I sat at the kitchen table while my dad ate the plate of food he'd intended for me. He asked me a few times how I was, but quickly realized I wasn't't up to talking. And without surprise he, he didn't't press me any farther. Not once did
"The fireworks tonight sure were something." He said when he pushed the empty plate away.
I cleared my throat and said "I saw them."
As the silence continued, my dad cleaned up after himself and headed off to watch some TV. I stayed sitting, staring off.
It made sense to think, if I leave here, it maybe final. Never again will I be able to sit at this table with my dad in his small kitchen. Id never see where my mothers erratic life takes her. The friends I made here will grow and move on with their lives. And Jacob, Im sure he will stay in this small corner of the state for all his life. I'd probably never see him again, if I leave.
Those would all be the hard things to give up. But Im selfish enough to think, what I could gain would be entirely enough to make up for it.
Edward had me convinced he didn't't care for my feelings at all. But Tanya says he does. Could that be why I still hear his ghost of a voice sometimes? I hope Im not counting on her too much.
I thought of a hundred different ways of seeing Edward again. Him happy, him sad, him furious. Me always sobbing.
Another thing heavy on my heart is what am I going to tell Charlie? I needed a reason to leave and stay gone. Everything was too late for me to use collage as an excuse. Plus I'd be leaving in just two days.
All the lights in the living room went off and Charlie came around to turn off the kitchen light.
"Oh Bella. I thought you'd went to bed. Come on kid. Its getting late."
I got up robotically and headed up the stairs first. Before either of us went to our rooms, I gave my dad a great big hug. It took him a second to embrace me back. But when he did, he was gently patting my on the back.
"Are you Okay?" he asked.
"Yeah dad. I just love you." I replied.
"Love you too Bells. Good night."
When all the lights were off in the house and my dad was fast asleep, I pulled my desk chair over to the window. This wasn't't going to be easy, but I had to get a plan in order.
First, there were things I had to take care of here. I had to tell Charlie something, to get me away. Getting together the funds to travel wouldn't't be so hard. I had some money saved up to attend college. And Jacob.
Second, I have to make sure Tanya is genuine and going to keep her word. Nothing is stopping her from luring me away just to kill me.
The third thing I had to consider would be, what would happen when I see the Cullens? Who would be happy to see me? Would any of them want me as a vampire?
Fourth and most important, what will happen with Edward and I? If he wants me Im his, but if not… Im just not sure what to think about that.
I sat at my window for hours. Crying sometimes. But I came to resolve about a lot of things. I got online and did some research for an alibi. Just before I decided it was time for bed, the smell in the air and shift in the wind let me know a change of weather was coming.
Because I was not quite sure where I was, but I knew I was dreaming, I resisted the urge to wonder. I stood alone in the dark. There was a light to my left, way to bright to look at directly. I wanted to look. A flame glowed so bright it was shinning rays all the way out in my direction. I looked straight ahead, watching the fire move closer to me from the corner of my eye. I remained still.
As it got closer, it got dimmer to the point I could look in that direction. I was able to see the fire glowed in the shape of a person. No face, no features or clothing. Just a shape of fire.
There was a sound before the sight, a sizzling sound. Water on fire. That's when the dream rain began. Rather quickly it was a down poor and the fire had gone out. But still a dark silhouette of a body stood in the same place. Like a shadow, but with was dark out. I said hello. The shadow repeated me, but with an angelic, soothing velvet voice.
I woke screaming. That hadn't't happened in a while, so Charlie rushed in my room to check on me. He left me alone when I reassured him it was just a crazy dream. I dressed fast so I could talk with my dad before he leave for the day. Butterflies were flipping around nervously in my stomach. I took the stairs two at a time.
"Dad, I want to see Europe." I said when I entered the kitchen. "I didn't't pursue college and I want to get out of Forks." I grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat with him while he drank his coffee.
"Really? What brought this on?" he asked.
"A few things."
"For one, I think what Jake and I had is gone. We would be better as friends. And Mike Newton made me think, If Forks has nothing to offer me, maybe Ill find my place in the world somewhere else."
The wrinkles in his face stood out when he mashed his eyebrows together. "What happened with Jake? I thought you two were fine, did you get in a fight?"
"No." I responded. I took a minute to chew. "We are going to be better as friends. Just leave it at that."
I could tell he didn't't want to leave it, but my father was not one to pry. "Alright so why Europe? Why not explore America?"
I shoveled food in my mouth. "Ive seen most of America, on road trips with mom. And isn't backpacking across Europe a thing for young people to do?"
He pondered that. Shrugged his shoulders and said "I guess so."
I got up to clean my bowl when he asked, "When is this trip taking place, who is going to go with you?"
The second question caught me off guard. "Im going to fly out of Seattle in 2 days. And I am going to go alone."
"What! You just decided this you can't leave in two days! Isabella Marie you will not go alone!"
"Dad, Im going to be 19 in a little over 2 months. Im old enough to decide something like this by myself. I'll be okay. Last night I did some research online. This is the time of year prices are at their lowest." That's what some quick Google searches told me.
"But why go alone?" he pressed.
"I don't have anyone to go with."
He pushed away from the table, mumbling something about not liking this at all.
"What about money Bella?" he asked as he filled his thermos with coffee.
"I've got nearly three grand in the bank. I wanted to ask if you'd be okay with me selling my truck? I know a guy, he would take it off my hands and put it to good use."
He thought that over. "Its your truck Bella, you can do with it what you want. I just don't like the thought of you going over seas alone! How long will this trip take?"
I couldn't't tell him I wouldn't't be overseas, or that I wouldn't't be alone. It's hard enough for me to lie, and he keeps pressing for more. I shook my head
"Im not sure. Dad, Im positive I will be fine. I don't need a chaperone to live."
He couldn't't argue that. So we went on talking about prices and time lines. Everything I was telling him, must have satisfied some worries.
Charlie left for work seeming a little more understanding, and excited.
I got ready for the day and sat by the phone with a phone book. It wasn't hard to find, so I called the little liquor store off the side of the highway.
"Hello!" I recognized Brendens voice right away.
"Yes, who's this?"
"Bella. I met you yesterday." I answered.
"Oh right! Nice to hear from you."
"Well, I wanted to take up your offer on my truck. You said if I ever needed to get rid of it, you maybe interested."
"Wow, that was quick huh?" he chuckled.
"Yeah, some things came up and I need the cash."
He laughed. "Can you bring it by? Then I can talk to my pops, see what I can do for you. He sounded interested already when I told him about it."
"Okay. Ill bring it by sometime this afternoon. Im going to be leaving in the next few days so, the sooner the better."
"Great. I can't wait to see you. Bye" I felt my self blushing as I hung up the phone.
I hadn't noticed before, but the rain was falling quietly outside. My sweater felt cold coming from the closet. I collected my keys and headed out the door. The first thing I seen when I walked out the door was Jacob.
He was sitting on the porch. His face was sad, but when he seen me, he produced a small smile.
"Your still here. I didn't't think you would be." He claimed.
"Yeah, still here." I wasn't sure how to talk to him. I didn't't know how he felt towards me.
"But your still going to leave?" Jake asked.
"Yes Jacob I am. In a two days."
He clinched his teeth and put his head in his hands. After a few minutes, when I could tell he was calmed down, I sat next to him.
"Where are you going?" he asked still looking down.
"As far as I know, Alaska. That's where the Cullens are. I told Charlie Im going to Europe."
"Your just going to leave him like that?"
"At least he'll have the impression Im okay. Im not sure how things are going to work out. I maybe back."
He looked up at me. His eyes were glossy and full of tears changed you can't ever come back.". "Bella, I feel like I can't ask you to stay. As bad as I want to, it wouldn't't be right of me. But if you get
Before I knew it, he was hugging me.