A/N Obviously I don't own SM does

Thanks to OCDJen for reading and letting me know where changes needed to be made.

I have no idea where this evil plot bunny came from, I tried to shoot it down but it just came back with an evil twin. I was on the bus, on my way to work listening to Arm's of an Angel and

this was playing through my head like a music video. I never intended to write it but it wouldn't leave me alone.


Edward reclined in the cheap uncomfortable chair at the equally cheap desk.

He hadn't booked the hotel room for comfort. There wasn't any.

Edward hadn't felt comfort in fifteen long months. He hadn't felt anything in fifteen months. Edward was numb.

He had been numb since he saw the knife.

He hadn't felt any emotion in such a long time. At the funeral the tears came without bidding and yet he still felt nothing.

Double checking the envelopes he made sure he had one for everyone that had ever meant anything to him. Hoping that once they were read his loved ones would understand his recent behaviour.

It was his therapist that suggested the letters, hoping that through the medium of the written word Edward would himself see where he was headed. Edward found that it was easy to write to his loved ones rather than talk to them face to face, that way he wouldn't have to see the sorrow and sympathy in their eyes.

People feeling pity for him was once one of Edwards greatest fears, now, Edward no longer feared anything. Everything he had feared and also never had the mind to fear had already happened.

Edward took one last moment to think back over the last fifteen months, to the moment he became numb.

On his way home form a night out he had a feeling he was being followed. Edward could handle himself in a fight but this felt different. He called Jasper who told him to stay where he was and he'd come meet him, he was only 5 minutes away. Before Jasper arrived Edward was accosted by three men and pulled into an alley.

By the time Jasper came for him Edward had already been beaten and raped twice.

Seeing the scene in front of him Jasper's heart broke. He had seen some god awful things in his life but seeing his fiance so broken and brutalised something inside him snapped. Without a care for himself Jasper fought off Edwards attackers, the only thought in his mind to protect his love, his life, his comfort.

Edward heard the resulting fight, trying to drown out Jaspers pain filled screams, he heard the fleeting footsteps retreating. He was already becoming numb.

The sight that befell him once he had gathered himself together put Edward on the path he was on now.

Seeing Jasper before him laying in a pool of blood, beautiful even in death Edward knew he would never feel again.

His family and friends tried their best, saying once justice was served he'd find comfort again. Edward knew they had his best interests at heart but they were wrong. He knew where his comfort lay.

Once the trial was over and the guilty verdicts were passed Edward made his way to Jasper's graveside, his comfort, and made a promise.

Standing from his chair Edward took one last look around the hotel room and with steel determination in eyes made his way to the bed.

Sitting on the bed he picked up the first pill and swallowed it with a mouthful of cheap bourbon, Five minutes later the bottle of pills along with the bottle of bourbon were empty.

Smiling, for the first time since that night Edward lay down on the bed, he uttered his last words.

'I'm on my way love, I'll be with you soon'

Closing his eyes he knew where his comfort lay.