"She peed on me."
"You so owe me."
"I knew this was a mistake from the moment you asked me."
"And yet you still did it."
"When one of my friends asks for help with a long overdue parasite extermination problem, I feel obligated to oblige."
"Her name is Rachel, and she's not a parasite. And I didn't ask you to exterminate her, I asked you to babysit."
"Which I did."
"As least I wasn't out selling myself for money. How much do you really want that new lab in pathology?"
"I wasn't selling myself."
"Date night push up bra? Neckline so low I could see your bellybutton? Sorry, but that's selling yourself."
"Maybe I wouldn't have had to sell myself if you hadn't ruined the original interview. Planting your underwear on the guest chair is just spiteful."
"Speaking of spite - and words that rhyme with it - your parasite has quite a set of teeth on her."
"I told her to use them," Cuddy grinned.
"You also told her to throw your underwear out the window?"
"We both know that was you."
"Hmm... You have no proof. Let's keep talking about your little Picasso."
"Oh, you mean the wall drawings? Hmm, something tells me a three year old can't draw diagrams like that or spell the word squish mitten."
"She's advanced," House shrugged. "What can I say, the gene pool gave you a bone."
"I'm going to give a bone if you don't watch out," she threatened.
"Trust me, you gave me one already... Which brings us nicely back to those favours you owe me."
"What did you have in mind?" She said seductively.
"Something involving whipped cream and tongue depressors, maybe? I'll have to think on it."
"While you do that, I'm going to make sure my child isn't traumatised."
"Don't be dramatic," he chided. "She's fine."
"You threw her favourite dolls out the window."
"She wouldn't go to bed," he justified.
"So you decided on toy town massacre?"
"She had a tantrum," he shrugged.
"You have tantrums all the time, and you don't see me throwing your cane, Vicodin and ball-y off the first floor balcony."
"That's 'cause you're weak. As proven last night, I'd be an excellent father."
"Says the man who told a child that the boogeyman would be coming to get her for sure, because she was stinking out the place with her dirty kid-germs?"
"Instilling fear and discipline at a young age is essential if you want to have any semblance of control over her later in life."
"I'm going to instil fear into you right now," she took a step toward him.
"You couldn't instil fear in a kitten, Cuddles," he took his own step closer. "Which is why you'll need me to help in the following years."
"I'm not ever asking you for help ever again!" She vowed.
"Do you want to punish me?"
"Do you want to spank me, doctor?"
"Do you want me to spank you?"
"Oh yes," he whispered, his lips almost on hers.
And then, predictively, Wilson opened the door. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw the two of them near-kissing. "What are you two doing?"
"Talking." House answered, pulling back and retrieving his cane from it's leaning post. Cuddy just looked flustered.
"Talking about what?" Wilson asked.
"Pest control." House answered, then ducked out of the room.