbled backwards.
Now a little irritated, Sylar continued down the street. He made himself visible after a moment.
Sylar clenched his teeth, now ready to rip open the head of anyone else who decided to call him Gabriel.
He raised an eyebrow as saw Matt Parkman. He was grinning like a lunatic, seeming genuinely happy that Sylar was there.
"You're ability, if you don't wipe that stupid grin off your face."
Matt looked at him for a moment, and Sylar thought that he'd managed to scare him.
But then he just laughed. He clutched his sides. He laughed until his face was red. He laughed until his breathing was coming out in gasps. Finally, Sylar was about ready to slit his throat if he didn't stop laughing. Just like that, Matt stopped, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, too funny. That was hilarious." He looked at his watch. "Aww… I have to go." He frowned, looking like a little kid who'd been told he couldn't smash his toys in maniac monster fashion. He turned around and waved goodbye. "Bye, Gabriel!"
Sylar just started after him, dumbfounded. What was with everyone today? Had he just stopped being a terrifying serial killer?
He shook his head, trying to clear it, and suddenly realized that he'd just passed an unbeatable opportunity to become telepathic. He swore and threw a little hissy fit for a minute, causing people to give him a healthy amount of space as they walked by.
When he'd finally calmed down, he let out a deep, long, exasperated, depressing, horrible sigh. Finally, he was running out of breath, so he stopped. But the sound continued, growing louder and louder, like a rasping breath.
Curious, Sylar followed the noise until he saw a blue box beginning to materialize on some random street. Slowly, steadily, it shimmered into existence.
Sylar was a little unnerved with the box, though no one else seemed to notice it. He decided to destroy it, because it just felt… wrong.
He raised one hand, sending telekinetic energy to rip the wood apart.
But the box just stayed still.
He tried again, concentrating harder.
Radioactive energy lit his hands, and shot towards the box. When the glow died, the box was still there.
"Will you cut that out?" A voice suddenly called. "You're making my shields go nuts!"
Sylar took a step back, surprised to realize that the voice had come from inside the box.
"How in the universe does a shield do The Cha Cha Slide?" the voice demanded. "You made my shield do the Cha Cha Slide!"
"Doctor, shields can't dance." A female's exasperated voice said.
"Well, what does that look like to you?" the man's voice asked.
There was a moment's pause, and then the woman's voice called again. "You made his shields do the Cha Cha Slide! How is that even possible?"
At this point, Sylar was taking his sanity into consideration. This had to be a dream. There was no other explanation. Either that, or he was hallucinating.
A dream. He decided as a tall man with a long brown coat and wild brown hair stepped out of the box.
"You!" he cried. "Are you the one who made the shields dance?"
Sylar glared at him. "What's it to you?"
"Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to fix that? Have some respect! This ship is a thousand years old!"
"Doctor, he's only human. Let it go." A woman stepped out of the box after him.
Sylar rolled his eyes. If there was one thing he wasn't, it was only human.
"True." The man said with a nod.
"Not true." Sylar growled. "Who are you?"
The man extended a hand. "I am The Doctor!" he beamed.
Sylar almost felt like he had to applaud, and almost did, but stopped himself at the last second. "Sylar." He introduced himself, shaking the Doctor's hand.
The Doctor shook his hand so violently that Sylar had to stop his bones from rattling. "Oh, good. That's wonderful! Hooray!"
Sylar yanked his hand from the man's grip.
The Doctor's eyes were wide. "I'm here because of you. Because you need to save the world!" he said save the world very dramatically, as though he was on a stage. His already-maniac smile stretched from ear to ear. Sylar briefly wondered if it was making his cheeks hurt.
He snorted. "Big deal. I've saved the world before." So it was a lie. He was a serial killer. Who cared if he lied?
The Doctor's grin never faded. "Oh, great! Then this should be easy!" he ran off. "Come on!"
The woman rolled her eyes and extended a hand towards Sylar. "Hi. I'm Donna Noble."
"So I heard."
He looked at her for a long time. "Should I be worried about him?" He asked, gesturing in the general direction of where The Doctor had run.
Donna rolled her eyes. "No. He's like that all the time.
Sylar's eyes popped. "Really?"
"Arrgh!" A cry sounded out from where The Doctor had gone.
Donna sighed and followed the sound, Sylar right behind her.
"I. Hate. Meteors!" The Doctor groaned. Sylar wondered how he was able to do that under the huge chunk of rock that was smashing him.
He rolled his eyes and flicked his fingers, sending the meteor rolling off The Doctor. "You are insane."
The Doctor leapt to his feet, somehow unscathed by the random meteor that had decided his head was a wonderful target. "Possibly."
He turned around, not bothering to look twice that the chunk of rock, that really wasn't a rock, now that Sylar really looked at it.
"That's a spaceship." Donna's tone was flat. "Doctor! It's a spaceship."
But the Doctor's eyes were somewhere else. "Yeah, cool. Deal with it, will you?"
Donna sighed, and the Doctor ran into a random store.
Sylar looked at the ship. It was a classic flying saucer.
"SUGAR!" Someone randomly screamed in his ear.
He whirled around to see the Doctor, who had come back from the store in ten seconds flat. He was holding the wrappers of about fifteen chocolate bars, and an empty bag that once held nothing but pure sugar. The Doctor's lips were covered in sticky brown chocolate, and his grin was even more maniac than before.
"Oh, boy." Donna said.
The Doctor dropped the wrappers and sugar bag and walked up to some random person. "HiI'mtheDoctoryeahI'mgoingtosavethe worldyouknowthat?"
The man looked at The Doctor like he was insane, which he probably was. "Get away from me, freak!" He pushed the Doctor back.
But The Doctor was persistent. "Whydidyoucallmeafreakhuh? You'renotanicepersonyouknowthat?"
The man screamed. "Get this weirdo away from me!"
Sylar was about to step in between the two, and apologize for the Doctor's idiocy, when the man shot lasers from his fingers, sending The Doctor flying backwards, though he seemed completely unfazed.
Sylar raised an eyebrow.
The man started running, but Sylar was faster. As the man turned into an alleyway, he found a serial killer in his face.
Sylar smiled. "Hello."
Sylar came back with blood on his hands, but lasers were shooting from his fingers. "I could get used to this." He whispered to himself.
The Doctor was still in his sugar daze.
"HiI'mtheDoctorwhoareyou? Ohlookafly!" The Doctor proceeded to chase the bug around in circles. "Comebackflycomeback!"
Donna was crying. "Why me? WHY ME?"
Sylar was just about to go and comfort her, when something strange and unexpected happened.
There was a deep, rasping noise, one that Sylar had only heard once in his whole life.
Slowly, a blue box materialized in front of him.
It was exactly the same box The Doctor had, and, as he watched, a man came out wearing a leather coat. A blonde woman was following him.
"Doctor, where are we going?" The woman asked.
"Ohthisisnotgoodnotgoodatall." The Doctor said behind Sylar.
The other man who had come from the blue box smiled at Sylar. "Hello! Umm… this might seem like a stupid question, but what year is this?"
" 2010." The Doctor replied for Sylar.
The other man raised an eyebrow. "And you are?"
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I'myoustupid."
"I'm sorry?" The other man asked.
"Doctor, why isn't the TARDIS translating?" The blonde woman asked.
Sylar was starting to get used to The Doctor's strange, too-fast speech. "He said that the TARDIS isn't translating because he's speaking English."
The Doctor nodded. "Yeahyeahyeah. Englishpeople!"
The man looked at Sylar with a finally-some-answers face. "Thank you. But who is he?"
Sylar looked at the man. "He says he's you."
The man paled. "Oh, dear."
The blonde woman looked at the man. "What does he mean, he's you?"
"Ah… he means that he's a future regeneration of me. That's what I'm going to look like in the future." The man winced. "Hopefully the far future."
"Heyshutupbigear sImeanreallyyou 'reonetotalk."
The man looked at Sylar for translation.
"Hey shut up big ears. I mean, really, you're one to talk." Sylar hurriedly clarified.
"Hey!" The man shouted.
Donna suddenly went up to the man and slapped him in the face. "All right, if someone doesn't explain who this guy is and why he has a TARDIS, I'm REALLY gonna get angry!"
The man winced, rubbing his cheek. "All right, all right. I'm The Doctor."
The other Doctor, the one Sylar had originally met, nodded.
"What do you mean, you're The Doctor?" Donna demanded.
"This is going to be a long day." Sylar said with a sigh.
Sylar sighed again. "He says he has the ability…" He trailed off. "Wait, what ability was that again?"
Sylar nodded and began again. "He says he has the ability to regenerate when he's dying but he has to change everything and he's sorry he didn't tell you before." Suddenly, he turned to The Doctor. "Hold on. What do you mean you're not human?"
"I'm so confused." The blonde woman said.
"Hold on." Donna intervened. "If there are two of you, what are we supposed to call you? I mean, we can't call you both 'The Doctor.'"
Everyone turned to Sylar.
He sighed. "He said he's handled this before, don't worry. He's Ten and this man…" he pointed to the other Doctor. "Is Nine."
"Let'sjusthopenooneelseofusshowsup." Ten said.
"Let's just hope no one else shows up." Sylar translated with a sigh.
"Hello!" A new voice entered the conversation as a man with hair almost as wild as Ten's came over, a young red-headed woman with him. He paled as he saw Nine and Ten. "Well. This isn't good."
"Whotheheckareyou?" Ten asked. Sylar translated hurriedly.
The man sighed. "Well, if we're using the normal terms, I'm Eleven."
Sylar decided that didn't need to be translated.
"Well, introductions, then." Eleven said with a sigh. "This is Amy Pond." He told everyone, pointing to the woman behind him.
"Hi." The blonde woman said. "I'm Rose Tyler."
"Donna Noble." Donna said.
"Sylar." Sylar intervened, waving with one electric laced hand.
A few people stared, but Nine, Ten, and Eleven just shook their heads.
"Thatoldsackofbo nesbetternotsho wupthat'sallI'msaying." Ten said.
Sylar clamped a hand on his mouth. "Shut up for once, will ya?"
Ten bit his hand.
"Ow!" Sylar jumped back. Lightning crackled around his fingertips. "Wanna regenerate early, Time Lord?" he snarled.
Eleven grabbed Sylar's hand. "Not a good idea. That's not how I change, and it's not smart to argue with time."
Sylar yanked his hand away, irritation flooding through him.
"You three finally decided to join the party, eh?"
Sylar looked around, where a crowd of people were standing behind him.
One of them sighed. "Ok, which one is which?"
Ten sighed. "Ten."
"They know?" An old man asked, gesturing to Rose, Donna, Amy and Sylar.
He sighed. "One."
"Two." A younger man with black hair said with a sigh.
"Three." Said another. He had white hair that was curled crazily around his head.
"Four!" Another man with dark, curly hair said.
"Five." He had light blonde hair, and, curiously, a piece of lettuce or cabbage on his coat.
"Six." His outfit was even crazier. It was a tangle of colors and patters, screaming one word and one word only. Insane!
"Seven." He had a hat, a coat with question marks on it, and an umbrella with a question mark for a handle.
"Eight." He had long, dark curly hair.
"I'm Teegan." The woman with Five said.
"Jo." The woman with three said.
"Sarah. Sarah Jane." Said the woman with Four.
"Ace." She was standing in front of Seven, a backpack strapped to her back.
Sylar looked at them all. "This is insanity."
"Yournameisthisisinsanity?" Ten asked, genuinely perplexed.
"No, idiot. It's… oh, never mind."
Donna slapped him. "Don't be rude. Tell them your name."
Sylar rolled his eyes, ignoring the stinging pain in his cheeks. "Does it matter?" he snorted and started to walk away. "I'm outta here. This is too nuts for me."
"What a delightful young man." One muttered bitterly.
Sylar whirled around. "Listen, you old idiot." He hissed, radioactive energy flaring around him. "I don't want to hear about Time Lords, or Eleven people who are the same man, or anything else, ever again! Understood? Unless you have an ability, I'm not interested!"
Ace's eyes were huge. "Oh. Man. How are you doing that?" Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree.
He glared at her, but she was looking at him in fascination instead of fear. "Seriously! I'm so jealous!" She continued. "Can you blow things up?" A sparkle entered her eyes.
He looked at her. "Yes…?" It was more of a question than an answer.
"That's so cool!" Ace exclaimed. "I love blowing things up!"
"Now, Ace…" Seven said warningly.
But Ace blew him off. "Not now, Professor." She was still staring all googley-eyed at Sylar. "Can you show me? Please please please?"
Sylar grinned, fake modesty in his tone. "I don't know if I should…"
"Please?" She begged.
He smiled and tossed a radioactive blast towards a trash can.
Ace yelled excitedly. "Woo-hoo! Encore! Encore!"
Sylar began randomly blowing stuff up. Suddenly, everyone else seemed to disappear.
Finally, there was nothing left to blow up, unless you counted people and a few irritating Time Lords. Ace was staring at Sylar in fascination.
"And you never run out?" She asked, her eyes gleaming.
He shook his head.
She grinned wildly. "I'm always running out. I have to keep this thing completely stocked all the time." She gestured to her backpack.
"If we could continue…" Nine said irritably.
Nine turned to Sylar. "What did he say?"
"Umm… he said that was a horrible idea and he thinks Ace should come with me and we should probably blow up a few more things."
But Sylar placed his hand on Ten's shoulder, giving him a short, electrical burst, enough to knock him out for a moment. "Yeah, that's what he said. Oh, look. Maybe the sugar's worn off for a while."
"Ohlookafly!" Ten was suddenly on his feet. Apparently, there was so much sugar in his system that he couldn't black out for more than a second.
Ten began chasing a fly again, and Sylar briefly wondered if it was the same fly he'd been chasing before. But he didn't care.
"Come on, Ace." He said with a grin.
She smiled, her eyes bright. "Yes." She hissed triumphantly. "See ya later, Professor!"
Seven stared after her, dumbfounded.
TO BE CONTINUED…
A/N: Ok, this was the result of complete boredom. My first parody, so be nice. Also, I don't have anything against Lady Gaga, but I just wouldn't think Sylar would particularly like that kind of music. So, NO OFFENCE INTENDED. Also, I don't own The Cha Cha Slide.