Legolas' Bad Day
by SkyFire

Disclaimer: Legolas is not mine. *sob* I can pretend, though, can't I? The hamster and
plotbunnies *are* mine, though. *g* Make of that statement what you will.

A/N: 1)Okay, I really love my new plotbunny generator! This is the 3rd fic inspired by the darn
thing. I've quoted the 'bunny after the end of the fic, so as not to spoil the surprise. No
peeking! *g*

2) Anyone come up with a better title, one that doesn't give away the story, let me know! *g*

3) As always, thoughts are in / /.

Please review! Please?

Legolas' Bad Day
by SkyFire

It was a sunny day. The sun shone down upon trees that showed a new spark of life since the fall
of Sauron five years before, casting a mottled pattern of flickering, twisting sunlight and green
shadows to the mossy ground. Five years ago, this land had been bleak and dark; it was within
sight of the dread towers of Minas Morgul, the long-time abode of the now-destroyed Ringwraiths.

Splashings sounded in the young wood from where the golden-haired Prince of Mirkwood was taking
advantage of the beautiful, warm day and a convenient, secluded pool of water. He swam
gracefully, sleek, passing as easily through the water as he did through the woods, bare skin
gleaming in the patchy sunlight.

"We have you surrounded," a small voice called out unexpectedly.

Legolas froze, stood still in the forest pool. He could have sworn he was alone; his sharp ears
had not heard anything to tell him otherwise. And yet there was at least one out there that had
managed to sneak up on him, and where there was one, there was probably more. He held his hands
unthreateningly wide at his sides. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"Who I am is not important. What *is* important is the dozen arrows aimed at your heart," came
that same small voice. "Do as you are told and you will not be harmed." A slight pause. "Do
you understand?"

"I understand," the Elf said. He stared hard in the direction of the voice but saw nothing.

"Good. Now, step out of the pool and get dressed. Slowly. If you try anything, we will loose
our arrows."

Still unable to locate the other, Legolas slowly walked out of the pool, a faint blush crossing
his face at the thought of those twelve strangers watching him in his nudity. He was glad to
reach the neat pile of his clothing, then dress, the fabric clinging uncomfortably to his
still-damp skin. At any moment, as he strapped on his weapons, he expected to be told to leave
them behind, but the order never came. At last, he stood there clothed and armed, hands kept
carefully away from weapons.

"Good," came the voice. "Now, you will lie down on the ground on your stomach."

Legolas complied, still straining unsuccessfully to locate his assailants.

"You will close your eyes and cross your wrists behind you. If you open your eyes, you will be
shot. Do you understand?"

"I understand," the Elf said again as he closed his eyes and crossed his wrists at the small of
his back.

He heard barely-audible footsteps approach him - was the other an Elf, to move so lightly? - then
he felt rope being wrapped tightly, intricately around his wrists and tied. He would not be able
to wriggle a wrist free; the rope was too well-tied. Then a soft cloth was bound over his eyes
and tied behind his head.

"Sit up," came the small voice.

Legolas struggled to a sitting position with some difficulty because of his bound hands. He still
heard nothing as he felt a small tugging on the belt at his waist.

Then the nearly-silent footsteps receded. He felt a small tug on his belt.

"Come on," said the small voice. "I wish to be gone from here."

For the rest of the day they walked, Legolas being led by the small tugging at his waist. He was
scratched and bruised by the end of the day because of his inability to see to avoid obstacles.
It was very tiring and he was exhausted by the time they stopped for the night.

Legolas was made to sit with his back against a slender tree, then was tied to it by several
loops of rope bound around his chest and the tree.

After a while sitting blindly against the tree, listening to the faint patter of feet, he said,
"I am tied here and cannot free myself. Could you take off the blindfold so I can at least see
who it is that has taken me?"

"You do not want me to do that," came the small voice.

"Yes, I do," he said. There came a slight weight on his shoulder, then the blindfold was loosened
and let lie around his neck. The weight on his shoulder vanished. He blinked several times,
focusing his eyes, then stared.

"You?" he asked in disbelief. "*You* took me prisoner?"

"That's right," came the reply. "I told you that you did not want me to remove your blindfold."

Legolas closed his eyes in disbelief, face flushing to the roots of his hair from embarrassment.
He looked again to the other. The scene hadn't changed.

Standing on its little hind legs on the mossy ground between his booted feet was a furry, bushy

"I can't believe I've been kidnapped by a rodent," he moaned.

He yelped at a sharp pain in one foot, looked down to see the vicious hamster attached to his
foot by the teeth. He shook his foot, trying to dislodge the small creature, finally succeeding,
sending it tumbling on the moss.

The small rodent spat on the ground, wiped at its whishers with its tiny hands. "That's *Mr.*
rodent to *you*," it said smugly.

"Not likely," Legolas retorted. Then he yelped again as the crazed hamster once again sank its
sharp teeth into his foot.

The small creature let go. "Next time it's the throat. Understand?"

Legolas glared sullenly, refused to speak.

The hamster sighed, climbed up Legolas' leg to his bent knee, putting its beady eyes nearly even
with the Elf's. "No respect," it said, shaking its furry head. "I've killed six orcs, ten goblins
and three warg in my life, but everybody laughs at me because I'm a hamster."

"How sad," the Elf said unsympathetically. "What has that to do with me?"

"Well, the way I figure it, if I march you into Minas Tirith as my captive, they *have* to give
me the respect I deserve!"

"No!" Legolas said, horrified. He could *not* be marched into *anyplace* like that! The
humiliation of being captured by a talking rodent! He would never be able to live it down! "No!
There had to be some other way!"

"No, this should work," said the hamster. "Hey! Do you think that they will let me join the
Palace Guard?"

Legolas stared. Desperation racing through him, he searched his mind for a solution. /Ai, wait
a moment! Did the rodent just say-?/ "Palace Guard?" he asked. "You want to be a Palace Guard?"

Beady black eyes narrowed. "Yes. Do you have a problem with that? Do I have to bite you again?"

"No," Legolas said quickly. Those teeth might be small, but they were sharp and they *hurt*!
"If I promise not to run away, will you untie me?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because King Elessar of Minas Tirith is a friend of mine," the Elf said. He could not believe
he was actually offering his ransom to a *hamster*! "I can talk to him for you. I'm sure we can
come to some sort of arrangement."

"You'll convince him to set me up as a Palace Gaurd?"

"I'll try my best," Legolas promised.

"Yes!" shouted the hamster. It did a little happy dance on his knee. Then all of a sudden, it
stilled. It made a strange squeak, clutched at its chest and fell from his knee to lie on the
mossy ground between his legs, unmoving.

"Hamster?" Legolas asked. Nothing. In a move a contortionist would envy, he nudged the small
creature with his foot. "Hey! Rodent!"

Nothing. It wasn't even breathing.

"Great. Just great," the Elf muttered. He tugged at his bonds. They were as tight as ever. He
sighed. Then, resigning himself to the humiliation that would surely come from being found tied,
helpless, to a tree with a dead hamster between his legs, he started yelling for help.

As luck would have it, a group of dwarves was camped nearby, on a journey to the Glittering Caves,
heard his shouts and went to his rescue.

The poor Elf's humiliation was complete.


The plotbunny: "Legolas gets kidnapped by a homicidal hamster while swimming near Minas Morgul."

So, what did you think? I really want to know! *g* Please, *please* leave a review, even if it's
just an anonymous smiley. Reviews make me and my plotbunnies feel good! *g* Click the button!