Maya looked at her fingernails. It was too short to make screeching noises if she ever scratched the blackboard in class. Then again, the school didn't provide a blackboard for her class. They were taking precautions against her. You'll never know when Maya will turn rogue and attack her students with the heavy, heavy chalkboard. So, for the safety of the class, the school destroyed every solid object that could be used as a weapon. Including chairs and tables.
So basically, the class had tables made out of cotton and beanbag chairs replacing the usual wooden or plastic ones. Maya sighed. She'll have to put off that Christmas wish of having longer nails. Free burgers from Santa are much more important. Looking at the note on her cotton desk, a thought struck her and she asked, "Can anyone tell me what major holiday we're celebrating right now?"
Several hands shot up in the air, but instead of randomly picking one of them, she went around the class, patting each of their heads, calling each of them 'duck'.
She did this repeatedly several times until she saw one of the students picking their nose. She patted his head and called him 'goose'.
He stood up, pushing his cotton table forwards, and shouted at the top of his lungs "CHRISTMAS!"
The whole class clapped at his answer. He had made a new discovery and had set a new record.
He discovered that the buggers in his nose is not only green but it could also be the colour red when mixed with blood. He had set a new class record of having a nosebleed while being able to open his mouth really wide and not getting any of the blood and bloody buggers in his mouth.
"Right," Maya finally said after the clapping died down. "And in the spirit of giving, the people from WWF are coming to give us a special lecture! For free! So please bring your toy pandas to school tomorrow to show them how much we support what the WWF has been doing and to encourage them to keep it up. I heard they're going to teach us one or two things, so we're really going to need those pandas!" Maya shouted through a megaphone she picked up during all the clapping and hoped that the megaphone was loud enough to deafen the kids to not clap that loud again whenever she was in the middle of saying something.
The children took very neat notes on their brand new agendas made out of cockroach wings. They made it several days back when they had Arts class after learning how the Thais used beetlewings as decorations. The school was lacking money to provide Maya and co. colourful beetle wings and so, they had to improvise and the only thing they had on hand that had wings and were the most similar to beetles were cockroaches.
It was still rather beautiful though, in a sick and ghastly way.
"I think we're missing something," the WWF spokesman said.
"Oh yeah?" Maya asked, looking around her classroom and couted off every student in the class. Nothing was missing. They had even brought their own pandas with them.
A hand shot up.
"Why is the peace-loving WWF spokesman looking all scary and wearing that weird leotard?"
Maya nodded, "Exellent question." Maya was supposed to praise every single thing the kids said. No matter how weird, random or creepy they were. She even had students asking her to bear witness to the marriage between their dogs against their will. Maya did feel pity for the poor dogs, but what could she do? She wasn't just going to stop love from taking its course. Besides, she'd be the one getting a free puppy if soever the dogs are of different genders and reproduced. "Let's let the big man answer that himself just in case I ruin his reputation by talking any nonsense that pops into my mind."
The man glared at the student. "This is not a leotard! It's my costume."
The children, whom were feeling bored, began their annoying series of 'why's to annoy the spokesman, making him go crazy and then getting a day off school. They love school and Maya and all, but each and every one of them needed to tend to their pregnant dogs.
Maya schrunched her eyebrows. "Wasn't Halloween, like, two months ago?"
She received a glare from the man. "Dude, I'm a pro-wrestler, what were you expecting? I mean, you couldn't recognise me when I first stepped in here? I'm the Flying Ballerina for God's sake! Your parents won't even let you guys watch TV?"
"The World Wildlife Fund has people in the Sumo business? Cool! It's great to hear the WWF has so many supporters!" one of the students said.
The pro-wrestler was having a hard time keeping his patience in tact. "Okay, first of all, I'm from WWF, but not the World Wildlife Fund. I'm from the World Wrestling Federation and second of all, I am not a sumo wrestler. Do you see me having a giant tummy and stomping my feet? I lift weights and I even care about my weight! I way be heavy but it's all muscle and not fat, see?!" He pointed at his abdomen.
"That's a lousy excuse for being fat," Maya commented, earning chants of 'fat' from the class.
He bit back tears and tried to ignore her comment.
"Anyways, we'll be starting off with something easy. We all know that the Chinese shout random words like 'ha' or 'hu' or whatever grunt-sounding words that is thought to give them power. Wrestling is an agressive game. So the first thing I'm going to teach you is agression. Now look at your panda. Focus all your feelings of hate to it and shout at it. You have the freedom of speech and the freedom of words. Use whatever swear you want.
The children turned to stare at their pandas. They were never allowed to swear, much less want to. But the big scary man in front of them was demanding them to. They huddled together and discussed a way to satisfy both parties.
"You puppy of a mommy doggy!" one kid screamed.
"Poo!" another kid screamed.
"Whoah, whoah whoah. Hold it right there kidsies. Puppy of a mommy doggy and poo I can understand , but cupcake? Aeroplane? How are they even relating to a swear word? Is that the best you can do?" the wrestler screamed at them. He was too tired to give a real lecture on the art of cussing. It would be near impossible to get these kids to cuss.
"Getting you kids to swear is a failed attempt. So we'll be moving on to the next lesson. I've tied one end of rope around your pandas and the other I've duct-taped to the ceiling. Right now, you'll all be learning the art of tackling your foes."
Maya, who had been supervising the class from behind the plant she called Charlie she had brought from the Wright & Co. Law Offices (being agent 008 was so much better than being agent 007 in terms of numeric values and also, if you rotate the number 8, it becomes the symbol of infinity; score 2 for Maya), walked to the front of the class and whispered in the wrestler's ear.
"Um, Mr. Wrestler? Isn't this a little gruesome?"
"What do you mean? It's perfectly normal pandas who are.. um.. abnormally standing. Alright, I get the standing bit, but gruesome? Come on! I know kids are more delicate than us adults and they shouldn't see things like third or fourth degree burns much less see a burn, but I'm confident that standing pandas won't give kids nightmares. Or have you somehow manipulated their minds the way you manipulated them to not swear? You've just wasted two hours of my life trying to teach them to swear. You could have given me a heads up."
Maya shook her head. She pointed at the pandas. The wrestler saw it.
He tied the noose around each of the panda's neck. The pandas looked as if they hanged themselves. Suicidal pandas.
The principal chose that moment to walk in for a sudden inspection. Then he screamed. He ran around the class screaming and pulling non-existant hair off his head. After a whole five minutes of this and the children looking at him with their innocent big, sad eyes after that, he screamed Maya's name and dragged both her and the wrestler into his office.
"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING THE POOR INNOCENT CHILDREN THE PAST FEW HOURS?" he screamed immediately after the door to his office was closed.
Maya gave an innocent smile. "I wasn't teaching. We had a guest from the WWF."
The wrestler side-glanced at her. So she was the one who taught her students to look and act innocent every time the principal comes around her class.
The principal raised his left eyebrow. Then he raised his right. From all those years of teaching and principal-ing, he had learnt that being fair is the most important part of all. Even to eyebrows.
"If you had a guest from WWF, whose insignia is a panda, why would the guest speaker imprint scenes of pandas commiting suicide into the minds of those poor, innocent kids?" the principal sounded out each of the last three words.
The principal and Maya turned to face the wrestler, waiting for his answer.
"First of all, I'd like to explain that the WWF I came from was the World Wrestling Federation not the World Wildlife Fund! How many times must I explain that? Second of all, as part of a wrestling federation, I was teaching these kids about wrestling!" he screamed at them.
The principal stared at him for a while and took the time to consider what he had just said. "Maya, you invited a guest speaker from a wrestling federation for Christmas? And you made the children fight pandas? The insignia of the WWF? What were you thinking? Trying to make them hate the Wildlife Fund?"
"I'd just like to point out that whatever happened in that room is not my responsibility. I was only told to supervise, and the pandas were his idea!" Maya pointed at the wrestler beside her.
"Look, I thought that children everywhere should learn some sort of self-defence. Have you ever heard the word 'kidnap' and have you ever noticed how the one being napped are kids? Children are vulnerable creatures! To answer your questoin, I only chose pandas because of your rule of not bringing anything hard for the safety of the children! Besides, since they're children, I made sure to pick the animal that they know won't take revenge on them when they pound them to death because they live far away and endangered!"
The principal took the wrestler's explanation into consideration. Made sense.
"Fine, but how do you explain the pandas hanging themselves?" the principal asked again after a long five minutes.
The wrestler shook his head. He explained that he didn't mean it to be interpreted that way. He just wanted to get the pandas to stand so the kids would have an easier time kicking their butts.
Just then, another alien invader bombed the school.
The principal swore under his breath.
The next day, several children who arrived at school early gathered around the little sign post that read:
THIS SCHOOL WILL NOW BE CLOSED FOR THE TIME BEING DUE TO HINTS OF ALIEN TERRORISM
A/R: Finally done
Sorry for the late update.. I've been rather busy with school and since the beginning of Christmas break, I've been severely distracted by several books and a certain manga and a certain friend XD
My New Year Resolution is to update more frequently, so hope for weekly updates! And also help pray for me so that the teachers would be so nice as to not give so much homework and tests anymore T.T
Have a merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! Every end is also a new beginning